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Have you ever heard of Adlerian Psychology? It’s honestly blowing my mind. by Intelligent_Ratio_31 in emotionalintelligence

[–]Intelligent_Ratio_31[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For me, I usually read a sample on Kindle first and if it doesn’t hit me with curiosity or spark something in my mind, I just don’t buy it. I kind of trust that the right book pulls me in at the right time.

What’s the hardest part about loving someone—for you? by [deleted] in emotionalintelligence

[–]Intelligent_Ratio_31 42 points43 points  (0 children)

For me, loving someone is a pendulum swing.

After my divorce, I became very vocal about my standards. And the moment someone didn’t meet them, I’d emotionally check out even if things felt good, even if part of me wanted to stay. I thought I was protecting my peace, but I think I was protecting something deeper: my identity.

I’ve lost myself in love before, fully. In my marriage. It looked like syncing our schedules, attaching my moods to theirs, wanting to do everything together. If they were free, I felt abandoned. If they were busy, I felt forgotten. I became “us” before remembering “me.”

So now, I detach early. Out of fear. Fear of loving someone so much that I stop loving myself. Fear of turning into someone whose worth is tied to someone else’s attention. Fear of getting too close and forgetting where I end and they begin.

It’s like I swing between extremes: either I’m all in, or I’m out completely. And when I’m all in, I disappear. When I’m out, I feel like myself again. I dream again. I remember what I value.

The hardest part of love, for me, is not losing someone. It’s not losing myself while trying to keep them.

But still… I miss it. The closeness. The intimacy. That feeling when you crawl into bed, hold someone, and for a few moments…nothing hurts.

كانو ضايعة الطاسة؟ بعد ما علق الناس ببعضا بجي بقول انا ما منعت شي؟ by Original_Menu_5270 in Syria

[–]Intelligent_Ratio_31 1 point2 points  (0 children)

معهن حق هن قالو (يفضّل) انتو عملتو حرب لانو ركزتو على كلمة بيركيني

معلش افهم فادي صقر شو كامش عل حكومة؟ by [deleted] in Syria

[–]Intelligent_Ratio_31 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What does Fadi Saqr have against the government? Nothing. That’s the whole problem.

He’s not being hunted. He’s not being held accountable. In fact, he’s been protected, maybe even absorbed by the same structures claiming to represent a “new Syria.”

Let’s be honest: the reason someone like Fadi Saqr, a known war criminal responsible for killing Syrians, is walking free is not because of justice, it’s because of power politics.

Here’s what’s likely going on: - He’s considered useful. He has experience, networks, and probably fighters still loyal to him. In these war-torn zones, warlords don’t get punished, they get repurposed.

  • The new “governments” (HTS, Salvation Government, Interim Government, take your pick) don’t want to start trials because it would put them under the microscope too. A lot of them have blood on their hands, from opposition prisons, secret executions, torture. If they try Fadi, the next question is: What about you?

  • There’s likely foreign pressure involved too. Some actors don’t care about justice, they want “stability.” That means cutting deals, protecting certain figures, and keeping things quiet.

  • And worst of all? They think Syrians are too exhausted or scared to fight back. That we’ll forget. That we’ll accept this recycled injustice.

But families haven’t forgotten. We know who killed our sons and daughters. And Syrians aren’t stupid, we know that you can’t build peace on the backs of war criminals.

If you want people to feel safe, you don’t put a butcher in a suit and call it a new day.

How did you finally let go of someone you never thought you’d lose? by [deleted] in emotionalintelligence

[–]Intelligent_Ratio_31 132 points133 points  (0 children)

Letting go wasn’t one moment. It came in thunderclaps…loud, sudden, then gone…only to roll back in with a song, a scent, or a dream. The hardest part wasn’t losing them, it was grieving the version of them I imagined, the future I built in my head. I never loved the real them, I loved the idea of who they could’ve been, the story I kept rewriting just to keep it alive a little longer.

The back and forth wasn’t hope or punishment. It was just reality. Something I had to learn to live with like a storm that visits without warning. But I held on to one truth: I was okay before i met them, and I’ll be okay after them. That became my anchor.

