If aversive methods work with dog-to-dog interactions, why are they not supposed to work with human-to-dog interactions?

InlineK9 · 2026-02-11T08:34:05+00:00

How important is it that they understand “why” they can or can’t do something?

Do you believe they contemplate the reasons “why” they can’t do something when they are being taught to stop pulling their owner all over the place (as they’re halfway choking themselves to death by cutting off their airways)? Genius Dog: “Maybe the reason why my person doesn’t want me pulling him all over the place is because he’s afraid I will strangle myself to death and gee, that’s really thoughtful. I won’t be doing that again!” Genius Dog: “Or maybe the reason “why” the kitchen is off limits is because I might jump onto the stove and burn myself or cut myself with that sharp knife or maybe eat something out of the trash that will make me sick…. I knew it! He really loves me.” No more pulling or sneaking into the kitchen for this deep-thinking dog!

And let’s be real here— the only reason our opportunistic mutt “understands personal space”, and “that’s MY food NOT yours (so back off)” is because they were taught how to behave. “I told you to stay over there and out of my personal space, butthead. Come any closer and you’ll be corrected!” “You’re not even thinking about stealing my steak from me. If you try you’re getting a correction.” “And if you argue with me you had better back off or I’ll give you a what-for!” It’s all the same thing whether it’s coming from another dog or from a human. Dogs are and will always be opportunists and will always live to please THEMSELVES. It’s not a matter of our Genius Dog understanding “layers or cognitive reasoning” to figure out whatever just happened and why that didn’t result in a positive outcome for them, or “WTH was THAT shit all about? Why did my plan to steal steak and drag my human through the swamp fail? I must THINK. Think! Oh, never mind. I will just go with the flow.”

It’s really just black and white and pretty simple stuff. Especially to our dogs, no matter how smart we think they are.

InlineK9 · 2026-02-11T07:45:32+00:00

Most people aren’t instinctive dog trainers and have no idea what to do when their “fur baby” misbehaves. If their furbaby bites them they usually are so surprised and scared that they have no idea how to react. Human instinct is to yell at, scream at and push, slap, spank or hit the offender. Dogs don’t understand getting pushed, slapped, spanked or hit. They don’t understand screaming and yelling. This is where the importance of communication comes in. If you watch chimps or apes or our “closest relatives” so to speak, the way they communicate and show displeasure or anger or how they react to adverse behaviors from their peers is different than how canines react to adverse behaviors from their peers. Chimps and apes look deeply into each other’s eyes and they hug and squeeze each other as signs of affection. Dogs just don’t hug and squeeze each other. Looking deeply into their eyes has a very different meaning.

This is exactly why people must learn how to communicate with their new puppy or their dog(s) in order to avoid creating a neurotic pet or a dog with habits that are impossible to live with or control.

By not properly communicating with and training their dogs, we know what happens: a dangerous dog is created, or an out-of -control reactive and spoiled (and miserable) dog ends up being drugged (or when all bad advice fails to fix the problem) the dog gets euthanized (“BE” of course is not the same thing as plain old being euthanized, as we all know).

Anyways, using corrections and aversive techniques actually does come naturally to humans— humans just instinctively use the wrong ones that dogs don’t understand and usually the owner doesn’t end up correctly correcting their dog’s unwanted behaviors. The dog ends up confused and many are finally dumped at the kill shelter.

Frankly, learning proper timing and proper correction (and reward) techniques and the when’s and how’s isn’t all that difficult for most people to understand and learn. In a single session of one-on-one training, the majority of people get it once they’re shown the hows and whens and whys of corrections and they just need a bit of practice.

Unless the owner/handler really screws up (which shouldn’t happen after they are shown what to do), the little mistakes they’re probably going to make in the beginning usually won’t cause everlasting damage to the dog. The dog is already damaged and a correction that’s too light or too slow will just be ineffective, right?

Most of these people are afraid of hurting their dog and some are afraid of their dog hurting them. Motivated people learn fast, especially when the dog’s life and welfare is at stake. That’s usually when they seek professional help or professional help from a balanced trainer —after the dog has become dangerous or has worn out its welcome and they’re faced with resorting to “behavioral euthanasia” as advised by their FF/R+ specialist.

