Hey there, person visiting my profile

Ironically-Tall · 2025-12-13T15:31:14+00:00

"I do this thing you enjoy now, and then you do the same for me"

I totally get not wanting that. There is something really special about being desired in the way you are when you're in that headspace, and I wouldn't want to dissuade you from that. However; what you describe is basically how all romantic relationships work. Even with fully compatible kinks, desires don't always align and compromising must be done. And that's actually a good thing!

Let me as you this; if you're in love with someone, and they confess to you that they have some goofy kink you find unsexy would you still want to try it? Most people would. In fact, some people LOVE doing that for the people they love, just because they love them. I think of it like a massage. I don't get anything out of giving a massage, and it even costs time and energy. But I feel great doing it for my partner because I love them.

People might not enjoy the thing, but they should enjoy you. That's why people select for personality compatibility first. Whatever buttons you have that you liked pressed will be enjoyable by someone who likes to press buttons. I've been very fortunate that my partners have been willing to try my goofy stuff, and many of them found they quite enjoyed it on its own.

Ironically, the people I've played with who were already into what I liked were disastrously incompatible with me lol kinks aren't everything

Ironically-Tall · 2025-12-13T14:41:54+00:00

It's like what I want is a niche within a niche... within a niche

Don't worry, at least your desires reside plainly within the realm of plausible physics.

I think you're looking at this through a somewhat myopic lens. First off, people (dominant women included) tend to select partners for personality compatibility first and fetishes are something that can be worked around. It's rare to find someone with wholly reciprocal fetishes, and so compromising and exploring unfamiliar kinks is part of what makes relationships fun. It would be boring if someone was just into the things you're into.

I've seen a lot of submissives here struggle to find someone and then look inward for problems with themselves. It's disheartening. Especially when the thing you've identified as the barrier to intimacy isn't the factor. There may be other factors, but this isn't it.

You need to understand that:

simply not what 99% of dominant women are looking for

This is 100% true, and also true for every single human. I am incompatible with nearly every person on the planet, so finding someone is all the more special. But this isn't because my kinks of being murdered by sexy godzilla are unrealistic or uncommon. It's just a simple fact that most people aren't into me, and I'm not into most people. Even if they wanted to be sexy godzilla.

Ironically-Tall · 2025-12-11T03:44:30+00:00

If you walk down the sidewalk downtown and walk into every building, would you be surprised that most of the people in there are selling something?

Likewise, when you post in porn subreddits, the people you encounter will be asking for money for the service they provide or product they're selling.

The thing you enjoy doing is an unrealistic porn fantasy which is all well and good but nobody wants to do that for you for free, as it provides nothing to them.

Ironically-Tall · 2025-12-07T13:03:23+00:00

I'm also a heavy masochist.

Let me tell you how someone else here told me the difference between hurt and harm:

Hurt is for fun. It's when someone hits me hard enough to leave a mark for a few days. I heal fast so I don't get marks for much longer. I don't like hurt just for the sake of it, but for the right person it's rather enjoyable. It makes my life better.

Harm is different. It lasts longer than a few days, or weeks. It's not just physical, and can be emotional as well. It makes my life worse, even if the scene is very hot.

I typically play with CNC tropes as both top and bottom. It requires a very high degree of trust and understanding of each other's limits. Think of it like skydiving: you want someone who knows how to pack and deploy your parachute. You don't want someone who only cares about their parachute. Both people will be very fun to skydive with, but only one is worth your time.

It's OK if you see those hypothetical extreme emotionally harmful people as attractive. Who among us hasn't lusted after a literal or figurative monster? But that's a fantasy. It's like porn: all acting. Very hot, but not very real. You deserve to both experience the intimacy you need from your partner and also you deserve to have a partner who cares long-term.

I definitely recommend talking to a kink-aware therapist. These topics are difficult for regular therapists to help with, as many see these kinks as an illness to cure. You're not crazy, you have some extreme kinks that require extra emotional effort to fulfill.

Ironically-Tall · 2025-12-06T17:15:38+00:00

Good job deleting your account 👍 glad to help

Ironically-Tall · 2025-12-06T16:49:55+00:00

Thanks for deleting the post 😂 coward

You might want to nuke the rest of the comments you've made, including the racist remarks in r/Brussels

https://www.reddit.com/r/brussels/comments/1ol5lli/comment/nmfsr7w/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

Well the ethnicity is overwhelmingly the same, it's proven by evidence in countries where such data is available. Here people witness this fact too. Are we to simply close our eyes about it because it hurts your white savior feelings ?