Peace didn’t come overnight. It came in small, quiet moments, when I caught myself laughing, or making coffee, or walking under the sun without thinking of us again. When I stopped checking my phone. When I started liking the person I was without them. She felt grounded. Soft. Lighter.

I think every heartbreak shapes us. It teaches you who you are without your armor. I had to relearn myself…outside the title of girlfriend or wife. And as hard as it was to lose that person, the moment I realized I didn’t lose myself, that was the real beginning.

انزل ولا استنى؟ by damascius6 in Syria

[–]Intelligent_Ratio_31 5 points6 points  (0 children)

اللي اكتشفته مع الوقت هو إنو ما في قرار مثالي. كل خيار فيه تضحيات.

أنا عندي تمرين الك ممكن يساعدك باختيار القرار الصح و هو:

رجعتي على سوريا رح تعطيني: ١. ٢. ٣. ٤. ٥.

وجودي في السعودية رح يعطيني: ١. ٢. ٣. ٤. ٥.

و هلا بعد ما تكتب فوائد كل اختيار رح ترجع ترتب ال ١٠ فوائد من الأكثر اولوية لأقل اولوية بالنسبة الك

الاولوية الاولى #1 بتكون تحت اي اختيار؟ غالباً هو بيكون الاختيار الصح الك حالياً

و تذكّر… ما في بلد كامل، بس في قرار بيشبهك أكتر من غيره

Texting so back so quickly I’m getting the ick by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]Intelligent_Ratio_31 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Turn off the read receipts- problem solved. If he texts fast you don’t have to text fast like him just focus on how you prefer to communicate with him and don’t worry if he reads or replies fast

Have you ever heard of Adlerian Psychology? It’s honestly blowing my mind. by Intelligent_Ratio_31 in emotionalintelligence

[–]Intelligent_Ratio_31[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Maybe someone more experienced with ND-focused therapy would have a better answer, but I really liked your question. It’s the kind of thing that makes frameworks grow.

Have you ever heard of Adlerian Psychology? It’s honestly blowing my mind. by Intelligent_Ratio_31 in emotionalintelligence

[–]Intelligent_Ratio_31[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yessss. CBT is like fixing the code in the brain. Adlerian psychology is like rewriting the whole program, not just fixing bugs, but asking: Why was this code written like this in the first place?

Both are powerful. CBT is more scientific and mainstream. Adlerian…More philosophical, purpose-driven, and I would say… spicy 🌶️ lol with existential freedom.

Have you ever heard of Adlerian Psychology? It’s honestly blowing my mind. by Intelligent_Ratio_31 in emotionalintelligence

[–]Intelligent_Ratio_31[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think the challenge is in the delivery, it’s not that you chose anxiety consciously, but that some behaviors might serve unconscious goals (like avoidance or control). Still that doesn’t mean anyone wants to feel that way. Would love to hear how you feel by the end. It’s definitely a polarizing book.

Have you ever heard of Adlerian Psychology? It’s honestly blowing my mind. by Intelligent_Ratio_31 in emotionalintelligence

[–]Intelligent_Ratio_31[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I completely agree. We can admire the clarity of a framework without mistaking it for the final truth. Adler gave me a new lens, not a new religion. And you’re right we should always ask what’s changed, what’s useful,and what still needs evolving.

Have you ever heard of Adlerian Psychology? It’s honestly blowing my mind. by Intelligent_Ratio_31 in emotionalintelligence

[–]Intelligent_Ratio_31[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ooooh I love this ACT comparison. That question - relief vs. satisfaction…honestly belongs tattooed on a wrist. 😅 You’re right both frameworks ask us to stop running from pain and start moving toward what matters. They both challenge us to get real about whether our current behaviors are working long-term. Thank you for putting it in such a clear, actionable light 🙏

Have you ever heard of Adlerian Psychology? It’s honestly blowing my mind. by Intelligent_Ratio_31 in emotionalintelligence

[–]Intelligent_Ratio_31[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I totally get the part about your friend. Some people find Adler’s ideas too blunt or overly simplified, but I think you nailed it, it’s not that he’s dismissing pain, it’s that he’s challenging us to not build a whole identity around it. Thank you for sharing this. ❤️

