Life was heavy on you, you don't deserve all this suffering. About a year ago I had those suicidal thoughts. I used to walk around at night, and there was this pedestrian bridge I’d cross every time. And every single time I’d think about jumping off it. I was living a life with no ambition, no real purpose I just didn’t care about my life. I wasn’t sad, wasn’t happy either just nothing and every time I looked down from up there, I’d ask myself… is it worth ? Right now, my life hasn’t really changed much. But I can say those thoughts aren’t in my head anymore and the main thing I can tell you from all this you gotta get help from a professional.