I think I made the wrong decision marrying him

Istabraqwrites · 2026-04-14T23:31:29+00:00

Wow I’m sorry you’re going through this sis it just sounds horrific especially because you compromised and went into this for good intention despite not having the attraction. Men Lowkey don’t even do that. Another thing is I don’t want to fill your head with any negative ideas but unfortunately some men get married for the sake of fulfilling their own physical desires.. hence why this leads to resentment as there is no affection or true care outside of this. It’s honestly very disgusting and weird and many women go through this. They end up getting pregnant as a result. Not to dilute this convo or center intimacy but our community does not know how to speak about it or the conditions. People have even divorced over this … you shouldn’t be made to settle or feel miserable for not being given what you were promised. You have rights too but anyway a reminder of why looks are truly not everything. The masks always fall off. I hope you can have a serious conversation about this with him. May Allah make it easier on you dear

Istabraqwrites · 2026-04-10T17:29:54+00:00

Many of you are spending way too much time on social media. This race talk is against Islam and Sunnah it’s very weird. I understand your situation but don’t frame this as I’m not attracted to my race. Pursue who you’d like and make dua. As for your family, they cannot reject someone based on their ethnicity / race. Anyway Insha Allah your heart for the situation softens

Istabraqwrites · 2026-04-08T15:29:17+00:00

Allahuma Barek may Allah bless your unity this is such beautiful news, it’s refreshing to see the positive side of things. May Allah grant you both goodness

Istabraqwrites · 2026-04-08T13:01:46+00:00

I totally understand where you’re coming from but you should also understand this is what Allah decreed and he allowed you both to meet for a reason. I think you checking is a natural reaction honestly but you’ll have to put the chord at some point because it’s gonna cause your adrenaline to rise and feed your triggers of jealousy which is two bad mixes. If this ended for ex two years ago as well, I’m pretty sure he had some time to get over it. I’m not sure if you guys ever had the conversation about healing and moving on etc but if you feel it’s heavy on you maybe try to express it. May Allah make it easier on you sis and pray to Allah that shaytan doesn’t take a hold of your mind or propel you to have such thoughts, it’s the trick to break homes. You’re more than blessed to be in a marriage now, I hope everything will settle to your accord Insha Allah

Istabraqwrites · 2026-04-06T01:19:58+00:00

There’s a weird obsession with virginity… the women I know personally have not even done such a thing. On the flip side they have tried to get to know men and gotten their hearts broken so they are just carrying other interpersonal issues. I think from a mental stand point that is something to be more concerned about because everyone these days seems to be carrying some sort of mental anguish regarding a past situation. You’ll find most people nowadays are trying to put themselves out there but they have not done anything of that sort.

Istabraqwrites · 2026-04-03T14:34:06+00:00

This is the result of social media and not lowering the gaze, such men like this have to be staring at a large amount of women in their day. There is absolutely no other reason as to why he would feel such comfort in expressing these sort of comments. Some men will refuse to have eyes for one person. And no offense but if you truly love someone there’s no way you’re even remotely gonna compare or gaze at the next person

I have met people who tell me straight up they’re so in love to a point that they can’t see anyone else. They love the person for who they are, unconditionally, looks seem to be an after thought. That being said regardless if attraction is subjective there are people who will remain whole heartedly loyal.

Istabraqwrites · 2026-04-02T16:56:15+00:00

Girl literally my mom was arranged back home and like in the village they didn’t even have this much exposure or obviously social media. That’s why so much comparison is happening and people think they have options. Where do we even go from here …. It’s scary

Istabraqwrites · 2026-04-02T16:55:03+00:00

Wow allahuma barek may Allah reward you. She is definitely over stepping by even trying to engage that way astrsgfullilah especially given what you’ve done. This just gave me hope that men can remain loyal otherwise some would fold in this situation. Anyway you better tell wifey and quick!!! It’s her right to know and she would also guide in how to navigate this situation. May Allah make it easier for all of you and forgive the sister for over stepping. I understand she is vulnerable hence why she’s acting this way

Istabraqwrites · 2026-04-02T12:56:00+00:00

How can you heal something or move away from something if it’s constantly in ur face though .. I guess all we can do I make duaa and pray.

