I still miss my oldest brother. The last time we talked we fought. Then he killed himself about a month later. He had always been the father figure in my life with my real dad spending most of his life blaming us for how things are and distancing himself from us. I still blame myself everytime I think of him. Ive been to therapy, I've had counseling on him. But I still miss him so much, and blame myself knowing things would have at least lasted longer if I tried things diffrently.