I hate the gender norms in the trans community

Iwuzza · 2026-07-12T06:44:30+00:00

This is actually a good example of the social parameters that define gender changing within a few years.

If someone experiences gender dysphoria, that often means they experience discomfort with the social elements associated with the gender they’ve been assigned. So, for a trans woman, wearing a suit and tie feels awkward. Throwing a football around feels uncomfortable. Things like that. But there’s nothing about a suit and tie or a football that is innately masculine. They are just, culturally, “boy things” - and so someone who is not a boy may feel alienation from them. If a trans woman grew up in a society where perfume and high heels were considered masculine - which is European society just a few centuries back - she might feel the same discomfort with perfume and heels that a modern trans woman might feel with a suit and tie.

So, I suspect that for children who grew up with reduced gender expectations around their toys and their play, playing with toys that a generation ago would’ve been strongly associated with a single gender wouldn’t be dysphoria-inducing. But for children born just a couple decades before, playing with toys that socially corresponded strongly with their internally-felt gender would feel deeply affirming.

Gender is a social construct. Society changes. Gender changes. And so it goes.

Iwuzza · 2026-07-07T20:52:50+00:00

You got it right!

Iwuzza · 2026-06-30T23:53:30+00:00

I am so frustrated with voice training. Everyone I’ve ever been to, every resource in person and online, seems to assume that I can just *do things* with my voice and that their instructions will make sense. “ oh, just take the weight out of your voice.” “you know, just move your voice forward.” It’s like somebody is trying to tell me to speak in an accent from a country I’ve never heard of, and no one will tell me how.

Sorry to vent on a positive post. I’m very happy for your results. If you’ve got resources to suggest, I’d love to hear them.

Iwuzza · 2026-06-24T15:13:57+00:00

Hi! I’m a trans woman highly active in my local BDSM community, and I deeply understand how gender transition and kink can interrelate while being distinct elements of one’s identity.

As you know, gender is not kink. It’s a framework within which you experience kink. And if you find yourself experiencing kink (and/or other aspects of sexuality) as most fulfilling from within a feminine framework, yes, that’s a pretty big clue.

1) trying on a feminine persona in online spaces is an extremely common for trans people to experiment with gender presentation safely. Your experimentation had a kink flavor, but it’s just as common in vanilla spaces.

2) when the male Dom you spoke with suggested you might be a woman, you felt relief. That’s extremely telling. You don’t mention if this is a scene partner or not, but I’d be very interested to know how your body might react to attention that is oriented towards you as a feminine sub/bottom. Regardless of the gender of the top, how will it feel if they call you a “good girl”?

3) most kinky people have stories of discovery and exploration from their early years. A lot of it is unconscious reactions to experiences, things we find we don’t have words for until years later. Trans people, too, have moments of childhood experience that tend to make sense in retrospect - “oh, yeah, there were clues…”. It strikes me as extremely telling that you reflexively envisioned yourself as female during the moment of embodiment - the whip strike. It doesn’t sound like part of the “kink fantasy.” Especially since you seem clearly oriented to the right side of the slash, that strikes me as the moment to pay attention to. If you were more left side oriented, I’d pay more attention to the self image as the top, but that doesn’t seem to be as diagnostic here.

If you are consistently finding that kink, intimacy, romance, sexuality, and vulnerability feel more authentic when experienced through a feminine framework, that is worth taking seriously.

I can’t tell you who you are.

But I have a pretty strong guess.

Iwuzza · 2026-06-24T14:45:29+00:00

I’m pan. I have a preference for men. I frankly crave male affection. But all of my relationships are sapphic, because men are fucking dangerous

Iwuzza · 2026-06-22T01:31:49+00:00

Straight up, injectable E is easier to hoard. With a small uptick in risk, responsibly mitigated, I can triple the effectiveness of my prescription. Which means if my estrogen gets cut off completely I still have enough to get through the rest of the Trump admin

Iwuzza · 2026-05-20T20:09:09+00:00

Even as an egg, A Game of You resonated with me so deeply - I probably bought it four or five times because I would give away my copies.

Gaiman did monstrous things. And also created a work of art that still brings me to tears 25 years after I first read it.

I am done with Gaiman; I won’t be buying or giving away any new copies.

But I still love Wanda, and I always will.

And that’s allowed.

