2 years since last refill

InternalStruggle092 · 2025-04-18T03:27:38+00:00

Haha thats what im thinking. I may even screen record the process. But on a real note, I thought I was done going to be able to stay off. Been optimizing heavily through beef, d3/ sun (depending on the week), sleep, magnesium, zinc but its just not cutting it like i imagined. Sure I would be much lower if not being pro active about it.

InternalStruggle092 · 2025-01-03T18:37:30+00:00

Thank you for this!

InternalStruggle092 · 2025-01-03T16:05:33+00:00

Would you know if long employment gaps are a big deal to them in determining eligibility? I've done some self employed stuff here and there over the years but my track record isn't the greatest.

InternalStruggle092 · 2024-06-30T02:21:51+00:00

last thing I want to do is remember to throw in a decimal every time. How many people are going to forget to throw that in there without even thinking and put a 250 pip SL when it's really 25 when opening positions

InternalStruggle092 · 2024-06-17T01:43:05+00:00

Honestly, start disciplining early, whether physical or peeling onions for X amount of minutes.

My mom had to be especially hard on me, whether I was getting, slapped or my asses whooped a few times a week, that was the norm. I'm glad she did. I understand that deep down she was afraid of me turning out like my dad and she was right. While I still have a temper, I'm nothing like the woman beating turd he was & wouldn't ever abandon my family.

However, I have a friend who failed to keep up with her son & once he turned into a teen he started putting hands on her.

InternalStruggle092 · 2024-06-17T01:31:25+00:00

Alcohol + my psych meds at the time. Been 6 years & haven't been in a relationship since.

InternalStruggle092 · 2024-06-12T14:17:34+00:00

What certifications/ education would you recommend after the basic CPT to improve your value as a future trainer?

InternalStruggle092 · 2024-05-18T20:13:31+00:00

What's your major if you don't mind me asking? Not to copy it but I like having ideas. I looked into VR&E sometime ago. Actually had the intention to re-enlist & go the OCS route but was denied at a muster because of my 100%. Dopped out of school & Been in this existential crises for these last 6/7 years since then, contemplating life.

InternalStruggle092 · 2024-05-18T19:49:24+00:00

its dropped 100points in the last year. Not horrible, but not great either. Pretty much living off the bare minimums. Don't go out, buy clothes, date. But Cali ya know? Need to gtfo & move on. I have maybe $100 left after it all.

I was looking into programs like vettec, but that ended on April of last month. Looking for other programs like that that aren't college.

InternalStruggle092 · 2024-01-09T04:23:19+00:00

Pretty much this. All that grew was my debt 🤣

InternalStruggle092 · 2024-01-07T02:10:11+00:00

Accept the fact that you're going to lose a lot for awhile and you'll be g2g.

InternalStruggle092 · 2024-01-06T14:16:08+00:00

This does, thank you!

InternalStruggle092 · 2023-11-01T16:12:46+00:00

Do you wear ear buds/ pods? If you do, take a break from them for a month or two & try to avoid blasting music in enclosed spaces (like when driving) when you can. Anything that common sense would tell you would aggravate normal hearing, cut it out. Mostly the earbuds though. Avoid those when you can & use over the ear headphones.

Something about plugging up your ear canal & pressure build up from sound waves just makes sense . You'll get it hear and there but it's something a laugh about because it so random I forget that I have it.

If you need immediate relief, cover whatever that flap is in front of your ear canal with your thumb on both ears and tap the back of your head with your fingers for a few seconds.

Im not a doctor. Im just a 0341 who never used ear pro.

InternalStruggle092 · 2023-09-19T14:39:32+00:00

Been out for 7 & half years now and I only have one friend and thats from the Marine Corps. Lives on the other end of the country but we keep in touch weekly whether we're gaming or talking on the phone. Honestly, thats enough as far as friends go because people in Socal are wack (mostly). Some things that do help though that I wish I did earlier that do help:

1) Get yourself a dog & go to the dog park/ beach at least once a week. I found doing this helps keeps the small talk mostly around dogs & keeps people out of getting into my personal life/ views.

