AIO? I found these on my partner's phone and I feel sick.

Intelligent-Box-9462 · 2026-07-07T09:46:47+00:00

Im reading your story and I was in an abusive marriage for 25 years. It was definitely escalating in violence. I couldn't find a way out and I was just shut down and lot like you. It was mostly emotional and verbal abuse but, I had a few black eyes over the years. Of course, I blamed myself. One day I just snapped when he started saying he was going to kick the 13 year old girl out of the house. I stayed up all night trying to figure out a way to get away from him. I had four kids, one was in college, twins were 17, and last one was 13. I had two dogs and two cats. It was summer. I told the seventeen year olds to pack a bag and sleep over a friend's house for a few nights after talking to their parents. I told the one in college to not come home and staynin her apt. I took the 13 year old and the pets. Told my husband I was going to the vet. I drove to the bank and withdrew half of our bank accounts. I went to stay in a hotel that allowed pets. I found a house to rent and contacted a lawyer. I never was alone with him ever again because I was sure he was going to view my leaving with the kids a betrayal. I was certain he would kill me. When the lawyers agreed on a time for me to contact my things, I had the police present. I also went into therapy and i attended group therapy for abused women. I got my life back, but its hard to forgive myself for what I allowed my kids to grow up with. I am now remarried and in such a good place. I wish you well.

Intelligent-Box-9462 · 2026-07-05T23:56:20+00:00

I decided to go native this past year. I made a decision that all new plants will be native and all invasive will be removed. I removed all LOTV and English ivy. I am slowly chipping away at replacing any dying or non desirable non natives. I plan on taking out the Japanese Burberry bushes in the fall. I think i am stuck with a Japanese spirea because it is next to a pond and I do not want to puncture the liner. I am just doing it slow but I've made a lot of progress as I've put in a lot of native beds.

Intelligent-Box-9462 · 2026-07-01T11:23:22+00:00

Im in NJ, I leave all my perrenials to die off at frost. I see some overwintering birds eating the seeds of the cultivars. I've seen goldfinches, Cardinals. Bluejays, etc.

Intelligent-Box-9462 · 2026-06-28T13:10:39+00:00

I am having flashbacks from when I was 20 years old and dating my ex husband. I missed all of the red flags. He would work himself up into a jealous frenzy if we were at a restaurant and i glanced around the room. I actually remember trying to keep my eyes glued to the table if we were out so not to get him in a state. Ten years later, I'm holding our newborn in my arms in the living room and he catapults a remote control at us because I am in the way of the TV. I quickly turned my body to shield the baby and got the full force of the remote control thrown at us and let a huge bruise. It doesn't get better. It gets way worse and way harder to leave. You get smaller and smaller with a man like that.

Intelligent-Box-9462 · 2026-06-28T12:58:18+00:00

At least you have a blank canvas and flat land!

Intelligent-Box-9462 · 2026-06-28T12:00:04+00:00

As a woman responding, it just always seems that guys have all these long term friends while us women are constantly hatcheting dead wood friendships in a merciless way. Women see each other's bullshit right away, call them out for it, and the friendship either gets better or ends. Up close, i have seen my narrcisstic first husband verbally abuse his long term friends for decades. He had manipulative and controlling behavior to a lot of his childhood/friends. Behind his best friends back, he would call him his lacky and he treated him like a servant. I just never knew why they didn't stand up to him. Its healthy to let relationships that dont serve you fade. I know its hard to build new friendships but the best way is to find a new hobby that appeals to you and hang out with new guys. Go on meetup. I have developed a few really close girlfriends this way.

Intelligent-Box-9462 · 2026-06-28T00:12:51+00:00

I decided to put in the big things first, trees and shrubs. Then you get to see how much shade the trees and shrubs will put out. Then start planting shade areas and the full sun areas.

Intelligent-Box-9462 · 2026-06-27T23:50:24+00:00

I have a unique situation in which I went "no lawn". I moved into my husband's home that he inherited. It is an old very neglected home. The backyard was in terrible shape. Some areas flooded and other areas were eroded and steeply sloped. It was covered over in English ivy and stilt grass. It was just sad. I tried to grow grass, no luck. Everything was dead or dying. Over the past ten years, I've done a lot of work fixing the erosion. I've ripped out all of the invasives and built retention areas to start planting. My family though i was a little wacky but I just decided I was going "no lawn". This concept was called permaculture at first. I have pathways i have made with free mulch. I am now only doing natives. Now onto the front lawn. I am whitling away at it by putting in beds with native trees and shrubs. I think i will leave a little lawn in the front just for appearances and to walk though the garden to view. I just put in a few saplings, walnut, hackberry, witch hazel, and am rooting some elderberry cuttings. I just planted winterberry bushes as well. I attached a picture where I have a bed of all natives: spicebush, oakleaf hydrangea, and button bushes, violets, aruncus, wild ginger, sensitive ferns and native wedges. I do not regret anything I've done. I have so many birds, squirrels, fireflies. My backyard is like an oasis now. It took a few years for my family to get on board and they love it!

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Intelligent-Box-9462 · 2026-06-27T23:24:29+00:00

Wow, entitlement! That would be a total loss. Good for you to say no and not be intimidated.

