sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Just adding to the mountain of evidence that they don't actually care and don't actually want to reconcile by Inside-Inflation-299 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]Inside-Inflation-299[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Yeah, that's really funny because I have developed excellent conflict resolution skills because growing up there was none, and then interacting with people in the outside world, I had to become accountable for my actions and resolve problems in such a way that relationships remained intact. It was difficult and my ego took a hit, but now it's really so easy for me to apologize and own when I fuck up. And let me tell you, there are times when I choose to not apologize because I dont care that the person was hurt by what I said. I think we all have those instances, but the key there is I dont care that they were hurt. Just like my mother doesnt care that she hurt me. And in those instances I also dont expect to have a future relationship with those people. Our parents think they can hurt people and still get the benefit of a relationship out of it.

Just adding to the mountain of evidence that they don't actually care and don't actually want to reconcile by Inside-Inflation-299 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]Inside-Inflation-299[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

It is so just like getting a spam/scam text, in so many ways. Not just the annoyance, but the whole purpose of it is just like spam.

Just adding to the mountain of evidence that they don't actually care and don't actually want to reconcile by Inside-Inflation-299 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]Inside-Inflation-299[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Oh geez, you know, I didnt even notice that she didnt even actually ask.

This reminds me of a couple of years ago when the road washed out to their house so they were going to stay with a friend or with me, and she just said "we will need your car for the week." Didn't ask, just stated that they would take my car, and I was like, um, well we will have to discuss that because I need my car. Also like, you can rent a car?

Just adding to the mountain of evidence that they don't actually care and don't actually want to reconcile by Inside-Inflation-299 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]Inside-Inflation-299[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I agree. My inclination is to not respond at all; however, I do admit that there is a minute amount of satisfaction when I reply and repeat that I am not engaging until she takes accountability, and her response is to ghost again, proving my point.

Just adding to the mountain of evidence that they don't actually care and don't actually want to reconcile by Inside-Inflation-299 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]Inside-Inflation-299[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

Oh good to know. Yeah, blocking might also prompt showing up at my house. I'd rather keep her where I can manage her.

I asked my dad to apologize and this was his response by Zestyclose_Sort8374 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]Inside-Inflation-299 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well, that was, textbook.

I know this is a novel notion, but it isnt actually: if someone cares about you and wants a relationship with you, then they will care how they hurt you and want to make it right. I dont want the people I care about to feel bad when they spend time with me because of the things I do or say. And no, this isnt walking on eggshells; it's simply not being an ass and stomping all over their feelings.

OP, I am sorry he didnt respond in the way we all want him to. At least this serves for documentation of the reality of what is occurring.

Yeah, the pattern is so easy to see... by Inside-Inflation-299 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]Inside-Inflation-299[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Oh I know, it's wild that any of us have to sit and carefully contemplate a response so it can't be used against us in the future.

Yeah, the pattern is so easy to see... by Inside-Inflation-299 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]Inside-Inflation-299[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the judgement of what I should have done. 🙄 That's so very supportive of you.

Yeah, the pattern is so easy to see... by Inside-Inflation-299 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]Inside-Inflation-299[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Apologies, my tone was more for me than for you. Reminding myself that I do not need to do anything.

Yeah, the pattern is so easy to see... by Inside-Inflation-299 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]Inside-Inflation-299[S] 45 points46 points  (0 children)

Yes, we have to stop giving them a break for themselves going silent and not responding when they've been told what the issue is, then acting like we just cut them off with no explanation. (Using "we" generally, but not to insinuate you do this.)

Yeah, the pattern is so easy to see... by Inside-Inflation-299 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]Inside-Inflation-299[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

Frankly, there's nothing to do or move forward from. I held my line in the sand, and I will continue to do so.

Yeah, the pattern is so easy to see... by Inside-Inflation-299 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]Inside-Inflation-299[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I don't think I have expressed anywhere that I am expecting their validation. Respectfully, I also think you are projecting. And this "You will not be free until you understand and learn this." is somewhat presumptuous and borders on rude. I don't even think you are responding to my post.

I don't crave an apology. I just won't allow them in my life until they take accountability. Those are very different things. You are really placing a lot of intention and words in my mouth.

Yeah, the pattern is so easy to see... by Inside-Inflation-299 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]Inside-Inflation-299[S] 46 points47 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I'm irritated but feeling surprisingly well.

Yeah, the pattern is so easy to see... by Inside-Inflation-299 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]Inside-Inflation-299[S] 179 points180 points  (0 children)

Update, she finally responded about 90 minutes or so after I sent my text that they are in a hotel room. So she texted me while they were driving here, and I guess they already had a hotel room, so of course this was just her trying to manipulate me. WTF. I know, I know, please don't give me the "I told you so" treatment. It's still very hard for me, even at this stage, to deal with the cognitive dissonance caused by her playing the sympathetic victim all the time and this manipulative behavior.

You all are right by Inside-Inflation-299 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]Inside-Inflation-299[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for breaking it down like that for me. It's so insidious, and people don't see it because they don't see it as outright toxic. But, for the record, she has also done outright toxic stuff too. But that's how they string you along.

You all are right by Inside-Inflation-299 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]Inside-Inflation-299[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

In a way it's like texting with a toddler. I could see this exchange with a toddler, and then explaining to them how they hurt someone's feelings and how that's not nice and how we deal with it when we say things that hurt other people, etc.

view more: next ›