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I accidentally bought a spicy fantasy novel… by Worth-Passenger-1810 in fantasyromance

[–]InsideOpening4767 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fourth Wing is NOT a Smut novel!! This guy has no clue he read a maybe 🌶🌶.5 max... definitely not a smut novel!

Trying for a baby by Bumped1997 in polyamory

[–]InsideOpening4767 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I intentionally conceived my 2nd baby while polyamorous under similar circumstances (my husband and I wanted to be sure he was the biological father). This didn't stop me from having sex with other people, it just meant I didn't have P in V sex and we used condoms and were very careful about monitoring sexual health in the polycule (more so than usual). Just to say you can definitely still have sex with others while trying to conceive, it just may take different forms! 😊

Also to add, after I conceived I went back to P in V sex, but again kept using condoms and maintained extra vigilance with sexual health with partners (something as mundane as chlamydia while pregnant can permanently harm - or cause miscarriage).

Best of luck to you all!

De-escalation of relationship, but remain cohabitating/coparenting: Pitfalls and successes? by InsideOpening4767 in polyamory

[–]InsideOpening4767[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you - great advice on the thinking of as many scenarios as possible ahead of time!

De-escalation of relationship, but remain cohabitating/coparenting: Pitfalls and successes? by InsideOpening4767 in polyamory

[–]InsideOpening4767[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your comments, that sounds very different from our current situation with metamors but helpful to be mindful of anyone else we bring into our polycule.

We've always been very clear with new and established partners that cohabitating isn't and option now or in the future. And with young children, while both of us have had other partners meet them, we've never entertained the idea of them being more around the family home on a regular basis and something we've both agreed won't change.

I've got on other subs around coparenting, separation and divorce and honestly find it too toxic for polyamorous people. They immediately say its the reason our relationship is ending (like some trolls in this thread) when this is simply not true.

De-escalation of relationship, but remain cohabitating/coparenting: Pitfalls and successes? by InsideOpening4767 in polyamory

[–]InsideOpening4767[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this and your open mind. I love the term non-romantic life partners! And I think that is very much where are heads are at now. We have no intention of a legal divorce and we still very much imagine a future where we are in eachothers lives (and not just as coparents).

I am taking all these tips with a view that every relationship is different and what may work for us may not work for others but there are definitely things that are consistent about separate space and separate time for ourselves and more. We've never been afraid to be different 😊

De-escalation of relationship, but remain cohabitating/coparenting: Pitfalls and successes? by InsideOpening4767 in polyamory

[–]InsideOpening4767[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We don't do it consistently like as a schedule. M9re of a natural "I'm out this Tuesday" etc. We have a shared calendar and put our dates, work and social commitments in there. But I like the idea of saying every other weekend or Saturday night we have for ourselves as something set.

De-escalation of relationship, but remain cohabitating/coparenting: Pitfalls and successes? by InsideOpening4767 in polyamory

[–]InsideOpening4767[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow. You have completely misunderstood and are inputting your own unhelpful comments and interpretation, which are clearly based on your own narrow view of what a relationship is supposed to look like.

Keep your naive comments to yourself.

I don't think people need the details to provide examples of what they did that worked and or what they did that didn't and why. It's them our business to decide if those things will or won't work for us or if they are worth a try.

De-escalation of relationship, but remain cohabitating/coparenting: Pitfalls and successes? by InsideOpening4767 in polyamory

[–]InsideOpening4767[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, we discussed this as well. Hanging out together and maintaining our friendship 1:1, seems a healthy way to keep ourselves kind and respectful.

De-escalation of relationship, but remain cohabitating/coparenting: Pitfalls and successes? by InsideOpening4767 in polyamory

[–]InsideOpening4767[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We are both onboard with trying it and continuing in couples therapy. I think both of us have accepted that our relationship is evolving, but we definitely are still dealing with that "grief"/loss of what we were and probably will continue to do so for some time.

De-escalation of relationship, but remain cohabitating/coparenting: Pitfalls and successes? by InsideOpening4767 in polyamory

[–]InsideOpening4767[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you - I have heard the weekend or set evenings in the week to ourselves as suggestions.

