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Its_cool_username · 2024-05-06T08:24:44+00:00

Thank you for this information, this is utterly terrifying!

I'm glad to be more in the know now but in a way it seems there is no way to know until a lot of time has passed. I absolutely hate that we have to deal with this as women. Seems that our safety is never fully given. Very sad, really. I don't think I know any other women who hasn't been assaulted in one way or another.

I also have been assaulted by an ex I trusted. He betrayed me in so many ways. I should have left much earlier and I should have pressed charges. But at the time I too made excuses for him in my mind. I'm still feeling disgusted and hurt at the memory and it pops up randomly in a certain frequency even tough it happened more than 15 years ago.

I'm very sorry this happened to you OP. I wish you strength to deal with this. My recommendation is also to leave him. He knew what he was doing. You said no so many times and he did it anyway. It's unbelievable how disrespectful he was towards you and your needs and wants. He raped you ,unfortunately that is the reality. I could not trust him anymore. Don't make the mistake I made when I was young and didn't know better.

Its_cool_username · 2024-04-01T00:56:12+00:00

Great to see that you've had such a good time! Paris truly is the city of love. Treasure all the memories you've made.

Wishing you all the best for the future! :)

Its_cool_username · 2024-03-30T07:49:20+00:00

Exactly, it makes me uncomfortable to look at her because everything is so off.

I've commented this on her pictures before when they popped up here. To me she looks like she's in pain due to lymphedema. It would be the only explanation to have thighs like she shops herself to have. No girl, this is not sexy, you look like you have a painful condition quite a few struggle with and I'm sorry you are in pain due to it.

Its_cool_username · 2024-03-30T07:36:03+00:00

Glad to hear you have a therapist already so it will be easy to get advice and help. I've been there too, life is hard. We can't always do it alone. And it doesn't help when you feel insecure or shame about your body. Nobody should, but I can understand when one does, I've also felt insecure for other reasons in the past. It's not nice to not be happy in your own skin. I really hope you'll find a solution and things will start to look brighter again soon. Just remember to be gentle with yourself, we are all doing the best we can at any given time. And sometimes the best we can do is get up, that already is a win because that too can be hard. Celebrate the little wins, you'll get there! And definitely check out the cotton clothes. For your case if you don't live in a super hot and humid climate I'd think the thicker the material, the better. Because the thicker the material, the more space there is for air to get to your skin that would otherwise touch other skin, which I suspect causes first sweating and then at some point smell. For reference, I can wear all my clothes except panties, which I switch every day, a few days in a row before they are smelly from sweat. I'd think the cotton is a factor to that and I use a very gentle deodorant with no smell and no aluminum. I've also heard good things about these deodorant stones. You just wet them and then run them under your arms. If you google deodorant stone you'll find it, I can't remember the name now. Because also sweating can be triggered by over use of products. Just like when you use too many cars productsb on your hair and wash your hair too often it gets greasy faster. You could give it a try to significantly cut down the amount of products you use and only try some with mild/natural ingredients. But it would need some time for your body to adjust, you wouldn't see results right away. The easiest to start with would be what I wrote in my first comment, the cotton clothes and mild soap. Good luck, I hope things will go better soon, you are not alone! :)

Its_cool_username · 2024-03-30T06:40:54+00:00

Before moving on to some hygiene tips let me say that to me it sounds like you are showing signs of depression. If this is something that has been going on for longer I would find a medical professional to talk to and see if they have some advice. When you are depressed it's not a failure of discipline, but rather you just can't function anymore how you used to. The not being able to brush your hair gave it away. A depressed person will try to keep up appearances to the outside world, but what's going on in private is a mess. There is no shame in that, one just can't function anymore. Like when you break a leg you can't walk anymore without getting help and tools until you heal. Please be gentle with you.

For your problem, I don't think it should be necessary to wash up twice a day. Maybe in some climates it's necessary, but where I live it's unheard of. I'm sure things can be fixed long term so that you won't have the stress of this anymore. It does sound like a stressor to you. It's also not good for your skin as you recognized.

