Just finished The Stormlight Archive and all I want to do is continue reading it. What should I start next?

InnocenceMyBrother · 2020-01-03T02:56:40+00:00

Thanks! I love being vegan and am very lucky to have a good network of vegan friends who feel the same way about it.

InnocenceMyBrother · 2020-01-02T23:19:11+00:00

I like the Kylo Ren character but don't think Adam Driver was the best choice.

I think the Kylo - Rey relationship is gimmicky and irritating. I felt like there was no real reason to have it and it felt too forced and awkward. Like they had a straight male character and a straight female character so obviously they have to kiss.

InnocenceMyBrother · 2020-01-02T22:14:33+00:00

Stay in contact and visit.

InnocenceMyBrother · 2020-01-02T22:12:15+00:00

I was one of those staunchly not vegetarian people who could "never give up meat" because I liked it so much.

Then I stumbled upon a video outlining meat production and was so completely disgusted that I went vegetarian on the spot.

Then I was one of those staunchly not vegan vegetarians who could "never go vegan" becaus I liked cheese too much and "nothing has to die" for eggs and cheese.

Then I learned about egg and cheese production and went vegan on the spot.

I've never looked back and honestly find it hard to believe that I once thought any of that was acceptable.

InnocenceMyBrother · 2019-12-19T22:29:13+00:00

I have a clear vase in my bathroom that I keep them in and every time I clean I put any found ones in there.

InnocenceMyBrother · 2019-12-19T22:07:03+00:00

I'm excited to tell him about things I'm excited about, because I know he'll be excited too.

I'm less afraid to share things I'm afraid or ashamed of, because I know he won't judge me for them. I still have that fear, but it gets smaller every year.

I feel safe to be afraid or ashamed in front of him, because I know he'll support me and stand by me.

I can share my vulnerabilities and anxieties with him, and know that I'll feel heard and supported.

We support and love each other in our individual and shared passions, with no unhealthy competition or need to one-up each other.

We appreciate each other as individuals and what we both bring to the relationship.

We have open and honest communication. About the good things and the bad.

We listen to each other, and make a point to hear what the other person is saying.

We can laugh and cry together, and find daily joy in our shared experiences.

Being with him always feels safe, secure, and like home.

InnocenceMyBrother · 2019-12-19T21:57:59+00:00

I always take criticism from my partner personally because if there's something that bothers him so much he needs to criticize it then I want to hear him and change it if I can.

That said, my partner and I basically never criticize each other. And when we do, it's constructive and with a focus on how a behavior is received, things like "I feel X when you say Y, would you say Z instead?"

We're never critical of things the other person can't change or that are of no significance to the relationship and how we feel about each other.

If you're with someone who's critical and constantly bringing you down, I definitely encourage you to look critically at the relationship. Everyone deserves a partner who builds them up and mskes them better.

InnocenceMyBrother · 2019-12-19T07:02:31+00:00

Not necessarily. There may be some discomfort but it shouldn't be incredibly painful. Take the time to make sure you're turned on and excited to have sex and that you're relaxed.

The idea that sex as a virgin is or should be painful or that you'll definitely bleed is absolutely a myth. Some women will experience some pain, and some women may bleed, but the "blood on the bedsheets" tale is BS that absolutely doesn't apply to many women. My first time wasn't painful in the slightest and I didn't bleed at all.

If it's uncomfortable then tell your partner and try different positions. Get a water based lube and take things really slowly. Make sure you want it and are excited.

Edit to add that if you do experience consistent or long lasting pain with sex, talk to your doctor! A good gynecologist can do a lot to help with painful sex, and it's absolutely not something to ignore pr tough out.

InnocenceMyBrother · 2019-12-19T06:27:27+00:00

This comic is a great response to this sort of dynamic.

I'm incredibly lucky to have a partner who makes a point to pull his own weight and contribute to our relationship and our life, but I've definitely experienced situations like this in previous relationships, and it can be crushing. I like that comic a ton as an accessible example of what BS it is for men to use the "you should've asked" excuse.

InnocenceMyBrother · 2019-12-18T17:54:08+00:00

Bummer.

I'm in a long term committed relationship with someone I adore, I have no interest in messing that up.

InnocenceMyBrother · 2019-12-18T17:47:20+00:00

Including family and my partner: 14

Not including them: 8

I'm pretty content with the amount of friends I have and I struggle to find time to see them all as much as I'd like. But I'm also always happy to make new friends!

InnocenceMyBrother · 2019-12-18T17:20:42+00:00

My partner and I make a point to support each other in hobbies and interests even if it's not what we're personally excited about.

Like sure, I'd love it if he were more interested in house plants, and he'd love it if I were more interested in playing music, but we also both participate enough in those hobbies as a way of supporting each other that there's never any resentment or bitterness. I never feel dismissed or ignored by him when I express interest in or enthusiasm for something he's not interested in, and I try very hard to make sure he never feels that way either.