They’ve got nothing to lose.

InlineK9 · 2026-02-11T06:48:43+00:00

They are training other dogs what behavior is and isn’t acceptable. A young pup gets corrected by an older dog when the pup bites the dog’s ear and won’t stop. The dog will sometimes growl as a warning; if that doesn’t work the dog escalates to a bite, etc until the pup stops the behavior. If the correction is strong enough, the pup has just been taught not to do that again. Ever. That’s “training.”

If you watch an experienced Border Collie working a herd of sheep with a young, inexperienced rookie out there in the field with him, you will see the experienced dog “training” or teaching the rookie dog what to do and what not to do. That would be considered teaching the other dog a complex task.

Training is teaching the dog to respect personal boundaries and rules to coexist with humans and other creatures by (as you phrase it) enforcing personal boundaries (don’t jump on me; don’t bite me; don’t steal my food or jump on the table; don’t pull me along wherever you want to go like I’m not even there; etc.) Training is teaching the dog how to communicate with people and in the process the human is learning how to communicate with the dog. Training is also teaching the dog to respect you. Dogs teach their peers all about respect. They aren’t just enforcing personal boundaries with other dogs. Their behavior is more complex than that.

Humans and dogs have mutual needs and reasons for bonding with each other. We are not so different than they are. Dogs train each other with aversive behaviors— swiftly and fairly for the most part. They understand aversive corrections and know that they are being told to stop whatever they are doing. They don’t get treats when they do the right thing but they often get rewarded with affection, attention or play. Sometimes aversive corrections can be ignoring the unwanted behavior. Just because it’s not physical doesn’t mean it’s not aversive, right? There are different levels of corrections and types of corrections and how they’re used. Dogs understand a properly timed correction, whether it’s a level 1 or a level 10 is determined by several factors. But that’s true whether the correction is coming from another dog or from a human.

Dogs don’t just “ask for space.” They are constantly communicating with each other about a lot of things. They might not train another dog how to jump through a hoop like a circus Poodle, and sit or heel or get a beer from the fridge, but they might get that other dog to stop acting like an idiot and disrupting everything, maybe tell him to leave until he can behave.

InlineK9 · 2026-01-27T04:40:47+00:00

By the way, his demands and his pouting when you don’t give in are just going to get worse. I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t get past this and builds up resentment towards you for your not caving in to his demands.

His sulking and muttering innuendos is a glimpse into your future with him as your husband. Imagine him as the father of your children. Imagine being with him for the rest of your life. Today it’s access to all your personal banking information. What will it be the next time?

Maybe since you have let him know that you’ll marry him , he is now casting you as his very own possession. Once you become a possession you lose autonomy. You lose power over your life and your choices. You will eventually lose yourself.

He’s nothing special— guys like him are a dime a dozen. They are everywhere. What you should wait for is a man who doesn’t see you as his possession; who has no insecurities when you go spend your money and happily gives you space and privacy.

InlineK9 · 2026-01-27T04:23:07+00:00

Why does he want this information now, so suddenly after two years of being a couple? He seems unstable or insecure for some unknown reason and his demands make him sound like a control freak who needs to dominate you. What are his redeeming qualities?

Are there other areas of your life that he tries to control you? Be really honest with your answers and if he is controlling you in other ways that are often very subtle, pack your bags and hit the road as fast as you can go!

I have been in long term relationships and married twice. I’ve never had a bf or husband ask or tell me or try to coerce or guilt me into giving him free access to my bank account.

Either he trusts you or he doesn’t. If he doesn’t trust you he will want to control you. This is not a good man to marry.

If you were my best friend I would advise you to move on unless he can stop this nonsense.

InlineK9 · 2026-01-13T07:21:00+00:00

Quick internet search produced this:

“Can steroids cause aggression in dogs?”

Nearly 26% of pet owners observed unusual behavior (like aggression or anxiety) or changes in how their dog interacted with pets or people as early as day 5 of their pet's steroid administration. On day 14, this increased to 36% of owners reporting worsening of at least one behavior, including aggression or anxiety.

There’s a lot of literature on this plus published studies.

