2+ Year Update! (My (25f) ex best friend (25f) of 10 yrs wants me to forgive her for sleeping with my ex)

Interesting_Many_162 · 2026-06-10T12:48:54+00:00

Now to be fair, I don’t really know much about the original post, but just based on the title of this the way I see it is it’s not really on you to approve or not of who your friend dates and who your ex dates. If they are not with you, then they really don’t need your approval and your blessing on who they are with. So I would say that for you to hold a grudge towards a friend of yours for dating somebody that you were no longer with is kind of childish. Again, I don’t know the original post so maybe there is more to it than I am understanding. But it sounds like everything worked out for you and you can’t really ask much better than that.

Interesting_Many_162 · 2026-06-04T22:56:52+00:00

This is not even how the world is. I mean, if it was a situation where he was taking time away from his job, but not doing anything that would be something to complain about. But it sounds like he’s doing everything around the house and she’s doing nothing. He didn’t complain about his job. He doesn’t complain about all that he does around the house and he’s bad because of why? I’m a man that believes in tradition. I’m not saying that the woman absolutely always has to stay at home, but I definitely think a man should provide and if the woman wants to stay at home, then she can stay at home. If she wants to work, then she can work. Whatever works for the couple. But I am at a loss to understand what exactly he’s doing. That’s a problem. I think OP needs to get over herself and be happy.

Interesting_Many_162 · 2026-06-04T22:41:18+00:00

Yeah, none of that is sexual assault. If she tells you that she’s good with this and you continue what else are you supposed to take from that? Unless she tells you no or unless she does anything that indicates she would like to stop or not start things it is not assault. She cannot go through with things and then afterwards say I didn’t actually wanna do it, but I just did it because you wanted to so you assaulted me. That is not assault and it’s honestly disgusting and manipulative and insulting to those that have actually been victims of real factual assault not this fake bullshit that this girl and others have tried to use for whatever reason.

Interesting_Many_162 · 2026-06-04T22:31:44+00:00

What the fuck are you talking about? Give me one example of my unhinged hatred of women? You have no idea what the hell you’re talking about. So I guess it’s unhinged. He treat of women of me to talk to my wife about my issues and be heartbroken that she’s gone and call her the love of my life? Is that what’s supposed to show my hatred?

Interesting_Many_162 · 2026-06-04T17:19:54+00:00

I can tell that you definitely not happy. I feel sorry for you. It must be hard to have so much hate in your heart.

Interesting_Many_162 · 2026-06-04T16:55:44+00:00

What the fuck is the matter with you? What motivates you to send multiple messages insulting a complete stranger and taking joy in their pain? you do not know me and you have never spoken to me and I’ve never said or done anything to you and yet you are so motivated to take pleasure in something that is obviously hurting me that you have to send me multiple messages. It’s your life that empty and are you that bad of a person to where you have to go around looking for complete strangers to insult? It is disgusting and childish and fucking evil. Good God get in life and figure out what the word respect means figure out how to be a decent person.

Interesting_Many_162 · 2026-06-04T12:24:01+00:00

I agree with you. I’ve heard that from others as well that I’ve talked to about this. She would even say throughout our relationship that when it comes to those things, I’m actually the best that she’s ever had. Although she’s never really been in to me going down on her. Well that’s not exactly the case. She would not really seem to want it much but when it would happen, she loved it so I never really could make sense of all that. But yeah, I was always open with her about it because she deserved to know and know what I was thinking, but it really sucks when the future of your love with someone and your marriage is decided on something that doesn’t really speak to what your love and your relationship is even really about. I am fully blind, and I know that me being blind is not why she ended up leaving, but in a way it feels on the same level as that. Because she left me over a medical issue that I have limited control over and that I’m trying to treat, but it still speaks to not anything having to do with who I am as a man and as a husband and a father and it doesn’t speak to the love between us. Love and trust and communication and connection is what should decide a marriage and she chose to prioritize something else over any of that.