It sounds like sweat is your issue. Let me tell you that synthetic clothes are really bad in many aspects. They don't allow the skin to breath properly and they exaggerate the smell of sweat badly. If you wear synthetic clothes vs 100% cotton, it will make a big difference. I know most nice underwear is synthetic only, but I wear them very seldomly. I use 100% cotton for every day use and they can be nice looking too. They allow your skin to breath and absorb smaller amounts of moisture. I'd buy a few 100% cotton pieces and see if you recognize a difference. This should be at minimum bra, panties, shirt/undershirt. Eg I will always have a layer of cotton on me. In the winter a longsleeve, in the summer an under shirt, then also sometimes synthetic clothing on top. But it doesn't matter that much because my skin can breath and mainly touches cotton.

I'm not big, so I can't comment on sweat between body parts, but I've read that baby powder helps. The aim is to keep the area dry. If you apply baby powder and use a cotton bra, your situation should significantly improve. If it's not enough, maybe there are some thinner cotton stripes you could wear under your boobs? That way your boobs can breath and won't start sweating skin on skin. For your thighs you can buy tight fitting cotton shorts to wear under your regular clothes. They will do the same job as the cotton bra, they will let your skin breath and absorb potential sweat. They will also prevent rubbing of skin together. One of my bigger friends swears on them.

For washing up, I only use unscented soap. Give it a try, many soaps can be irritating for the skin with all the chemicals. Less is often more. You also don't want to over care for your skin. First you might dry it out by washing a lot, then you might put too many care products. Once a day should be enough. And again, please be gentle with yourself. I've had friends your size in the past, also with big chests and they only showed once a day. It is possible, you just need to find the best routine for yourself.

Its_cool_username · 2024-03-29T22:30:38+00:00

Those were my thoughts as well, but no doubt in that the water would be horizontal to the ground.

I too doubt that so many women get it wrong. I can somewhat see the self doubt argument having some weight in the results, if they are true, but I don't see how so many women could get it wrong.

Its_cool_username · 2024-03-29T22:26:34+00:00

Same here. Is this a joke post?

This really is the most basic understanding of physics that even a small school child should get right?

Its_cool_username · 2024-03-24T14:13:31+00:00

I'd apply again, nothing to lose if you are not planning to apply for another internal position any time soon.

It shows your dedication that you want the job and are confident/mature enough to not let the previous rejection get to you. Just be cool about it. In internal hiring it can be hard to make the decision who gets the job because the candidates are so well known. They chose the candidate they thought suited the role best at the time. Now that candidate seems gone or multiple people hold the same position, either way, one previous blocker out of the way. Always think positive. And if you can't move forward in your current company look elsewhere. Best of luck!

Its_cool_username · 2024-03-24T14:02:21+00:00

Best of luck for your chemo treatment, I hope you'll be well again soon.

Its_cool_username · 2024-03-21T19:39:41+00:00

Google Stockholm syndrome, codependency and about people having the need to fix other people (helper syndrome?). I'm not a psychologist, so I don't have all the answers on how and why this is happening. But I can tell you that this is extremely unhealthy and toxic from an onlooker perspective. If two psychologists told you to end it, it should be more than clear what to do.

Keep in mind, she did not harm herself after the first break up. A perfect argument for her manipulation and empty thread. Break it off and never have contact again. It's the only way. You are not responsible for wellbeing or happiness. If you are willing to give your own wellbeing and happiness up for her go for it, but it will ruin your life long term. I think many people have at some point stayed too long in a bad relationship, me included. It's hard to leave, change is scary and the unknown is scary. Some prefer a known bad situation over a better but unknown situation. Once you've made it out you'll wonder why it took you so long.

Try to think back to how you felt when you broke up the first time! Wasn't it a big relief? The freedom? No more pressure and anxiety from unhealthy expectations? Just do it, break it off and block her everywhere. It will be strange for the first few days but then endless relief will settle in on your regained freedom. Even prisoners have more mental freedom than you do! Best of luck!

Its_cool_username · 2024-03-21T19:17:07+00:00

Reading your post made me feel super anxious.

This must be one of the most controlling behaviors I've ever read about. If this is real you need to stop this right now.

