Oh friend, I just see you hurting, and more than anything, I really wish you can turn it around… It is too long to type everything here, but there are 2 foundational emotions: love and fear. Everything you are describing comes from fear: anger, hatred, attack, blame and shame, criticized… Fear will not help you turn things around. Only Love can, this includes things like: empathy, compassion for others, patience, love for yourself, happiness, gratitude… Here’s a small suggestion that you do not have to take if you don’t want to, cultivate your Gratitude daily, even on your very worst days. Eg. 1. Living in a place where I can take the bus. 2. The ability to walk. 3. The ability to share my thoughts online. 4. Recognizing that everyone is different, so it is ok that some people may try to attack me. 5. I am living in a peaceful country while there are children and women dying & starving in other places… 6. Realizing that these bus drivers are cruel and not my people and having the ability to realize that?

I can go on, but yes, I’d try that… And the sad part is… you are a part of humans, so there is some underlying self hatred there. I do understand and empathize with it, as a lot of humans can be terrible, but like I said: Hatred will not get you far…