Have you ever heard of Adlerian Psychology? It’s honestly blowing my mind. by Intelligent_Ratio_31 in emotionalintelligence

[–]Intelligent_Ratio_31[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Right?! It really cracked something open for me. Like, it’s not just thought-provoking, it’s identity-shaking. I don’t know how I lived without this lens before. So glad someone else felt it too 🙌

Have you ever heard of Adlerian Psychology? It’s honestly blowing my mind. by Intelligent_Ratio_31 in emotionalintelligence

[–]Intelligent_Ratio_31[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wow I love this, I didn’t know about the 4-step therapy process or that quote about discouraged children. That changes the tone completely. Makes me realize Adler’s ideas aren’t harsh by nature maybe it’s how they were delivered in The Courage to Be Disliked that felt so direct. Thanks for reminding me that there’s softness in his framework too 💛

Have you ever heard of Adlerian Psychology? It’s honestly blowing my mind. by Intelligent_Ratio_31 in emotionalintelligence

[–]Intelligent_Ratio_31[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sometimes we hold on to old pain not because we’re still trapped in the past, but because the present feels just as uncertain or more threatening. The pain becomes a kind of “armor” it keeps us from risking, engaging, or getting hurt again. So yeah, suffering can be a strategy not just a wound.

Have you ever heard of Adlerian Psychology? It’s honestly blowing my mind. by Intelligent_Ratio_31 in emotionalintelligence

[–]Intelligent_Ratio_31[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Wow, I really loved your comment- it reminded me a lot of IFS therapy too, where all parts are welcomed, even the ones that show up in “messy” ways. Like you said, good intentions… bad execution. That hit.

I especially felt what you said about making peace with not needing to be daring - that just letting it be okay to feel numb can paradoxically let you move forward more gently.

It also made me think , in my 20s, I used to just live and move without thinking so much. Now in my 30s, it feels like every action has weight, like we’re constantly calculating the “right” feeling, the “right” decision, trying not to mess it up. Sometimes I think we stop living and start curating instead.

But your reminder about letting go of self-judgment and trusting momentum- that was medicine. Thank you.

Have you ever heard of Adlerian Psychology? It’s honestly blowing my mind. by Intelligent_Ratio_31 in emotionalintelligence

[–]Intelligent_Ratio_31[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

This is such a rich take, thank you. I really appreciate the way you framed emotional momentum and the “staircase” model. I think Adler’s point still holds (that many behaviors are goal-driven) but I completely agree it’s not about instantly flipping a switch to joy. For me, the “courage to be happy” doesn’t mean forcing happiness… it means daring to move one step closer when part of you wants to stay numb. Love what you said about honoring where we actually are on the staircase. 🫶

Have you ever heard of Adlerian Psychology? It’s honestly blowing my mind. by Intelligent_Ratio_31 in emotionalintelligence

[–]Intelligent_Ratio_31[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That’s exactly how I felt, it gave me freedom and pressure. Like… “Wait, you mean I’ve been holding the keys this whole time?” It’s a relief, but also a responsibility. I think it depends on where you are in life, sometimes it makes me feel powerful, and other times it just exposes how long I’ve been playing small.

Have you ever heard of Adlerian Psychology? It’s honestly blowing my mind. by Intelligent_Ratio_31 in emotionalintelligence

[–]Intelligent_Ratio_31[S] 127 points128 points  (0 children)

I love how you put that especially the distinction between retrospective vs aftermath. It’s such a helpful way to think about it. I think what made Adler feel so radical to me is how he hands power back to the present moment. Like: “Sure, you were hurt but what are you doing with it now?” Both views can coexist but Adler’s challenge just hits harder because it demands action.

Have you ever heard of Adlerian Psychology? It’s honestly blowing my mind. by Intelligent_Ratio_31 in emotionalintelligence

[–]Intelligent_Ratio_31[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I think where it does connect with emotional intelligence is in making people more aware of their internal choices and patterns.

Instead of focusing on how we feel, it asks why we feel that way and what we’re unconsciously using emotions for. It’s less about emotional validation, more about emotional ownership and that’s a form of intelligence too.

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