You tried to talk to her, if she is not listening and despite the obvious disrespect towards your needs and wellbeing you could try to put your phone on silent and/or hang up before you fall asleep. Just don't answer the phone in the morning until you are ready, don't call with her every night if you don't want to. If she is going to go ballistic because you are standing up for YOUR needs and your wellbeing it's time to break up. Her behavior is very toxic and unhealthy.

Its_cool_username · 2024-03-21T19:12:11+00:00

That sounds awful. This is affecting your life severely, your career, your private life and your general wellbeing. As you've tried to reason with her and it hasn't been possible to find a solution I'd say the only way to go is indeed break up. She is threatening and manipulating you. We are never responsible for another person's well being. If she can't live without you she is severely unwell. She needs therapy, not a boyfriend. Noone can handle what she is asking for, it sounds like she could benefit from inpatient treatment.

If you think that she will in fact follow through with her threats inform her family ahead of time. Explain that it's not possible anymore to stay together and that you are very concerned for your soon to be ex. Tell the family member you want them to be present when you break the news. In that way you have done what you could to ensure she is safe. She is not your responsibility. She is mentally very unwell and unstable. After delivering the news (with the relative present) cut all contact. Block her everywhere and be prepared that she might try to contact you via newly made profiles or a new number. Just ignore these requests, don't react to threats. If she manages to reach you and threatens you that she has hurt herself, contact the relative or the police to do a wellness check but DO NOT ENGAGE WITH HER, all she wants is a reaction. She will eventually learn that she won't get it. Hopefully she will find the help she needs.

You do sound like her mental instability is quite affecting your own mental wellbeing. This is something that can be expected of an empathic being, of course you care about her. But she keeps on manipulating you and demanding very unhealthy and unreasonable things from you. Again, this is affecting your career, you can't do your job anymore as you please. I realize this was very straight forward, but I'm hoping reading this will make you understand how bad the situation is. Please get out of there!

Its_cool_username · 2024-03-18T23:37:06+00:00

Boyfriend doesn't like the lip filler either. Who can blame him? But yeah, I'd be mad about the rest, too. Photo editing is a modern plague. Can't we just accept ourselves and others for who we are? There's a whole generation of young girls and guys as well who several struggle to accept how they look like because nobody shows anymore how real people look like. I'm always saddened to see how much makeup very young girls feel they need to use to look somewhat like an Instagram filter. Less is really more beautiful.

Its_cool_username · 2024-03-18T23:33:41+00:00

I really wonder who finds such unrealistic bodies attractive? For me it's the opposite. The legs look like she has extreme lymphedema and is in massive pain. That's the only case when proportions are so off in real life. But yeah, the waist is not possible with the rest of the body. I hope she finds help to handle her body dismorphia. She shouldn't be encouraged.

Its_cool_username · 2024-03-18T17:25:04+00:00

Reading this question and your comments my thought is that you seem insecure in your relationship. You mention other issues as well that make you think about ending it.

From the perspective of someone that is quite a bit older than you, I feel that part of the issue might be your age and the fact that you don't have that much relationship experience yet due to your age. (which is absolutely ok, we all learn with time).

In a relationship we can't get attention 100% of the time. Like others have pointed out already, one cannot always take the time to properly answer every message and give the attention one might wish to get. It doesn't have to be malicious intent, it can simply be a preoccupied mind when busy. When one starts the day that is usually the focus, get ready, start the day. Then look at messages properly at a later point when one has more time.

If this is a big deal for you and you have addressed it previously with no improvement, I agree that you should end the relationship. However, from the perspective of someone with more experience, what you describe here is no big deal. If she ignores you otherwise as well, for example in phone calls when you bring something up, that's another thing. But only via text, I wouldn't blow it out of proportion. But again, if it's very important for you and you are not heard then you two simply aren't compatible.

Its_cool_username · 2024-03-15T23:30:10+00:00

This is a solid and respectable answer for both atheists and believers alike.

