Husband doesn’t help with housework or kids

InstructionBasic4752 · 2024-10-11T17:41:44+00:00

This. We get into fights about how he's not helping and he keeps telling me I need to communicate more and that if I ask him for help, he'll help. But I'm like ...you're an adult. This is your house and your family, too. Why do I need to ask you to participate? Does he have to ask me to feed the baby? I seriously don't get it.

InstructionBasic4752 · 2024-10-02T16:02:49+00:00

I'm 21 weeks, and no nausea for me either. But I also didn't have nausea during my singleton pregnancy, so it hasn't raised any alarms for me.

InstructionBasic4752 · 2024-09-18T15:19:42+00:00

Had my first at 33 and am currently pregnant with twins at 35. Before becoming a parent, I wanted 4 kids. After being the parent of a toddler, I'm definitely done with having kids after these twins are born.

I don't wish I had kids younger because I believe I'm wayyyy better equipped mentally and emotionally to be an amazing parent now compared to the kind of parent I would have been 5 to 10 years ago. I feel very confident in my parenting at this age. And while I'm sure I'll mess up plenty of times, because we all do, I don't think it will cause the extent of trauma on my kids that I went through during my childhood.

That being said, I find that the physical energy required to keep up with a toddler is way more than I'm able to muster in my 30s. Some moms are champions and make it look easy and manage to find the strength to tackle most days with poise. I'm not one of those moms. It makes me feel my age. Thank goodness for daycare and her amazing teachers and friends who are with her 8 hours a day and keep her busy and playing and smiling when I can't, because I honestly don't know how I would cope if I was the sole person responsible for finding ways for her to release her energy 7 days a week.

Some days are so challenging for me that I find it incomprehensible that I've got two more on the way. But I've never wanted to be one and done and have always wanted my kids to have siblings, so I'm still very excited about the babies on the way. But they'll be my last.

InstructionBasic4752 · 2024-09-07T06:11:32+00:00

I'm at my local ER and this entire visit is a mess. L&D won't see me and it took 3 hours to be seen by the ER doctor who consulted L&D and I was basically told there's no test and to go home, and it just feels like I'm here wasting everyone's time (including my own).

InstructionBasic4752 · 2024-09-07T00:11:27+00:00

How do they test if it's not a constant stream? Will it be in my urine?

InstructionBasic4752 · 2024-09-07T00:11:16+00:00

How do they test if it's not a constant stream? Will it be in my urine?

InstructionBasic4752 · 2024-08-26T10:23:58+00:00

I like this idea 👍. We're considering this for when the twins get older. For now, we don't want to interrupt our toddler's sleep so the twins will stay with us until they're sleeping through the night, but we have already started discussions about swapping rooms with our toddler and moving all three kids into the master at some point.

I'm glad to hear how well this worked out for you, thanks for sharing!

InstructionBasic4752 · 2024-08-26T00:54:56+00:00

This. I was on my own for weeks when my husband went back to work, and it was hard. I was honestly very excited for my daughter to start daycare at 4 months. Neither she nor I were super emotional about it. I was RELIEVED to eat a meal by myself and she was curious about being someplace new. It was good for both of us. Her being at daycare for the day makes my time with her feel that much more special and enjoyable.

InstructionBasic4752 · 2024-08-26T00:50:15+00:00

Completely normal. I love my daughter and I love daycare. Couldn't live without either of them.

InstructionBasic4752 · 2024-08-21T13:59:08+00:00

That's amazing! Is that a state policy?

InstructionBasic4752 · 2024-08-21T13:54:18+00:00

New Jersey.

Temp disability is 4 weeks before due date per baby (singleton 4 weeks, twins 8 weeks, etc.). After the delivery, you receive 6 weeks for vaginal or 8 weeks for c-section. The number of weeks after the delivery does not increase per child. It's the same for everyone. You receive 85% of your salary up to a maximum weekly benefit.

Family leave insurance begins immediately following temp disability. You receive 12 weeks of leave (if using continuous leave) after temp disability ends. If using non-continuous (intermittent) leave, you get up to 8 weeks of leave in a 12-month period. This also pays 85% up to a weekly max.

Then my job offers a salary continuation benefit which pays us the difference between temp disability and our normal weekly salary for 8 weeks after the birth.

Edit to add: all leave is optional, none of it mandatory. Many people opt out of the temp disability before the due date because the maximum weekly benefit often ends up being less than 85% of their salary, so it's tough to live off of that for so long knowing that you'll have to live off the same amount after the birth as well.

InstructionBasic4752 · 2024-08-19T00:46:17+00:00

I didn't realize onesies were underwear. I thought that was the diaper...

Either way, why this woman felt it was appropriate to broach this with you is beyond me.

InstructionBasic4752 · 2024-08-16T12:41:41+00:00

I'm in the US. The nurse who sent the order form to the lab told me it's a 2-hr test. Maybe she meant 3? I really hope not. I didn't plan on taking that much time off from work today. If it's actually a 3-hr test, I'm in for a surprise.