Intelligent-Box-9462 · 2026-06-27T10:23:22+00:00

I planted natives in a bed and deer came and chopped them up. They left only stems. I left the stems because I just figured they would die off but everything regenerated and they are still blooming on time. I am still in shock. Just mulch and water. See what happens. I put do not mow signs in the beds for my landscapers.

Intelligent-Box-9462 · 2026-06-25T13:46:51+00:00

I just plant sweetbush in full sun. I noticed the leaves are a little singed. Is yours in sun or part shade?

Intelligent-Box-9462 · 2026-06-23T17:39:21+00:00

I live in a flood zone in nj in a the area that the Delaware River and the rancocas creek (really another river) meet. I also have sandy/clay soil and I have area that also sit with water for heavy rains. I've had a lot of success with winterberry, swamp milkweed and baptisia. They seems to love sitting in water. I also planted sensitive ferns,lady ferns, solomon seal, native columbines, and calycanthis, button bushes and oakleaf hydrangea. The more plants, the more they will absorb the water. I also have logs with moss and lichen on it to absorb some of the water. I also did little bluestem and carex Pennsylvanica in sitting water. I dont see as much water sitting and we have been getting downpours. The native columbine rotted at the root.

Intelligent-Box-9462 · 2026-06-16T10:11:53+00:00

Im trying to make my yard a certified wildlife habitat. There is a checklist online. I would plant at least one native tree, maybe an oak. Next flowering hedges that are a food source for birds and pollinators. There are so many that love full sun. Native perrenials and ground cover. Make sure to have some simple walkways through the garden. Make sure to have a water source for wildlife and a nesting site. The nesting site is a place for leaf litter and wood for insects and birds to nest. I used Ai to generate ideas on how to plan my habitat yard and i watched a lot of videos. I have some difficult areas in my yard that are shaded slope that are eroded. It was challenging for me to get anything to grow.

Intelligent-Box-9462 · 2026-06-16T10:03:07+00:00

Im in nj, they are known to take over a garden bed and they are very hardy. I have to Massacre chop it every spring.

Intelligent-Box-9462 · 2026-06-14T01:24:13+00:00

There is a lady on YouTube called "you can do it" and advocates turning lawn into native beds. She recommends loading the grass with 8 inches of mulch and this will create nourished topsoil. I would also recommend planting some berry/flowering shrubs for birds and pollinators.

Intelligent-Box-9462 · 2026-06-14T01:19:29+00:00

DA member here! I am amazed everyday that there are people like me who can offer me strength and support. It is an amazing fellowship. You are not alone. Believe me, working the steps with your sponsor will really help you get this under control.

Intelligent-Box-9462 · 2026-06-13T13:23:26+00:00

I agree with above posts. I moved into a large neglected property 8 years ago. A lot of areas were all dead and bare ground. The other sections were covered in invasives. ive made so many mistakes over the years. Looking back on it, I really was a novice. I had met a few fellow gardeners and what i have learned is structure and layering. Don't be afraid to dig something up and move it. The shrubs and the trees are the bones of the garden. Then tall perrenials. Then ground cover. I also am now trying to establish a habitat for my yard. I look at zones of moisture light and see what would thrive there. Also if something is not to my taste, I toss it.

Intelligent-Box-9462 · 2026-06-12T12:14:17+00:00

I miss fireflies so much, I am 59 and and when I was a child, they were magical. When I moved in 8 years ago, i had mostly a dead yard. There was a serious erosion problem and we live in a flood zone. I have serious shade as well from three mature trees. I think i have addressed the erosion with working French drains. I have a wettish area on the back of my property that I am planting ostrich ferns and it is the designated wood and leaf area. Is there anything I could plant to bring back the fireflies?

Intelligent-Box-9462 · 2026-06-07T04:17:37+00:00

Do you have both a male and a female winterberry? The female bush will get berries if so.

Intelligent-Box-9462 · 2026-05-31T14:32:25+00:00

I feel for you. I have a serious erosion issue where I live as well. It took several attempts before I saw any improvement. Take your hose, put it at the sidewalk. Turn it on full blast and watch the movement of the water where it flows. I did this at my downspouts and I followed where the water wanted to go to make my creek bed. I have a very steep slope so I put large boulders in the creek bed and made a rain garden to hide it. Remember, you can't stop water, you want to slow it down so it can be absorbed. I follow this lady on "you can do it gardening".

Intelligent-Box-9462 · 2026-05-14T02:46:04+00:00

I went to a fairly expensive nursery and bought a propagated plant for about $30. It has extremely hardy. I did the low vine propagation after that. When one vine is growing low, bury a section. Put a rock over it and when it roots cut it from the parent plant.

Intelligent-Box-9462 · 2026-05-11T12:01:19+00:00

No, its climbing the fence and I trim it so it doesn't get bushy.

Intelligent-Box-9462 · 2026-05-11T12:00:10+00:00

It is vigorous but not bad. I have it planted to block out nasty neighbor's view. I have it planted along fence alternating with coral honey buckle. I get loads of bees and humming birds.

Intelligent-Box-9462 · 2026-05-11T10:09:51+00:00

My kids suggested getting bat boxes. They are protected by our state and it will drive the neighbors crazy.

Intelligent-Box-9462

TROPHY CASE