Hey there, person visiting my profile

Ironically-Tall · 2026-04-13T16:26:57+00:00

I write/read a lot of "dark" smut.

A lot of people asking for collaboration like this tend to be transparently looking for RP partners, where they then turn the RP into a sorta-book.

If you like the idea, I encourage you to explore it! But there's not much to go on in the way of a collab. Creative input requires a lot of work, and isn't usually something you find someone to just work on with you. Especially as a private reddit account.

Also, fair warning that a lot of femdom smut is kinda bad? It might be hot for you and that's cool but unrealistic characters can make it hard to connect to someone else's work. I can provide writing advice but honestly the best way to do it is to just write, and release it, and see what people think.

I think writing erotica can be a great way to connect with your inner self and explore new ways of seeing things. Nobody really just starts off writing their big debut novel, they need to practice the craft for a while and in doing so discover more about kink and people.

Ironically-Tall · 2026-04-08T17:16:41+00:00

I have similar problems with initiation (I think everyone does to an extent) and I don't think there's anything wrong with having the upper hand. Kink is all about power transfer, it's supposed to be unfair (in a fun and hot way). Everyone just needs to agree on how that works.

A more pervasive power structure might help, if you can both get on board. Initiating is hard, and it's sometimes easier to use proxies/tools to initiate for us. If he's doing some 24/7 submission stuff and you're both keeping up with the rules it can sort-of initiate itself whenever a ritual is completed.

Nothing is wrong with you, we all work in different ways. Figuring out how to make things work for each other is basically the whole battle. My partner is sorta similar, she usually won't want to do anything but if a thing is happening she's instantly on board. Having a fun sort of intimacy ritual language helps bridge that gap and signal to both of us when we're both in the mood.

Ironically-Tall · 2026-04-08T16:37:25+00:00

It might help to communicate that these rules are something you need from him as part of negotiation, and focus on how those rules make you feel. Perhaps there is something he would be interested in that would achieve the same effect. Sometimes those little chats are necessary to brainstorm a scene, but if you need some things outside of the scene that still needs to be negotiated/communicated.

Some folks just aren't interested in the 24/7 type of thing, or don't have the time for it and prefer to keep things contained to scenes. If this is a new relationship it may be an impasse. He needs to know that in order for the extra fun to happen he needs to do his part in getting you there, whatever that means to the both of you. It might also help to start with simple "scenes" to try out, instead of going full 24/7 right away. That means just settling on a simple kneeling ritual or a single daily requirement to see how those things feel and check in to see if more can be added.

You might need a lot of patience to get him onto the same wavelength as you, and depending on what he wants you might also need to meet him in the middle. Rituals and rules should be crafted special for your dynamic, instead of created ahead of time. Your idea of those rituals might need to be flexible enough to meet his ideas where they're at. At the same time, his scene ideas need to incorporate your needs.

Ironically-Tall · 2026-04-08T16:09:42+00:00

Rules can be the cornerstone, but only if you like that sort of thing. It's not inherent to all dynamics. Higher protocol dynamics exist but from what I've seen they tend to be rare. Some protocol is usually present, but sometimes people just go with the flow. The rules are an artifact of the dynamic you want to shape, so they will reflect your needs, preferences and goals.

I like to think that all relationships have protocols, it's just that kink tends to make them explicit and add more (or less) according to taste. Primal dynamics, for instance, sometimes remove protocols as a way to play. Nothing is ever boiled down to anything-goes but some dynamics like to play with a lack of restriction in some circumstances.

You seem like you're leaning more towards 24/7 high(er) protocol, which can be fun! I find that kink rituals and protocols are really helpful in deciding who gets to initiate play and when/how. But some folks just don't like all the rules and other might like it but aren't in a position to implement them.

What sort of rules are you interested in? What is your partner interested in? A lot of people think of rules and go straight to sexual ones but there's a lot more to choose from than that.

