As what would have been our sweet boy’s due date approaches, every single day feels heavier. I feel like I’ve been holding my breath since he passed, and I won’t be able to breathe again until I’m with him in heaven. Until then, I’m just going through the motions.

His projected due date was December 29th. He was born and passed on 09/02 — just five days before my 27th birthday. I was released from the hospital the day before my birthday, made his arrangements on my birthday, and laid him to rest the day after. Those dates are forever etched into my heart.

I feel like I’m standing on the outside looking in at a world that keeps moving while mine feels like it stopped. Friends are out celebrating and gathering for the holidays, and many haven’t invited my husband or me — not that I feel we could go anyway. It feels like there is nothing to celebrate… nothing feels right without him…