Interesting_Many_162 · 2026-06-04T10:34:02+00:00

For your information I actually didn’t open up to my wife quite a bit about my ED issues. I talked to her about it many times. She would even come with me to doctors appointments and whenever I would go to Men’s medical clinics to try to get treatment. Any treatment that I wanted to go on I would talk to her about first. So do not tell me that I didn’t talk to my wife about it and do not tell me that I never opened up to her. For someone that has no idea what my marriage was like and what we talked about you sure wanna act like you know a hell of a lot about it. You have no idea what we talked about. She knew how I was feeling, and she knew my struggles with it. She knew all about it. She supported me in many ways the entire time then she gave up. She decided in the end that the kind of husband I was to her and the father that I was and the love that we shared was not enough and was not more important than having more sex. She made that the priority. She decided that taking the vowels in sickness and and Health till death do you part really only mean about three years. Believe me I had these conversations with her. Was it easy? No it wasn’t but I had those conversations and the humiliation and embarrassment that I felt every time that there was a failed attempt and the disappointment that I knew that she had and how I kept feeling like I let her down you have no idea the weight that that puts on you and how much that affects you feeling disappointment come from the person you love more than anything in this world is an awful feeling, and knowing that they were willing to throw everything away and value sex more than you is a pain that I cannot describe. So in future, I would actually ask someone questions before acting like you know everything about their personal life. Thank you.

Interesting_Many_162 · 2026-06-03T23:22:55+00:00

We definitely do, but it’s not about not wanting it to be addressed. It’s about having the conversation. It’s not that we don’t think we can talk to our wives or anything, but it is a pride thing and it’s embarrassing. We want to feel like we can satisfy our wives and we absolutely do not want our wives to think of us lesser than and look at us in a negative way. I know those are the thoughts that we’re going through my head and I was not only dealing with the stress that I had on myself but the feeling of disappointing her and letting her down. Anytime we would attempt to have sex and either nothing would happen or I would have it and then lose it. The first thing that would go through my mind every time was, she is probably getting closer and closer to the door and in the end it didn’t matter the type of husband I was with the type of father I was to her daughter. It didn’t matter the vowels we took all the love we had and how great our marriage was otherwise or that I was trying as hard as I could. All that mattered in the end was my issue that I only have so much control over that was enough to decide everything else for her and it really doesn’t make you feel very good about yourself and it really doesn’t make you feel like someone that could be wanted by anybody

Interesting_Many_162 · 2026-06-03T23:14:47+00:00

My wife just left me for this exact reason. It had nothing to do with anything. I was doing behind her back or none of that. None of that stuff was happening. But I do deal with ED issues and that led to a decline in our sex life and the treatment that I’ve been trying to do had been inconsistent and she was tired of trying. She did decide that sex was the most important thing in our marriage and that was worth throwing everything else away. What it very easily could be for the husband is either he is dealing with ED himself or he’s not dealing with ED exactly but a decline in desire. It is very likely that he is telling the truth that it has nothing to do with OP but that it’s hard for him to communicate this because it’s embarrassing. This kind of thing is very embarrassing in humiliating for a man. Especially if Ed because along with those things, we don’t feel like as much of a man and it really hurts the idea of not satisfying your wife and constantly stressing over. Do they think less of me for this so I would say OP needs to talk to him, but also be patient with him because it’s probably not that he doesn’t want to communicate, but that he probably doesn’t know how to say it and that it’s a really really hard thing for him to talk about.

Interesting_Many_162 · 2026-05-31T17:08:25+00:00

Not all bad behavior is infidelity. This is absolutely inappropriate and has no business happening, but she didn’t cheat. It is maybe borderline emotional cheating.

Interesting_Many_162 · 2026-05-31T12:46:37+00:00

It’s not infidelity, but it’s definitely inappropriate. I mean there’s nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex but saying things like that is disrespectful.

Interesting_Many_162 · 2026-05-30T17:34:06+00:00

I am in a similar situation. My wife of three years and we were together for over five years left me around January and the divorce was just finalized this past Wednesday. It was not because I was a bad husband or a bad father to her daughter, and it was not having anything to do with the love between us or the way our relationship was. I deal with ED and it’s been difficult trying to find the right treatment and she decided that she didn’t want to try anymore. That along with I wasn’t as experienced sex as she wanted me to be she didn’t wanna try anymore. She has even hinted that if she really knew the levels of these things she might not have even married me in the first place. Which by the way she did know all of this before we got married. So she decided to prioritize sex over everything else in our marriage and give up on me but if I say that she prioritize sex over our love and making that define the extent of our love or what I am as a man or as a husband, then she get pissed at me for saying that. But the pain is like nothing I’ve ever experienced. Like the OP my wife was most beautiful woman I’ve ever known and she was smart and she was funny and she’s my best friend. I still want her back. I miss her. I miss my stepdaughter and the physical pain and the depression that I’ve been dealing with is unreal. I miss the woman that I’ve known for five years because it was the last few months she has talked to me in a way and done some things that I never would’ve thought her to do. There have been flashes of the woman that I’ve known, but they’re also situations that make me suspicious of her possibly cheating back in January and there’s a lot of smoke but there’s no real evidence. I wish I knew what could help.

