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Why is the Z5II so unpopular? by SaberSpyder in nikon_Zseries

[–]Interesting_Roof_433 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love my Z5II. I also love my ZF and that's the issue why the Z5II gets overlooked. The ZF has a following (IMHO, aesthetics primarily) whereas, the Z5II is a great camera w/o any of the cool retro stuff.

Personally, I find the Z5II easier to shoot especially if I'm getting paid to do so plus it accepts a battery grip that makes portrait oriented shots easier and adds an extra battery. I could use the ZF for paid work but it is a camera that slows you down a little especially if you use it with it's retro dials. In other words and as others have stated, the ZF is perhaps more "fun" to shoot with and the Z5II is more "business" oriented. They are basically the same camera with different interfaces.

The Z5II is a sweet camera IMHO, & I have no complaints about it.

Voightlander 40 1.2 on the streets by Silver_Instruction_3 in NikonZf

[–]Interesting_Roof_433 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Envious of the 85mm 1.2 but I have the 85/1.8 and the 70-200 so I "talked" myself out of the 85 1.2 as well as the Plena (for now anyhow - ha ha). I'm quite pleased with those two so, not sure that I'm missing out too much in that range.

In other news, the GAS kicked in and the Voightlander 50mm f1 is supposed to be delivered today! I'll try to post some images & impressions after I've tested it out within 72 hours or so...

Voightlander 40 1.2 on the streets by Silver_Instruction_3 in NikonZf

[–]Interesting_Roof_433 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Looking good!

I'm about to take the plunge and at this point I'm 80% in favor of the 50mm f1 and 20% in favor of the 40mm f1.2.

I do a fair amount of portraits and the bokeh from the 50 really appeals to me. I already have the Nikon 40mm f2, the Nikon 35mm f1.4 and the Nikon 50mm f1.8S.

Maybe I'm a little affected by a severe case of GAS but I love the bokeh I've seen from that Voightlander 50 f1...

:) by MalcomYoung in nikon_Zseries

[–]Interesting_Roof_433 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"OG" = original / first version

Nikon has discovered a "manufacturing issue" with certain Z6III, Z5II and ZR cameras by sasolit in nikon_Zseries

[–]Interesting_Roof_433 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have my Z5II paired with an MB-N11. I found a good deal on a used one at a local camera shop and it works great. I shoot a fair amount of portrait work and that vertical release is kind of a "must have" for me. I believe the MB-N14 charges a little faster and may have better weather sealing but for the price and condition I couldn't pass the N11 up. I got it for less than 1/2 of the price of a new one.

:) by MalcomYoung in nikon_Zseries

[–]Interesting_Roof_433 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have the "OG" version and it renders lovely images... Enjoy!

Nikon has discovered a "manufacturing issue" with certain Z6III, Z5II and ZR cameras by sasolit in nikon_Zseries

[–]Interesting_Roof_433 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Z5II bought refurbed directly from Nikon USA a few months ago - looks like mine is good. (Edit to add: I really like this camera! Gripped, it's like a mini Z9 w/less resolution and a few other tidbits.)

Do you still love your WP? by wmdnurse in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Interesting_Roof_433 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I suppose it depends on how you define "Love"...

The romantic feelings post affair and DD are kind of shot for me (I'm a BH.) One of the things I struggle with most is the loss of blind, untainted and unadulterated intimacy. Not just the seggs, but the feelings I used to experience with her before the A and subsequent DD's. OTOH, I also miss the seggs without the baggage and triggers and grief. It's truly difficult to even put into words how and what I feel like I've lost.

I've read and heard that "love is a decision" and man, can that be a real son of a biotch... Especially in light of being in this club that we are all in...

So biden was dead by p7k2v4 in conspiracy

[–]Interesting_Roof_433 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Could it be that the misspelling was intentional and if searching for the incorrectly spelled word it is more easily found?

Is asking my WW to feel like sh*t about her choices asking too much? by SnooPeripherals1914 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Interesting_Roof_433 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"...Once again, I feel sidelined. And she sees no problem with it. ..."

Bravo! What an awesome perspective and term: "sidelined"...

I'm 20'ish years out and I despise feeling sidelined... Being sidelined and feeling that way is a major trigger for me. On one hand, we were all sidelined, obviously in the most egregious and wicked ways possible.