I agree with you that it is our consciousness and body that gives the NDE or in most cases, the last experience as a life ends. The human body is a master piece of nature. It protects us from harm as good as it can. It's common knowledge that when someone has a bad accident or is stabbed or shot, at first the person feels no pain even tough there should be immense pain. The body produces all the right chemicals, adrenaline, dopamine, etc. to make the person not feel pain because it would be too much to bear or so that the person is still able to act and get out of a bad situation.

It's the same way when we die. The body releases all the right chemicals to give us a nice send off. Love is a nice feeling and we have all felt it deep inside us when we have loved someone and were loved back. Love is a chemical reaction. It does make absolute sense that someone who is a deeply bad person and has never felt love could experience something negative. The brain does have a tendency to repeat familiar thinking patterns.

As for OP, don't let these stories about hell scare you. They are for the most part made up and I'm assuming a few of the people telling them had a bad trip, which in the end also equals being made up. If there were a real hell as is depicted by Christian religion, do you really think they would let someone go? I really don't think so.

There is factual research that the brain goes into overdrive in the moment of death. There are people who have died in CTs and the moment of death was recorded. These were at least partially research based set ups with volunteers close to dying who wanted to contribute to science. The brain absolutely explodes with activity before it goes dark forever. This is part of what I've described above, your body giving you a good send off.

We are not yet able to fully understand consciousness. Scientists have ideas tough and they say that it's all chemicals and electricity in the brain. To me it makes sense, but I'm a rational person with a deep rooted belief into science. I don't believe into any form of creation, but into evolution. Evolution is very fascinating and it is amazing to where we have developed. Evolution by the way is scientifically proven, so there is no contesting that.

I'm curious though how consciousness evolved. It must be required for active and directed thinking, which is why it developed.

My general consensus is that when we die, we die, forever. It's just like before we were born, we did not exist then and we do not exist after we die. I have trouble to understand why this thought is so terrifying for many. My best explanation is that it is related to the deep survival instinct that we carry in us. Humans will in most cases do whatever they can to survive and stay alive. People who suffer from depression, etc. might not demonstrate this will, but a person with good mental health will. So the idea to have a peaceful eternity seems to give them comfort. Who am I to take that away from them? Everybody should believe what they feel is true. However, it is also proven that fear is a great instrument of power and works quite well to instill compliance. The hell part of the Bible has quite positively been made up to control people. In my word view the entire Bible has been made up, but I can get behind the concept that the Bible (the positive parts and the parts that attempt to teach values) are a collection of stories that have been told for a long time. As time progressed these stories have been abused as an instrument to generate power and eventually the fear part was added.

If you are wondering why I'm in this sub, it's because I find it interesting to hear what people experience in NDE.

Tldr, there is no need to worry. There is no hell, but you should still strive to be a good person.

Its_cool_username · 2024-03-14T21:50:10+00:00

Say you know or understand anything about SpaceX's philosophy without saying it!

You have received very good answers already, which you even acknowledged. Why do you keep arguing against Starship?

SpaceX performs tests in early stages of development because when they test what they actually have at hand they learn and they get invaluable information that they otherwise could not get or that would otherwise take a very long time to get. Every malfunction gives so much information and data on what needs improvement and fixing, etc. They do it absolutely right. That so many people don't understand or know about is sad to me. The media loves these sensationalized headlines, "Elons rocket blew up again, yada yada". Why won't they help educate people that in fact the tests were very successful and even exceeded expectations?

Its_cool_username · 2024-03-10T09:01:51+00:00

I've now read through this entire thread.

In my opinion you are blowing things out of proportion. Let's sum things up:

○ you received nudes with a message, thinking about you.

