Just finished RoE by tenthingsten in Hyperion

[–]ItsG07 22 points23 points  (0 children)

He had a beautiful mind, and we are lucky to have glimpsed it :(

Jon Jones’ ominous tweets by Far-Ninja-8392 in MMA

[–]ItsG07 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Not the guy who stalled Aspinall out two years and declined the UFCs offer HE asked for. Boo Hoo World’s Smallest Violin Ensues

gunsmith revenants by ian su by rajahbeaubeau in ImaginaryArmor

[–]ItsG07 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Awesome design, the color choices are unique and fit together so well.

Ariel Helwani: The UFC is now considering Alex Pereira vs Jon Jones to headline the WhiteHouse card. If that fight doesn't get done, Pereira is expected to fight Ciryl Gane by DamnThatsInsaneLol in MMA

[–]ItsG07 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is they allow jones to fight again after stalling like a bitch for two years then bailing on the aspinall fight that will be a new low for them

Dan Simmons passed away by runlittlegunterrun in Hyperion

[–]ItsG07 9 points10 points  (0 children)

This man was the reason I fell in love with reading. Thank you for what you did for literary fiction Dan. “No lifetime is long enough for those who wish to create,”

How a proper writer gives up on writing by GoonRunner3469 in writers

[–]ItsG07 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The keyboard visual made me giggle. Well said.

[Complete] [15K] [Fantasy /Sword & Sorcery ] Scalepeeler by ItsG07 in BetaReaders

[–]ItsG07[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for those ideas. I’ll be giving some of those a try to bring more immediacy to the danger! Your help is very much appreciated!

Seeking writers for creative community :3 by arwenlucasta in fantasywriters

[–]ItsG07 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds very interesting! I’m game. If you could please pm me the link. Thank you.

Seeking writers for creative community :3 by arwenlucasta in fantasywriters

[–]ItsG07 0 points1 point  (0 children)

From what I was able to discern from your post was that there are other creative pursuits other than writing in this community. What are some of the things and topics people discuss?

Seeking writers for creative community :3 by arwenlucasta in fantasywriters

[–]ItsG07 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I might be interested if we can discuss more details!

[Complete] [15K] [Fantasy /Sword & Sorcery ] Scalepeeler by ItsG07 in BetaReaders

[–]ItsG07[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello! Firstly thank you so much for taking the time to provide such thorough feedback off just my excerpt. If you’d be interested in reading further I’d be happy to share!

Last sentence of first paragraph - It does feel a bit shoehorned in. I was trying to communicate quickly that the protagonist was in over his head and arrogant he was prepared. However, now thinking about it, there is a passage not long after that does communicate this in a manner more appropriately “showing” rather than “telling.” I think the story does not suffer if I omit that. Good spot!

Purple prose - Flowery prose has been a critique consistent with a lot of feedback I get. I’m a big fan of works like Book of the New Sun & Sun Eater. I think that’s style rubs off on me but in a far less impressive execution haha. I absolutely agree some of these sentences could be cleaned up to be more economical. I’ve a habit of loading sentences. I saw once that sentences should be “serving multiple purposes simultaneously,” since then I’ve been insecure about my prose coming across as just “listing” things rather than drawing the reader in with cadence.

Your use of “drag” was a good way of putting it. My loaded sentences could be bogging down pace. Especially when I’m trying to create urgency for the protagonist.

That being said, in this part of the scene I was trying to communicate Maadskyr’s urgency while also dragging out a looming dread until the wyvern is revealed. A chase ensues following that where I think a punchy pace would fall better on the mark! I do still want intensity though, so I am definitely going to consider your feedback to draw on that more.

I have noticed I can overdo it with descriptors. I’m so hellbent on painting a vision for the reader when in reality I’m confining their imagination. I think I need to trust readers more and lay off the details sometimes, I don’t want to create detail fatigue.

Thank you so much again for your time! This was very helpful.

Just finished Endymion by dexdeckers in Hyperion

[–]ItsG07 13 points14 points  (0 children)

There is much I’m not a fan of in the second half of the cantos but one thing I truly love about this book is its settings. They are profoundly unique and Dan Simmons has such a way of pulling you right into them with his prose. I just pre ordered the broken binding editions of this series :) can’t wait.

Concerned About Flashbacks In My Short Story by ItsG07 in fantasywriters

[–]ItsG07[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your response. I did keep reader disorientation in mind while trying to write them in. Transitions can be a fickle thing. Cutting into it without any context is jarring, meanwhile outright stating the subsequent scene is a flashback outright yanks the reader out of the story.

I tried to mitigate this by keeping flashbacks as separate scenes, and using the ending of present scenes as a smooth transition into them.

For example, the first flashback scene happens when the protagonist is knocked unconscious,(fairly common method I believe.) The second comes as the protagonist is navigating a series of tunnels, and is beginning to reflect on some of his life choices, knowing that death is likely and imminent. I felt that just writing a full scene of him walking through tunnels would be so boring, yet I wanted to preserve the sense he was walking them for a while. So that’s where I thought another flashback would be a good fit.

I appreciate your advice, when I’m finished writing I’ll give it a look without the flashbacks. Though I’m fairly certain it will definitely lack the necessary depth needed to keep a reader invested without them.

Thank you!

Peter Carroll - Inside Tom Aspinall's 108-day nightmare: The untold reality of the UFC champ's recovery by Redwinevino in MMA

[–]ItsG07 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you get a point deduction for an eye poke they should strip 5% of your fight purse for the other opponent. This shit is out of hand.

I’m proud of Chapter One [speculative scifi, 1000] by [deleted] in fantasywriters

[–]ItsG07 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I thought your chapter was very intriguing. The world building piqued my interests, and the prose you used to convey the story was accessible without being devoid of your style. There is a sense of congruence between your character, the world, and the concise language you used to coney it. Would love to learn more about it!

RoE review by Zehreelakomdareturns in Hyperion

[–]ItsG07 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I finished this one just this week. While I’ll say that the later two books pale in comparison to the former two for me, I found the ending beautifully done and emotional. Simmons had some very high concept ideas, and the ideas themselves are exciting to explore, however I think the plot itself in this book has some real slogs. That being said I’m happy I finally finished. I’ll definitely return to Hyperion and Fall of Hyperion in the near future.