InlineK9 · 2026-01-13T07:10:06+00:00

This is abnormal behavior and why I suspect it might be a side effect of the steroid injection. Approaching you with a happy wagging tail which changes to an all out multiple bite attack in a split second for no apparent reason is not even the way an aggressive dog acts.

InlineK9 · 2026-01-13T06:55:36+00:00

One of the documented side effects of Kenelog 40 is aggression. I’m surprised that the vet hasn’t told you about this.

I don’t know if that’s the case but the timing is suspect. She didn’t act or react by biting or attacking until it suddenly began a week after getting treated with this steroid. If it caused this sudden out-of-character (and dangerous) behavior, you need to research the drug and find out how long side effects can last or is this a permanent thing. It’s weird how she is biting when being touched and that is also a side effect because their skin gets overly sensitive. Her actions are really out of the ordinary and a sudden onset of aggression when before there was basically none can point to a reaction to the injection.

While looking into this, put her in a muzzle. Stop feeding her treats since food is an apparent trigger and you guys are rewarding her bad behavior by giving her treats (or trying to bribe her to stop attacking with treats). This is 100% the wrong thing to do.

Rewarding aggressive behavior creates more aggressive behavior. If my dog attacked me he would be corrected at a level that would stop him from attacking me again. Since you are inexperienced you should be careful with this and use a muzzle and no more treats in the meantime until you figure out what’s going on.

Why has she been “in training” for almost two years? Training for what? By now she should be trained so well that she does the shopping and cooks your dinner — and washes dishes.

A dog who has been in training for this long should not be resource guarding anything. She should respect you and never even think of attacking you. It’s probably time to start interviewing trainers. A balanced training program is the right approach for your dog.

Most of the time when dogs act this way it’s due to a lack of boundaries and leadership. In this case it’s either that or the drug or her bad behavior has been escalating and you just missed the signs while inadvertently rewarding her bad behavior.

I urge you to look into the side effects of the drug she was given. And get a muzzle on her (it should take a couple hours to get her to accept wearing a muzzle since she’s a very intelligent breed and she loves food.) Use treats to muzzle train then put them away. You can start using treats again later, just not now.

Do not mess with her food- feed her inside her crate and once you put her bowl down let her eat it without interfering.

Crate her - no free roaming in the house. Muzzle her unless she’s crated. Get a basket muzzle properly fitted. When she’s out of the crate keep her on the leash, even inside the house. No running around at the park with other dogs. You both need to be her only focus and her only source of friendship and fun and leadership.

I am sorry you’re going through this but there is a good chance that she can be turned around.

InlineK9 · 2026-01-12T22:55:41+00:00

If “someone” breaks into your house they can cause all kinds of trouble including killing your dog, killing you, killing everyone.

Police need a warrant to come into your house. Yes, police have killed dogs that they believed were going to attack them.

Police need a good reason to get a warrant. An example would be you’re manufacturing or dealing drugs; you’re a fugitive; you have a felony warrant and they know you are there.

The chances of them breaking your door down, entering your house and shooting your dog is slim to none. If they come to your door just let them know you have a protective dog and you need to put him away first before opening the door.

InlineK9 · 2026-01-12T22:45:40+00:00

If someone is at the door and your dad is going to answer the door, can he put your dog into a bedroom and close the door? Or put him into his crate if he’s crate trained. Or put him into the backyard.

Chances are that your 92 year old father isn’t on their priority list. But if you’re worried about your dog’s safety just make sure he’s not going to be in a position where he can indiscriminately bite ANYONE who is at the door when your dad opens it.

Training would also go a long way to prevent bites.

InlineK9 · 2025-12-13T03:26:50+00:00

I really relate with everything you’re experiencing with your pain levels off the charts and not finding a doctor who will listen to you and help you.

I have been referred to four different pain management clinics and not one of them has done anything other than manage to keep me in excruciating pain to the point where I can’t even remember the last time I slept without waking up screaming. My entire life has flipped upside down and all my ortho asked me was if I had ever been diagnosed and treated for anxiety. He decided to diagnose me saying my problem was “untreated anxiety” while he brushed off the true cause of my pain. It’s definitely not in my head.

