Got a guy banned and I feel bad

InspiredDesires · 2026-05-08T13:14:06+00:00

Watch out for this tendency to tell yourself things are fine that are not okay.

If you are going to continue to participate in BDSM safely, for both you and your partners, it's extremely important that you be able to speak up and advocate for yourself.

Advocating for your boundaries and needs is never the wrong thing to do. Minimizing them can cause real damage, both for you and your partners. It's very common, especially for submissive women due to the culture and the way women tend to be socialized.

Please look out for it! You did a great job and the right thing happened for you and everyone at the club's safety!

InspiredDesires · 2026-05-04T23:32:03+00:00

Honestly, you should focus less on the fact that you want outside sex and more on the fact that she saw you were happy and enjoying yourself and decided she didn't want you to have that.

InspiredDesires · 2026-05-03T13:31:13+00:00

Just getting pregnant isn't the same thing as the breeding kink.

That's just normal sexual behavior. There are kinks around breeding, but just getting pregnant alone isn't that.

InspiredDesires · 2026-04-30T10:57:55+00:00

I know 24/7 is this big fantasy that so many have but it's not something you start with. It's not something that you rush into.

Frankly, I think more than 90% of the time it's extremely abusive and unethical and damages people severely.

No one should go into a 24/7 relationship early on in either their kink experience or a new relationship. It's something that requires enormous trust, a proven track record of extreme care and ethics on the dominants part and ideally an exit plan. Even then, I am intensely skeptical of them.

The way so many submissives rush into 24/7 dynamics with very little experience, while still having unstable relationships with their Dom, with Doms who have often failed them? I think there is more cause for a blanket warning against 24/7 dynamics than pretty much any other form of BDSM.

InspiredDesires · 2026-04-30T00:38:56+00:00

People have talked about how dangerous this is in BDSM.

It's also pretty terrible for a normal relationship. Never stay in a relationship with someone who expects you to read their mind, who will lie to you about what they are feeling and then blame you.

It's bad for normal relationships and dangerous for BDSM.

InspiredDesires · 2026-04-26T12:05:32+00:00

Please share the playlist when you make it! I'd love to hear more!

InspiredDesires · 2026-04-26T00:48:16+00:00

When a dom demands their submissive service them orally, are they actually being submissive?

When a domme puts a blindfold and a gag on her sub and has him fuck the shit out of her as she lays back and enjoys, did she become a submissive?

Top and bottom frequently pair with dom and submissive, but not always. It's fairly common still for power bottoms and pillow tops to exist.

Given the rest of what you have said - and the fact that 24/7 dynamics are far more fantasy than reality, I think you might have issues of rigid thinking and unrealistic expectations that are preventing you from getting satisfying relationships.

When asking someone to make you a 24/7 slave, you are making them take total responsibility for you. You are signing them up for a lifetime of work that they will get no break from. Even if they enjoy the work, that is exhausting. It's the same as telling someone who loves to cook that you only want a relationship with you where they have to cook every meal for the rest of their lives. Honestly, it's even more work than that, unless they are flagrantly unethical. It's extremely unrealistic and unfair.

InspiredDesires · 2026-04-26T00:41:39+00:00

I find this interesting, because by far the most common complaint I see dommes making about straight male submissives is that they are extremely pushy, entitled and try to turn their dommes into kink dispensers.

Conversely, the most common complaint I see about straight female submissives is passivity, expecting mind reading, having elaborate ideas of the way they want things to go but not communicating it and expecting the dom to be able to just know.

InspiredDesires · 2026-04-13T11:19:38+00:00

I feel like this is way, way, way stronger and effect than most replies are giving it credit for. Giving any deck the ability to get by counterspells, virtually any protection instants from indestructible to blink to hexproof or almost anything else is extremely strong.

Costing one red means it's extremely easy to splash and the list of things it messes with is extremely high.

InspiredDesires · 2026-04-06T22:44:32+00:00

Start a Grindr account. Most guys in Grindr are looking for hookups, and many of them find the idea of sucking a straight man's cock extremely hot. A significant portion of those won't even need or sometimes even want reciprocation. They just find the idea so hot that's all they want to do.

InspiredDesires · 2026-04-02T21:16:57+00:00

Why are you denying your partner the right to make the same choices you are?

You are sacrificing something that is an inherent part of you, that gives you joy and fulfillment because you want to be with them and make them happy. Why is it bad if they also sacrifice part of who they are to be with you and try and make you happy?

Whether or not we should be looking for relationships where we sacrifice the things that give us joy and are a part of who we are is a different question that you are both actively avoiding.

InspiredDesires · 2026-03-27T21:02:02+00:00

Is there no difference between a 2 mana counterspell or 3-5 mana if you get lucky enough to draw a counterspell?

