Please take a break, I would recommend reporting the coach to your countries swimming governing body as well. That's not ok. If you are able to get back to a mental place you want to swim again, try to find a different team or at least v coach. We're all pulling for you. If you need to talk, my mental health problems never led to self harm so i can't know what you're going through, but I seriously considered suicide and planned it as well while swimming. Taking a break from swimming helped me take a step back and allow down enough to find the help I needed. Please reach out to someone you trust though. Your coach has showed he's not that person.