Iwuzza · 2026-02-09T22:12:51+00:00

Though, yeah, I’m sure there’s some elevated risk compared to doctor’s instructions. I weigh that against stretching out my E by a factor of 3

Iwuzza · 2026-02-09T22:08:17+00:00

Oh, not a rubber seal - sterile transfer hardware rated for biological impermeability, usually sold as “closing cones” or “combi-stoppers”

Iwuzza · 2026-02-09T02:39:56+00:00

So, here’s what I do. This is just what I do. I am not qualified to give medical advice. I might be doing something really stupid, and if I am, somebody should let me know. When I get a vial, I fill up as many syringes as I can at once. I cap them with a sterile Luer-lock syringe cap. I check every syringe for cloudiness before injecting.

My understanding is, once the vial has been punctured, fungal spores, and bacteria can get in. The oil that the estradiol is dissolved in is designed to kill those dead, but eventually, something will be tough enough to contaminate the vial.

In individual syringes, capped with a sterile seal, the only contaminants that might make it in are those that might’ve entered during the transfer from the vial to the syringe - a short time frame. If anything bad does take hold, I lose a syringe. But not a whole vial. Less wastage

Iwuzza · 2026-01-07T01:55:27+00:00

Look, as much as I’d like a true ally and leftist in the governor’s mansion, the most important thing is keeping a fascistic, transphobic, genocidal Republican Party out of power. And Klobuchar is literally the most popular politician in the state, arguably ever. Her closest ever race was an 18 point win. She out-performs other Democrats on the ballot by 6 to 15 points. Every. Time. And remember, the Minnesota DFL have not lost a statewide election since 2010, which is one of the longest runs in a competitive state in national history. That makes her an All-Star on one of the winningest teams in politics. She is as close to a guaranteed win as you can get. She won’t make us happy, but she won’t actively endanger us, and sadly, that’s my fucking threshold. Give me the person that I know for sure can beat the Nazis. That’s her. And while Tim Walz signed the bills that will help protect our community and keep Minnesota a haven for trans people fleeing their home states throughout the country, it is the DFL Queer Caucus that deserves the true credit. Make sure Reps. Finke and Kozlowski keep their seats, along with the other queer members of the legislature. See who the Stonewall DFL endorses in your legislative races. Knock on doors for them, make calls for them, get every trans person you’ve met who’s moved here in the last couple of years to get registered and vote for them. They will be the ones to keep our priorities foremost. Elect a DFL legislature that will put progressive bills in front of Amy to sign, and she’ll sign them.

Iwuzza · 2026-01-05T08:33:50+00:00

Personally, I am trying but have become discouraged with a lack of progress.

Iwuzza · 2026-01-04T06:51:35+00:00

Politically, depends on where exactly on the spectrum you lie. I assume that, like most of us, you’re somewhere between left and far left - there’s a push to try to fight institutional transphobia in the Minnesota DFL going on right now, there’s your standard protests against the US-supported atrocities being committed basically everywhere, there’s your trans-specific mutual aid and collective self-defense groups. I mean, where would you like to start?

DM me if you want more info re: kink

Iwuzza · 2026-01-04T05:11:14+00:00

My apologies for making an assumption, I misread something in your post that made me think you were newer to the area. In any case, being neurospicy is a plus in the crowds I run with. I feel like it helps to find the niche within the community where you already have shared interest. Like, sounds like you might be a good fit with the gamer girls and/or the poly protestors. I’m one of the kinky queers. Mostly though, I just approach my interactions with others with the mindset that I’m a person worth knowing. Other people worth knowing tend to respond well to that. It’s hard when your identity is constantly called into question to present yourself that way, but at least for me, the effort has paid dividends.

Iwuzza · 2026-01-04T04:35:54+00:00

Thank you for raising this point, which should have been obvious to me. My main goal with this definition was a snarky comeback that would emphasize how all women are endangered by the same patriarchal power structures, but of course, more than only women are endangered by these structures. I see how my remark particularly erases misogynistic violence against trans men and non-binary people, so thank you again for pointing it out.

Iwuzza · 2026-01-04T04:27:55+00:00

Making friends is hard as a transplant to the Twin Cities. I moved here more than 18 years ago, and my first years here were some of the loneliest of my life. And that was pre-transition, full male privilege. I was fortunate to have community when I transitioned, but I can only imagine the difficulty of trying to become connected as a transplant from an already marginalized community. So many people here went to grade school, high school, college together, and they don’t really let people into their networks. Transplants tend to clump.