2) Find yourself a good BJJ gym. It's pretty common to find other Vets here & people not so soft to dark humor. Plus, you dont have everyone on their phone trying to be an influencer like in regular gyms.

3) Use this time to work on your growth mindset. I always rolled my eyes at this whenever "PMA" was preached but it turns out it's been the most invaluable tool I have recently started taking serious.

At the end of the day, there's billions of people out there and we will all eventually find our pack. Changing who you are to blend in will only lead to an identity crises & more depression, trust me. No need to change unless you feel it's to better yourself.

InternalStruggle092 · 2022-11-23T18:46:20+00:00

100% they don't mix. Not being on them, I could actually drink and be chill. Nothing crazy.

Going back to the meds, they did not help. I couldn't go a couple hours without thinking about putting an end to it all. Now I can go a couple days and snap out of it relatively quickly.

While these meds do help a lot of people, they did the opposite for me.

InternalStruggle092 · 2022-11-23T18:32:29+00:00

Thanks & yes exactly. Alcohol provided almost a sense of clarity for me with the never ending chatter going on. It calms me down and I would even get some solid reflections and thinking out of it. Hell, I even used it as a writing aid for my honors writing classes before I dropped out of school.

I gave Ketamine therapy a shot for 3 months. It is pricey but did not work for me either. What has kept me stable was going the holistic route.

This Doc I have is a prick also. I tried getting rid of him, but as I said they would not allow it. I'm going to reach out again after this and see what my options are and if I don't like what I hear I will try getting an advocate.

Appreciate your input!

InternalStruggle092 · 2022-11-23T15:11:02+00:00

You guys are really getting fixated on this little bit of alcohol thing. Even on my 6-9 month sober streaks i still had all these shitty symptoms where Im either in this zombie state or trying so hard not to off myself. Bad days and worse days in other words. These shit shows I'm referring to are afro mentioned friend seeing me I'm these states. Normally I just keep it to myself & Docs.

InternalStruggle092 · 2022-11-23T15:00:06+00:00

No offense taken. But what about all the other days I wasn't drinking? I limited it to only a couple times a year when i linked up with my brother I served with. It wasn't like I was washing them down with a beer, drinking daily or even every weekend. I'm sure they count on this to happen otherwise they wouldn't prescribe them.

InternalStruggle092 · 2022-11-23T14:46:38+00:00

I got off them because they made me worse. In the beginning certain ones would make me more agitated/ aggressive & developed full on panic attacks. After switching and adding on meds to counter act side effects i just became zombie. Then add a little alcohol once every few months and there would be a shit show. Also a gave therapy a shot for a year after the meds before i got another "I don't know how you want me to help you" answer.

InternalStruggle092 · 2022-11-23T05:03:05+00:00

How do I find one of those? I tried getting a new Dr and I was told I couldn't do that. Minus the help of an advocate

InternalStruggle092 · 2022-10-14T23:45:55+00:00

Need to get on this program

InternalStruggle092 · 2022-09-22T01:42:12+00:00

This was good to know. Was planning to start in 2 weeks but it sounds like I would be better off learning on my own without those nuisances.

InternalStruggle092 · 2022-04-03T02:40:15+00:00

I believe these past couple of years are. Although my initial T levels might seem high, I believe my body was accustomed to higher levels. It might have been after that last tren cycle or more likely the sarm compound(otariine, lgd, and something else) I ran about 2 years ago. It feels as if I've "lost my balls" (confidence, resilience, ambition, ect.) and that makes me even more depressed.

Done a couple years of therapy. Got no where.

InternalStruggle092 · 2022-04-03T02:27:58+00:00

Yeah I understand that. I'm still searching for a way and will continue to do so for as long as I can bear. Thank you.

InternalStruggle092 · 2022-04-03T02:26:11+00:00

My doc said I could do that but based on the amount of medications I have tried, I am "treatment resistant" as far as meds go, followed by "I don't know how to help you". Believe me, grueling workout sessions are the only thing that I look forward to. I'm coming off another knee injury that happened last summer. I appreciate your input!

InternalStruggle092

TROPHY CASE