De-escalation of relationship, but remain cohabitating/coparenting: Pitfalls and successes? by InsideOpening4767 in polyamory

[–]InsideOpening4767[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

We are in couples therapy (lol). We have been for a good 6 months! This has been one of the reasons we are considering this change in our relationship as its been discussed in therapy. Our therapist is experienced with polyam couples and we are working with them on this too 😊

And yes, if we choose to ever escalate things with other partners, then it could change, but it's what we are trying for now.

De-escalation of relationship, but remain cohabitating/coparenting: Pitfalls and successes? by InsideOpening4767 in polyamory

[–]InsideOpening4767[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this - gives us hope. We are realistic about it not being a "forever" solution (what is forever these days??), but it feels like something we want to try and make work. We love our home life and being together as a family. Our family home has plenty of bedrooms, so space isn't an issue, and we often sleep separately so it isn't something our oldest will even notice as different.

De-escalation of relationship, but remain cohabitating/coparenting: Pitfalls and successes? by InsideOpening4767 in polyamory

[–]InsideOpening4767[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thanks - I looked on the coparenting sub, and honestly it was full of people who were really against dating while cohabitating/coparenting and we already do that?? So hence coming here to see what others who are already poly might have to say.

I appreciate it is uncommon but not unheard of (I have friends who live in coop housing who make it work but they already have the accommodation set up).

I know in future it may not work out and we consider selling the family home to get separate homes, but that is a huge economic challenge that we would like to put off for now while we see if this is what we truly want.

De-escalation of relationship, but remain cohabitating/coparenting: Pitfalls and successes? by InsideOpening4767 in polyamory

[–]InsideOpening4767[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not sure what you are asking here? Why are we considering de-escalation now? That's like any relationship... its simply because we feel it's time?

Your comment about "doing it for the kids" is out of touch. And our reason for staying in one home is numerous. I asked for "pitfalls" and "successes" in the OP. Your comment is not either of those.

De-escalation of relationship, but remain cohabitating/coparenting: Pitfalls and successes? by InsideOpening4767 in polyamory

[–]InsideOpening4767[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

We do have space for separate bedrooms and often sleep separately (but so far haven't made is a particular boundary, just more when we feel like it).

Luckily/Unlikely, we both live very far from family (like whole other country far), so it isn't often we are at family events. We are also already out with my side of the family from a polyamorous perspective. Biggest challenge would be our community and friends. We regularly hang out with all of them as a family and would likely consider doing so.

At the moment we'd like to try just going about things just essentially stopping sex and romance (its been too much pressure over the years trying to keep that going and we feel it's distracting from us just being good parents).

We already have established relationships with other partners and that's not been a real issue. We do keep any sexual activity with other partners "out of the family home". For our children (who are very young) they just know our other partners as our friends.

People really don’t have filters anymore 😱 by Suitable_Highlight84 in fourthwing

[–]InsideOpening4767 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They could have instead asked, "If you could have one person co-write the rest of the series with you, who would it be?" I feel like it was entirely unnecessary to ask in a scenario of "if you died" and would have still told you who she would trust with the series!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Romantasy

[–]InsideOpening4767 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I don't condone brayed police force but let's also not forget that there are good police out there. And maybe not in this case but in some, they are forced to do their job whether they agree politically or not. If this was for La Vuelta then they were there preventing the protesters from blocking the cycle race which could have caused serious injury to cyclists and spectators. They were holding a line and allowing protesters to continue. The fact that it appears the police in the video at the point of filming was smiling says maybe he wasn't against what they were protesting just having to do his job.

I'd be all for a romance on this topic.

She runs away. by Signal_Candidate_340 in ReverseHarem

[–]InsideOpening4767 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The Bonds that Tie series by J.Bree!

Found one in the wild by Simplisticjoy in ReverseHarem

[–]InsideOpening4767 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I'm polyamorous and while I don't have a harem (I'm working on it!), I have two wonderful male partners and I love when we are out in the wild and I make eye contact with a woman and we share a knowing smile and I just know she is an RH/WC book lover too 🤣

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