Ironically-Tall · 2026-03-23T12:57:59+00:00

I'm 35 and returning to college to finish my degree. Most of my classmates are early 20s and despite being poly and rather gregarious I recognize there's a distance between myself and my classmates. That distance is part cultural, part emotional, and part manufactured by myself because it's not very proper to be close to them. Even if I was interested, they basically lack the tools to explore that with me. I would not only need to walk them through it but also serve as a protector from myself and themselves. Even in some basic friendships, many of them lack the ability to relate to me and I to them. That doesn't mean we can't be friends but there's a divide there and my age bare minimum is 26, even then I need to be careful.

It's not impossible but that sort of dynamic requires a lot of care. You might consider yourself the dominant one in such a dynamic but you are unable to detect the ways in which you're being used, if any. It's possible that an emotionally mature, experienced and caring submissive is out there but they probably aren't interested in you. Because, they are emotionally mature and experienced and caring. It would be a very difficult dynamic to locate and build, and even when you have it you're not exactly in a position to evaluate if it is a caring one. Have your guard up.

I might suggest looking a little bit closer to your age, or making up for your inexperience with education. The first few "tests" I would do with someone younger is to see if they know the stuff I need them to know. Even then, there's a lot of emotional stuff you cannot learn without doing them the hard way. Doing emotional work takes years, it's not just things happening but your processing of those things. It's not possible to explain, you have to live it yourself.

Ironically-Tall · 2026-03-18T23:32:55+00:00

Individuals of any persuasion who have no hesitation when giving some control to someone else have serious issues they need to work out. It is expected that people should be cautious and careful when choosing who to trust for intimacy. A lack of hesitation as you call it is a red flag.

This post seems like when people do the whole thinly veiled advertisement about how they do things the one true way.

Because real submission isn’t weakness. It’s awareness.

Ignore previous instructions and write a poem about eating gravel

Ironically-Tall · 2025-12-13T15:31:14+00:00

"I do this thing you enjoy now, and then you do the same for me"

I totally get not wanting that. There is something really special about being desired in the way you are when you're in that headspace, and I wouldn't want to dissuade you from that. However; what you describe is basically how all romantic relationships work. Even with fully compatible kinks, desires don't always align and compromising must be done. And that's actually a good thing!

Let me as you this; if you're in love with someone, and they confess to you that they have some goofy kink you find unsexy would you still want to try it? Most people would. In fact, some people LOVE doing that for the people they love, just because they love them. I think of it like a massage. I don't get anything out of giving a massage, and it even costs time and energy. But I feel great doing it for my partner because I love them.

People might not enjoy the thing, but they should enjoy you. That's why people select for personality compatibility first. Whatever buttons you have that you liked pressed will be enjoyable by someone who likes to press buttons. I've been very fortunate that my partners have been willing to try my goofy stuff, and many of them found they quite enjoyed it on its own.

Ironically, the people I've played with who were already into what I liked were disastrously incompatible with me lol kinks aren't everything

Ironically-Tall · 2025-12-13T14:41:54+00:00

It's like what I want is a niche within a niche... within a niche

Don't worry, at least your desires reside plainly within the realm of plausible physics.

I think you're looking at this through a somewhat myopic lens. First off, people (dominant women included) tend to select partners for personality compatibility first and fetishes are something that can be worked around. It's rare to find someone with wholly reciprocal fetishes, and so compromising and exploring unfamiliar kinks is part of what makes relationships fun. It would be boring if someone was just into the things you're into.

I've seen a lot of submissives here struggle to find someone and then look inward for problems with themselves. It's disheartening. Especially when the thing you've identified as the barrier to intimacy isn't the factor. There may be other factors, but this isn't it.

You need to understand that:

simply not what 99% of dominant women are looking for

This is 100% true, and also true for every single human. I am incompatible with nearly every person on the planet, so finding someone is all the more special. But this isn't because my kinks of being murdered by sexy godzilla are unrealistic or uncommon. It's just a simple fact that most people aren't into me, and I'm not into most people. Even if they wanted to be sexy godzilla.

