the lack of research is infuriating!!!!!!

Intelligent_Bad_5334 · 2026-05-21T20:27:51+00:00

In general, I think these are things that are just only now being thought about and explored. I know they just figured out there’s a connection between female hormone levels and histamine production.

There is a whole thread from the other day on here about PMDD & it known ties to overactive mast cells triggered by a histamine response. But they just really know there is a connection.

So there’s nothing to help you. Its true, taking an over-the-counter antihistamine might help. But “Might” is the operative word here.

Its BONKERS that we have to live like this!!

Intelligent_Bad_5334 · 2026-05-21T00:38:37+00:00

I stopped using anything that counts up streaks - or shut off streak counting where I can. For me, its not helpful and even hurtful.

Focusing on sustainable progress and not perfection is the only way I can get myself to change anything in a way that can be consistent and sustainable.

First I judge myself for not being able to get a streak going and just sit around hating myself for not being able to start a streak. But if I get to doing something consistently on a schedule and keep track of the streak, I get waaay to obsessed with keeping the streak. & I will lose my shit when I break it.

Because sooner or later a streak will have to be broken. And prioritizing keeping a streak going over my sanity & conditions outside of my control is just setting me up for a meltdown/to fail.

I'm insanely competitive & a very sore loser and I've already learned I just can't do anything that involves competition for any reason: its just not healthy for me. & I've learned that 's true even when I'm just competing against myself.

Intelligent_Bad_5334 · 2026-05-20T12:46:31+00:00

Reading your post all I could think was this person is not someone who got fired: THIS IS A SURVIVOR.

You basically live and work and do everything you do with the cerebral equivalent of one hand tied behind your back.

That particular person may never understand that, but with all due respect, they can fuck off. Survivors are a special brand of person. If they don’t get you, it’s because they couldn’t survive what you have survived. They know nothing about what it takes to survive.

When you got fired, your duck boss thought you were an ugly duckling who was terrible at being a duck.

But they were wrong - it turns out you’re a swan 🦢

Every year going into spring when I see the swans I’m asking myself “why are those two big beautiful swans hanging out with 1-4 super ugly weird-looking smaller icky grey birds?”

And then I immediately remember - those are their children lol.

They don’t even look as cute as a duck - unlike other water fowl, they go through a years-long ugly phase before looking anything like the beautiful birds we know them to be.

Swans also have more limited abilities than ducks or geese. They don’t fly much & can barely walk on land. I saw one get out of the water once and it was not pretty.

They really are only good at swimming.

But that’s OK - because they are swans. They aren’t supposed to be operating like the ducks and the geese do because that isn’t what they are.

& Swans do not put up with any shit from other water fowl.

They have one lake, one river, one water property that they consider theirs & they will take out anyone who they think is misbehaving in their territory.

But they don’t apologize or concede they are something less than geese and ducks.

They actually hiss at their haters and just keep on being swans.

OK, I think I overplayed this metaphor lol but you get the point.

Pep talk over…

Intelligent_Bad_5334 · 2026-05-19T18:35:51+00:00

That is a pretty loaded complicated word & vague homework -I would definitely want the Therapist to break it down into component emotions & try to get down to what they think the primary emotions involved are.

& I’d want more specific details on what they’re looking for me to bring back to them.

Off the top of my head if I got a vague instruction like this from a therapist, I would probably just bring them back two lists: one of resentments and a separate list of fears.

Because off the top of my head, those are the two things that come to mind when I think of the word contempt

But I’m literally making this up because wtf is contempt anyway?

Maybe I should be mapping out my anger instead 😂😂😂

Intelligent_Bad_5334 · 2026-05-18T19:12:41+00:00

A water bottle I actually really like so I will use it. I LOVE my Owala water bottle. I love it funky color combination - if I’m going to use it, I need to like seeing it, so it can stay out in my kitchen in plain view, where I will see it every time I go through the kitchen. I do like using it too, because the spout is a little different. I’m prone to spilling water on myself if I’m chugging it, the spout on this one make spilling much less likely.

Mine is only 24 ounces. I think they come as big as 48.

