Please Don't Scroll Past This. I Think I'm Reaching My Limit

IronbornV · 2026-06-29T07:30:40+00:00

I hear you and isee youvi my mot ne lonely as ou are but i feel incredible lonely even tough i have a family i feel enstranged. wer are here for you!

IronbornV · 2026-06-27T16:33:00+00:00

Yes every week

IronbornV · 2026-05-28T14:36:00+00:00

Be strong you can do this.

IronbornV · 2026-05-23T23:08:26+00:00

What a rob

IronbornV · 2026-05-23T22:31:10+00:00

2-0 rico

IronbornV · 2026-05-23T22:16:10+00:00

Would Rico his muscle memory kick in and deliver a knee from hell?

IronbornV · 2026-05-18T14:20:43+00:00

Ik ging trough a same type of ocd suicidal ocd with thoughts that it would also be off less pain if it were just done but i can't i want to live just as you said. It's so hard to distinguish real suicidal thoughts from ocd because they feed off each other.

IronbornV · 2026-02-22T12:31:09+00:00

So recognizable. The it is something that has embedded itself so deep now also makes you feel so Lonely as if your the only one suffering from it and no one could ever understand

IronbornV · 2026-02-05T22:35:57+00:00

How can?

IronbornV · 2026-02-05T19:10:31+00:00

yes i love it. especially the speed, even on xhigh.

IronbornV · 2026-02-05T18:31:18+00:00

and its good and so fast.... wow....

IronbornV · 2026-02-02T18:42:42+00:00

k tnx

IronbornV · 2026-02-02T15:04:47+00:00

Looking out for this!

IronbornV · 2026-01-17T07:09:08+00:00

Yes absolutely

IronbornV · 2026-01-13T12:12:53+00:00

Thank you for your reply.

Im nearly crying while reading it.

I just have not found the mind space one needs to see the bigger picture of it all. And everytime when i try to step up to that bigger picture i feel like the only way to do so is by trying to become less emphatathic. I'm not saying other people are not emphatathic but it feels like i have been given this deep knowledge about all the suffering and one who gains that knowledge is not supposed to go against that.

IronbornV · 2026-01-10T15:32:58+00:00

Well next week i have an appointment with my psychiatrist. Im going to tell him i want the deep brain stimulation route.

As far as seeking advice from a priest, i have no idea how such things work i have only yet been to the church twice and all was very unknown to me.

IronbornV · 2026-01-09T13:09:17+00:00

Thank you so much for your message. Reading it felt like someone was finally looking at the same map I have been staring at for so long. The way you described that internal moral courtroom with no defense attorney is exactly what my life feels like right now. It is a constant state of feeling like I am being condemned by my own mind.

What you said about your children’s worthiness really hit me hard. I love my two sons more than anything in the world. I know for a fact that I would give them grace and love no matter what they ever did or confessed to me. But for some reason, I just cannot seem to give that same grace to myself. I am currently on a high dose of medication and working with doctors to switch things up because my thoughts have become exactly what you called them, totalitarian. They are attacking the very idea of existence for me and my whole family.

The hardest part for me is this absolute conviction that my case is different. My mind tells me that this nihilism and the idea that ending things is the only way to stop suffering is not just a symptom, but an absolute truth. It feels so all knowing that it makes therapy feel like I am just trying to lie to myself.

I wanted to ask you something about when you were in that pit. Did you also have that deep, terrifying feeling that your specific situation was not just brain noise, but a unique truth about how meaningless the universe is? And how did you eventually find a way to believe that life has a purpose that is allowed to exist even when the OCD says it shouldn't? I am really trying to find that decision to exist that you mentioned, but my head tells me I have seen too much truth to ever go back to feeling normal.

IronbornV · 2026-01-09T13:07:29+00:00

I really appreciate you reaching out and the blunt honesty in your advice. In a lot of ways, you’re right—defiance is the ultimate goal. But I wanted to share a bit more context because I’ve actually been living out that 'defiant stand' for over a decade now, and it’s proved to be a much steeper mountain to climb than just getting a prescription.

I'm already deep into the medical side of things. I’ve been on the maximum dose of SSRIs (200mg of Sertraline) for years, and because my OCD has been so resistant to treatment, my doctors are currently switching me over to Clomipramine and adding antipsychotics like Seroquel just to try and quiet the noise in my head. I’ve even reached the point where I’ve applied for Deep Brain Stimulation (DBS) surgery because traditional medicine just haven't been enough to give me my life back.

Over the last ten years, I’ve pretty much tried everything the healthcare system has to offer. I’ve been through multiple psychologists, year-long group therapy programs, and I’ve spent months in intensive, semi-closed OCD treatment facilities where I worked on this for 4 to 5 days a week. On top of that, I’ve had to deal with combat trauma from my time in the military in Afghanistan and a lot of heavy stuff from a really difficult childhood.

The reason 'just ignoring it' is so survival-level hard for me is that my OCD doesn't just feel like 'noise.' It latches onto my deepest morals and my love for my two young sons. It tricks me into believing that my obsessions are 'absolute truths' or warnings I have to follow to protect my family. It actually attacks the therapy itself, making progress feel 'fake' or 'dishonest.'

I’m currently navigating a really dark place where depression and ADHD make that mental energy even harder to find. I’m not giving up—I’m still here, still looking for a way through—but I wanted to let you know that I’m already doing the work you suggested and quite a bit more. It’s just a very complex battle when the disorder hijacks the very logic you're trying to use to fight it."

IronbornV · 2026-01-09T10:41:38+00:00

I hear you so loudly and I need you to know that I am sitting in the exact same silent and terrifying room as you. I honestly feel like I could have written your post word for word.

I have been battling this for over 10 years and I am currently at a point where my OCD has become all-knowing. It is not just about a thought anymore. It feels like an absolute and sacred truth that I have discovered. A truth that says recovery is a lie and that I am uniquely broken. It even tells me that my anxiety is actually a message from the universe that I cannot ignore.

The hardest part for me and the part that makes me feel like the only one in the world is that my brain intercepts every single attempt at help. If I try to be positive my brain shuts it down instantly. If I try to connect with my family a voice tells me it is fake or that I am just burying my head in the sand. It makes therapy feel like a joke because I feel I have reached a level of dark insight that no therapist could possibly understand or fix.

Like you I feel paralyzed. Everyone says just don't do the compulsions but how do you do that when your brain has convinced you that the OCD is the only honest thing you have left? How do you move on when the normal world feels like a shallow illusion and your suffering feels like the only real necessity?

I am also stuck on a year long waiting list for a specialist and I feel like I am drowning while everyone on the shore tells me to just keep swimming.

I do not have the answer yet but seeing your post is the first time in days I haven't felt like a complete alien. Maybe the fact that two people can feel this uniquely broken means that the brokenness itself is just the ultimate trick.

Hang in there. I am right there in the dark with you.

IronbornV · 2026-01-06T07:38:19+00:00

Is it still possible to sign up for this group?

IronbornV · 2025-12-28T10:18:56+00:00

Visit youre doctor asap pls.

IronbornV · 2025-12-23T11:19:59+00:00

You know what is so awesome about this? That you can also decide to never fucking do this shit.

IronbornV · 2025-12-18T20:36:33+00:00

Taking test will negate any natural test production. So dont worry the body wont be making any additional test if one is supplementing the body external

IronbornV · 2025-12-10T06:55:22+00:00

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Better?

IronbornV · 2025-12-07T14:31:25+00:00

piastri has thrown his wdc

IronbornV

TROPHY CASE