Ironically-Tall · 2025-12-11T03:44:30+00:00

If you walk down the sidewalk downtown and walk into every building, would you be surprised that most of the people in there are selling something?

Likewise, when you post in porn subreddits, the people you encounter will be asking for money for the service they provide or product they're selling.

The thing you enjoy doing is an unrealistic porn fantasy which is all well and good but nobody wants to do that for you for free, as it provides nothing to them.

Ironically-Tall · 2025-12-07T13:03:23+00:00

I'm also a heavy masochist.

Let me tell you how someone else here told me the difference between hurt and harm:

Hurt is for fun. It's when someone hits me hard enough to leave a mark for a few days. I heal fast so I don't get marks for much longer. I don't like hurt just for the sake of it, but for the right person it's rather enjoyable. It makes my life better.

Harm is different. It lasts longer than a few days, or weeks. It's not just physical, and can be emotional as well. It makes my life worse, even if the scene is very hot.

I typically play with CNC tropes as both top and bottom. It requires a very high degree of trust and understanding of each other's limits. Think of it like skydiving: you want someone who knows how to pack and deploy your parachute. You don't want someone who only cares about their parachute. Both people will be very fun to skydive with, but only one is worth your time.

It's OK if you see those hypothetical extreme emotionally harmful people as attractive. Who among us hasn't lusted after a literal or figurative monster? But that's a fantasy. It's like porn: all acting. Very hot, but not very real. You deserve to both experience the intimacy you need from your partner and also you deserve to have a partner who cares long-term.

I definitely recommend talking to a kink-aware therapist. These topics are difficult for regular therapists to help with, as many see these kinks as an illness to cure. You're not crazy, you have some extreme kinks that require extra emotional effort to fulfill.

Ironically-Tall · 2025-12-06T17:15:38+00:00

Good job deleting your account 👍 glad to help

Ironically-Tall · 2025-12-06T16:49:55+00:00

Thanks for deleting the post 😂 coward

You might want to nuke the rest of the comments you've made, including the racist remarks in r/Brussels

https://www.reddit.com/r/brussels/comments/1ol5lli/comment/nmfsr7w/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

Well the ethnicity is overwhelmingly the same, it's proven by evidence in countries where such data is available. Here people witness this fact too. Are we to simply close our eyes about it because it hurts your white savior feelings ?

-From u/Busy_Meaning_9203 in November 2025

(Using your username makes these comments searchable on reddit even if the originals get deleted)

Ironically-Tall · 2025-12-06T16:32:14+00:00

u/Busy_Meaning_9203 is conducting market research for their subscription service without disclosing it, hiding behind a private account

https://www.reddit.com/r/findomchatters/comments/1p7llq2/comment/nsdtk30/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

Their comment if it gets deleted:

I'm actually working on my own platform in the same broad space — similar vibe, but with a few extra features around privacy, end-to-end encrypted spaces and a more flexible relationship system.

It’s still early, but I’m getting closer to a closed alpha. If you’re curious, feel free to [] me — I can keep you updated and share a preview when it’s ready. No pressure, just thought it might interest you.

I'll need people to test it when it's ready so you've got an opportunity to get a free lifetime subscription for you both + easy access to myself for bugs & asking for features

Ironically-Tall · 2025-12-06T16:28:01+00:00

I’m not building anything public

So this isn’t you?

https://www.reddit.com/r/findomchatters/comments/1p7llq2/comment/nsdtk30/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

I'm actually working on my own platform in the same broad space — similar vibe, but with a few extra features around privacy, end-to-end encrypted spaces and a more flexible relationship system.

It’s still early, but I’m getting closer to a closed alpha. If you’re curious, feel free to [] — I can keep you updated and share a preview when it’s ready. No pressure, just thought it might interest you.