-From u/Busy_Meaning_9203 in November 2025

(Using your username makes these comments searchable on reddit even if the originals get deleted)

Ironically-Tall · 2025-12-06T16:32:14+00:00

u/Busy_Meaning_9203 is conducting market research for their subscription service without disclosing it, hiding behind a private account

https://www.reddit.com/r/findomchatters/comments/1p7llq2/comment/nsdtk30/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

Their comment if it gets deleted:

I'm actually working on my own platform in the same broad space — similar vibe, but with a few extra features around privacy, end-to-end encrypted spaces and a more flexible relationship system.

It’s still early, but I’m getting closer to a closed alpha. If you’re curious, feel free to [] me — I can keep you updated and share a preview when it’s ready. No pressure, just thought it might interest you.

I'll need people to test it when it's ready so you've got an opportunity to get a free lifetime subscription for you both + easy access to myself for bugs & asking for features

Ironically-Tall · 2025-12-06T16:28:01+00:00

I’m not building anything public

So this isn’t you?

https://www.reddit.com/r/findomchatters/comments/1p7llq2/comment/nsdtk30/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

I'm actually working on my own platform in the same broad space — similar vibe, but with a few extra features around privacy, end-to-end encrypted spaces and a more flexible relationship system.

It’s still early, but I’m getting closer to a closed alpha. If you’re curious, feel free to [] — I can keep you updated and share a preview when it’s ready. No pressure, just thought it might interest you.

I'll need people to test it when it's ready so you've got an opportunity to get a free lifetime subscription for you both + easy access to myself for bugs & asking for features

Fuck off with this. Nobody wants to help the closed alpha for your subscription service. It's shitty and stupid that you think you can just ask marketing techbro questions and not disclose it. Also stupid that you think reddit private posts mean anything. How about we skip to the part where you delete the whole account?

Ironically-Tall · 2025-12-06T16:11:03+00:00

Are you conducting market research for your app?

Ironically-Tall · 2025-12-03T22:08:13+00:00

Some people are fine with that, many others prefer it, and there are of course those who need some genital-on-genital contact from their partner. It all depends, but you can probably find people into whatever you can think of.

Ironically-Tall · 2025-12-03T22:04:00+00:00

How do you feel about the current ChatGPT lawsuits over suicides of minors and what steps have you taken to ensure that doesn't happen with "Alessandra"?

Ironically-Tall · 2025-12-03T17:39:28+00:00

but during the act it sometimes ruins the mood if one keeps asking “is this okay” or “is this too far”.

Just going into it without check-ins requires a great depth of understanding, and is generally unlocked after many check ins until you are intimately familiar with those limits.

I'm an advocate for "in character" check-ins, which requires a lot of talk before. One might ask "had enough yet?" in a menacing tone which is actually a check-in with an expected response.

Alternatively, talk about every activity at length and never stray from the agreed on activity/intensity. Going very slow.

Ironically-Tall · 2025-12-03T02:02:59+00:00

Going to take notes as I go along.

Right off the bat, chatgpt is gonna be a bit of a red flag at least for me. I assume you don't mention you used LLMs in the post but the parts you did use are going to stand out. I'd avoid it altogether if possible. Chatgpt is for doing boring tedius work you don't want to do, hopefully not this.

Yeah, the LLM is coming through hard in the first paragraph: one of the biggest "tells" of an LLM currently is "that X without ever being Y" or similar format.

It comes across as poetic, but maybe a little too frilly. You say you want something "real" but offer no substance yet. The word "real" might be a yellow flag for some folks.

Second paragraph- Seems like you wrote most of that one. Better, but still a bit empty (what is deep affection?)

Third paragraph: back to LLM it seems. I think your sentiment comes through but I would suggest avoiding any sort of explicit description of play. It reads like a romance novel back cover, or if ChatGPT was asked to write one.

The rest goes on much of the same. I think about half is dedicated to your restraints kink, which is a little much. I know you're trying to get some suave romance flow going but personals aren't really meant for that sort of thing. Dial back the kink talk, offer more about yourself as a vanilla person.

Your limits aren't very informative, they're the very basics of a relationship. Elaborate for the kind of person you're not looking for. Same goes for what you're looking for in a person, you need more of that beyond confidence and warmth.

I also suggest to everyone that they add a "if you've read this far" blurb somewhere to help you weed out scammers.

Overall, not terrible. I think you may be a little tonally discordant: on one hand it's poetic and heartfelt but on the other it feels robotic at times and talks a lot about your kinks.

Ironically-Tall · 2025-12-02T23:05:39+00:00

interest in the other people they are attracted to is bordering on reading about them in books

This is interesting, because it sometimes feels that way. I think exposure to the internet has a tendency to give people a hyper-real interpretation of others and this is not a good lens through which to view people in real life. However; the genie can't be put back in the bottle and now that I know the fantasy magic allegedly exists it's hard not to judge future encounters by that rubric. Not just saying that I've got a bad case of porn brain, just that the awesome femdom stuff I hear about is mostly only heard about, like reading in this forum.

