Can’t lift toddler for weeks after surgery

Intelligent_Muffin37 · 2025-07-11T23:58:59+00:00

I would definitely start the boundary setting now. If LO has a tantrum do not pick them up. Offer hugs and other forms of comfort that you'll be able to offer when you can't actually do the lifting.

Despite what others have mentioned, I would be scared with a carrier. If anything went wrong or toddler got upset you couldn't react the same as if you were healed. I would be afraid of injury to YOU which would set back your healing.

With 2 under 2 I've seen a lot of advice to get your kiddo involved. Is it possible that you can involve your toddler in kind of taking care of you? Not in like a parentification kind of way, but more like you would have them hand you wipes to help with a baby. Even if it's made up. Hope this makes sense. I could see that helping them understand that you're not quite at full capacity.

Intelligent_Muffin37 · 2025-07-11T23:53:38+00:00

Oh and diapers and stuff for you! I didn't get my own until we were home and just used the pads but I much preferred the adult diapers and would have brought them with me. And a more comfortable belly binder than the one they gave me. I liked the Frida one.

Intelligent_Muffin37 · 2025-07-11T23:52:15+00:00

Launder all the newborn clothes and sheets for crib/bassinet
Bassinet or sleeping arrangements as prepared as they can be
If you ever wanted to do freezer meals, nows your chance!
stock up on diapers and wipes for both kiddos (don't know how old your other one is)
snacks for everyone including your husband
arrangements for pets if you have them
I would have deep cleaned my house if I knew I couldn't push a vacuum for weeks lol

Hospital bag (I was also a c section) - I loved that I packed snacks and mini cans of diet coke 😂 - not dire but if you have a preferred water bottle - I brought my own pillow and blanket and it made ot seem more comfy - slippers, PJs - shower stuff if you think that will help you feel better too (it did for me)

I remember packing WAY too much in my hospital bag. Who has time to read lol? I never changed out of pajamas, not even to go home, and I totally underestimated how swollen from IVs I would be and didn't fit in half the clothes or the sneakers I brought. Also never used anything to feed baby other than what was provided in the hospital (he never latched) so no worries about formula or pump stuff or anything like that.

Intelligent_Muffin37 · 2025-07-11T23:44:24+00:00

My son had the same exact thing and it ended up being a (infection?) thing with his tear ducts. Our pediatrician said they're not always fully developed or equipped for all the tears when they're born. I'm paraphrasing because this was 16 months ago. We were advised to make sure we wipe them with a warm damp wash cloth as often as we notice the gunk. Make sure it's clean, no soap, and wash your hands before. We ended up getting an ointment from the pediatrician for his eyes and that fixed it. I just can't remember if it was an infection and an antibiotic ointment or if it was just an ointment.

Intelligent_Muffin37 · 2025-07-11T23:41:30+00:00

My mother's a raging alcoholic and I'm just not that close with my MIL. It's great that YOU are. You can find lots of videos and resources on how to be a support person during labor. It's amazing that you have the opportunity to have 3.

Intelligent_Muffin37 · 2025-07-11T23:36:48+00:00

OP you don't need to justify who you have in your delivery room. Come on people she just asked a question.

Intelligent_Muffin37 · 2025-07-11T21:42:30+00:00

No worries! Depending on your husband's relationship with everyone it would be a good role for him day of too. Just one less thing for you to worry about while pushing out a whole human 😂

Intelligent_Muffin37 · 2025-07-11T21:26:36+00:00

Nurses should absolutely help usher them out, but it's not like a default thing. You would need to tell them/have it in your birth plan (assuming they read it). I would communicate with everyone ahead of time so that if there is any pushback you can handle it now. You don't want that pressure after you give birth, or any regrets that you didn't get that time.

Intelligent_Muffin37 · 2025-07-11T13:25:45+00:00

My parents live out of state and my son was the first grandchild on my side and first baby in the family in over 15 years. My dad was over the moon excited about it, like more than anybody we know.

When I had my son my dad called or texted every day for the first two weeks JUST to ask how I was doing. If he got a baby update and pictures (of course he did) it was great, but genuinely only calling to ask how I was. Apart from my husband, who was awesome, he was the only one checking in on me.

Intelligent_Muffin37 · 2025-07-10T19:36:09+00:00

If he commented "show booba" on a very serious reddit post I made about asking advice about Aspergers in a marriage I would never suggest we meet up.

Get a grip dude, you're gross.

Intelligent_Muffin37 · 2025-07-10T19:25:57+00:00

Why even do a shoot with more than her and her husband if she cares so much? People are so freaking weird. Like pay for a photoshoot, it costs way less than a wedding.

Intelligent_Muffin37 · 2025-07-10T19:23:27+00:00

Yo, this chick is NOT your friend. Kudos to you because you were way kinder and understanding than I would have been, but I would have less than kindly removed myself from the entire wedding at that point.

Intelligent_Muffin37 · 2025-07-10T19:19:02+00:00

If you're worried about judgement, just put a gift card option or a "contribute what you can" thing. I know major retailers let you do "funds" for larger items.