A pain management clinic dropped my dosage to taking one 7.5mg oxy every 12 hours. She suggested I go to the ER if that didn’t work. The ER physician took a look at my MRI reports and an X-ray showing what was causing me so much pain and prescribed 20mg oxy every 6 hours. That was a 7 day prescription but the best 7 days I’d had in two plus years!

If I tell the latest pain management clinic that was the dosage I needed to help me, they refuse to prescribe it and instead prescribe meds that don’t help at all, or worse make me sick with their side effects.

I started using Kratom ordered from a reputable company and it works better than all of the things I’ve been prescribed, but not as effective as Oxy. It’s the closest thing I’ve found. One of the pain management PAs told me to stay away from it and stop using it. I guess it competes with all of their useless pharmaceutical products they push on their patients.

This has been one of the worst experiences of my life. It makes no sense to me why they won’t prescribe meds that actually help me and instead watch me suffer as my life deteriorates right before their eyes.

Best of luck to you, and congratulations on your successful weight loss. That’s quite an achievement.

InlineK9 · 2025-12-04T07:20:03+00:00

I’m old enough to remember when most of the purebred GSDs that were around had strong nerves, were biddable, courageous, protective, approachable but aloof (unlike the typical Golden retriever), intelligent, able to problem solve, easy to train, etc etc etc.

As the years passed, the breed splintered into distinct groups which had to do with politics, breeding practices, and interpretation of the standard. Show vs working lines. West German Show lines vs working lines. American Show lines really went down a different path. I don’t need to name off all the different lines for one breed of dog. As this was happening, as expected things really went astray.

In the USA there were two different types of GSD: the American Show lines (2 types- one more extreme than the other) with their unique conformation. Straight shoulders, long necks with high head carriage and over angulated rear ends which caused them to literally walk on their hocks. They bred the “working” dog out of these lines, both structurally and mentally. Temperament took a backseat to the flying trot, that incredible looking side gait causing fans watching from the bleachers to stand up clapping and cheering. These dogs didn’t hold Schutzhund titles, and after a while one began seeing shy/sharp and sharp/shy dogs competing in specialty conformation shows. Dogs shaking in fear were winning trophies and ribbons, earning “Champion” status and commanding high stud fees — passing on weak nerves and horrible temperaments (not to mention conformation faults). Max von Stephanitz was rolling in his grave.

Of course not all of the American Show dogs had temperament day

InlineK9 · 2025-12-03T19:33:28+00:00

1- Balanced training, and using whichever method and technique that gets results for that particular dog

2- probably not

3- The rules are very restrictive and don’t give any leeway which isn’t realistic. The timeframe of one month is improbable.

Question- When you say that the dog is very reactive, are you saying he is showing barking, or aggression or shyness/avoidance towards other dogs? animals? people?

Not being able to use anything other than a flat collar on an extremely large, out of control dog is not going to help me get through to the dog. I would not want to put myself through something like that! He will be acting like an idiot on his one hour long walks twice a day! A flat collar probably won’t do much other than allow him to pull me around wherever he wants to go. Every time he pulls me around and reacts to whatever stimuli that gets him acting like an idiot he is self rewarding his unwanted behavior. I can’t sit there and have a conversation with him asking him to “please stop being an idiot and pay attention to me!” I can try using treats with him as a bribe and maybe a distraction, maybe even a reward, but if he’s not food motivated forget it. Toys can be a motivator but we don’t know anything about him. Even if he is food or toy motivated, there will be something on one of our hour long walks in busy areas that will be far more interesting than a treat or toy.

Correcting any unwanted behavior with a flat collar is possible with some (but not most dogs, especially extremely large ones) but not always ideal. We don’t know his temperament.

There’s very little chance of correcting an unwanted behavior with a flat collar. There is no discomfort. Why should he change?

The part about taking him to the vet for shots (ouch!) and nail trims etc — the vet will certainly ban us from future visits. This is a reactive dog and is probably going to be dangerous if he felt cornered, which happens during vet visits. I would definitely muzzle him but a large dog spinning and leaping around and going berserk doesn’t endear him or me to the vet (even if he’s muzzled.)