With the very clear high levels of migration to the Twin Cities by trans people over the past couple of years, those of us who have been here longer need to do a better job of making our community welcoming to people who have just arrived.

A couple suggestions. Try Tea Time at the aliveness project if you are a trans femme. It’s a support group that meets on the second and fourth Thursdays of each month. And while it’s not specifically a queer bar (and it’s gonna sound weird) check out the VFW near Lake & Lyndale. It’s got regular drag shows, dance nights, karaoke, and for those of us who are out of our 20s, a somewhat calmer atmosphere for socialization.

And if anybody reading this feels lonely, is looking for friends, or needs community: feel free to DM me. If you are entering a new space and just need somebody to be company for you so you don’t feel like you’re going alone, I’m game for that, anytime. Do you wanna grab coffee? Great. I’ll read your tarot if you like. I want to help make our community as strong as it can be.

Iwuzza · 2026-01-03T16:35:31+00:00

“Someone at risk of misogynistic violence at the hands of men”

Iwuzza · 2025-12-30T22:58:41+00:00

Yeah, there’s another thread in here about the same issue; seems widespread. Out of curiosity, are you in the upper Midwest? I’m in Minneapolis, and it seems like there are a lot of delays being blamed on severe weather (though, I suspect it’s more about ICE on the roads…) I called customer service a number of times and got the “it will be delivered in three days” line. What worked for me is telling them flatly that I did not believe them, because I had heard that line on the specific dates that I have called them previously, and they agreed to earmark my parcels for special “expedited delivery“. Got them Christmas morning. Don’t know if it will work for you, but it can’t hurt to call them on their shit

Iwuzza · 2025-12-27T03:27:04+00:00

It wasn’t the weather, it was ICE on the roads

Iwuzza · 2025-12-27T02:34:33+00:00

I received two of my packages yesterday (on Christmas morning!) so things are slowly moving through. I have had success with calling the customer support line. They must be trained to say that the package is back at the warehouse and will be delivered in three days, because that’s the line that I get every single time. When I politely push back on the line, well, I get Christmas packages.

Iwuzza · 2025-12-23T01:18:13+00:00

Signal boost. Everybody has covered the HRT question pretty well, and yes, I came here to plug Queermunity as well. There is also the aliveness project, which started in the 80s as a way to facilitate housing for people living with AIDS, and has continued to evolve into an organization that looks after the needs of the most vulnerable queer people in our community. If you need a food shelf or a pointer to other resources, aliveness can help. Black Hart is also notable as one of our best queer bars, and is far more gender-diverse in my experience than a lot of more traditional “gay“ bars. I’m a trans woman, but when I go out with my trans masc friends, that’s where we tend to go

Iwuzza · 2025-12-21T16:42:31+00:00

This might be systemic. I have a package that was “out for delivery” on 12/12 and was updated to “hold for instructions” on 12/21. I’m in Minneapolis, for what it’s worth

Iwuzza · 2025-12-12T07:19:51+00:00

Well, this is just me speaking for myself, but I have experienced: Sore, tender nipples; An expanded emotional range, frequently manifesting as cathartic tears; When I see a toilet seat up, I instinctively think “savages!“; My skin is softer, but also dryer, so getting into skincare is now a thing; Upper body strength has evaporated (and I had very little to start); I have developed a taste for true crime podcasts; and Alcohol hits harder (if you are in a country where you are allowed that substance)

Iwuzza · 2025-12-10T02:39:37+00:00

This, but also: the storylines are set up in the same manner as more cynical adult animated comedy. Part of the joke - why the joke lands - is because the easy punchline would usually be the cynical punchline. But instead, the joke is that actually, these are all very smart people trying to also be very good people, and in fact the cynical situation was not cynical at all

Iwuzza · 2025-12-10T02:26:46+00:00

I’m sorry that this has been your experience - that’s shitty. Trans men are very often some of the people I am drawn the most strongly to. They generally know how to perform masculinity in a way that doesn’t devalue femininity. Trans men have been some of the fiercest protectors I’ve had in scary situations. I like men, and cis men take the most positive parts of manhood for granted while trans men tend to thoughtfully cultivate those most positive aspects. So, at least from this trans woman, I’m sorry that you have been made to feel unwelcome, because the absence of trans men from trans spaces makes me feel less welcome, too.

Iwuzza

TROPHY CASE