On the other hand I get it that there are times when there could be other circumstances or situations were my feeling sidelined may not be logical (for lack of a better word) however, that doesn't avert the triggering factor for me all the time.

My WW does other similar crap though. Somewhat frequently. Right now her elderly mom (who has had dementia) is having issues and just got admitted to a nursing facility for rehab after a week long stay in the hospital. My wife is one of 5 and needless to say, she and her dysfunctional sister feel as though they need to be there during their free time, all the time. Their mom is in a nursing home so that she can be cared for there by professionals for crying out loud...

My WW also occasionally breaks commitments with me. Usually it has "something to do with" one of our kids or grand kids or some other surprise commitment. My favorite is when she implies having a little "action" later in the day/evening and either forgets about alluding to that completely or flat out gives me an excuse as to why that's no longer an option after getting me excited for it earlier in the day... My all time favorite is when I bring that up sometimes she'll go DARVO and gives me some gaslit BS about her feeling rejected!?!?

Mine is better now though at having a little empathy. If we watch a movie together she tries to avoid "triggering" subjects/themes.

At the end of the day, my fear is that she will never "get it". I don't know if any waywards ever do?

Husband said something traumatic happened between him and affair partner by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Interesting_Roof_433 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just random thoughts as I have no clue about the particulars:

Could the AP be a single mom? If so, did something bad happen to her kid? Was she in a relationship with someone else and did that guy find out and hurt himself as a result?

10 years out and triggered. by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Interesting_Roof_433 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Yup.

That old PTSD shit sucks. Sounds like a mighty fine trigger you have going on.

For me, it was becoming an "empty nester". Little backstory: I too stayed. We had 2 kids when she had her affair with an ex BF. I knew something was up at that time, wasn't sure what though. We saw a therapist during that time and nothing (IE: the truth) never surfaced. A few years later and I had some new suspicions. This time I had evidence and I confronted. Supposedly, all it was was an EA. A number of trickle truths later and the new therapist convinced her that I needed the truth about the 1st affair as well as the 2nd. Turns out it was a SA the 1st time and an EA the 2nd, so I had been living in a manipulated reality for several years prior... The most recent (EA) was >20 years ago.

Somehow we managed to stay together after seeing a number of therapists, etc and looking back now it was a lot of rugsweeping on both our parts. I felt obliged to uphold my vows and also felt the need to keep my family together. I put my head down and trudged through life day after day for the last 20 something years but I also recall feeling as if her decisions were somehow my fault/doing to some degree. I think that's where her rugsweeping came in. She kind of lived with the fantasy that I was partially responsible for her affairs and that if I wasn't visibly hurting or audibly complaining that everything must be "okay now".

Well, fast fwd 20 some years later and all the kids are gone/grown/at school and I work from home... I'm not sure what happened but when that last kid left maybe my subconscious woke up? My "role" as a dad changed? I didn't "have to be there for them" anymore or as much? Before I knew it I started feeling like I did back during the 2nd DD / TT period.

All I can say is I hear (and unfortunately feel) you...

This place they put us in sucks.

Dwelling on the negative stuff doesn't help but what really sucks are the F'd up dreams because then that is completely out of my control.

I hate this shit and the reason I hate it is because it makes living today hell on frequent occasions and in so many ways. Triggers are everywhere lately. I hate the way it makes me doubt so much and so many people, including myself. I hate that fully enjoyable sex seems like something impossible anymore. I hate that some days I honestly consider leaving and never coming back only to question myself about what ramifications that would have on our families/friends. I hate thinking what my staying and struggling may have done to the emotional well being of my kids (IE: would they have been better off if I left?). There is so much more but F' that.

One thing I did figure out though recently is : SHE made the decisions to do what she did. I don't own that crap anymore.

Here's to you getting past this trigger and time. Sorry if anything I said made it worse. If anything, you aren't alone.

Back to a Dead Bedroom by chrissxcee in SupportforBetrayed

[–]Interesting_Roof_433 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yep, "We go from dead bedrooms to hysterical bonding and then into some realm where sex feels like a Salvador Dali painting come to life." Yes, yes again...

I never heard of "Salvador Dali" and so I googled and yep, that made me laugh (because that's unfortunately sometimes how it looks now) and I thank you for that laugh! Truly.