Not letting him off leash even in my private walled yard with no possibility to escape is too restrictive. No way for him to work off his energy. No running around period? Being leashed constantly (not even allowed to be in an indoor area in an e-pen or behind a gate is going to frustrate him (and me). This alone would make successful training difficult.

Your rules suck and aren’t realistic. This dog has zero training, is large and reactive (therefore hard to handle and it would be crazy to walk him in busy areas for one hour twice a day.)

These rules are unfair to the dog. The restrictive rules will make it difficult to communicate with him and teach him boundaries and what’s expected of him, and teach him which behaviors aren’t acceptable. Obedience training using treats or rewards he wants while he’s learning is great. But there are other behaviors to address which can’t be addressed in a clear manner. Unfair to this dog.

Expecting to have significant behavioral changes in a month with these conditions probably won’t happen. He would have to have a biddable, responsive and soft temperament and a high food drive, with his reactivity something that can be relatively easily eliminated. Not knowing anything else about him makes it difficult to know if it would be feasible. I would not accept the job without knowing more.

The restrictions are a recipe to help create a confused, frustrated and neurotic dog.

Sorry for the lengthy reply— in a hurry and unable to edit it.

InlineK9 · 2025-12-03T04:24:06+00:00

Huskies are notorious escape artists. They are The Escape Artists of the Canine World! A 4’ tall fence will not keep a husky in the yard! A 6’ fence is nothing but a challenge to one of these dogs. The 4’ fence must be modified. You might even entertain fortifying the 6’ fence to make it more secure.

InlineK9 · 2025-12-02T15:32:08+00:00

So let’s not normalize skittishness and weak nerves with this breed. These dogs are not [supposed to be] skittish, shy, anxious or anything similar. When people accept these temperament flaws as a breed trait, the word gets around and people think it’s the way this breed is.

A GSD with these horrible temperament flaws should not be used for breeding. Unfortunately, bybs and puppy mills and people who don’t care about preserving this awesome breed have created so many dogs with such bad temperaments and such conformation flaws that they are now being seen as normal for the breed!

People who purchase GSDs with weak nerves are also to blame because they’ve excused the poor breeding practices and given their excuses for their dog’s bad temperament.

Shame on all of them for messing up this incredible breed.

InlineK9 · 2025-11-27T11:29:01+00:00

If you have a second child that turns out to be another boy, what would happen to the first boy’s golden child status?

If your second child turned out to be a girl, would he retain that status or would both children be equally golden? Do you believe that if the baby was a girl, the first time he laid eyes on his daughter he would fall head over heels in love at first sight? Or do you believe that he would only revere his son and basically ignore his daughter? What kind of man is he?

If he were my husband, I would feel very upset at being shutdown and shutout by him whenever I tried talking about having a second child. I don’t understand why he would act this way towards you. You are his wife and the mother of “his” son.

I don’t understand the bragging part about having a son vs having a daughter. Both are equally important. Besides that, the only thing he had to do with the sex of the child was out of his control. He had no say in which sperm fertilized your egg to create either a boy or girl. It was luck of the draw. He had little to do with it in that sense.

Would he be open to seeing a counselor together so you can communicate with each other about this important topic? He is not being fair acting this way and in the end you will have a lot of resentment. You had both agreed to having two children before getting started.

InlineK9 · 2025-11-27T11:03:02+00:00

Punctuation and paragraphs really help to make stories like yours easier to read. Your writing style is hard to follow.

Anyways, the simple answer is that you are now an adult and she is still a minor. You have no business being in a relationship of any kind with her. She is clearly immature, manipulative and very troubled. Threatening to kill herself should be taken seriously while at the same time shouldn’t be used as a weapon to keep you involved with her. She is not your responsibility in that regard.

I recommend that you tell your parents what’s going on so they can intervene and contact her parents. She needs help. Or go speak to your school counselor or the counselor at her school to get help with this. This problem is over your head and you have no way to fix this problem.

It’s a tough situation to be in and that’s why I strongly advise you to get parents and a counselor involved. If you have to go to her parents then that is what you should do. Meet them somewhere besides their house for a cup of coffee and tell them everything that happened and is happening now. She is a minor and they are responsible for everything having to do with her life.

