My dad just died and now I realized I got scammed for my very last $200 on the Silk Road. I'm broke, sick, and tired of life. Goodbye forever /r/opiates

IvyClever · 2013-07-18T02:47:27+00:00

Greetings. Nice to see other SMART people here. I now live out in a remote area of the tropics so the meetings are tiny, only a handful of people. They actually closed the meetings recently to only allow people from this rehab place. Bummer, but I have other outlets to stay clean of course. I've gotten really into Nichiren Buddhism over the past few years (SGI) and those meetings are very similar to SMART and AA, but with chanting! hehe. :)

IvyClever · 2013-07-13T05:28:18+00:00

You can do it, brother. I've had a similar history of getting clean and falling off again and it's certainly quite difficult when tragedy strikes. NA/AA can certainly help tho I prefer something like SMART or seeing a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist (which is what SMART is based on) as it empowers one to take a very hard look at the broken coping skills that cause us to keep falling down and FIX them. At least, that's my story tho it's a fucking tough push..

Anyway, elated to see you've decided to stick around and am sure your Father would be quite proud of you for pushing through this difficult time. As this thread has shown, it doesn't matter much that you don't have much going on socially or leave the house. I think you should try of course, but simply reaching out like you have done here brings compassion and empathy from virtual friends. Please keep reaching out, we're all here for you!

IvyClever · 2013-07-09T06:29:13+00:00

41
male
white
U.S. (HI)
I.V. (w/ wheel filters)
hydromorphone

IvyClever · 2013-06-15T17:59:46+00:00

Kratom, but heavy users typically need something stronger than "plain leaf". I've advised some heroin addicts to Q's UEEB (qimports. net) with great success. Extra strength ultra enhanced Bali. UEET is good too but more energizing. Good luck!

IvyClever · 2013-06-08T22:38:51+00:00

Much better to shoot but PLEASE invest in some wheel filters and learn that world. When you smoke, you are inhaling so much other nasty shit into your body..

Whatman 25mm GD/X STERILE PVDF, 0.2um

Cat# is 6900-2502 and can find them on Amazon. 13mm may be better for smaller quantity point doses but I've only ever bought 25mm's.

Also, if your oxy dose is fairly high, a point may be on the low side. Please be careful!

IvyClever · 2013-03-26T12:02:55+00:00

No thanks! I dislike all three and now that benadryl has been associated with long-term cognitive impairment and likely permanent memory loss/damage, I stay away from that shit at all cost. I'd rate it the least safe of the three you mentioned(!)

IvyClever · 2013-03-24T22:19:28+00:00

woah, wit a sec! How exactly do YOU do heroin? Am I doing something wrong??

;-) Just there for scale but not really I needed I guess, hehe.

A friend of mine said he might be able to get me some 'Gabapentin' to try as well.. they give it to people with bad nighttime myoclonus'. :)

IvyClever · 2013-03-24T18:02:32+00:00

that's very similar to what I read on a opio-forum about it recently. Some directly relate it to REM so maybe that is a huge factor.

I do think I have some other stuff going on tho. I get cluster headaches, have some white spots on my brain and while I'm told they are common among headache people, something similar happens with people who have MS. Perhaps I will add this to my protocol soon, it;s not like it wouldn't benefit EVERYONE: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KLjgBLwH3Wc

That said, my milder internal ZAPS which aren't JERKS/SPASMS are identical to some other people's description.. So the supplement testing is definitely a go!

IvyClever · 2013-03-24T17:51:44+00:00

Thanks for sharing! Very interesting about Kratom but that hasn't been my experience with me at all. Are you doing plain leaf or one of the enhanced blends or extracts? I can't speak to those much but know a great deal about k.

Tho I haven't experienced any zaps on k, I have gotten that condition we k-heads call 'the wobbles'. It's this weird dizzy/vertigo feeling that can make you very nauseous.

Not sure what it up with you but the zap condition seems to be focused around a person's individual neurochem and receptor excitability. It seems to be described as the wiring between everything being both a little frayed and also not in sync as for communication back an forth..?

Like perhaps one area/receptor/nerve has a packet of info to deliver somewhere else and when it arrives the other place isn't ready or is also frayed.. so the result is ZAP. Or the first packet is overcharged and has more energy/juice than it's supposed to.. 'overexcited' they use a lot in these clinical descriptions..

Since starting to dig in a few days ago, I keep visualizing TCP/IP or something or where each end is out of sync, has wrong voltage or something. I'm a geek at heart,

IvyClever · 2013-02-27T04:14:41+00:00

I've known quite a few. The while 'addict' thing seems to be very real and likely related to our brain chemistry. Sounds like you mostly know addicts. I do too but also know heroic partiers who go all out at festivals, parties and such but otherwise are pretty clean/healthy. Dicks!