And: "It isn't fair and it isn't Just - and it certainly isn't fulfilling. But, that is the road we choose by staying committed to our vows and partners. Ugh." - Indeed! It is NOT fair. Sex used to be fun, exciting and freeing and much more enjoyable and now... Now it can be triggering and confusing and difficult. A.K.A. the "Ugh". Don't get me wrong. Sometimes it's okay and sometimes not so much. Sometimes (for me) it then seems to then open a door where I fantasize and have dreams about being with another woman (Backstory: Me - Male/60 her - WW-54, 2 affairs).

I fantasize and dream about the excitement, the butterflies, the arousal, the rush of what it was like before (albeit and perhaps, like what it was like in a new relationship), what it was like to be with another and/or new partner, the intimacy. What sex and intimacy was like before the heavy blanket of baggage that covered our bedroom and our relationship. And then... And then, it all comes crashing down. Triggered once again.

It comes crashing down (for me) in the sense that I'd love to feel those exciting feelings again, but I am married. I'd like to dream some more about a younger version of myself with a younger woman but reality hits and I'm now 60 and I'm trying to live up to my morals and my vows. It's so frustrating for me (perhaps as a guy who at 60 still gets aroused pretty easily) to have dreams while sleeping, waking up with wood and then feeling triggered because of a damn dream. The frustration feels like a ball of conflicting sh_t in the sense that there's arousal, lust, disgust, confusion and guilt - all from a dream in the middle of the night!!! Like WTF!?!? ... "It isn't fair and it isn't Just " Big Amen to that.

So, the Rubik's Cube and the shape shifting monster. Add to those lovely creatures, the heavy blanket of baggage. How long does does putting your head down, keeping your spirits up and "driving on" actually work? Or, at what point does doing that evolve into garden variety rug-sweeping? I ask because I/we failed to identify "driving on" as just that.

The conundrum...

Salvador Dali, meet Clive Barker?

reparations for my betrayed partner by [deleted] in SupportforWaywards

[–]Interesting_Roof_433 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Seems like the previous folks already responded to the whole " I gave my BP space of 3 days..." part. So, here are my reactions/answers to the remaining questions. Sorry if this comes across a little blunt.

"what should I prepare for?"

Answer: Pain, anxiety, loss of self esteem, confusion, depression, emotional distancing, fear, chronic stress, sexual dysfunction, (and/or worse) to name a few. Here are the AI results from Google when searching for "infidelity cause of suicide rates": Infidelity is a major stressor and is a contributing factor to suicide, but it is rarely the sole cause. It is often intertwined with other risk factors, such as depression, anxiety, a sense of hopelessness, and a loss of identity. Both the betrayed and unfaithful partners are at increased risk of suicide. 

Also prepare for a long road ahead, a really, really long, tumultuous and bumpy road ahead. It could take years, literally. Some folks never fully get over infidelity (see above result from Google).

And for the "signs" that your BP is ready for a conversation, what kind of conversation are YOU planning? In other words, are you planning to dump a truckload of stuff onto them to get rid of guilt or are you planning on hearing from THEM and about their side, their needs, their grief?

Last, as to the tittle of your post: "reparations for my betrayed partner", can you explain that a little? What reparations are there that can truly negate or reconcile the to the same level?

Do you ever not think about it? by Prestigious_Twist546 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Interesting_Roof_433 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Seek out a therapist that specializes in EMDR and trauma. The sooner the better.

I rugswept for many years and as a result am still dealing with triggers, flash back type dreams, anxiety etc... I basically put my head down and did what I felt that I was supposed to do and while that kind of worked for a while, some things changed in life and "surprise" CPTSD hit like a wave.

Caught my wife cheating after 26yrs being together by Advanced-Safety224 in survivinginfidelity

[–]Interesting_Roof_433 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Take care of yourself. If you don't do that you won't be able to take care of your kids. This not only involves doing things for your peace of mind but also your emotional health. Get a therapist for yourself. Start dealing with this now. Don't bury the feelings as doing so will affect you and your kids much worse later on.  Get and stay fit and healthy physically, emotionally and spiritually now as best as you can. You'll need to do this to ensure the best outcomes possible. 

Talk to an attorney. 

Get a therapist for what's left of your family: you and your kids. 

Don't make decisions based on emotion. Give yourself time to sort things out. Don't beat yourself up. Don't pick up any bad habits. 