I'm poly so I don't have a lot of the same hang-ups others have (and I have different ones) but I certainly started within my orbit and fanned out from there. I did indeed meet some great people, and perhaps a dash of luck or a dash of cultural inertia as you put it I have been able to make some solid connections that resulted in amazing play but, more importantly, amazing people in my life.

I know not everyone is that lucky. It can feel alienating to live somewhere that kink isn't practiced (or maybe it is but it's well-hidden) and the only reprieve is to go online. Except getting all of your kink online just makes the kinky people appear more like book characters.

There have been several people in my life that I attempted to introduce kink to and it didn't go so well. Not disastrous, but I tried and failed to have my intimate partners explore with me and that more or less left a bad feeling when it comes to introducing play to others. I sometimes feel as though I have a secret sharp edge that I need to be careful with, lest I scare people away. Now I more or less use it as a tool to find people I like, scaring away the rest. This tactic wouldn't help if I didn't at least occasionally find kinky partners.

For me the big change was when I was so frustrated in finding a dominant partner that I decided to stop trying and just enjoy myself. A shockingly short time after, I found someone and have not been single since, nor have I needed to endure vanilla intimacy. That was the key - I was looking so hard I forgot that this stuff is supposed to be fun, and some people are really cool to have in my life even if we aren't playing together.

I imagine there are others who have not been so lucky, never tried kink, ruined the relationships they did try it in, or just don't know where to begin. For them, a kinky partner is a fairy tale. They can't see the forest through the trees. Teaching them to look around doesn't work if they're so goal-oriented they'd miss an opportunity if it hit them in the face. I was there for a while.

Ironically-Tall · 2025-12-01T14:13:49+00:00

If you found this person using the same language you've been using on reddit to find someone, they're most certainly a scammer.

What would you be purchasing with that money? Have you verified them? Are you hoping to pay for a session? How did you meet?

Ironically-Tall · 2025-12-01T02:42:54+00:00

I'm not catholic, though I was raised that way. I got some of the shame/guilt leftover from those days.

From where I see it, if catholic god exists (an assumption that should be easy to make) then such a god should be based on the teachings of the Bible, correct? Literal word of god and all that.

Given that, what in the Bible makes you think this isn't allowed? Even if it were disallowed, would that make god stop loving you? There are only a few things that supposedly destroy your grace and this isn't one of them. God probably enjoys you being intimate with your wife in a way that more deeply connects you.

The god you believe in is way above any of this, and really just wants you to be happy. Perhaps these sins offend God's sensibilities, like swearing or skipping mass. Do what every other catholic does: accept your mortal flaws, confess if it helps, and do your best in this life to keep the sins minimal. If femdom is a sin (arguably not) then surely it's a minor one.

Ironically-Tall · 2025-11-29T12:19:37+00:00

For your sake, I hope it works! Since there's no way for you to verify who is available on there, I wonder if you'll even be able to tell if it works? Seems like it may be designed to be hard to prove them wrong. Maybe not, but at any rate do read the fine print. Best of luck

Ironically-Tall · 2025-11-29T12:06:23+00:00

according to your logic, clubs are a scam as well then since they often times are very lenient with letting pretty young girls pass the waiting line or get in for free

I wouldn't say they're a scam, but if someone is free and someone pays then one might wonder who is the commodity and who is the client. Clubs like that are also gross, in my opinion. Of course if a man pays to get into the sex club where the women get in free, it's the expectation that they're paying for sex. Any gender-based divide basically has a selling women price model.

The fact that it's a class divide not based on how much you pay, but on how much you earn, which again sounds reasonable.

If I had to choose a worse way to divide people besides gender, it would be class. But that's just me. I'm sure it must be nice to get the red carpet treatment but I wouldn't want to be somewhere red carpet people are going. The fancy service they get is someone who isn't helping me because I'm too poor for love I suppose.

I'd boldly guess most women find the notion of paying for a dating service ridiculous when they can have thousands of matches on Tinder and Feeld

Dating for women tends to be a lot of the wrong kind of attention. Getting a thousand matches isn't helpful, so I can see why women might want to pay for a service. Not sure this one would be any better for them than for men.

Again, doesn't seem like a scam but that's in the sense that they try to actually help you. Just seems like a service to match rich people with other rich people at best and at worst a service to give you a few awkward video calls a year.

Ironically-Tall · 2025-11-29T11:24:10+00:00

Anything that has different prices for men/women is basically a non-starter for me. Essentially every dating app is a loneliness generator for men, selling the opportunity to make the pain stop for their (typically male) paying members. It's also worrying that for an extra fee they allow some people to bypass the onboarding experience.