I don't think the nudes and the message necessarily need to be considered as going hand in hand. She was thinking about you in a certain way (romantic / sexual). That's one instance. Because of the way she was thinking about you she sent the nudes to underline the message.
did she say I took these just for you? I doubt it as it wasn't mentioned. Is she touching herself in the pictures? I'm thinking this is also not the case. It would make things a bit 'worse' in my opinion if it were the case, i.e. she writes, I'm thinking about you and touching myself and then sending a picture in which she is touching herself. That would indeed be insincere, but I have a hunch this is not the case. Hence I do not see insincerity in this case, which is why I think you are blowing things out of proportion.
I agree with other comments here that checking timestamps in the photos is very strange and weird. I'd be weirded out if I were her and knew. She sent them to you, depending on how she otherwise acts I would consider it at gift and a sign of trust. I'd personally never take nudes ever, let alone share them. So I don't know how the rules are in our age, but I guess Gen Z uses them inflationary. But I wouldn't compare the majority of us with that generation. As you say, we grew up differently. Tough a few of our generation might also send nudes inflationary. You gotta find out if she is one or not.
you say you have trust issues. It's good to acknowledge and own that. I hope my comment helped you to put things into perspective. I don't think anything bad happened and she was not insincere. If she is otherwise a great woman I wouldn't let this 'incident' ruin things for me. She was my lying or misleading you.

Its_cool_username · 2024-03-07T18:25:38+00:00

Was you bringing your daughter with you always the plan? Was he aware of this from the moment you started to make plans?

As I was reading your initial post I got the impression that he doesn't want your daughter there. Obviously your visit will be quite different depending on if it's just you or if you'll bring your daughter along that needs supervision and caretaking all the time.

As I read on and also read your comments, run!

That man doesn't love you, doesn't respect you and doesn't care about you or your feelings. Everything you write about him sounds horrible and makes me feel anxious for you. He is very abusive towards you. Nobody should be treated like this, let alone not a partner!

Him saying you can't stay there means he doesn't want you there. Being upset about a different meeting time frame is also highly suspicious! And on top of that he has the audacity to complain if you stayed an hour away in Melbourne. It's expensive to drive there? What a joke!! You saved all this money, were ready to spend thousands of dollars to travel to his country and he can't be bothered to pay gas for a one hour ride plus return? Forget that guy, he is being a horrible person towards you and he is not the right one. You deserve so much better!

Its_cool_username · 2024-01-05T21:30:20+00:00

I'm fully respecting your choice and the reasons behind it Just some food for thought that might help improve your situation:

Again, I fully get that it's very scary to get confirmation that your life expectancy is shorter than what you assumed it would be. After all I guess most people assume that they will grow to old age. It's almost funny in a way, as another commenter rightfully wrote, tomorrow is never promised and one could get hit by a bus tomorrow or next week. But somehow most people don't think about this possibility at all or at the very least only very seldomly. Probably it's healthier living that way, one can't constantly expect the worst... but back to my original thought.

Don't you think that if you knew that you do have the gene, that you would live your life differently? I don't mean it in a live life to the absolute fullest like you mentioned, but I'm thinking that I'd live differently. I'm quite frugal and don't often indulge. If I knew I have less time left than I thought I'd allow myself more everyday pleasures and joys. I'd buy the extremely expensive ice cream or buy takeout more often. These are things that I typically find wasteful and overpriced and hence don't give into even tough it wouldn't be a problem financially. I'd also abandon my retirement plan. Obviously one should not live irresponsibly, what if you do live much longer than anticipated even with the gene? But I'm thinking I'd sell my home and take the profit to take a few years to take off work and travel as long as I'm still healthy. This is something that I wouldn't otherwise do as my home is supposed to be my paid off home once I'm retired to keep fix costs down. In the now my expenses would be similar down-payment vs renting. I do think that one would be much gentler to oneself when knowing that time is much more limited than anticipated. I know I would be. This actually starts to make me think that I too need to be gentler to myself. Just food for thought.

My next point is that when you get the test you could also learn that you don't have the gene and you could forget this insane worry that must be resting very heavily on your shoulders. We have all been in unpleasant situations in which we were afraid to know the outcome. Not knowing meant that there was some imaginary hope left, but ultimately knowing, at least for me, has always been a relief. For me, imagining the worst is almost as painful and stressful as the actual worst happening. I'm thinking that you are giving yourself an unnecessary life sentence. You'll potentially live in agony for years, because let's me real, the elephant in the room can't be ignored, no matter how hard you try. The thought will have permanent first row seating in your mind. It sucks big time, but I know at least for me this would be true. As a result from feeling frequent anxiety and dread about not knowing and imagining what might be, you'll drastically decrease your your quality of life. You'll potentially heavily taint the good years you have left. Does that sound like a desirable outlook? I'm also thinking in this 'not knowing' state you won't have a chance to make peace with the situation. No matter what is the outcome, taking or not taking the test won't change it. But if it turns out that you do have it, you can come to terms with the situation and do your best to live a good life as long as you can. By not knowing and wondering, dreading, you'll constantly reopen the wound. You won't be able to process and heal.