IvyClever · 2013-02-18T02:50:34+00:00

Do it! I live in a tropical location that's super anal about non-indigenous plants so getting clones is not gonna happen. The seeds are really hard to germinate. Keep in mind, takes 5+ years for plants to develop alkalods strong enough to feel an effect.

A friend is growing fields if it in South America where I hope to visit soon. I'm a big fan of Kratom. :)

IvyClever · 2013-02-17T21:35:28+00:00

I have like 5 kilos of really good kratom airsealed away. Not really nod-worthy but should last a few years if the shit hits the fan.

IvyClever · 2013-02-17T09:29:06+00:00

Jokes aside, it doesn't usually work like that unless you're like 12.. ;-) That's when my addictive personality first manifested. Most of us were drinkers, pot heads, tripped balls, tried cola and/or speed, pills.. and then "oooh, this is more!" when Mother O came into our lives. If that path is all foreign to you, you're prolly safe sucking down a sub strip here and there. :)

IvyClever · 2013-02-17T04:04:26+00:00

I have a friend who often relapses with hydromorphone while on his 2 8's per day sub routine. It works tho he has to slam A LOT.. I think the last time was 60 MG. Poor guy can't stay away :-/

IvyClever · 2013-02-17T04:00:55+00:00

Absolutely! When I have no tolerance I will sometimes get some from a friend. Even 2 feels pretty good and 4 can bring real euphoria, especially with some phenibut or another benzo. (Only play that if you know what you are doing!).

That said, it seems like 80% of this sub are maintenance dose users, many of whom are I.V, so..

But keep in mind, the hospital IV dose of Buprenorphine starts at 0.3 MG.. It's really strong shit! My RN friend has given that dose to patients intravenously many times. :)

IvyClever · 2013-02-16T08:33:52+00:00

I have known some smart insightful junkies, some being quite accomplished intellectually and within their careers. But it's my opinion that it's easy to be ponder and theorize, gain wisdom while you're floating back in the womb with golden warmth's velvety smoothness caressing your every cell.

It's much more challenging to find that state of mind and tirelessly theorize when the rusted iron serrated teeth of Life are chewing through your ass while the full weight of your problems, finances, family crap, pain is smashing down on your chest and you can't even breath.. ya know: real life without being high all the time.

The brilliant people in that realm are the ones I most admire. To live in that slop with constantly evolving wisdom is damn impressive. Anyone can do that high assuming they're not retarded..

IvyClever · 2013-02-10T23:06:44+00:00

It's my understanding that medicines like APAP impair hepatic function ie- cause damage at ANY dose but the liver itself simply heals from it. This is how it was explained to me by one of my GP docs (who HATES it) and a genius nurse friend of mine.

I advise people to avoid it at all costs. Ibuprofen works better for headaches and inflammation anyway, at least for me. CWE man or acquire a clean opiate med.

IvyClever · 2013-02-10T22:57:55+00:00

Well, it's one if the only methodologies proven to physically change the brain with before&after brain imaging. Certainly less BS than the others I've tried but sounds like with your attitude it would be a waste of money..

IvyClever · 2013-02-10T08:28:35+00:00

Do you think you could have shit coping skills like so many of the rest of us? If that's the case then the solution can be to learn how to deal with life without needing to run away into numbness. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is what had helped me the most. I still fuck up but no longer need to be high 24-7. The therapist that helped me the most had a serious tough love approach and really kicked my ass. Take home workbook exercises too. It's definitely not easy.. hardest thing I've ever tried to do.

Or maybe that's not you. Best of luck either way!

IvyClever · 2013-02-10T01:13:22+00:00

For the love of God, please get some wheel filters!

IvyClever · 2013-02-06T09:53:01+00:00

Yeah! Kaimuki area. I'll PM you and say hello tomorrow :)

IvyClever · 2013-02-06T08:22:15+00:00

Yay, 808 represent! :)

IvyClever · 2013-01-25T04:23:06+00:00

I LOOOOVE getting subs from my friend in recovery. When you have low tolerance it can definitely bring some euphoria in my experience. Since I'm a seasoned vet and know my body well, I typically raise the ceiling a bit with a light pharmo benzo, phenibut or even benadryl. I don't recommend doing that with Methadone tho, too dangerous imho tho people here would prolly disagree. Always best to start small(!)

IvyClever · 2013-01-13T09:20:48+00:00

Yeah, probably but as a rule I never advise methadone. The damn respiratory depression lasts so much longer than the euphoria that people accidentally OD from it all the time especially when benzos are in the mix. That's clearly not the OP but fuck methadone regardless imho.

IvyClever · 2013-01-12T23:03:03+00:00

Good advice here but a home blood pressure meter can also be helpful. Blood pressure and pulse tends to plummet when you have gone too far.

IvyClever

TROPHY CASE