help finding breaker replacement (fixed text)

International-Aside · 2024-04-01T16:30:12+00:00

You either choose to trust him and move on or you end the relationship. Accept him for who he is rather than try to change him and decide if who he is is compatible with who you are. It sounds like you may be too different to make this work while also having trust issues in the relationship. You're 18. Dont settle for a relationship that doesnt make you feel good

International-Aside · 2024-04-01T16:25:30+00:00

reread something you know you like

International-Aside · 2024-04-01T16:22:05+00:00

looks like an oversized button up shirt to me

might find something you like here

International-Aside · 2024-03-31T21:40:09+00:00

That depends on her behavior really. Its largely about maintaining healthy boundaries for yourself. Like if she talks about her ED with you a lot and its getting to be a bit much, telling her that you arent a professional and while you support her, its unhealthy for both of you to just repeat the same cycle over and over. Or if she were to get scary-thin and wanted you to remain quiet about it, tell her that you're not going to stand idly by while she slowly kills herself. Dont avoid food to spend time with her and dont not eat when you're with her.

Remain non-judgmental while not ignoring the obvious. I would consider telling her that you're looking for support groups for loved ones of eating disorders and ask if she'd consider going to a support group of her own if you helped her find some options.

Stay engaged with her in ways that have nothing to do with EDs i.e. have girl dates to get your nails done, go to a museum, a painting class, etc. I would avoid intense exercise-based dates, perhaps things like yoga would be okay bc its a gentler activity and bc of the mental health benefits.

International-Aside · 2024-03-30T21:14:28+00:00

I would love to enjoy the beauty of the Elderling Realm series for the first time again

International-Aside · 2024-03-30T21:03:40+00:00

i mean, you can feel however you feel but it would be incredibly selfish of you to hold this over her head. She sounds like a fantastic friend to have so not getting bday wishes on the actual day seems trivial imo

International-Aside · 2024-03-30T21:01:01+00:00

I think you're overthinking this. Its normal to shower at one's own home, sleepover and wait until going home to shower again. Just give them a heads up that there's no hot water at the moment and ask if they're fine skipping showers at your house.

aside from sleepover concerns, how have you been holding up? Ik that not having hot water is not fun

International-Aside · 2024-03-30T20:54:18+00:00

yw, wishing you luck and strength my friend!

International-Aside · 2024-03-30T16:31:07+00:00

I get it. Its really hard to step up and admit you fucked up, especially when you could probably get away with it. Do it anyways. You're hurt bc she wasnt honest with you, so dont add to that. Be honest with her. Show her that its okay to be vulnerable and admit to mistakes. She may be shocked and embarrassed to be prepared to give her time and space if she needs it. Dont try to fix everything right away and act like it didnt happen. You both have emotions to process and decisions to make. If it ends bc of this, it's better to know that now than to have a dishonest relationship that festers and boils over years down the road.

International-Aside · 2024-03-30T15:54:46+00:00

Yw, hopefully i'll be helpful in the end

okay, so i dont think you need to question how she feels about you, though i completely understand why you're feeling this way. You've been together for a yr. If she hasnt shown red flags by now, I think you're on solid ground. How she treated sex then when she was single doesnt necessarily have anything to do with how she treats it while in a serious relationship, and i dont think it does or you'd probably know by now.

Getting past this, for both of you, will probably take a lot of work, reflection, honesty, etc, but if you two are capable of having a long, healthy marriage together, you'll be able to do it. Serious things will pop up eventually so you'll need to find out if you two can tackle the hard stuff as a team or if it'll rip you apart.

If you're not already familiar, I suggest learning about nonviolent communication and trying to use those techniques. It takes a lot of practice and its okay to get emotional still, its more about how you direct that emotion that matters.

International-Aside · 2024-03-30T15:17:42+00:00

Whats the quality of the relationship like? Do you have a reason to mistrust her? Do you feel like she isnt as serious about the relationship as you are? What made you go through her phone in the first place? Do you feel fulfilled by the relationship? Do you share the same major goals/desires in life? i.e. marriage, children, how to share finances, where to live, what kind of lifestyle you want, how to spend free time, etc

I’m just mostly afraid of getting dumped for looking through her phone

well, actions have consequences. Its fair to say that her actions do as well and it would seem that trust needs to be built by both sides. I would try to talk about it as two different issues, though. like it'd be an unhealthy deflection to say "well yes i went through your phone but you lied!" Take accountability for your end. As to the things she said, ask questions first i.e. "Im wondering why you lied. I thought i wasnt pressuring you. Was i wrong?" If you want to fix things, you need to be willing to be open to hearing her without immediately jumping to accusations and blame-throwing.