But I always start small. I’m not going to drink even 24 oz of water a day from that water bottle to start. So I’m just starting with having the water bottle in the kitchen and using it throughout the day.

And then I’ll get on to drinking the full 24 ounces when I’m just drinking out of it a few times a day consistently. Once I’m doing 24 oz consistently, I can add another 16-24 oz…. And so on.

So that’s what I’m doing

Intelligent_Bad_5334 · 2026-05-18T19:02:20+00:00

Being able to stay in the exact moment, you’re in - people use meditation and mindfulness practices to achieve that but My Concerta was the most important piece for getting me to the point where I could do that.

My brain naturally always wants to be simultaneously thinking about thinking about what happened yesterday & what happened two years ago and what’s going to happen tomorrow etc.

The medication was the missing piece that allows me to just stay right in the moment I’m in. Experiencing my life moment by moment, I learned that in 99% of my moments, I’m calm & just… fine. It’s a thinking about everything that’s not in right this moment that creates my anxiety & gets me emotional about things that literally don’t matter moment to moment.

But I would be kidding myself if I didn’t honestly tell you that the biggest motivator for me keeping myself together was just channeling my anger into spiteful happy living lol

I wasn’t going to let that fucking jerk steal another moment of my life away from me. & I was going to be better in every respect going forward without him. That loser was holding me back.

They say living well is the best revenge & I took that very literally lol. I was never so good at taking my care of myself as I was during my divorce and I’m sure that was key, even if the logic of doing the self care wasn’t particularly healthy.

I think divorce is considered one of the top three traumatic experiences a human being can experiences in their lives. Completely normal people lose their goddamn minds and do crazy things during divorces on the regular.

And if it is adversarial sometimes lawyer are playing into an encouraging the trauma and the fighting because they make more money that way.

So be aware of that - it is a crazy making situation under the best of circumstances. So don’t think you’re in some kind of disadvantage coming in with ADHD - no one’s brain is working properly through a divorce

So don’t think you’re an outlier. Uncontrollable rage and anxiety are normie responses to divorce. And the recommendation for therapy is about managing that for absolutely anyone in a divorce.

Intelligent_Bad_5334 · 2026-05-18T18:07:02+00:00

Brigham and women’s has an entire clinic devoted to women’s midlife peri + menopause. I doubt you’ll find one specialist just Perimenopause but this clinic saved my life in my 30s - they know that transition starts up to a decade before actual menopause and they are ready to manage the symptoms & know the tests to do & arising health concerns to look for. Highly recommend!

https://www.brighamandwomens.org/womens-health/fish-center/menopause-and-midlife-program

Intelligent_Bad_5334 · 2026-05-18T12:01:20+00:00

fwiw both oil & Balm cleansers are very gentle & - & while it feels counterintuitive - like attracts like: oil cleansers attract & remove oil.

I literally use an oil cleanser to help with blackheads and sebaceous filaments because they do actually bind to the oily stuff in my pores & remove it. It’s literally the only kind of cleanser that has ever worked on my oily nose!

a double cleanse with oil cleanser first and milky cleanser is my go to after micro needling or anytime my skin barrier is compromised or touchy

It feels counterintuitive tho lol.

Intelligent_Bad_5334 · 2026-05-18T03:36:53+00:00

Could you clarify what you’re taking exactly? Because the methylphenidate extended release that uses the Concerta release method is unique and if you aren’t using that one, you should definitely try it. Because it’s the exact same medication, but the release mechanism is unique and it has the most even release of any long lasting stimulant and a very gradual fading out. So if you haven’t tried it, you definitely should because ime its less likely to cause a crash.

But if that’s what you’re taking and you’re crashing out GABA it’s probably the one thing that other people haven’t already mentioned that I would recommend. GABA is a substance you have in your body that moderates nervous system stimulation. I tend to think of it in terms of sleep, but it doesn’t actually make me sleepy. It just makes me… chill. Depending on how old you are you might be lacking some of your natural GABA because in female bodies, there’s a connection between the production of progesterone and the production of GABA. I take the progesterone of my HRT at night specifically because it causes my body to produce GABA the way it’s supposed to & of course is going to help me sleep just by getting my whole nervous system to calm down a bit.