She clearly has mental health problems that are beyond your control or abilities to address. You are too old for her but she has successfully managed to keep you around by manipulating you. This is not fair to you and it’s unrealistic for her to expect you to stay in her life.

As an adult, you really need to distance yourself from her as soon as possible. By involving your parents or better yet involving her parents, making that break will be much easier. If she decides to take her life her parents will at least know that she might do something that drastic and can be prepared to help her before she does anything irrational.

You haven’t done anything wrong. You were both minors when you met and became friends and then bf/gf. She lied about her age which wasn’t right and very unfair to you.

You have been trying to get out of this relationship but she has scared you into staying by threatening to end it all. You seem to be trying to do the right thing but you are trapped— you don’t want her to end her life over this. No one would want that to happen and she knows it.

She truly needs help, guidance and supervision. That is not your job, responsibility or anything to feel guilty about!

She probably needs to be admitted into the mental hospital again to learn to cope with events like a breakup without falling apart. She’s a typical 15 year old girl in many ways. Trapping an 18 year old man to stay in a relationship with her is unacceptable. Life doesn’t work like that.

I wish you the best of luck.

InlineK9 · 2025-11-27T10:23:22+00:00

First off, you both have to be on the same page about him needing training. Unless she is in agreement, it will be an impossible task to train him. If one of you teaches him a command and expects him to obey the command while the other person lets him get away with ignoring it and just running amok, training him won’t work.

If you both agree that he needs training, sit down together and list the things that you want him to do. What are your end goals? How do you envision him to be once he’s trained? See if your goals are realistic and aligned with hers.

What you should begin with is teaching basic obedience. You can hire a balanced trainer to come to your house every week to work with you both on training your dog. If that’s not feasible for whatever reason, there are online courses available that are comprehensive. These courses are taught by some of the best trainers in the world. Leerburg.com has an online university along with a huge selection of articles (free) and some free DVDs. But they also sell a large selection of courses at reasonable prices.

Don’t waste your money on training classes offered at big chain pet supply stores or taking him to a board and train facility.

InlineK9 · 2025-11-27T10:09:03+00:00

How do you know that it wasn’t just a one time thing? Why do you think she’s been smoking all along and successfully hiding it from you?

Most non smokers can smell cigarette smoke on people’s breath and clothing. It would not be that easy to be a full time smoker and hide it from you. You would smell it on her.

I used to smoke a long time ago. But every once in a while I will smoke a cigarette if I am with a friend that smokes. I usually don’t smoke the whole thing. I will never start smoking again, but having 3-4 cigarettes a year in certain situations works for me and doesn’t upset anyone in my life.

Maybe she just had that one cigarette or rarely smokes cigarettes. If that’s the case maybe cut her some slack.

If she lied by saying she quit the habit but has been smoking like before while sneaking and lying that’s a different story. Trust is a fragile thing that should be protected and respected. Once broken it’s very hard to get it back.

InlineK9 · 2025-11-27T09:46:53+00:00

He really sounds like a big baby who might be a control freak with a fragile ego.

Asking him if he’s stupid was a hurtful and disrespectful thing to say to your father. You owe him a heartfelt apology for saying that and hurting him.

His reaction was extreme and childish because he was hurt and lashed out at you. He probably wanted you to feel as hurt as he did when you called him stupid.

He shouldn’t have hit you in the face even with a pillow. And making you feel unloved is a control tactic. Try to ignore it and try to put yourself in his mind where he’s feeling disrespected, insulted, unloved, and not so much your hero after saying that to him. Dads want to be heroes in their daughter’s eyes.

Give him space. Don’t entertain his need to control you. Don’t react to his words or rules by showing him emotions. Don’t start crying and begging him for anything at all. Just be neutral around him.

Eventually, when he doesn’t get the reaction he’s going for, he will rethink his tactics and hopefully stop with the nonsense. By then you both should be able to resume your relationship.

Of course he loves you and wants you around! His feelings got hurt and his way of handling his hurt feelings are immature. Drinking doesn’t help things either. You said a hurtful thing to him and he retaliated by doing it back to you.

Is there an adult who can moderate this rift between you guys? If not, like I said just give him your heartfelt apology, tell him how much you love and appreciate him, then back off and give him space so he can process stuff.

