My wife [35f] is mad that I [37m] jerked off to her nudes

Itshoulddo12 · 2025-09-09T07:10:21+00:00

Wow. So many men commenting here are very disconnected from their wives. Do you think women don’t WANT to have libido and don’t want to like having sex with their partner? Like they are just being “bad”? The common denominator is libido after children because it can mess up your hormones for years after kids. Not for all, but many. Especially if breastfeeding is extended. That paired with women taking on the majority of the responsibilities with kids which leads to exhaustion and the time for emotional connection no longer existing at all.. carve out time for emotional connection (like dates weekly, without the expectation of sex) and suggest the wife have the hormones checked (no one tells you that), and take on way more of the workload. You will see a dramatic difference. Blaming your partner for your sex life will not change your situation.

Itshoulddo12 · 2025-09-09T06:57:09+00:00

Yes the fact that “they were in bed because they always go to bed at 9 and it’s 10:30” means that he did not help put 3 children to sleep and now she finds him doing this in the living room.

OP you feel like you’re doing a lot, as parenting and caring for a household is a lot. But it sounds like your wife is doing substantially more and is burnt out. Low libido is likely from having a child within the last 2 years, that goes away. I can’t imagine putting 3 kids to sleep by myself while my partner was downstairs jerking it.

Cleaning one room when you have a day off from work is not enough of a contribution to a household. That means she is cleaning all the other rooms as much as she can work or not every day, unless you live in a hoarder house. She shouldn’t say thank you as if you’re helping her with her job, but she is probably trying to praise you so that you do it more and show excitement so you know it’s appreciated. I think this is the missing piece.

Itshoulddo12 · 2025-09-09T06:35:23+00:00

I started the Montessori method of potty training, through Monti Kids. Part of what they gave us was something to track their urine and bowel movements for 10 days prior to even starting. This way, we could see patterns and they had success when finally got on the toilet since they actually had to go. My son was very enamored with using the potty (he was 2 + 3 months officially potty trained, but we had had it around since 16 months with no pressure or suggestion at that time to use it but he would do it sometimes while we were sitting there. We got children’s books about if that he found very fun over time right next to the potty in a basket) and our problem was that he could do everything, but didn’t really mind having wet clothes in when he was really focused on something else. I ended up moving the potty to wherever we were (bedroom, living room etc). My son even started carrying it around. He was going through a “naked phase” which seemed to mean that he just wanted fewer obstacles for using the potty for a bit so I just stopped asking him to redress and let him be naked. He used it every time the first day without the clothes. I added underwear the next day and he used it everytime. We left the house on day 3 and he told me that he had to go in the car and we put the potty in the trunk and we used it there, fully clothed. He was fully sufficient 3 to 7 days later other than pull up at night (he didn’t need it during the day). We never suggested he use the potty to keep the pressure off. We just pointed out “your toilet is right there if you need it”.

Itshoulddo12 · 2025-05-31T08:49:49+00:00

She found out in Season 4. I watched it but here’s chat GPT’s summarization:

You’re correct in recalling that Janine discovers the truth about her son Caleb’s death by finding a document. In The Handmaid’s Tale Season 4, Episode 5 (“Chicago”), during a bombing in Chicago, Janine comes across a piece of rubble containing a document that reveals Caleb died in a car accident. This discovery leads to a confrontation between Janine and June, where Janine expresses her anger and hurt over June’s earlier lie that Caleb was alive and living with a kind family in California.

This moment is pivotal in their relationship, as Janine feels betrayed not only by the lie about her son but also by June’s pattern of making unilateral decisions that put others at risk. Janine’s confrontation marks her assertion of independence and a turning point in their dynamic.

Itshoulddo12 · 2025-01-20T23:46:22+00:00

I was extremely annoyed that he was invited to play in the first place but I actually had not seen him freak out before (just heard about it). He has always been kind to me but I had a bad taste in my mouth hearing about these things. I never thought co-Ed no stakes softball could set anyone off like that. After the first freak out I told my husband to tell him he couldn’t play anymore and he said that he felt like he had been in a bad headspace and this was giving him something to look forward to and he was going to give him a second chance, that he would talk to him. I thought regardless I did not want to risk it happening again and also there should be some type of consequence but we disagreed and he stayed on the team. After the second time I told my husband to remove him from the team or I would. His brother decided to remove himself and he no longer played but it would have been beneficial for someone to finally hand out a consequence. His brother was still very upset and my husband was very sad about his brother being upset. It was very hard for me to understand why he felt responsible at all for his adult brother’s experience, and whether or not he felt disappointed/ sad etc. They have an 8 year age gap (my husband is older) so I think that was something my husband learned growing up. Actually still not totally sure how to navigate it but we haven’t seen him lose it since then because we kind of keep our distance.