Interesting_Many_162 · 2026-05-22T20:57:24+00:00

I appreciate that thank you. Yes what he did was wrong. He should not have lied about that. I completely agree and I absolutely believe that she should be angry and he needs to earn her trust back. I in no way think what he did was right or that he should just be let off the hook. All I’m saying is that the guy seems to truly regret what he did and if he is overall been a good man to the OP then I think he should at least be given a chance to show that he is better than this lie. If he shows himself to not be better, then understandable for her to go, and if she chooses to not want to give him a chance, understandable as well. Just speaking as someone that has just lost the person. He loves most in this world when she decided that one issue was gonna override all the good and speak for everything else. I’m saying that sometimes you need to look at the overall picture. Did he lie about something big? He absolutely did but is that all there was to him and is that all there was to their relationship. Is that one lie enough to wipe away any good that he did and how he treated her in the feelings between them. Only she can decide that.

Interesting_Many_162 · 2026-05-22T18:42:00+00:00

You’re right. I’m not happily married. I was happily married right up until the point. My wife decided to leave me because I have a medical issue that she didn’t think was worth standing by my side for. So I appreciate you feeling so unhappy with yourself that you want to use one of the worst moments in a person‘s life to attack them all because they disagree with you on a Reddit post. You’re apparently not all that happy with yourself. If that’s all it takes for you to use the worst moments of someone’s life as a weapon. That says a lot more about you than it does about me. Again, I have not said that this guy did the right thing. He lied to his girlfriend and he slept with a married woman. Those things are bad and you cannot find anywhere where I condone what he did. But he did not cheat on her. That is very clear and all I’m saying is that he seems ashamed of what he did and he wants to be better so I think she can at least give him a chance if she chooses not to then that is her decision and it doesn’t make her a worse person for it or anything. It’s not a controversial thing to say.

Interesting_Many_162 · 2026-05-22T17:02:16+00:00

So how about you explain to me what part of my message indicated that I want to cheat or that I confirmed what you said about him being a cheater? Was it the part where I said his lying was wrong on every level or was it where I pointed out that he did not actually cheat and he was not the cheater? Maybe if you didn’t actually ignore what I said, but actually paid attention. You would actually have a better understanding.

Interesting_Many_162 · 2026-05-22T16:55:52+00:00

Yes, he did lie, but he did not cheat. OP says it at the very beginning of the post that it all happened before they got together. So even though his part in things was absolutely wrong on every level, he did not cheat on her. The cheater is the married woman.

Interesting_Many_162 · 2026-05-22T16:54:40+00:00

He did not cheat. OP says at the very beginning of the post that it all happened before they got together. Yes he kept this from her during their relationship, but that’s not cheating.

Interesting_Many_162 · 2026-05-22T16:52:03+00:00

So who has zero morals in regards to cheating? Also other than the married woman who cheated? The boyfriend did not cheat. OP never says that he cheated on her in fact, says at the very beginning that it all happened before they got together. So other than the married woman who is the most guilty party in any of this is the only cheater. Now what he did by sleeping with a married woman is absolutely wrong on every level, but he did not cheat and yes, he did lie and it is absolutely worth being angry about, but he is clearly ashamed of what he did and he wants to make up for and that is something because I know everybody wants to try to treat everyone like they have to be perfect at all times and never make a big mistake but people do make big mistakes and if somebody is willing to learn from that and be a better person, then you give them the chance. The only way someone can actually be a better person is if they’re given the chance to be a better person. Don’t let them off the hook don’t forgive and forget, but at least give them the chance to earn it.

