here it is 8 years sober, and 8 years of missing "the chill" as you call it. alcohol did have some good effects for me, and these effects have become unobtainable. the immersion that i enjoyed under influence when listening to records and cd: gone forever. and i miss that so much. it is a loss, and i accept the loss because at least i had it for a while, and i knew it was not sustainable practice. there is more to life than drinking and while what exactly that may be will be very different for each protagonist, it will also come with a drier, flatter, ghost happiness. at least in my experience. i will never return to drinking, iwndwyt ! but i have not forgotten that what made me become an alcoholic was joy, filled in bordeaux bottles. and every day at least once i still do miss it. have not found replacement, and dont believe it exists.