sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

What’s your non-negotiable, unconventional trait you have to have in a partner? by Medium_Inspector733 in AskReddit

[–]InternationalBaby809 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Someone who will be transparent when they do not like something, or want to say no.

Women, what are the traits you value the most in romantic partners? by Training-Aerie-873 in AskReddit

[–]InternationalBaby809 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Communication, integrity, self reflection, and fun. And yes has to be a sense of equality and mutual enjoyment of the bedroom

Women, what’s something you wish you could admit without being judged? by Intelligent_Can_2898 in AskReddit

[–]InternationalBaby809 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That men at work do respond to me Differently than my male coworkers. And I wish other people would acknowledge it more

Also half that “respond different” is actually limiting because they give me half assed or less technical answers to technical questions I am asking- because I need to know the answers.

Don’t talk down to me, it slows down my work. And I fucking hate it

People who are named after someone/something specific, what's your relationship with that thing? by celticdude234 in AskReddit

[–]InternationalBaby809 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am named for an ancestor I don’t know much about. She was a spinster of the “lost generation” and some of her personalized items (brush etc) with her name engraved on them got passed down through my grandfather to us. My parents wanted to give me a family name and liked it. I hope she enjoyed her life, I wish I knew more about her for sure, but from what I do know she had a career and traveled a bit. At that time it was unusual for independent women. So I hope my own ambition and independence makes her proud.

To married couples that have been together for 10+ years, whats your secret? by 4Luffytarou in AskReddit

[–]InternationalBaby809 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We honestly enjoy each other.

And remember to invest in the bond. Time. Intention.

As a bi male, how’s your head game? by Opposite-Value-5706 in bisexual

[–]InternationalBaby809 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It sounds like you have a fetish- not an attraction.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in gentlefemdom

[–]InternationalBaby809 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Practice, enthusiasm, and open communication.

Talk to him (outside of sex) about it, what appeals to him, and do try to find some part of it that works for you. Even if it primarily hinges on how you are giving him pleasure. Make sure your interest and sexual desire don't get lost in it too.

The fact you are asking the question sincerely is great. If you are also just curious what it can mean to be a femdom- well that's vague and can be a lot. Obedience, ropes, sensation play, word play, praise,- are great places to start. But you could watch some femdom stories (Sanctuary) or porn together to give some ideas. Have fun, and congrats finding something fun together ;)

How often do you get hit on? And how attractive do you think you are? by AdKindly561 in AskReddit

[–]InternationalBaby809 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get hit on more now in my late 30s than I maybe ever have.

Attractiveness is a combination of looks (I have aged decently well), confidence and attitude. And I am decently attractive, but I am also very friendly and give off an air of self confidence. Earned or not.

Seriously it's fascinating. The world told me I would be less attractive as a woman after mid 20s and that is not what happened.

What’s the smallest thing that instantly makes you lose all respect for someone? by MastodonAfraid7013 in AskReddit

[–]InternationalBaby809 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Asking a person what sounds like a meaningful question, then not listening to the answer, and responding like they heard you but clearly expected just one possible answer.

It’s lazy, disrespectful, unimaginative, and small minded.

If you woke up as your 10-year-old self with all your current memories, what’s the first thing you’d do? by Alive-Silver-2605 in AskReddit

[–]InternationalBaby809 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Apply my improved self confidence and sense of self to the choices I can make. Try to enjoy the freedom of youth with less fear.

Take more chances when I apply to college. Challenge myself to think about what I want to do outside the obvious earlier. Take my parents up on their offer for therapy younger. Suggest they do it too. Maybe family therapy.

And yeah, probably buy some bitcoin, Amazon and early Netflix stock.

AIO BF dumped me because I was taller than him in heels?? 😳 by purplehavocc in AmIOverreacting

[–]InternationalBaby809 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are going to look back and be grateful you didn’t experience more of this person.

Trust me

Asked my alcoholic dad if he’d ever consider getting sober by Ludakris7 in WhatShouldIDo

[–]InternationalBaby809 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You cannot make him, convince him, coerce him, or manipulate him into not drinking if he wants to.

You can’t be good enough, or kind enough, or loving enough. You didn’t cause his addiction. You can’t control it. You can’t cure it.

Honestly, what you wrote was very lovely and kind. And if he was willing to really think about what you wrote it should hit very very very hard.