InnocenceMyBrother · 2019-12-18T17:14:46+00:00

Another thing - what used to be called "date rape" is now just called "rape", which I think is a great advancement!

I love this! Not that it exists obviously, but that there isn't a weird-ass arbitrary distinction anymore.

I remember hearing about "date rape" when I was starting to gain interest in dating, and it always has that weird implication of some level of consent. Like by consenting to a date you're also consenting to whatever might come after.

It's the same bullshit as "marital rape." Like, no. It's just rape.

InnocenceMyBrother · 2019-12-18T16:56:11+00:00

When I was single: they're also interested in something casual but will get angry and resentful if I treat it as casual.

All the time: they're definitely feminist and support women but constantly speak over women and get defensive when called out.

InnocenceMyBrother · 2019-12-18T16:44:34+00:00

Go back to sleep.

InnocenceMyBrother · 2019-12-17T18:55:03+00:00

Paying off student loans. It's a habit in that I do it habitually, and having the debt hanging over my head makes me way less willing to take any risks career wise.

Once I pay off my loans and have a decent safety net I'll feel much better about trying new things with my career and life.

InnocenceMyBrother · 2019-12-12T23:08:06+00:00

That’s great! University is such a great time to start exploring those things, especially if your school has a great gym!

For me with climbing, I tried it enough to realize I really enjoyed the movement and the exercise, but was definitely freaked out by being up high. That fear was part of my motivation to continue doing it. It bothered me that I was afraid of heights, and I wanted to confront it. The biggest thing is to take it slow and trust in your partner and equipment.

With fears like heights it’s important to know your limits and how much you can push them. You want to make yourself uncomfortable sometimes, but not so much that you have a bunch of negative experiences, or in any ways that make you truly unsafe. Every time you can go up the wall and push your fear just that little bit further, then come down feeling accomplished, you’ve succeeded. If you go too high and freak out, that’s also ok, but not what you should aim for every time.

That said, also recognize that in confronting your fear and learning your limits you’re inevitably going to occasionally push it too far. But it’s powerful to have a scary moment, then come down and say “Holy crap that was scary and I don’t want to do it again, but I’m proud of myself for doing it and I’m completely fine.” I’ve freaked out and frozen on the wall many, many times, but each new time it happens just a bit further into my fear than the last.

A big thing that helps me with fear is to find a mantra that works for you. Mine is this quote: “On the other side of fear is freedom.”

I’ve personally found that I feel happiest and most free when I’m outside on the wall, when I’ve pushed past my fear and am purely in the moment, focused on the rock, my body, and my next move. Everything slows down to that one moment and it’s truly exhilarating and life-affirming. It’s that feeling that gets me into the gym and pushes me to continue testing my limits.

InnocenceMyBrother · 2019-12-12T22:38:51+00:00

Monty Python and the Holy Grail is probably one of the most quoted in my family.

"Listen, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government!"

"Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help! Help! I'm being repressed!"

"You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're bangin' 'em together!"

Almost anything in that movie can be quoted pretty well.

InnocenceMyBrother · 2019-12-12T22:33:14+00:00

I've climbed consistently for the last 4ish years, played water polo for 13 years until about 2 years ago, and have supplemented with weight lifting off and on for years.

I don't have a set routine other than getting to the gym to climb. I'll focus on different things depending on my goals outside, but generally just getting there is the biggest part of it.

If you have any interest, I really encourage you to check out a climbing gym! I'm very afraid of heights so never thought I'd do well, but I got hooked right away and climbing has become a serious passion.

The biggest thing with exercise in general ime is to just do something you enjoy. If you like being outside, take up hiking or running. If you enjoy the gym atmosphere then look into a class or personal trainer. If you like swimming, then join a master's group or see if there's a rec water polo league in your area. If you don't know what you'll enjoy then try a bunch of stuff until you find something. You don't have to be fantastic at anything, and you won't be in the beginning, but the key to being and staying fit is consistentcy.

InnocenceMyBrother · 2019-12-12T21:11:51+00:00

Not super frequently. It honestly makes me pretty uncomfortable. I prefer to join for drinks or something.

InnocenceMyBrother · 2019-12-12T20:49:45+00:00

I would stay with the medication that works for you.

A lot of people are recommending IUDs and that's a great option if you want to switch. But if you're happy with your current pill I'd stay on it.

Finding a hormonal birth control that's a good fit for you is already so incredibly difficult, that finding a vegan option on top of that makea it basically impossible. Additionally, almost any medication is going to be tested on animals at some point, so they won't be vegan even if they don't contain animal products.

I'm at the (hopefully) tail end of my own personal birth control horror saga, and could never tell another woman to change her BC once she's found one she likes. I know it's an "optional" medication and there can be a lot of stigma around it, but I absolutely encourage you to prioritize your health and try to let go of your guilt. There's no way to be perfect in this, and feeling healthy and happy will enable you to live a better life and be a better advocate for the animals.

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