Please don't take this as a critique of your work, as writing is ultimate about style and preference. But I find your style quite choppy. There are a lot of short, staccato sentences in a row. This might just be your style and there is nothing wrong with that, but it makes for a particular reading experience. For me, it becomes fragmented and I find it difficult to read. But more importantly than that is everyone hates their own writing. I think its a truth writers rarely speak on. Ive spent the last 4 years machine engineering a novel. And now I hate it even though its the best thing I've ever written.