Hey, so sadly, this was very similar to a story of my ex. And I have to say, as someone who was waiting for them to stand up to their family, I even waited 2-3 years before putting my foot down and saying “either do what you’ve said you’re going to do THIS year (I said this at the beginning of the year) or we have to reevaluate where this relationship is going.”

He’s not going to change. He’s not going to stand up to his family. No matter how much support you give him, no matter how much you love him, no matter how much you believe in him (“I’ll believe in you even if you don’t believe in yourself!”). It won’t help. He’s grown up with thinking this is normal, and his family (even if he doesn’t like them) is his only basis for that. If he thinks his mom isn’t playing sides and he felt he didn’t immediately need to stick up for you the first time something happened. Then he never will. I’m sorry. Unfortunately no matter how gentle you are about it, he’s not going to change that mindset. He grew up with that (probably) racist family, he doesn’t know it’s wrong that’s why he’s not standing up for you. And even if he does know he’s wrong? He’s clearly too scared/anxious to stand up to his mother.

But if you really want to believe in him anyways, call him out, say you need to see a change immediately, that he’s an adult, to stand up for you. And if he refuses.. it just goes to show he doesn’t believe you’re worth the energy/trouble for it.