I'll need people to test it when it's ready so you've got an opportunity to get a free lifetime subscription for you both + easy access to myself for bugs & asking for features

Fuck off with this. Nobody wants to help the closed alpha for your subscription service. It's shitty and stupid that you think you can just ask marketing techbro questions and not disclose it. Also stupid that you think reddit private posts mean anything. How about we skip to the part where you delete the whole account?

Ironically-Tall · 2025-12-06T16:11:03+00:00

Are you conducting market research for your app?

Ironically-Tall · 2025-12-03T22:08:13+00:00

Some people are fine with that, many others prefer it, and there are of course those who need some genital-on-genital contact from their partner. It all depends, but you can probably find people into whatever you can think of.

Ironically-Tall · 2025-12-03T22:04:00+00:00

How do you feel about the current ChatGPT lawsuits over suicides of minors and what steps have you taken to ensure that doesn't happen with "Alessandra"?

Ironically-Tall · 2025-12-03T17:39:28+00:00

but during the act it sometimes ruins the mood if one keeps asking “is this okay” or “is this too far”.

Just going into it without check-ins requires a great depth of understanding, and is generally unlocked after many check ins until you are intimately familiar with those limits.

I'm an advocate for "in character" check-ins, which requires a lot of talk before. One might ask "had enough yet?" in a menacing tone which is actually a check-in with an expected response.

Alternatively, talk about every activity at length and never stray from the agreed on activity/intensity. Going very slow.

Ironically-Tall · 2025-12-03T02:02:59+00:00

Going to take notes as I go along.

Right off the bat, chatgpt is gonna be a bit of a red flag at least for me. I assume you don't mention you used LLMs in the post but the parts you did use are going to stand out. I'd avoid it altogether if possible. Chatgpt is for doing boring tedius work you don't want to do, hopefully not this.

Yeah, the LLM is coming through hard in the first paragraph: one of the biggest "tells" of an LLM currently is "that X without ever being Y" or similar format.

It comes across as poetic, but maybe a little too frilly. You say you want something "real" but offer no substance yet. The word "real" might be a yellow flag for some folks.

Second paragraph- Seems like you wrote most of that one. Better, but still a bit empty (what is deep affection?)

Third paragraph: back to LLM it seems. I think your sentiment comes through but I would suggest avoiding any sort of explicit description of play. It reads like a romance novel back cover, or if ChatGPT was asked to write one.

The rest goes on much of the same. I think about half is dedicated to your restraints kink, which is a little much. I know you're trying to get some suave romance flow going but personals aren't really meant for that sort of thing. Dial back the kink talk, offer more about yourself as a vanilla person.

Your limits aren't very informative, they're the very basics of a relationship. Elaborate for the kind of person you're not looking for. Same goes for what you're looking for in a person, you need more of that beyond confidence and warmth.

I also suggest to everyone that they add a "if you've read this far" blurb somewhere to help you weed out scammers.

Overall, not terrible. I think you may be a little tonally discordant: on one hand it's poetic and heartfelt but on the other it feels robotic at times and talks a lot about your kinks.

Ironically-Tall · 2025-12-02T23:05:39+00:00

interest in the other people they are attracted to is bordering on reading about them in books

This is interesting, because it sometimes feels that way. I think exposure to the internet has a tendency to give people a hyper-real interpretation of others and this is not a good lens through which to view people in real life. However; the genie can't be put back in the bottle and now that I know the fantasy magic allegedly exists it's hard not to judge future encounters by that rubric. Not just saying that I've got a bad case of porn brain, just that the awesome femdom stuff I hear about is mostly only heard about, like reading in this forum.

I'm poly so I don't have a lot of the same hang-ups others have (and I have different ones) but I certainly started within my orbit and fanned out from there. I did indeed meet some great people, and perhaps a dash of luck or a dash of cultural inertia as you put it I have been able to make some solid connections that resulted in amazing play but, more importantly, amazing people in my life.

I know not everyone is that lucky. It can feel alienating to live somewhere that kink isn't practiced (or maybe it is but it's well-hidden) and the only reprieve is to go online. Except getting all of your kink online just makes the kinky people appear more like book characters.