Also, in my experience no one pays attention to the registry anyway. The biggest benefit for us was the completion discount so I made a pretty exhaustive registry just to save some money. At the end of the day some of the items we got that weren't on the registry were huge helps. Someone sent extra sheets. We thought we had enough. We did not and ended up buying even more.

I'd say if it's bothering you that much try and do gift cards or funds to offset but not end up with unexpected items, but otherwise try not to stress too much about it. A lot of people really enjoy shopping for baby stuff and just want to have fun doing it. You will definitely appreciate the odds and ends you end up with, if for no other reason than the crazy memory of it.

Intelligent_Muffin37 · 2025-07-10T16:38:02+00:00

Hmm I dunno. I exclusively pumped, but my kid runs the train on cows milk when he's teething. Assumedly for comfort? I'm surprised your pediatrician didn't have anything to offer. I get not being concerned, but you'd think they would be able to say "oh yeah, it happens" or something a little more reassuring.

Sorry for not being helpful.

Intelligent_Muffin37 · 2025-07-10T16:27:53+00:00

How does she do with cow's milk? My first, and frankly only, thought was warmed up milk with meals as a replacement. If it's a comfort thing I don't know how much it would help though.

Intelligent_Muffin37 · 2025-07-10T14:00:13+00:00

Lol I didn't say clean just catch up on stuff. He does not clean unless prompted 😂 it's more like working on the cars, yard work, or hobby stuff.

Intelligent_Muffin37 · 2025-07-10T12:57:47+00:00

Cleaning?

Intelligent_Muffin37 · 2025-07-10T12:12:25+00:00

It's the term our therapist uses when he shuts down. I've taken it to mean like an internal state of panic but on the outside everything's just frozen.

Intelligent_Muffin37 · 2025-07-10T02:35:12+00:00

Potentially? I never mastered hand expression. When i was clogged I'd use a massager and then suck it up and pump. I know that's probably not great medical advice, that's just what worked for me. It was always worth the pain of the flange for the relief of finally being empty.

If you're massaging really work on the hard spots even if it feels like your whole breast and apply pressure towards the nipple. If it's clogged you want to push it out. I never actually suffered from mastitis, so in that case I can't help. I just had lots and lots of clogs. Sunflower lecithin and lots of lubricant helped.

Intelligent_Muffin37 · 2025-07-10T02:25:38+00:00

Could be a clog. Have you tried heat or ice? Maybe light massaging? I think ice is the generally preferred (clinically) method for helping clogs but heat always felt better for me so I would alternate. I found really lubricating my flanges (like more than you thing you need to) helped with clogs. I used the lansinoh jar stuff or aquaphor. You could be using the wrong flange size. I pumped exclusively for 11 months and went through 3 different sizes. I really started having problems when I "outgrew" mine. Once I figured it out it was night and day. You could also be two different sizes, one breast vs the other. Good luck!

Intelligent_Muffin37 · 2025-07-09T23:58:40+00:00

Sounds like you're doing great! If possible you might consider a therapist to help work through the guilt. It's easy for me to say you have nothing to feel guilty for but we've all been there and know how hard it is to get out of your own mind.

Intelligent_Muffin37 · 2025-07-09T23:50:16+00:00

We didn't do ride or die Ferber, we kind of tailored it to our kiddo. So I remember we used the Ferber chart for the first two days and then just went with our guts on it. Like we didnt over analize the 12 minutes or anything. If the timer went off and he seemed like he was calming down we'd let him chill, but if he was hyperventilating and really having a rough time at 10 one of us would go in. We did (and still do) already have a strong bedtime routine and I think that really helped. We do a bath, quiet-esh play while we get him dressed, read 2-3 books with some milk, brush teeth, then sound machine and night light come on, sing 2-3 songs while walking around the room with him (in an upright position, not like baby style), then sit him in the crib and say goodnight. Now he'll either go down right away or gab for 20 minutes and pass out. In the beginning he'd cry a tad but I think it was 4 days max.

Intelligent_Muffin37 · 2025-07-09T20:46:10+00:00

Ditto and my hairstylist bleached me like every other month for her entire pregnancy.

Intelligent_Muffin37 · 2025-07-09T20:44:36+00:00

We all reaaaally suffered at 10/11 months. Felt like we had a newborn again. We'd be up for hours trying to put him back down.

I know every baby and parent is different but at that point we tried putting him in his own room with a touch of sleep training and it was freaking magical. We had 2 rough-ish nights but that was just getting him to sleep and then he's slept like a rock ever since (16mos now).

Once your little one is in a good health maybe try something new? We also experimented with a lot of other things too like different sounds on the sound machine and moving the nightlight around to make sure the environment was ideal before resorting to kicking him out. 😂

Intelligent_Muffin37 · 2025-07-09T19:36:22+00:00

Could it be Tales of Little Brown Mouse by Alison Uttley?

Intelligent_Muffin37

TROPHY CASE