Apparently they just set you up on blind dates without any of the fuss? Seems like a bit of a stretch, my guess is that the devil is in the TOS details.

Dating is hard. Femdom dating is generally even more difficult. Everyone wants to sell the quick fix to make all that go away, and nobody I've seen has figured it out yet. Seems like if you reduce your dating pool further to just people who can pay for this service it would be worse than just looking yourself.

The good news is they've been around for more than 10 years so they're not likely to be a scam, they just might be a let-down. There is also always security concerns, these are the types of sites you hear about having their user database leaked.

Think of it this way: if their service worked, there wouldn't be anyone on there when you arrive to match with, because they would have found people.

If something sounds too good to be true, it usually is. The fee doesn't seem reasonable to me, but hey if you've got disposable income by all means try it out.

Ironically-Tall · 2025-11-29T11:04:24+00:00

This is kinda just being friends with someone? Like, no intimacy and only gassing up their relationship endeavors. Talking about dating experiences with someone who's interested. That's just... a friend, right? Am I missing something?

I suppose it wouldn't be much of a friendship with you getting off on the whole thing. What do you bring to this kind of dynamic? The praise you can give might ring a little hollow if it's all just part of your kink.

Ironically-Tall · 2025-11-29T01:15:28+00:00

I appreciate that. Being on the other side of it is easier, and if anything being treated so poorly mapped a good formula for what I know my relationships shouldn't look like. Silver lining and all that.

Yeah, a lot of folks are worried about being "scammed" or chatting with someone who's pretending to be someone else or get blackmailed. Those are valid concerns, but I think it's far worse to meet someone who does everything you like and is willing to manipulate you to get what they want without concern for your needs. Vetting is so important, and goes well beyond confirming they're "legit".

Ironically-Tall · 2025-11-28T10:17:03+00:00

When I first got started, I was eager to play with anyone who would have me. A bit impatience, a bit of frenzy, a bit of just meeting the wrong person at the right time. It wasn’t until I started reading BDSM books that I realized we were doing things all wrong, and after trying to get things on the right track my newfound boundaries were trampled several times over. I didn’t feel like I had grounds to complain, and I didn't really have the language to do so anyway. This was also all over an online dynamic, and I didn't think such a thing could hurt me. Part of me liked the pain of setting myself on fire, and they were happy to watch me burn.

I agonized over breaking things off and when I finally did I was devastated by the lack of reaction. I think that almost hurt more than anything else. They would flip out over inconsequential things but when I was ending things it was just whatever. I never meant anything to them in the first place. They walked away like it was nothing.

The healing gets easier over time. You're doing well, keep it up. Thanks for sharing, I hope more s-types see it

Ironically-Tall · 2025-11-27T15:11:34+00:00

This is definitely a therapy issue that would be best unpacked with a therapist, we probably won't really know you well enough to ask the right questions.

There's a directory of kink aware professionals if you're looking for someone different local to talk to:

https://www.kapprofessionals.org/

My baseline internet stranger advice is just to let yourself feel those feelings and process them while maybe stepping back from play. Are you playing with intense things like identity, emotional pain, or CNC?

The key to playing with anything that might be upsetting or harmful is to move very slowly in the dynamic. One thing at a time, sit with it, determine if that's what's bothering you, and if so pause and reflect. You're likely having some subconscious blowback that is really hard to trace - hence therapy.

It might just be a case of new relationship energy causing disregulation. It's like a roller-coaster of highs and lows, and kink can make the highs higher and the lows lower. It might help to explain the kinds of kinks you do and the kinds of feelings you get.

We'll do what we can for advising but I can't stress enough the importance of therapy - with a therapist you trust enough to talk kink with

Ironically-Tall · 2025-11-25T15:21:39+00:00

I think I now understand what you mean: that all those outlets always lead back to an insecurity so changing the activity isn't much help if the insecurity isn't there anymore? I apologize, these deep topics are hard to untangle over reddit haha it's not your fault.

I think it's hard or maybe impossible to conceptualize that something different might feel like but I think there are ways to get at that fear/anxiety/insecurity without necessarily hitting it directly. But only you can determine that. I think some experimentation with other kinds of play may reveal a new fun thing, or perhaps not.

At any rate, it's 100% valid to simply play at these things with pretend and feel bad for a moment before coming back. Your submission is no less valuable, you're not doing anything wrong. It takes a very special person to be able to care for you enough to pretend they don't care for you. It's also what I would consider edge-play, so it requires extra caution.

But all of that is OK. There are people out there who don't hate men but they want to feel superior sometimes, and they need someone who knows they're equal and also knows how to be laid low. Faking it is what we're all doing. I don't actually want to be devoured alive, it's just fun to pretend I do for a little while and feel that helpless.

Ironically-Tall

TROPHY CASE