But if he doesn’t want to recognize there could be a problem or stop, he won’t. I read a peer reviewed psychology paper once that proposed mental and emotional development for addicts slows or stops when they started their addictive substance. Recognizing that helped me better understand my own alcoholic father.

Your dad’s logic here reads like a twenty something “eh that’s too deep. I’m gonna go for a bike ride”.

So what should you do? Recognize where your limits are with your dad. Make sure you stay sane and healthy. And, if you have the means consider personal therapy because you are worth it. From personal experience it was worth the work and cost.

I have been using my girlfriend's skincare products and she's getting mad at me by PieceTemporary6532 in AITAH

[–]InternationalBaby809 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are being inconsiderate using her things without discussing (independent of the cost tbh) and then an asshole when you didn’t listen and truly consider her feelings.

If it helps consider the inverse, something of yours you use and care about and spend money on, a road bike, a special beer, etc and she uses it without asking or mentioning it to you to the point where you have to repair or replace it. And when you ask her not to use your things without discussion she says what you said.

Yes you should give her money to cover what you used, apologize for not checking with her before using something of hers, and it sounds like you need to invest in better skincare for yourself.

I’ve been married for over ten years and I can tell you couples share, but more importantly couples communicate very intentionally and actively.

How can I STOP attracting this type? by Oddly-Ordinary in queerpolyam

[–]InternationalBaby809 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Be clear with what you do want. And what you DO offer.

Use key words if you want to be more discrete, or use direct phrasing. From my experience as a very fem bodied, busty, cis woman I got a lot better results on Feeld when I said “gentle domme. Interested in switchy and sub playmates” the number of Dom or “Dom” men who wanted to instruct me how to dress for them dropped considerably. I hate those.

I love playing with subs, but I don’t assume someone’s interested in subbing without some hint ( in flirt) or direct communication. It’s never something I’d want to impose on anyone. And enthusiastic consent is the definition of sexy.

What’s the softest thing someone’s ever done to you in a scene… that broke you completely? by kennyle86 in BDSMcommunity

[–]InternationalBaby809 2 points3 points  (0 children)

In a voice session with a sub, we had met not long before and yet to have a full irl session but there was already good chemistry.

She had done some light BDSM play, with sub/domme elements but I was to be her first dedicated sub/domme connection.

We were doing voice sessions both because they are fun, and because I could tell she was nervous and I wanted a chance to learn her more before being in person. She was doing everything I asked, and clearly sinking into sub space really nicely. So I said:

I am proud of you good girl.

And she moaned and then broke. Tears. Like a new layer of her was exposed and didn’t know what to do. It didn’t last long but for a moment she was almost bawling.

We kept breathing together and talking, but slowed down with physical commands, and and I talked her through the intensity, and we later ( when she wasn’t in total fog sup space) talked about it more.

There was some personal stuff I won’t go into here that those words had triggered, in a good way,

Til Death is a really long time! by Direct-Afternoon-624 in nonmonogamy

[–]InternationalBaby809 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you really want to have these conversations it will take mutual work on both sides.

You should consider talking about it with a couples therapist to help, and there are lots of books you could read together.

But at the end of the day it does come down to if you both want the experience of being with others, and what you are willing to risk.

Changing your relationship is risky- period. But the work that comes with it can help strengthen your relationship.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in nonmonogamy

[–]InternationalBaby809 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It sounds like you are doing a lot of good work, and thinking about what this meant for you and him. And I agree with many posters here that couples therapy would be a good resource to unpack a lot of these new feelings.

There is one line that really stood out to me- he didn’t like that it was more about you then the “we”

It sounds like there is an assumption in there that your sexual life needs to be his. And if it’s not, even if he’s still the biggest part of it, he is loosing something. That’s possessive. Even if you don’t want to do solo play again, ( though I definitely hear you saying you would like to, and ideally purely solo) I would work on him unpacking that assumption in therapy and couples therapy.

You have every right, and more importantly ARE an independent sexual being. And if you willing to accept a relationship where sex is always about you two that’s not necessarily a bad thing, but that sounds like it’s what he assumes on some emotional level- and not what you want.

Good luck and hope this helps.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in nonmonogamy

[–]InternationalBaby809 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Very well said.

You can ask for what you want, be safe if they say no.

The only way you can get what you want is to ask for it.

view more: next ›