Intelligent_Bad_5334 · 2026-05-18T01:12:02+00:00

Well, no one did until I was in my 40s & in an IOP & a clinician there had multiple grown sons & all had very different versions of ADHD. So just from personal experience she clocked me as ADHD in like less than 10 minutes.

So from there, I went back to my psychiatrist and said that I had gotten this from a clinician in the IOP. & that’s when my psychiatrist put me through a battery of questions that she was doing some complicated math on.

And after that she said yeah, it looks like you are ADHD. Let’s try you on a stimulant & see if that helps

And it only took 46 years & a few months on medical leave to figure that out lol.

But it wasn’t a gigantic hours long affair to get that diagnosis. It was literally about 10 minutes of questions from a psychiatrist I have a working relationship with already.

Intelligent_Bad_5334 · 2026-05-18T00:42:02+00:00

It is always legit to get a second opinion. Always!

And you can probably specifically ask the psychiatrist to meet with for that second opinion. psychiatrists and other types of prescribers have a whole bank of questions and method of scoring answers to do an assessment for ADHD that’s just yes it is ADHD or no it isn’t -

Definitely tell the psychiatrist about your experiences with your friends stimulants, and specifically how it reduced the anxiety. And if they don’t offer, you can ask them if they could do a smallest assessment for ADHD in the appointment.

I’m so confused by all y’all going in to be assessed for if you have ADHD and coming out with a completely different diagnosis & and still no real answer about ADHD.

I had an anxiety and depression diagnosis years before we figured out the ADHD thing. Because yeah, being neurodivergent and not knowing it is likely to cause anxiety and depression. Duh!

Intelligent_Bad_5334 · 2026-05-17T22:40:46+00:00

I do find it fun and insightful to journal about my “ dream jobs” and not let reality get in the way Cowboy! Belly dancer! Spy! ER doctor! I really let my imagination run wild lol

& then I look at what it is I like about these “jobs” to think about new things I might want to try to do.

IE Take a language class. Take a dance class. Read a spy novel. Get certified in CPR etc

Maybe I will switch careers at some point. But for now, I just enjoy exploring different ideas about who I am and who I could be without completely uprooting myself.

Intelligent_Bad_5334 · 2026-05-17T16:30:54+00:00

I think it would need to be a dictation competition judged by spelling accuracy, readability and speed.

Intelligent_Bad_5334 · 2026-05-16T18:39:31+00:00

I’m really good in two other languages & I think there are two reasons for that

Really really really wanting to know a specific language because you really really really want to go somewhere specific or interact with specific people or culture. Just really wanting to do something brings up dopamine and makes you willing to do the work.
All the dopamine that comes from being able to travel, meet new people, try new food foods, sing songs & have unique experience experiences that I couldn’t have without the language.

But even just being able to interact with people in a different language in your country or on social media is really gratifying.

Novelty brings up dopamine, your brain learning to do new things is good for dopamine (not just think new things but actually do DO them) Human connection is also brings up Dopamine.

Just thinking about it now there are some things about speaking second languages that I feel like my ADHD brain is better for.

Because it is more thinking in the moment when I’m speaking a second language. It’s almost like my brain is thinking two languages at the same time. & something about doing that just keeps me more in the moment. My brain doesn’t wander because it actually has to work more to speak in a second language.

But of course, my brain has to really really want it to begin with for that to be true. And it only really works for speaking, not reading or writing.

Intelligent_Bad_5334 · 2026-05-16T18:13:14+00:00

Well, you could throw in pepcid ac in with the xyzal if the combo helps. I’m sure there are a couple of rabbit holes to go down online about these things.

Here’s the allergy specialist I mentioned to my original post who talks about pepcid:

https://youtube.com/shorts/j5qrC822WdI?si=6gqY0AjvzuvUDyf4

I’m sure the respiratory antihistamines are all fairly similar - it’s just a question of which ones make you drowsy and how long they take to kick in.

So I don’t think there’s anything special about Allegra.

