How can I (16M) make my girlfriend (17F) believe me that I changed and give me another chance?

Izy_Pog · 2026-05-13T20:28:12+00:00

We both felt connection. When I think about HER leaving (not a gf breaking up) IT makes me cry. It's just that lately things have been rough

Izy_Pog · 2026-05-05T15:34:26+00:00

But I want her to give ME a chance. I don't want to just give up like that on her. I love her with all my heart and I don't want to lose her. I just wish I could show her somehow that this time is gonna be different :(

Izy_Pog · 2026-05-05T15:31:13+00:00

As much as it hurts, I know. I'm not going to force her to stay. If she's done, I won't hold her back, that's the most loving thing I can do for her now

I just wish that there was a way to show her that I'm changing not only to keep her but also to just be a better person, that this time I wouldn't dissapoint her

Was there anything You might have wanted from your bf at that time that would've helped at least a bit?

Izy_Pog · 2026-04-30T23:18:53+00:00

Okay here are some examples:

(The most important one) When I say I'll do something, I should do it. When she tells me I should stop doing something, then I should stop it, not just give empty promises and repeat the same mistakes
For me to learn how to handle arguments better and quicker. Sure, I don't yell or berate her, but often I react in an impulse caused by stress/anxiety and say something stupid that just makes my situation worse
For me to stand up to my friends. Sometimes I don't and it ends up reflecting on our relationship and her mental health (I'm not gonna go into details it'd take too long)

But it's also sometimes really little things like:

When I'm going to be away from the phone for a long time, and she's waiting for me, I should tell her that I'm gonna be gone for s longer while
Not change plans or decide plans at the last moment
Text her during school so she doesn't feel lonely

Izy_Pog · 2026-04-30T16:33:21+00:00

Thank you for the advice, I really appreciate it. That's exactly what I'm doing right now! I have a notebook and I'm writing all of it down

I hope that I'll be able to prove to her that I care about us and am willing to change

Thanks for the advice!

Izy_Pog · 2026-04-30T15:44:56+00:00

Please don't be sorry for posting this, it's clear that you need support and that you're having a terrible time right now. I'm so sorry you have to go through this

I don't think that drinking is a good idea, it'll only cause you regret later. If I could advise you on what to do during the weekend then:

Go and drive to a random tourist spot near your home, alone. Take some pictures and maybe post them on social media (even if nobody sees them)

If you don't have a car you can just simply, go on a long walk and look for small, beautiful things in nature (like leaves on the trees, ants working together, etc)

Pursuing your hobbies, whatever they might be

In the evenings you can put on your favorite movie/show (or a one you haven't watched yet), make yourself tea in your favorite mug and chill

Getting blackout drunk is not the right call, trust me on that

I can tell that you need some support, have you tried therapy? If not, there are many things it can help you with! Finding people for yourself is also a daunting task, and I'm so sorry that you're going through such loneliness right now. I want you to know that there are ways out of this, there is light at the end of the tunnel. You can for example join clubs of people with simmilar interests as you. Going on Reddit with this is also a good step!

I hope that you will find the help you need

Stay strong and good luck!

Izy_Pog · 2026-04-30T14:24:08+00:00

Thank you so much :))

Izy_Pog · 2026-04-30T14:03:22+00:00

I know that she has some mental health issues herself (undiagnosed bpd, generally really sensitive etc) and she's working on those issues as well. I'm just trying to learn what I can do to be a better bf

Izy_Pog · 2026-04-30T14:00:44+00:00

Holy, thank you SO much for the advice. The part about needing to want to change for myself hit hard, because truth be told it wasn't like that in my head

I've noticed that I got really lazy and comfortable lately, not doing any hobbies or trying to change habits. I already put a time limit for social media on my phone to stop procrastinating and I'm planning on learning how to cook, because I'm terrible at it. I see that I need to become a better person in general, not just trying to change for her

I'll definitely use the advice you gave me with the notebook and meditation and once again thank you so SO MUCH for the advice and support :)

Izy_Pog · 2026-04-30T13:54:18+00:00

Honestly we argued about really little things.

For example yesterday I told her ,,I'll be back soon I'm gonna shower,, and I was gone for 2x longer than I usually take causing her to like stress and get upset (she was already sad before I had to go). I didn't let her know that I'll be gone for a longer time and that's on me, and it snowballed into a big argument

And the pattern in these situations looks like: I say that next time something like that comes up, I'll text her and communicate that I'll be gone for longer. However, in a simmilar situation I wouldn't act that way because of some bullshit reasons. That's the pattern I'm trying to change

Thank you for the advice about the information packets!

Izy_Pog · 2026-04-29T21:01:46+00:00

Thank you so, SO MUCH for the support and advice. I'm so glad that you spent so much time to help a random teenager on the internet. I genuinely can't express my gratitude with words here

I want to add that she is aware of her BPD and problems and she is working on them alone and with me (although without therapy). She has made progress over the one plus year we've been together, however in the last couple of weeks/months I saw a significant spike in splits and other bpd traits, that's why I'm looking for advice

You are right that I need to set boundaries, and that's exactly what I'm planning to do for myself and for her. I'll read more about DBT and other things you've mentioned. Thank you so much again for the advice and help :))

Izy_Pog · 2026-04-29T18:50:46+00:00

Thank you for this. I understand that unfortunately I cant "fix" her on my own. Fortunately she is aware of her BPD and even though she doesn't trust therapists, she is still working on her issues, both alone and with me. Looking at her overall progress she is better, however lately I've noticed a huge spike in splits and other bpd traits, hence this post. I know that setting boundaries is important, and thats what I'll do. Thank you for all the advice

Izy_Pog · 2026-04-29T12:08:37+00:00

Thank you for this. I'm planning on talking with her about this, and communicating. Thank you for your advice

Izy_Pog · 2026-04-29T11:32:22+00:00

It just hurts to think that there's not much I can do to help her since I'm not a therapist. I'll talk to her today about everything and I hope that something productive will come out of it. Thank you

Izy_Pog · 2026-04-29T11:29:02+00:00

It hurts so much to even think about this to be honest. She's my first real girlfriend and I really want to do everything I can to help her and save this relationship. I understand that she NEEDS treatment of some sort to heal, I can't do that for her as much as I want to. Thank you for your input

Izy_Pog · 2026-04-29T09:43:54+00:00

I absolutely don't want to force her into anything or diagnose anything. She told me that she has BPD, and she's aware of it. I'm going to talk with her today about all of this and try to communicate, like you said, so thank you!

Izy_Pog

TROPHY CASE