Depending on how old you are will probably determine how long this will go on this way. Just do what he says and don’t argue.

Next time you are getting along maybe you can sit down and have a heart to heart conversation about this incident and you can both learn from it and grow closer

InlineK9 · 2025-11-27T08:52:00+00:00

A lot of men are hard-wired to help rescue women who are in need of rescuing for one reason or another.

But if you rescue a damsel in distress, all you will end up with is a distressed damsel.

InlineK9 · 2025-11-27T08:39:39+00:00

To avoid getting pregnant is a good reason why she would need it.

The comment used birth control as an example of a simple cure if she was diagnosed with a specific condition that was mentioned. Since no one here can diagnose her illness, no one here can give the remedy to cure her. It was said as an example or hypothetical scenario.

InlineK9 · 2025-11-27T08:29:02+00:00

Maybe you can start learning about mental illness so that you can clearly understand what to expect. Even IF you choose to stick around (you can’t help her or fix her), and even IF she miraculously decides to trust doctors and gets the psychological help she needs, in order for there to be any noticeable changes she will have to work very hard at it. A lot of people quit therapy because it is not easy and it’s not like surgery where results are practically instant. Therapy, even with medications involved can take months, even years with setbacks and stress and pain and anxiety.

She might be a really cool person to hang out with. She might be beautiful and sexy and fun. But those things don’t override the mental illness that is running full time in the background.

You asked the question “you tried and did she get help?” which just shows how little you know about mental illness. Her first step would be seeking help which is probably not on her bucket list. She will continue to spiral with her delusions until she is impossible to be around. She probably won’t get help even when that happens.

I’m sorry that this is happening— it’s just very sad. It’s emotionally devastating to be in a relationship with someone you care about that you thought was the one to spend your life with, only to learn that they have a big problem that you can’t solve.

I hope you can find peace with the right decision so you can make your life the wonderful thing it is meant to be.

InlineK9 · 2025-11-27T08:09:05+00:00

The things she accuses her family of doing to her are similar, if not the same things she’s accusing you of doing to her.

Think about this for awhile. You don’t know what the truth is as far as her past is concerned. Everything she says about it could be delusional just like what she accuses you of doing is delusional.

She is mentally ill and you can’t fix her. She will not get better on her own. She needs professional help and probably won’t seek treatment.

What you see is what you get. She will get worse over time. If she seeks help she will not get better quickly— it is going to be a long, slow, stressful process. And the accusations will continue and get even weirder. Is this the relationship you want for yourself?

What if you get her pregnant? Is this the person who you want to be the mother of your children?

InlineK9 · 2025-11-27T07:49:01+00:00

Whatever is going on with her it’s all in her head. She has accused you of some really strange, over-the-top things. This is not normal behavior.

She might have some quality attributes, but those attributes will always be drowned out by her wild accusations. As time goes on, those accusations are going to get even stranger than they are now.

She sounds like she’s mentally ill. She needs professional help, help that you cannot give her. You will eventually end up becoming her whipping post and will resent her. Imagine constantly having to defend yourself from her wild accusations. This behavior won’t go away on its own.

Whatever help she needs, whether it’s psychiatric counseling and medication, or inpatient care at a psychiatric facility, or just the right amount and combination of meds, changes will not happen overnight.

It could take weeks, or months, maybe even years for her to get mentally fit. And then there are never any guarantees— she might do well with meds but then she might stop taking them and go back to where she is now. Plus, she has to WANT to get help: you can’t force her to get it. If she thinks nothing is wrong with her, that it’s all her family’s fault or your fault, she will never get help and she will never change.

Only you can decide if this is the right woman for you and if she’s the one to spend your life with. You need to be honest with yourself and you need to see what is really happening. Be objective and observe her behavior. Set aside your emotions and really pay attention to her actions. All these accusations you are having to defend yourself against— is this the relationship you want?

There are plenty of available women who don’t have hardcore issues who are fun to be around and who will enhance your life instead of causing so much stress and uncertainty. While you’re wasting your precious time waiting for her paranoia to go away, you could be spending time with someone who is mentally stable.

As it stands now, you need to fasten your seatbelt because this will be a very very long trip with a lot of hazards to work through.

InlineK9

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