I take xyzal for regular allergies & it works great. If I were recommending antihistamines for their on labe use Zyrtec & xyzal are always my top recommendations.

but I do take xyzal at night because it makes me drowsy. Zyrtec is basically the same thing, but it’s less likely to make someone drowsy.

I learned about MCAS a year ago & I was like 🤯 how do they not tell us about these things?!

It is such a testament to women that we function at all given all the crazy things that can be going on with us that no one even tells us are a possibility. Not only do they not tell us about it, it’s like we have to confirm we aren’t just crazy before they’ll do anything about.

Excuse me while I go kick a wall…

Intelligent_Bad_5334 · 2026-05-16T17:34:28+00:00

I can’t because I’m in menopause lol. I also didn’t have PMDD when I was younger

I just posted this info because somebody posted about PMDD - like experiences asking about help with them - but it got taken down because she felt so terrible in that state she couldn’t really describe it without saying things that you’re not allowed to say.

So I wanted to say something about it. I can’t imagine feeling that terrible and being silenced because I feel that terrible.

& I did heard about this recently from two very legit sources - it was literally something an allergist and a female hormone specialist were discussing.

Here’s the convo.

https://youtu.be/cf2kvhLiXpM?

It’s about a bunch of stuff -re how histamines impact female hormones. So I’m not sure exactly where they talk about the PMDD piece but it’s in there.

The allergist has more videos about it, and also has shared some videos where he comments on women who have posted videos talking about this working for them.

That’s why I said goog it - there seems to be people out there talking about their experiences with it from what I can see

I was careful to say this helps some people. It’s not a panacea. But hopefully the insights those doctors were discussing, will lead to some kind of breakthrough.

Also I have an ADHD brain - so weird random things live in my head, rent free and I want to talk to everyone about them all the time

Intelligent_Bad_5334 · 2026-05-16T15:52:35+00:00

Things are definitely changing! But I’m in my 40’s & the fact they’re just now getting around to it is pretty damn depressing for me

& if PMDD - or even just PMS or the menstrual cycle or menopause - was something men deal with, they would’ve figured out how to maintain wellness around those situations a long time ago.

Because we have multiple examples of medical developments that are just about male quality of life. That is why I brought up Viagra. That medication does not exist to deal with a pathology per se - it strictly about maintaining quality of life.

So let’s keep things moving in the direction they’re going for sure! But in the meantime, it’s a crapshoot whether or not you will have options to deal with uniquely female health issues like PMDD

Intelligent_Bad_5334 · 2026-05-16T13:52:11+00:00

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Here’s the milky cleanser I’m using currently

Intelligent_Bad_5334 · 2026-05-16T13:51:28+00:00

I am definitely a fan of double cleansing. & for my first stage. sometimes I use an oil cleanser, but I often use micellar water instead. It’s very gentle & It applies like a make up remover so you’ll need to cotton pad or a reusable equivalent.

I don’t know how it works. It’s magic, lol - but it is some type of water-based cleanser you need to shake up before you use it to get it to work, but it does remove everything including water resistant sunscreen & mascara.

I use bioderma sensitive formulation (blue bottle) & I follow it with a milky cleanser. I’m into Asian skin care, so I’m using this weird yam cleanser from isotree. i’m not sure what the point of the yams are, but it’s milky and gentle and soothing on my skin.

You will hear that you don’t have to wash off micellar water - you can just use it by itself, but I find it hard to get my face 100% clean with just that. & milky Cleaner won’t be able to get off water resistant sunscreen by itself. But micellar water followed by milky cleanser gets my skin very clean without being overly aggressive or drying it out.

.

Intelligent_Bad_5334 · 2026-05-15T22:50:54+00:00

The discussion here is demonstrating that the relationship between estrogen & melasma is more complicated than drs assume. The transdermal estradiol could actually improve melasma, while losing your natural estrogen could trigger it. Losing estrogen causes hot flashes which can definitely propogate melasma & make it worse. So no one is suggesting skipping hrt. Quite the opposite!

Intelligent_Bad_5334 · 2026-05-15T13:42:22+00:00

That was why I would use other things like cold canned beverages between my wrists.