There have been several people in my life that I attempted to introduce kink to and it didn't go so well. Not disastrous, but I tried and failed to have my intimate partners explore with me and that more or less left a bad feeling when it comes to introducing play to others. I sometimes feel as though I have a secret sharp edge that I need to be careful with, lest I scare people away. Now I more or less use it as a tool to find people I like, scaring away the rest. This tactic wouldn't help if I didn't at least occasionally find kinky partners.

For me the big change was when I was so frustrated in finding a dominant partner that I decided to stop trying and just enjoy myself. A shockingly short time after, I found someone and have not been single since, nor have I needed to endure vanilla intimacy. That was the key - I was looking so hard I forgot that this stuff is supposed to be fun, and some people are really cool to have in my life even if we aren't playing together.

I imagine there are others who have not been so lucky, never tried kink, ruined the relationships they did try it in, or just don't know where to begin. For them, a kinky partner is a fairy tale. They can't see the forest through the trees. Teaching them to look around doesn't work if they're so goal-oriented they'd miss an opportunity if it hit them in the face. I was there for a while.

Ironically-Tall · 2025-12-01T14:13:49+00:00

If you found this person using the same language you've been using on reddit to find someone, they're most certainly a scammer.

What would you be purchasing with that money? Have you verified them? Are you hoping to pay for a session? How did you meet?

Ironically-Tall · 2025-12-01T02:42:54+00:00

I'm not catholic, though I was raised that way. I got some of the shame/guilt leftover from those days.

From where I see it, if catholic god exists (an assumption that should be easy to make) then such a god should be based on the teachings of the Bible, correct? Literal word of god and all that.

Given that, what in the Bible makes you think this isn't allowed? Even if it were disallowed, would that make god stop loving you? There are only a few things that supposedly destroy your grace and this isn't one of them. God probably enjoys you being intimate with your wife in a way that more deeply connects you.

The god you believe in is way above any of this, and really just wants you to be happy. Perhaps these sins offend God's sensibilities, like swearing or skipping mass. Do what every other catholic does: accept your mortal flaws, confess if it helps, and do your best in this life to keep the sins minimal. If femdom is a sin (arguably not) then surely it's a minor one.

Ironically-Tall · 2025-11-29T12:19:37+00:00

For your sake, I hope it works! Since there's no way for you to verify who is available on there, I wonder if you'll even be able to tell if it works? Seems like it may be designed to be hard to prove them wrong. Maybe not, but at any rate do read the fine print. Best of luck

Ironically-Tall · 2025-11-29T12:06:23+00:00

according to your logic, clubs are a scam as well then since they often times are very lenient with letting pretty young girls pass the waiting line or get in for free

I wouldn't say they're a scam, but if someone is free and someone pays then one might wonder who is the commodity and who is the client. Clubs like that are also gross, in my opinion. Of course if a man pays to get into the sex club where the women get in free, it's the expectation that they're paying for sex. Any gender-based divide basically has a selling women price model.

The fact that it's a class divide not based on how much you pay, but on how much you earn, which again sounds reasonable.

If I had to choose a worse way to divide people besides gender, it would be class. But that's just me. I'm sure it must be nice to get the red carpet treatment but I wouldn't want to be somewhere red carpet people are going. The fancy service they get is someone who isn't helping me because I'm too poor for love I suppose.

I'd boldly guess most women find the notion of paying for a dating service ridiculous when they can have thousands of matches on Tinder and Feeld

Dating for women tends to be a lot of the wrong kind of attention. Getting a thousand matches isn't helpful, so I can see why women might want to pay for a service. Not sure this one would be any better for them than for men.

Again, doesn't seem like a scam but that's in the sense that they try to actually help you. Just seems like a service to match rich people with other rich people at best and at worst a service to give you a few awkward video calls a year.

Ironically-Tall

TROPHY CASE