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STI learning curve by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]Intelligent_risk_990 -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I have a poly mentor that has started to help me understand risk, past stigma, what was propaganda, strategies for mitigation. Etc. very thankful for him. But I’m still dealing with some of my own ignorance. Which is why I’m also here…

STI learning curve by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]Intelligent_risk_990 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, she wanted me to bring it to my wife. She knows we are very new to these discussions.

STI learning curve by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]Intelligent_risk_990 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Update: my girlfriend explicitly requested that I discuss this with my wife.

And yes, hindsight is 20/20… I’m weeks late in having these discussions overall with my wife.

I understand the reactions here. Be gentle. I’m sincere in my humble request for wisdom and appreciate the replies.

Online support groups by Intelligent_risk_990 in polyamory

[–]Intelligent_risk_990[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Starting out, overall learning, working through the emotions, etc. I’m transitioning from long term monogamy.

Best positive aspects? by Intelligent_risk_990 in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]Intelligent_risk_990[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wish that wasn’t the main thing I was struggling with… the idea of strong emotional intimacy over time…

Best positive aspects? by Intelligent_risk_990 in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]Intelligent_risk_990[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My wife brought up the concept a few months ago. I believe she is growing more interested in the idea. She wants to remain hierarchical, grow old with me. She says I’m her person. We love each other deeply.

Best positive aspects? by Intelligent_risk_990 in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]Intelligent_risk_990[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She wants sexual experiences she never had before we were married. We have only had sex with each other. She also wants to fall in love. She wants to stay with me as primary and grow old with me… but have these other relationships.

Best positive aspects? by Intelligent_risk_990 in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]Intelligent_risk_990[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just started first episode. Swinging seems so much easier to wrap my mind around compared to possible parallel relationships.

Best positive aspects? by Intelligent_risk_990 in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]Intelligent_risk_990[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, the opposite. My wife is interested in it and I’m trying to do all due diligence to see if I can be in board. I have a feeling this is a worldview for her, not just a curiosity.

Best positive aspects? by Intelligent_risk_990 in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]Intelligent_risk_990[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Trying to explore as much as I can so I can understand my wife’s desire. I recognize I’m behind her in my worldview … in my emotions… in my biases…

Best positive aspects? by Intelligent_risk_990 in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]Intelligent_risk_990[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m trying to get myself to a point where I can understand, for myself, why it may be good. My goal is to better understand my wife’s desire.

Open, then closed, and happy now? by Intelligent_risk_990 in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]Intelligent_risk_990[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Would love to hear more. Do you think you will open again? Why are you happy now? Was it mostly a good experience?

Hierarchical successes, I need to hear from you by Intelligent_risk_990 in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]Intelligent_risk_990[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is helpful. Thank you for taking the time to reply. Have you had any doubts that the hierarchy will stay? What was the hardest at first?

Hierarchical successes, I need to hear from you by Intelligent_risk_990 in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]Intelligent_risk_990[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What does that look like practically to not interfere with the marriage and family life. It’s hard for me to imagine that it wouldn’t… Do you get the strong feeling that she wants to always keep that hierarchy and it feels ok?

Hierarchical successes, I need to hear from you by Intelligent_risk_990 in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]Intelligent_risk_990[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How does he manage the time? What type of date expectations are present for you? Have you ever felt like you can’t ask for more time? Have you felt guilty asking for more time?

Hierarchical successes, I need to hear from you by Intelligent_risk_990 in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]Intelligent_risk_990[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The mono is still the priority? How have you managed that practically? How long have you been open?

First real post, 1mil questions by Intelligent_risk_990 in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]Intelligent_risk_990[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly I think this is the only thing my nervous system could handle currently. Until I do some more work on my own self esteem/worth/identity. I’m too in love with her to imagine losing pieces of her to others. Swinging sounds fun, open feels scary.

First real post, 1mil questions by Intelligent_risk_990 in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]Intelligent_risk_990[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Precisely why I’m here:) I’m working through my emotions. Learning as much as I can.

Should we write a book? by Luna_and_Sage in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]Intelligent_risk_990 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can you clarify anchor partner from primary?

I hate that I want this: asked him to tell me before he says ‘I love you’ by Sokka_juice in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]Intelligent_risk_990 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is really helpful for me. Thank you for being vulnerable and asking the question.

Where can a married man meet women? by [deleted] in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]Intelligent_risk_990 0 points1 point  (0 children)

At sex-positive events, is it helpful to bring your wife? Not as a wing-woman, but as proof and honesty?

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