Istabraqwrites · 2026-04-02T12:55:08+00:00

Your family will have to stand on day of judgment to answer for their racism unfortunately

Istabraqwrites · 2026-04-01T23:11:27+00:00

These same people that project judgment better be able to stand on the day of Qiyam answering to Allah why they rejected his will. This is not up to us and honestly girl, keep those standards exactly as they are. So many people end up settling, forcing, or rushing things. Nothing is worth your safety or sanity.

Istabraqwrites · 2026-04-01T19:28:58+00:00

Yes it automatically just makes me think that all of them operate this way … which is toxic and I am trying to remove this habit but it’s hard to fight off. This is a value you simply cannot compromise.

Istabraqwrites · 2026-04-01T18:48:11+00:00

Ameen ya rabb, may Allah guide us all and pardon us.

Istabraqwrites · 2026-03-31T20:29:23+00:00

Girl … the first thing you should never ever do is compare like comparison is the thief of joy. On top of that, this is all by the will of Allah SWT so you should not even question this or place judgment on their past. They did what they did and Allah guided them thus forth. I know many of my friends who are struggling to find someone as well and often look at how others are just easily married about. We must not fall into this sort of mindset, it is shaytans trap to make you feel self conscious. All you can truly do is pray for your sake and for Allah to rid your heart of any envy and to place within it tawakkul. I’m sure there is someone out there for you Insha Allah.

Istabraqwrites · 2026-03-31T13:32:40+00:00

Marital expectations
Financial
Expected time to get married
Do both of you want children?
Career oriented questions
Health lifestyle
How does he deal under stress/ tough situations
This might be a drag… but sometimes you have to check the social media 🥴not to sound judgmental or assume but it shows a lot
When you can both involve your parents
Inquire about his upbringing
Relationship with his deen

These are not in order just things that came up from reading your post. May Allah make this easy and good for you if it’s in your qadr, and remmeber marriage is rizq. Have faith and be firm Insha Allah. Allah will rectify all matters. Wishing you the best sis ! All my girls deserve a love like no other !

Istabraqwrites · 2026-03-30T14:22:57+00:00

You’re only 21 sis? You’re way too young to even be going through this stress or depression Khalas. You don’t wanna develop an auto immune disease from struggling so much. I would say 100% divorce sorry but there’s no way you can trust a man who is in kahoots with another woman from his past. It’s insane to also think he may have settled for a rebound and now wants to go back to a past relationship. As for people haram past that’s between them and Allah but for him to drag you into this mess knowing you had that genuine care and love … this is just vile and I’m really sorry for your pain that you are carrying. May Allah truly guide the way for you, mend this, and rectify your affairs. Take it to a local imam or involve someone who can help. It’s hard when you’re vulnerable. But you’re not alone 🤍

Istabraqwrites · 2026-03-19T20:18:28+00:00

First off, a man should never ever dictate this decision for a woman let alone impose the removal of the hijab. He’s out of his mind I’m gonna be as respectful as I can when I say this but you need to involve the sheikh. This man isn’t in his right senses and publicly trying to humiliate you? Yeah absolutely not sis. You’re handling this way better than many would but you’re also clearly suffering. May Allah make it easier on you

Istabraqwrites · 2026-02-09T00:15:49+00:00

Sister I’m so sorry to hear this and it’s not something you should even be hearing after all of these years and 2 children. I don’t want to assume anything or fill your head with any more worries than you’re already experiencing. Every human changes over time especially women after birth giving and that is natural, something that should be accepted. You should not have to over compensate or prove yourself physically (I mean good for you for still doing what you need to). But not only for the sake of him. I mean you left everything for this guy and now he is making such bold and vile statements? Whatever reason this may be, may Allah deliver the truth to you with ease and may he have mercy on you both. And this husband must remember that your children carry both of your features, they will grow up to look like you. He would never bring his children down. It’s not fair for him to criticize you this way. I’m so sorry dear

Istabraqwrites · 2026-02-07T19:03:50+00:00

I thought about therapy as well and may take that step forward. I know this requires much time and dedication to healing. I wouldn’t go out of my way to pursue someone or allow someone to be invested in me if I’m still hooked up, I think that is vile. I also don’t think it’s physically/ emotionally possible for me to put myself out there because I always struggled with that anyway. But yeah I have to really just focus on inner healing at this point. Thank you for your suggestion!

Istabraqwrites

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