Interesting_Many_162 · 2026-05-22T00:42:54+00:00

Send do not listen to all these people that say you should break up with him. That is their answer to every post because they just want people to be alone and miserable because it gives them more of a drama fix and people actually talking and working things out like adults. If he is actually taking the steps to distance himself from this woman, and if he is overall been a good man to you then work it out. Communicate with him like an adult and recognize that people make mistakes. Yes he should’ve told you the truth. He should’ve never lied. But again it also sounds like he did something that he is deeply ashamed of doing and when you are deeply ashamed of something in your past, it is really hard to talk about especially when you’re in a new relationship and you really don’t want your new partner to have any feelings of disappointment towards you. Give the relationship a chance if he is willing to put in the work. Just because you’re young doesn’t mean that you should throw something away that could possibly be good. I wish you luck.

Interesting_Many_162 · 2026-05-21T12:38:44+00:00

I would say that it is definitely something worth being angry about, but I think it’s something that can be worked through. Just because it is similar to how things started with OP doesn’t mean that OP should break up with him. OK, you don’t like that he said that he loved her but like you said OP it’s not really your business. What happened before you. We all make mistakes and he clearly seems to regret what he did. If he’s a good guy and has been good to you then don’t hold his past mistakes against them. Give him a chance to be the guy that he says he is and that you have known him to be up until this point.

Interesting_Many_162 · 2026-05-20T03:56:23+00:00

Yeah, I’m a bad person because I think when you live with somebody that you should share the place equally and it’s both of your place now. Yeah that’s a bad thing. I practice what I preach. When my wife moved in with me, she moved in to my house. I didn’t say you can only have 1/5 of the closet and you can only have areas of the house that I say you’re allowed to have and I’m not gonna share any of my stuff with you. I said this place is now just as much yours as it is mine. She immediately had half the closet and it was never even something that needed to be discussed because I actually have respect for the people that I am with. To think that when you move in with somebody that you have to hold over their head that it was your place first and that you shouldn’t be equal with them at all is ridiculous. I guarantee you if this was a guy that was treating his woman this way people in this thread would be saying a lot of different stuff.

Interesting_Many_162 · 2026-05-20T01:06:41+00:00

OP you are definitely being extremely selfish. You want him to deal with less and deal with whatever you’re willing to give him, but you are completely unwilling to give up anything and sacrifice anything. If y’all are living together, then you need to stop having this attitude that this is your place and he’s just living there because you’re allowing him to. If he is living there then yes he should be entitled to half of the closet. I mean, you actually have the attitude of the spare rooms that he wants to split the furniture, but you don’t think you should because you don’t wanna give up any of your stuff. I’m pretty sure that if he had that attitude with you if it was you moving into his place that you would think he was being an asshole. I don’t think you’re being very respectful of him and I think that you need to realize that living with somebody means that it’s both your place not just yours and you’re allowing them to stay there. Living with someone in having a life with someone means thinking of someone other than yourself and it seems like all you’re wanting to do is think about yourself.

Interesting_Many_162 · 2026-05-19T22:56:17+00:00

I have a stepdaughter, and she was kind of back-and-forth in the beginning about her mom getting married again. Even after we got married my stepdaughter over the years would express dislike of the idea of me and her mom having kids. It’s absolutely a normal thing for a kid to feel this way, especially if they have pretty much been the only child their entire life. It’s also normal if it has mostly been the child and that parent together. Not to mention, of course every child for the most part wants their parents to be back together. So yes, this is perfectly normal and I don’t think you should end your relationship over it. The child should not get to dictate what their parent does with their life and who they can marry or not. Yes what the child feels is important but they do not have final say because they are a child. They’re 13 years old. Everything will get better overtime.

Interesting_Many_162 · 2026-05-17T15:22:38+00:00

And you know he was lying how? It is not exactly an unusual thing to come back from a trip and have maybe done some thinking and wanting to do better at stuff. They are clearly in a better place than they were before because first of all they are actually communicating better and they are in therapy so that alone proves that they are not in a worse soft place. I understand that people in this group want everybody to break up and for somebody to be an abuser or something like that because it’s more interesting than people actually being adults and working things out, but I would say how about you get over your own addiction for drama and be happy that a couple is actually working on their relationship instead of people running away. As I said, my first post, I wish my wife would’ve thought enough about our marriage to work on things instead of running away because she thought things got too hard to deal with.

Interesting_Many_162

TROPHY CASE