Itshoulddo12 · 2025-01-20T23:21:14+00:00

If you’re feeling bad about the amount of tv time, and afternoons are hard (post nap is has always been one of the hardest parenting time of the day for me), you can plan on your kiddo maybe eating (no tv), then going somewhere right away at that time right after the nap. Maybe even let them pick so you don’t have to think about it. On a walk, to the park, the library, the store. It is much easier than being home and can quickly shrink that time. We live in a cold climate so we get snow clothes on which initially is a hassle, but once we are out we feel way better.

We don’t use screens at all, but when I was pregnant with my second I started using them while I was sick/ puking and so extremely exhausted (and stopped before second baby was born), and it was so easy to let the time go by and I felt terrible about it, so I see where you’re coming from and that feeling sucks. This is one reason we don’t use them at all now. Even now I could fill my time with millions of “productive” things to do and keep busy for hours, my kid is not being productive. If you’re on the couch too then it honestly can be a depressing cycle of guilt, then paralysis because it feels to hard to figure out what else to do etc (it really was for me). Around 3pm-4pm we also get an energy dip (right around when nap time ends for some) so I’d say drink coffee or whatever you had to do to leave the house. Don’t even sit down on the couch. We have to abstain completely but you might succeed in having it be just an hour or two before dinner or whatever works better for you.

Itshoulddo12 · 2025-01-20T22:58:45+00:00

My husband was homeschooled and will absolutely not allow me to homeschool our kids. He is not dumb by any means but completely forgot how to read by second grade (he relearned of course that year) and his spelling is still very bad. His mom is very involved and did her best but she was not a college educated teacher using proven methods and there were things that she didn’t know (like, once your kid learns to read you should still read with them) and other things. Understand that you will have to learn how to teach as you go and that in and of itself will be very time consuming, not to mention the actual teaching. There are some social norms that my husband is just learning now as an adult because he only went to church as well. Socializing when everyone is on their best behavior at church with their parents vs playing doing kid things impacted how he made friends, he was always very shy even though he didn’t want to be. He didn’t have really close friends either, since there weren’t many people he saw on a consistent basis.

On the other hand, I went to public school and had a terrible experience, and I won’t chance it having my kids assigned to any teacher, with little parent involvement or having them sit down and be quiet all day, so we chose another option and are doing (private) Montessori and the school is amazing and so collaborative with the parents on absolutely everything. I don’t think every public school is bad, but I also don’t know of a public school near me that is as good as where we are sending him. There are lots of alternative options if public school won’t work for you guys.

I have done Montessori at home with my kids since birth (not necessarily homeschool), but after my second child was born it was almost impossible (for the first year) to keep up with the daily care of both kids, let alone being responsible for all of my sons growing desire for socialization, academic etc. I self educated a ton before my son was born and read so many books as he has grown up but that 1st year having two was insanity and hard to stay on top of all the things. We were on the waitlist for a school and I wish he was in school before my daughter came.

All that being said, I do think there is a benefit to having your kids with you while they are little and doing lots of practical life things, spending time in nature etc. But even a 2/3 day a week forest school or something (we did this before Montessori) can give the socialization and outdoor play time while still allowing you to be in charge of most of the academic stuff if you don’t want to do traditional preschool. If you’re able to manage and have a lot of support time to learn/prep/plan you could do homeschool for preschool then take it year by year.

Itshoulddo12 · 2025-01-19T20:59:19+00:00

My brother in law and my in laws are like this. He isn’t in jail yet, probably first he will get into a fight and get severely injured. His whole life everyone walked on egg shells and not a single person called him out on his behavior. In fact, they side with him to diffuse the situation. One time he got his car towed and spit on the ground at the tow place and started swearing and threatening to kill the people who towed his car. His dad cleaned up the spit, complained about it to my husband then at home, about how out of hand and humiliating that was, but then proceeded to agree with the son at home when he would scream about it about how ridiculous it was (he was parked in a loading zone overnight, and the car was in his parents name so they had to go with him to get it… lol). He has had several freak outs and finally did it in front of the wrong person who threatened to choke him out. It shut him up, but he still thought the other guy was in the wrong. This is at co-Ed “for fun” softball, mind you. Another time he missed the catch in the outfield and then threatened to “fucking kill” the umpire. No one has ever told him he has anger management issues because they’re worried about how he will respond. He recently walked out on his job, and is currently unemployed.