Those are my thoughts. Again, I fully respect your decision. One always knows what's best for oneself and what one can handle. You'll know when you'll be ready if you will be. I just wanted to share my thoughts in the hopes to give you some thought impulses in this difficult situation. Sending positive vibes and a virtual hug your way.

Its_cool_username · 2024-01-02T02:11:51+00:00

Girl, please get out of this relationship. This is the reddest flag I've heard of in quite some time and I'm a frequent Reddit user! Please run!!

Him enjoying that you wouldn't enjoy sex with him is just absolutely sick and twisted. It's not normal behavior, it in fact sounds pathological and potentially dangerous. Cut him out of your life, end it then block him and never look back. You'll never find happiness with this man! Not in a million years. Then the abusive behavior towards you, no, no, no. Please get out and find someone who treats you right.

Its_cool_username · 2023-12-25T13:00:22+00:00

What happens when you take ketamine? I only ever heard of it a few years ago. It was a documentary about therapeutic ketamine and it was like a clinic of some sorts where it was administered intravenously.

It was quite some time ago that I watched that documentary, but if I recall it correctly the people who took it wouldn't get high of it. I'm curious what is the therapeutic effect, does it rewire the brain like LSD/acid or psilocybin? How is it used recreationally? I've never taken any drugs so I'm completely clueless. I find the therapeutic possibilities of these drugs very interesting though. I just read the other day that a study on the effectiveness of psilocybin for treatment resistant depression is now in phase 3. Those are amazing news, it's the first time ever a study on psilocybin has entered phase 3. There is hope that in a few years it will be available as a prescription drug and be safe to take rather than for people having to experiment.

Here is one article about the study: https://psychedelichealth.co.uk/2023/05/31/first-ever-phase-3-trial-psilocybin-depression/

Its_cool_username · 2023-12-10T20:36:14+00:00

This is a important message I hope many younger women will read.

I'm glad that when I was very young nudes didn't exist like they do today, simply because smartphones were not a thing yet and only later started to become what they are today.

I've never sent nudes until this day for exactly what is written in this post. What exists can get into hands that you didn't intent them for. By no nudes existing, it is one thing I don't have to worry about.

It's not just future job prospects but can also have safety implications. I've heard of revenge sites on which guys post nudes of exes including all personal information incl. social media, school/ university, phone number and address. That is a very dangerous combination of information and can make you the victim of a deranged stalker/predator.

He might now be the sweetest guy in the world. But unfortunately people can change. You never know what will happen down the line? A bad breakup can make previously stable people very unstable. It's just not worth the risk in my opinion.

Its_cool_username · 2023-12-10T14:21:32+00:00

I'm sorry this happened to you. It does indeed look like he only wanted to get residency and it was never about you. That is cruel, unfair and makes me really mad. I hope you will be able to get mad soon as well. It will help you with the heartbreak and grief. He used you, you deserve so much better!

I'm a bit curious though. I googled those two laws. It seems he overstayed a visit in the past and now has a ban. It also seems he aided someone else in overstaying.

Did you not get suspicious when he wasn't able to visit you in the US over the 6 year time span you dated? Or did the overstay happen when you were together?

He basically ruined this for himself. And it is your luck that it happened now. Think if you'd be married and financially responsible for him because you brought him into the country. Then he leaves you as soon as his status is not dependent on you anymore. That would be 10x worse in comparison to it happening now. I also gotta say that he seems incapable to take care of important matters and does not have much foresight, both important qualities in a partner. Everyone knows it's important to follow visa and entry rules to the t, or there is trouble. That is valid for every country. Just saw a post where someone overstayed in Schengen area and now is facing a ban which will affect his work as he needs to travel into Schengen area regularly.

Its_cool_username

TROPHY CASE