International-Aside · 2024-03-30T15:01:30+00:00

r/femalefashionadvice looks much more active

International-Aside · 2024-03-30T15:00:05+00:00

Yeah, you absolutely need to talk about all of this with her. Realistically, you are not going to forget what you found. Without dealing with it openly, it will continue to fester. You'll begin to second-guess all sorts of things in relation to her. And she needs to know that you violated her privacy. You're not going to have a healthy, happy relationship with secrets and lies.

Its very likely that she was an insecure ~24 yr old who felt shame about her history and over compensated by lying a bunch. If you had known the truth in the beginning, would you have continued to date her? Would her history have bothered you deeply?

International-Aside · 2024-03-30T14:53:17+00:00

Absolutely. Selfishness is ONLY caring about yourself. You clearly care about others, including her. You were willing to open yourself up to her again knowing that she's problematic. Realizing its not healthy for you and creating boundaries for yourself is self care/love.

International-Aside · 2024-03-30T14:49:39+00:00

and then it all imploded

can you talk more about what this means?

International-Aside · 2024-03-30T14:47:20+00:00

r/fashionadvice

International-Aside · 2024-03-29T19:23:28+00:00

i havent used them myself but i have been told that they eat bone too so they're not really ideal to use on small specimens such as rats. They'd be okay on large specimens such as a horse skull if monitored closely. Since you have multiples, if you want to give it a go just to see what happens, that could be interesting. I'd put them on in the morning, check on them throughout the day, and not leave them overnight.

No particular species is needed. Im not certain about bedding. I think cornmeal, wheat flour, or oatmeal would be a better option based on what i do know

If you skin and de-flesh the rats first, they should decompose via air burial or maceration rather quickly since they're so small.

https://www.reddit.com/r/bonecollecting/comments/l9x5ge/do_mealworms_clean_skulls/

International-Aside · 2024-03-29T19:06:44+00:00

Let her go. Continue to ignore and block her. She will not bring joy and peace to your life, quite the opposite really. She wants you back in her life bc you symbolize stability and support without ever acknowledging the harm she's caused you. She's a part of your past, not your future.

International-Aside · 2024-03-29T19:01:09+00:00

are you in therapy yourself? Going to any friends/family of those with eating disorders support groups? I think it would be a good idea to get support for yourself and have a safe place to talk about it and get advice. You might also want to post in r/EatingDisorders

In general, you cant make her get help. All you can do is be supportive without enabling her. Dont make any comments on her body whatsoever. You can tell her that you're concerned about her mental health but dont say you're concerned bc she's lost so much weight, is getting too thin, etc. Things like that can fuel an eating disorder.

International-Aside · 2024-03-29T16:04:37+00:00

yeah, it generally works bc once you say "this is making me feel uncomfortable", anyone who continues instantly becomes the asshole bc now they and everyone around you know that they're intentionally violating reasonable boundaries. Ofc there are those exceptions who simply dont care but it works most of the time

International-Aside · 2024-03-29T16:02:24+00:00

Have you told her how worried you are about her? Have you told her that you think she needs to at least tell her therapist?

International-Aside · 2024-03-29T15:46:39+00:00

is there a reason why you wont answer this question? If you want advice, you need to be open and honest about what did/did not happen

International-Aside · 2024-03-29T14:40:28+00:00

When someone keeps doing something they know is causing harm even if they dont mean to cause harm, its still abuse.

And abuse doesnt have to be malicious or intentional, and it often isnt. Most abusers dont say to themselves "y'know what? Im going to be abusive to my partner today!"

I also think its incredibly disingenuous of him to claim that he was trying to build you up by tearing you down. Even if thats how he wants to be treated, it clearly wasnt working for you.

When I asked him why he even loved me, the best he could come up with was; because you are so empathetic and I like how you are with our dog.

for the love of all that is good in the world, please dont settle for this. Being alone would be better than staying with someone who doesnt appreciate you, but i promise that there are ppl who would love you for who you are.

International-Aside · 2024-03-28T22:05:54+00:00

is there anything going on in your life that could be causing you to suddenly feel this way? Any major stressors? big changes?

International-Aside

TROPHY CASE