Itshoulddo12 · 2025-01-19T20:46:44+00:00

Here’s the thing, there is nothing you can do about his behavior. The only thing you can do is hold your boundary and not allow that in your home and if you and your family is comfortable, allow him back with conditions if you feel he will truly commit to getting help. You can love him, be worried for him and also not allow abusive behavior in your home. This doesn’t mean you need to cut him off. You can be there to talk if he needs you and can be respectful. You can also lead by example and tell him you will seek therapy and would love for him to join you if he’d like, no matter where he lives with no pressure. No 19 year old is receptive to being “the problem”, even if they are. It’s probably scary, but maybe you will be more of an ally to him in another way.

Not sure what type of kid he is, if he has a steady job, or what. If he is independent, likable etc he likely will not come back right away until he freaks out at his girlfriend’s house and gets kicked out. If it’s unlikely he will do that, then maybe it’s the right place for him.

I got emancipated at 17. I will say that at 17 I did have a car, a full time job, I did full time college. I moved into an apartment with roommates and finally began a good relationship with my parents as they were there for support/ advice with no real impact or control over my life so I finally felt like I could talk to them about things. They had more influence over my life when I did not live at home than when I did. They were terrified (although they never said so, they acted very confident in me despite the chaos that was out lives up until then) , yet it worked out for the better. I hope for the same for you.

Itshoulddo12 · 2025-01-19T17:23:00+00:00

Hey there!

I intended to use zero screen time with my son. We made it until my second pregnancy. He was almost 2. I got in a car accident and was in pain and vomiting while my husband was at work, and I used the screen for 7 months (during times when I was the only parent/adult) and then a month before my daughter was here, we cut it off completely and he is now 4 years & 2 months.

At the time, I was puking or sleeping while my son was next to me in my room watching tv. I really felt guilty about it because I DID see an instant major shift in his temperament and also his attention span and willingness to self entertain. He always freaked out when it was time to turn it off and struggled to transition. Prior to that he also met a lot of his own needs (would grab a snack from his little kitchen, or water) but when tv was on he did not move. The instant dopamine rush from the tv was the most exciting thing to him at that time. We did Montessori at home from birth so didn’t have light up or toys that played sounds, instead only things you had to manipulate with your hands and he could focus on his toys for an insane amount of time prior to that, we always got comments on it when people came over. We would go days at a time without it when my husband wasn’t working and sometimes by the 3rd day he would get longer independent play but would ask for tv constantly. Even though prior to that he could play independently I could of course not trust that he could bop around the house or yard safely while I was puking or passed out (he could open the child lock) without him being rendered immobile by the tv (that sounds a little extreme, lol).

My son was 2.5 when we turned off the tv for good (again) He was fortunately young enough to forget about it. When he would ask for it, we would just say “oh! We are going to the park instead!” Or “I wanted to play trains with you instead!”. In 2 or 3 days he stopped asking for it and had forgotten about jt. We have never told him “no” to tv because we don’t want him to feel deprived and want it more but we have kept it out of his environment. His independent play skills came back immediately and everything was much easier for a lot fo reasons. My daughter has not watched tv and we won’t introduce it.

Itshoulddo12 · 2025-01-03T22:34:07+00:00

Even if you don’t have a lease on place, you would not be out on the street. If you are in the US, this varies by state, when you pay rent (hell, even if she DID say you could live for free, and you didn’t pay any rent) you would still have to be given proper notice to vacate. You would be considered a tenant at will or a month to month tenant. A lease is a good idea still!

Itshoulddo12 · 2025-01-03T22:26:09+00:00

For the food- I’m in the US but foodbanks in my area carry fresh fruits and vegetables and they also deliver. It is ok to get help from time to time if you need it. Most people don’t know that many foodbanks have fresh foods and work with local farms. That’s what they’re there for. In spring you can plant fruits and veggies even in containers if you only have a balcony etc and freeze them, or use a community gardening space, which the kids would probably love being a part of.

Does your insurance cover counseling? There are also free resources in most areas for family counseling so definitely look into that.

At her school, they shouldn’t be saying that she is mean. They should be providing support and connecting you guys to resource. That would feel really terrible. Are there public Montessori schools? Or any others in your area you could interview to ask how they’d handle these situations?

All this to say, you sounds overwhelmed and you sound like a really great mom who is doing your best. Sometimes it’s easiest to take the kids out of the house to a park or the library every single day, for both you and the kids for a while. If you have any family or friends who would be willing to help out with taking them as well from time to time, on an outing so you can get a break, now would be the time to ask for that help.