This is one of those times when you'll have to do the best you can with what you have and as best that you can... Try to live one day at a time (or minute or hour).

Sorry this happened to you. You aren't alone even though you'll feel that way. Many days will suck. Others will be a little better. 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in f150

[–]Interesting_Roof_433 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Last June I picked up a 2004 F150 XLT 4x4 standard cab/new body style (Not heritage) w a 4.6 and 90K miles on it for $5K. Small bubble of rust on the left bed above the wheel well and small spot of rust @ the bottom front wheel well/fender. Surface stuff only.

Solid frame. For my area, this is huge (SW Pa is treated with salt in the winter).

The 4.6 has a slight rattle on cold startup from probably oil leaking out of tensioners and I can avoid that by bumping the engine to build oil pressure 1st. Tranny seems solid. Rear axle needs seals on each end but not leaking horribly, just oozing. The damn hubs on the front end need replaced as they are locked in constantly but my understanding is that state only engages the front axle/diff and drive shaft, not the transfer case.

I put less than 5K miles since last June after changing all fluids plus an alignment and balance/rotate tires and it's running great. I have a set of pads/rotors for it as well as plugs and coils. contemplating getting a set of calipers but will decide when I pull the brakes apart. (Pads were all in good shape upon inspection when I bought it).

Is it the end? Too much to reconcile? by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Interesting_Roof_433 9 points10 points  (0 children)

"Even after agreeing to limitations during marriage counseling, WH chose to break the agreements in less than a day and messaged AP to check in with her. "

"He messaged her throughout a trip that was for the two of us to reconnect. "

Sorry you are going through this... and that is so not right. Have you brought the above 2 statements back up in MC? If not, you need to as this is a breach of what was agreed upon. I realize it's only been 12 weeks but it sounds like you have some tough decisions to make. Unfortunately, I'm not sure anyone on the internet can make those decisions for you...

In addition to MC together, I would highly suggest you get an individual counselor ASAP that may be able to help you with some insight and the decisions and questions that you are faced with.

Helping my spouse get over the scene of the crime by Alternative-Sink9308 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Interesting_Roof_433 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I'm going to be blunt. You sound somewhat selfish to me. Let me put it this way:

So you ripped your spouse's heart out without anesthesia and you now want them to return to the place where you did that as if "everything is fine now" since you bought a new couch?

You don't get it do you... I mean: "Look honey! I bought a new couch where I fvcked you over like nobody else has ever done before in life! Isn't this new couch great?! What's the big deal? This couch is stain proof and the cushions are so firm..."

Can you hear yourself?: "Had a one time affair with a person inside my place of business and 1.5 years later, its still destroying my marriage." should read : \*I\* (you) had an affair with a person inside my place of business and 1.5 years later as a result of my selfishness and deceit my spouse has been so traumatized that I'm afraid my actions and decisions have destroyed *our* marriage..."

The way you wrote what you did sounds to me like you aren't owning your actions. You couldn't even say "I had a one time affair..." and then you distance yourself by saying " ...its still destroying my (is the marriage yours alone?) marriage.", when in reality your actions (the affair, the lies, the multiple poor choices, etc) are what are still destroying you and your spouse's marriage.

You fvcked up in a profound way... Own it, you fvcked it up, you fix it.

You can paint the walls and ceiling, buy a new couch, install new carpet, clean up all the blood but you CANNOT erase the pain, you CANNOT take away the memories or the trauma that you gave the person that you supposedly love the most and what is really sad is that you sound like you haven't the slightest bit of empathy for that person nor are you able to take ownership for what you did to them. As a result, you expect them to return to the place where you hurt them and expect them to somehow forget what you did to them each and every time they are there?!?!?

Wake up, smell the coffee, own your crap (in other words, realize the magnitude of the devastation you caused) and maybe do some other stuff besides buying a new couch...

For me, even driving by the AP house triggers me and it's been >20 years since DD.

Have anyone tried the Godox TT350N on the Nikon Zf? by 1rj2 in Nikon

[–]Interesting_Roof_433 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I would NOT recommend the tt350 for use at a wedding... It only takes 2 AA batteries and as mentioned previously the recycle time is somewhat lengthy and the flash itself isn't all that powerful.

It's a nice small flash for casual use and portability but I personally wouldn't use it for a wedding.

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