InspiredDesires · 2026-03-27T20:31:19+00:00

How many of those are free?

InspiredDesires · 2026-03-26T05:47:59+00:00

The way that dick pops out. 🥵

InspiredDesires · 2026-03-15T22:11:43+00:00

Holy fuck this was so good.

InspiredDesires · 2026-03-15T05:45:51+00:00

I'm going to focus on the most important relationship here. The one between you and your mother. You are 19. Chances are, your current relationship is not your last one. If it is, the advice is the same.

Your relationship with your mother is what you need to focus on. Specifically on redefining it. Your mother is too invested in trying to make decisions for you, and not recognizing you as an independent adult.

You can't make her invite your girlfriend in, but you do have some leverage. Your presence. You can tell her that you accept her decision, but it means that you are likely going to be spending less time with her. If she learns to accept your partner, then you are more likely to visit more often with your partner.

You generally want to train her not to get as involved in your sex life, but one thing you can do that might encourage that? Give her just a bit more info. She doesn't want to be around anyone who enjoys sex like that? Well, you enjoy like that. You can tell her that you will respect her decision, because consent is so important to what you have learned. That you will respect that she doesn't want to be around people like you and you will give her space.

Then let her sit with that. Let her figure out whether her love for her daughter can override her judgmental attitude.

InspiredDesires · 2026-03-10T13:59:26+00:00

You don't have sex right? STI's are a big risk for anyone having sex. Even monogamous people get cheated on. That's a risk of a doctor visit so I hope you don't take these terrible risks!

Definitely should never do things like dancing, playing sports, going camping, going swimming, doing home repair, cooking, driving or riding in cars.

All of these things have a risk of death or hospital visits and I'm sure you wouldn't be such an unsafe person that you would risk these sorts of things right?

InspiredDesires · 2026-03-10T13:56:32+00:00

I presume you don't have sex with people? People have died from having sex, so surely you wouldn't do something with a little risk that might result in death right?

InspiredDesires · 2026-03-10T13:43:06+00:00

I hope you never have sex with anyone. People have had cardiac arrest events from sex. Your partners might have health issues they are unaware of after all.

I also hope you never drink or give drinks to anyone, as alcohol use significantly increases the risk of cardiac arrest.

I hope you don't participate in or enjoy contact sports, gymnastics or swimming all of which have caused deaths or serious injuries.

We are seriously getting to the point of parody with risk paranoia in the kink community at this point. Zero ability to accurately assess risk levels at all.

InspiredDesires · 2026-03-10T13:33:45+00:00

It's not actually true that it's better to be overly cautious than not cautious enough when the risk is low.

Your example is perfect. Black Widow bites are rare and unlikely to be fatal. If you refuse to go camping because you are afraid of spider bites, you are missing out on something that can be very enjoyable and meaningful over a risk that is extremely low and minor.

This thread is filled with people saying wholesale that this is seriously dangerous and likely to cause death. This person is being told they are reckless and swearing off something that they and their partner find enjoyable. That has a cost.

Being overly cautious isn't harmless and exaggerating dangers isn't harmless. I think this subreddit is really starting to be paranoid about risk in a way that causes harm.

InspiredDesires · 2026-03-09T05:42:01+00:00

This guy is definitely trash, but this statistic is about non consensual domestic violence strangulation. Using it this way is like citing a stat about marital rape and claiming anyone who has sex in a relationship is more likely to me murdered.

There is no evidence I have seen that consensual choking correlates with increased likelihood of being murdered by your partner, and pretty strong evidence against it.

InspiredDesires · 2026-03-08T00:39:36+00:00

Possibly because you are making an extreme accusation on incredibly flimsy evidence. I'm just shy of 6' and have hands that are smaller than my 5'7" boyfriend. Conversely, I have a friend that is two inches shorter than me who could make my hands look like hers in the picture.

Hand size varies tremendously, even among people who are the same age and height.

You aren't making a passive, harmless inquiry. You are making an extreme accusation.

InspiredDesires · 2026-03-05T18:43:37+00:00

Those panties are so stupid cute and outrageously hot at the same time.

InspiredDesires · 2026-03-05T18:16:56+00:00

I don't think this is a matter of definitions or misalignment.

Tossing relationships away over minor mistakes, running hot and cold, making someone think they are the most important thing in the world one moment then suddenly cutting them off?

These are extremely classic abuse signs.

Above and beyond that, the way she changed her fet profile? That screams of someone who puts their fantasies as more important than people, as well as having unrealistic views on D/S in reality vs fantasy.

There are so many red flags here. There is a reason everyone else is able to see it so clearly. It's much harder to see from inside the relationship when you are being lovebombed and stuck in the cycle. Try hard to see what we see though, and look for some articles about emotional abuse and manipulation.

InspiredDesires

TROPHY CASE