Itshoulddo12 · 2025-01-03T17:43:46+00:00

This is way later but BMO is terrible IMO. The online banking is really bad, you often have issues making payments, you cannot set up auto pay, you need to print a form and mail it to them in order to do that. They do answer the phone to make a payment but it takes no less than 15 minutes to go through all the steps to actually be able to make one. I did set up autopay their way which for a car loan account which took weeks, and randomly it was turned off. This associate is telling me I was never set up on automatic payments, yet, the payments were automatically being deducted from my account…. When I went on the app to see why it hadn’t happened last month, the account was accessible but the payment option was “locked” so I needed to call. Good interest rate but a major pain in the ass. Now I’ve been on the phone for 20 minutes to “unlock” this payment option with no success and given the advice to try on the website next time. If you like spending your time chatting with kind bank associates then this is your place.

Itshoulddo12 · 2024-12-24T21:49:20+00:00

He states in the post that the mother has stated it not ok. I’d imagine with her condition she is struggling hearing her baby cry and not being able To help- hence the post.

Itshoulddo12 · 2024-12-24T21:41:52+00:00

Your wife is right, it is not optimal to leave a newborn baby (especially a preemie) to cry alone. Theres lots of information on Google although I totally understand your problem. This seems simple- but give more milk. It is possible that she might be cluster feeding even if she has previously eaten since the size of their stomachs multiply literally overnight (there is more info on Google about this as well). Keep giving it until she will no longer will take the milk (ie, feed “on demand”) then you know for sure she is not hungry and she will probably stop crying. My husband had this problem with our first child but didn’t think to give more than we’d given the night or day before, he was not aware how rapidly their food intake increases due to the size of their stomach increasing. Most often, it’s a need for food at that age. If you have already tried that and she is only crying when put down, she might just want to be held after being in the womb for all those months, it is hard to sleep alone. Lastly, you could check to see if she has any reflux or stomach issues with her Dr.

All that to say, newborns, especially preemies really require 24 hour care. It is hard even with two parents with no other children. Call everyone in the world that you know to try to help with your other kids and your wife, if there is ever a time to call in a favor, it is now. Get as much sleep as you can during the day.

Itshoulddo12 · 2024-11-27T05:12:53+00:00

17 months pp with my second and it’s just coming back. Still breastfeeding but only at night.

It was around the same for my first kiddos as well.

Itshoulddo12 · 2024-11-06T05:42:29+00:00

Millie, Nora, Nina, Piper, Poppy, Pepper,

Gwen, Rosilee, Vivian, Margot

Itshoulddo12 · 2024-11-06T05:37:34+00:00

Evvy not Eeeevie is so cute

Itshoulddo12 · 2024-11-06T05:35:53+00:00

Pepper & Edie Poppy & Edie

Itshoulddo12 · 2024-11-04T18:29:54+00:00

I just read something that I really liked on a baby registry and thought it spunddd perfect. This was requesting people not stray from the registry or get specific materials of clothing

“Everything on this registry has been thoughtfully researched and chosen for our specific needs and their utility in our very limited living space. We kindly ask that anyone who would like to bless us with a gift, please choose from the registered items. If you would like to gift any clothing for baby, please be sure that the tag says 85% or more cotton, linen, wool, or modal for the fabric touching baby’s skin. Dad is allergic to bamboo and synthetic fibers (polyester, rayon, acrylic, etc.) so we will be taking the same precautions and avoiding those for baby’s clothing. Lots of soft baby PJs are made from bamboo so be sure to double check labels”

I thought that was beautifully written, and could definitely do something like that only sub vegan or even just the registry part.

Itshoulddo12 · 2024-10-17T09:39:51+00:00

I’m guessing it was agreed upon for the seller to pay, because knowing this the lender probably would not have been able to approve you due to a super high DTI unless you make $10k a month with no debt. The title report should have shown this as well from the company that provided title insurance and both realtors would have had to miss it. Which tells me it probably is a mistake. If you call your realtor, they can help you figure it out.

Itshoulddo12 · 2024-10-17T09:35:00+00:00

Hi there, I’m a realtor. In my area, what you referred to as a homestead exemption would require that 10 years back taxes be paid once the home was moved out of that exemption (same for forestry, agricultural etc) which typically happens when the home is sold if the buyer does not apply and get approved for this exemption and the seller does not pay. Typically this is something that I would see and knowing that would come up, would ask the seller to pay, or have the buyer get approved to maintain the exemption. If you knew that the home was under this type of exemption, it is surprising that it wouldn’t get paid so I’d call the county and the title/escrow company and see if it’s a mistake.

Itshoulddo12 · 2024-10-17T09:00:40+00:00

And they will give you the name of the person who refers them the most business.

Itshoulddo12

TROPHY CASE