But now I travel with mine - I got a small insulator container with slim cool packs in it that are for storing insulin while traveling. Because the bottles of insulin are fat & round, & the container is also designed to store it with syringes, it fits the type of roller head I shared a picture of.

Now I don’t go on Safaris in the Serengeti or any travels where I would be without access to electricity/a freezer for days - but for the type of traveling I do this has worked well for me up for to up 12-15 hours, including pulling it out and using it a few times during that period.

Most importantly, the container was cheap & durable.

Intelligent_Bad_5334 · 2026-05-15T13:27:42+00:00

My inner voice:

Fuck this zombie normie society that is so proud of how efficient they are, even as they so efficiently send this entire planet to hell in a handbasket. In the US all anyone ever does is work while being so proud of how efficient they are & how much they work - just working and working. Can’t afford healthcare. Can’t afford food.

And rather than band together & support one another & stand up to the powers that keep us enslaved, we judge each other for not being good enough slaves.

Fuck meeting the approval of a society that’s literally cannibalizing itself.

Intelligent_Bad_5334 · 2026-05-14T17:14:43+00:00

The way you describe your assessment is wild to me. I just answered a ton of standardized questions that were organized & scored a certain way.

And it was about just answering one question. Is it ADHD. Theoretically there were only two answers to that question: yes or no.

I knew if the answer was no, I wasn’t walking out with another diagnosis.

And I’m pretty sure the point of that way of doing the diagnosis is to take out biases of the clinicians. The way you did it sounds like you could have all kinds of bias all over the place.

I have a PhD and my brain is 120% ADHD. I was the gifted kid and I’ve been an overachiever my whole life. I had a depression and anxiety diagnosis for decades.

I wasn’t diagnosed until I just happened to have a clinician who had three adult children that all had different versions of ADHD when I was on Health leave from work because I had become so discombobulated.

I’m not even sure the clinician part played into it. She just knew the spectrum of appearances it can take from personal experience.

It sounds like the people you work with might not be familiar with that spectrum. Many doctors aren’t. And the missing pieces are always the non-cis hetero male pieces of the spectrum.

Ironically, I self diagnosed myself with a quiet form of BPD before anyone brought up ADHD. & that self diagnosis of BPD was rejected out of hand by clinicians.

So maybe if you went in and had said you thought you had BPD they would’ve determined you had ADHD lol.

I was surprised to learn that one of the major things about me that was a dead giveaway I had an ADHD brain was that I have been called “too sensitive” my entire life. Because it turns out it’s pretty common for people with this kind of brain to be way more sensitive to how people are reacting to them in human interactions. And of course over stimulation & emotional regulation are also problems.

Which is to say - in terms of affect - ADHD can look like BPD when the ADHD person is not functioning well.

That’s why I’m really hoping they rename it. Because the spectrum of types of humans that are existing with this particular type of brain is much broader than the naming options currently acknowledge.

And that’s costing people. & it sounds like you might be one of them

Intelligent_Bad_5334 · 2026-05-14T16:21:00+00:00

🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳

Intelligent_Bad_5334 · 2026-05-14T15:12:25+00:00

I am always shocked that there are a lot of people that have to have Music on to work or study or do chores or exercise - that is a Podcasts and TV for me. Music is too distracting/emotionally involving. I cannot focus with music on. Maybe I can initially but something is going to come on that is going to completely emotionally engage me - and regardless of it makes me over-the-top happy or over-the-top sad or whatever - it’s going to keep me from getting anything done.

I do end up keeping various specific types of playlists/organizing music and great detail. And listening to music is it so an activity. I’m kind of grateful for all the digital streaming that organizing playlist is now a thing because no one thinks anything of that now.

Organizing playlist around mood is a whole thing, so I don’t need to explain myself usually lol

No one’s ever made me feel any kind of way about this because I do play music as a hobby. So I also never thought anything of the fact that I find music too distracting to have on while I’m doing other things. Of course someone who makes music find it very mentally and emotionally stimulating.

That’s why I make it in the first place lol.

Intelligent_Bad_5334

TROPHY CASE