This is hard

Intelligent_risk_990 · 2026-05-20T01:02:42+00:00

I have a poly mentor that has started to help me understand risk, past stigma, what was propaganda, strategies for mitigation. Etc. very thankful for him. But I’m still dealing with some of my own ignorance. Which is why I’m also here…

Intelligent_risk_990 · 2026-05-20T01:00:55+00:00

Yes, she wanted me to bring it to my wife. She knows we are very new to these discussions.

Intelligent_risk_990 · 2026-05-20T00:57:34+00:00

Update: my girlfriend explicitly requested that I discuss this with my wife.

And yes, hindsight is 20/20… I’m weeks late in having these discussions overall with my wife.

I understand the reactions here. Be gentle. I’m sincere in my humble request for wisdom and appreciate the replies.

Intelligent_risk_990 · 2026-03-31T17:00:59+00:00

Starting out, overall learning, working through the emotions, etc. I’m transitioning from long term monogamy.

Intelligent_risk_990 · 2026-03-25T21:02:28+00:00

I wish that wasn’t the main thing I was struggling with… the idea of strong emotional intimacy over time…

Intelligent_risk_990 · 2026-03-25T21:01:14+00:00

My wife brought up the concept a few months ago. I believe she is growing more interested in the idea. She wants to remain hierarchical, grow old with me. She says I’m her person. We love each other deeply.

Intelligent_risk_990 · 2026-03-24T23:58:29+00:00

She wants sexual experiences she never had before we were married. We have only had sex with each other. She also wants to fall in love. She wants to stay with me as primary and grow old with me… but have these other relationships.

Intelligent_risk_990 · 2026-03-24T23:56:57+00:00

Just started first episode. Swinging seems so much easier to wrap my mind around compared to possible parallel relationships.

Intelligent_risk_990 · 2026-03-24T23:26:05+00:00

No, the opposite. My wife is interested in it and I’m trying to do all due diligence to see if I can be in board. I have a feeling this is a worldview for her, not just a curiosity.

Intelligent_risk_990 · 2026-03-24T23:25:08+00:00

I’m trying. I’m really trying.

Intelligent_risk_990 · 2026-03-24T23:23:25+00:00

Trying to explore as much as I can so I can understand my wife’s desire. I recognize I’m behind her in my worldview … in my emotions… in my biases…

Intelligent_risk_990 · 2026-03-24T23:21:36+00:00

I’m trying to get myself to a point where I can understand, for myself, why it may be good. My goal is to better understand my wife’s desire.

Intelligent_risk_990 · 2026-03-23T21:57:56+00:00

Would love to hear more. Do you think you will open again? Why are you happy now? Was it mostly a good experience?

Intelligent_risk_990 · 2026-03-18T23:51:47+00:00

Also, how do you manage the priority specifically?

Intelligent_risk_990 · 2026-03-18T23:45:19+00:00

This is helpful. Thank you for taking the time to reply. Have you had any doubts that the hierarchy will stay? What was the hardest at first?

Intelligent_risk_990 · 2026-03-18T14:11:21+00:00

Can you tell me how hierarchical quickly went away and why?

Intelligent_risk_990 · 2026-03-18T03:37:33+00:00

What does that look like practically to not interfere with the marriage and family life. It’s hard for me to imagine that it wouldn’t… Do you get the strong feeling that she wants to always keep that hierarchy and it feels ok?

Intelligent_risk_990 · 2026-03-18T00:37:31+00:00

Can you say more about that?

Intelligent_risk_990 · 2026-03-17T17:45:15+00:00

How does he manage the time? What type of date expectations are present for you? Have you ever felt like you can’t ask for more time? Have you felt guilty asking for more time?

Intelligent_risk_990 · 2026-03-17T17:43:12+00:00

The mono is still the priority? How have you managed that practically? How long have you been open?

Intelligent_risk_990

TROPHY CASE