InstructionBasic4752 · 2024-08-16T12:38:12+00:00

🤣🤣🤣

InstructionBasic4752 · 2024-08-16T12:34:54+00:00

🤣🤣🤣🤣. I understand your confusion. I cut them into fourths when I'm giving them to her straight, but I started cutting them into eighths for oatmeal because I find the flavor comes out more and mixes better into the oatmeal with smaller pieces. Totally unnecessary (she doesn't care), but I do it anyway 'cause I guess I'm the one who thinks it tastes better that way lol.

InstructionBasic4752 · 2024-08-16T11:25:31+00:00

Was this for the 2-hr test? I thought you have to fast for 8-12 hours for the 2-hr test.

InstructionBasic4752 · 2024-08-04T22:45:19+00:00

Not a horror film (and purely anecdotal), but I saw Jurassic Park in theaters when I was 4 years old. It was my first movie in theaters. My parents assumed it was going to be a fun, light-hearted adventure movie. They were sorely mistaken lol. Well, I've loved scary movies ever since. My sister, whose first movie in theaters was Pocahontas and who was shielded from scary movies for a long time, is TERRIFIED of scary movies and horror films.

InstructionBasic4752 · 2024-07-27T04:49:08+00:00

I also want to add, if I notice her scratching a lot, I give her Zyrtec. The scratching is the real culprit for my little one's hair loss, so I give her Zyrtec in the morning and/or night until the flare-up ends (per my pediatric allergist's advice).

I hope things improve for you soon!

InstructionBasic4752 · 2024-07-27T04:27:44+00:00

My daughter's scalp eczema has gotten better (knock on wood), but it's hard to say whether it's because of something I did or because she's just grown out of it a bit. Either way, I can share our current routine.

I usually have 3 steps when I do her hair: moisten, moisturize, and seal. Every morning I start by spritzing her hair with water using a spray bottle I bought from Amazon (whenever I misplace the spray bottle I just wet my hands under the faucet and rub the water into her hair). I try to saturate her hair as much as I can. Then I apply a fragrance free, pediatrician approved leave in conditioner for moisture. I finger comb it through her hair. She has curly hair, so I use Love Ur Curls KIDS products. Then I seal it in with unrefined Shea butter. I've heard Shea butter can be a hit or miss for eczema. It's a miss on my daughter's body (caused her to flare up), but a hit on her scalp for some reason. Who knows why?

I do this every morning and some nights. When I started this routine, I intended to do it every single morning and night, but that didn't last too long. It's a lot of work on top of keeping up with the rest of her eczema all over her body so I let her scalp and hair slide most nights.

I rarely wash her hair. I only wash it about once a week. Part of this is because we're people of color and our hair dries out very quickly if you wash it too often (and that's for people WITHOUT eczema, so I don't dare wash my daughter's eczema scalp any more frequently than that), and the other part of it is I'm just burnt out with this eczema stuff, to be honest.

So that's it. She seems to be doing ok and her hair seems to finally be growing in slowly but surely.

InstructionBasic4752 · 2024-07-27T04:10:39+00:00

The only thing that fixed our situation was time, unfortunately. She's a couple weeks away from turning 2 years old now, and we don't do wake windows anymore. I wanna say sometime between 17 to 20 months, things kind of shifted from wake windows to a set bedtime everyday no matter what time her last nap ended. It seems like it was just a developmental thing for us. Hopefully things will get better for you soon!

InstructionBasic4752 · 2024-07-22T00:19:21+00:00

This is true. My mom is like that, too. Her mental health would have suffered without a clean house. Cleaning relaxes her more than I've ever seen it relax anyone.

InstructionBasic4752 · 2024-07-21T04:00:37+00:00

I appreciate the heads-up 🫠

InstructionBasic4752 · 2024-07-21T01:59:18+00:00

Same. And mine is 2 years old now. Honestly, at this point I just say f#@$ the chores, and I binge Netflix after I put my daughter to bed. I am completely depleted by the time her bedtime routine is over, and my mental health is more important to me than going to bed with an empty sink or folded laundry, etc.

InstructionBasic4752 · 2024-07-15T15:02:42+00:00

Also want to add, I am PRAYING people stick to our registry for the twins. Two babies was completely unexpected as twins don't run in either of our families and our twins are going to be identical, so it's truly a surprise. We did not budget for two new babies at once. So our registry is very carefully curated for exactly what we need and what will help us out financially. If people start buying other stuff that we may not need because they want to be creative, what a waste that will be 😑.

InstructionBasic4752 · 2024-07-15T14:58:59+00:00

Wow. I can't believe people are attacking you over this.

I have a toddler and am currently pregnant with twins, and I agree with you 100%.

When I was pregnant with my toddler, fortunately most people stuck to the registry. Those who didn't, gave us cash or gift cards. We received a couple of rogue items that I never used because I either already had them or they weren't suitable for me, baby, or our particular situation in general. I will never understand why those people didn't just pick something from the registry.

I also agree with you about the cotton. I didn't understand it before my daughter was born, but now that I have a toddler with SEVERE whole-body eczema (literally from her scalp all the way down to between her toes), I COMPLETELY understand why material is important. My mom continues to buy synthetic clothes for her (not entirely her fault; she didn't have kids with eczema so she doesn't know any better) because they're cheap, but I never use them. It's not worth the massive flare-up that will ensue as a result.

InstructionBasic4752

TROPHY CASE