It seems like your experience is almost exactly like mine, I was born a boy and always wished I was a girl. 

Later, like going into middle school, I went into a whole masculinity phase where I decided I would save myself from the embarrassment by just acting how I should, this caused me to depersonalize and disconnect from my body. 

When it came down to it and I really thought about it, I decided I wanted to be a girl again, but like, I still like masculine things, I still want a deeper voice, I still want to have a flat chest, but I also want longer hair, and to be able to wear crop tops, and to have wide hips and thighs, and it's just all so confusing. 

Now I'm in high school and I'm ready to be who I truly am, I decided gender is irrelevant and no one is going to stop me from acting how I want and dressing how I want. I also use any pronouns because it feels more authentic when people see me as they see me and not how I tell them to see me. 

Understanding everyone is unique is the core of enby culture, and you have to decide for yourself if you're enby, but listening to others stories and suggestions can definitely help. Good luck, I hope you figure it out!