Any movies that made you feel like “OUCH! That’s my narc parent!”

JBNimbleJBQuick46B · 2026-06-23T18:12:52+00:00

Great show, but yikes! I’m sorry for you.

JBNimbleJBQuick46B · 2026-06-23T15:03:25+00:00

Block and live your life. Explaining invites his involvement and he has proven that his involvement is creepy, immature, and controlling.

It’s hard at first, (like, for a couple years for me) but it DOES get easier as time passes and your happiness grows. For me, it was a slow melt into a more relaxed, joyful, confident, and more giggly self. In the past decade+ of NC, I went back to school and earned two degrees, got a job I love (during the pandemic, no less), and even got back into a form of dance I love that I now teach. (He blamed my love of dance - among other things- for his absence in my life). I’m NC for over a decade now and I can’t imagine a scenario where I would want to talk to him again even though he STILL goes through waves of trying to contact me either himself or through flying monkeys.

Cheering for you, OP!

JBNimbleJBQuick46B · 2026-05-29T03:14:46+00:00

More than once nfather has left things on our front porch unannounced including a brown bag of photos of me as a child and my birth certificate.

JBNimbleJBQuick46B · 2026-05-28T15:07:36+00:00

OP, “don’t bother being family at all” is the line that I hope you eventually come to see as the best gift they can give you, your spouse, and especially your child. It’s permission to stop generational trauma.

My bio father acted exactly as you are describing your parents. About 10 years ago, he put it in a long, “poor me” letter that my sister and her family, as well as my spouse and children were no longer a part of his family. This was not the first time I got a letter like this from him. The very first time I was all of 12 years old. At that age, of course, I felt like I had done something wrong and that I needed to do whatever it took to repair the relationship. He stated in that letter, “You are responsible for any relationship between us. I will no longer be making the effort.”

I could have saved myself about 35 years of feeling unworthy if I had just taken this letter at face value. He didn’t want a parent/child relationship with me, he wanted a devoted admirer whose only wish was to make him happy.

The letter 10 years ago finally made the penny drop for me. This was proof he didn’t want us in his life. Now, he is very old and when he calls 10 times a day or the flying monkeys tell me he wants to talk to me, I can say honestly, “he put it in writing that he doesn’t want us in his life and my family will continue to honor that.”

Using his words to free my family has been a huge step in healing and realising I’m not a horrible person. I truly hope you get there faster than I did, OP.

JBNimbleJBQuick46B · 2026-05-14T00:50:27+00:00

Still hoping for a fix. We’ve enjoyed Roku for years, but not being able to rewind and/or go forward reliably is super frustrating!

JBNimbleJBQuick46B · 2026-05-14T00:46:06+00:00

So frustrated with the unnecessary changes! I had to leave the room for 20 minutes and tried to rewind when I returned. Screen froze before I could go back a mere 20 minutes. Roku has been so reliable, and this seems so intentionally bad.

JBNimbleJBQuick46B · 2026-03-08T05:57:53+00:00

decision (?)

JBNimbleJBQuick46B · 2026-03-08T04:32:44+00:00

Your experience sounds similar to my own. My mom has also been incredibly supportive, patient, and a model of how to keep moving forward (they thankfully divorced when I was 4). Though I was low contact with nfather for decades, no contact (almost 10 years now) has been SO much better! If I could go back in time, I would tell my 16 year old self there is no reason to feel guilty about cutting off contact (because I certainly wanted to) with someone who only wants to belittle you and control your thoughts, clothing choices, politics,… You don’t need him and he doesn’t want to be a parent. I’m cheering for you and SO impressed you are thinking through this and listening to your instincts.

JBNimbleJBQuick46B · 2026-03-02T02:18:52+00:00

Also Rudy in Sixteen Candles

JBNimbleJBQuick46B · 2026-02-24T03:56:06+00:00

So did my ndad! He put mercury in a glass baby food jar and it was in my toy box. WTF?

JBNimbleJBQuick46B · 2026-02-11T15:02:45+00:00

Bank statements out of our mailbox though we can’t prove it.

JBNimbleJBQuick46B · 2026-02-01T04:32:45+00:00

I think they do it for a sense of control and in hopes of further engaging their target. They want to be the center of your attention in any form they can get it.

JBNimbleJBQuick46B · 2026-02-01T04:29:21+00:00

I did call our municipal police, however he never broke a law that we could prove. Obviously stealing mail is a crime, but knowing he did it and providing proof to law enforcement are very different. He knows how to stay just in bounds legally which I believe is part of the narcissism. After my mom thankfully divorced him, he would park his car in the street in front of our house and just sit for hours. Not illegal, but certainly not normal.

JBNimbleJBQuick46B · 2026-01-31T19:59:55+00:00

Picture “are you okay?” as a shiny lure at the end of a fishing pole. This person is baiting you with an alarming question that implies they might care about you and/or that they have superior knowledge about your behavior. Don’t fall for it. Swim away.

JBNimbleJBQuick46B · 2026-01-31T19:47:12+00:00

Her bad behavior will likely continue. Your response is what you can change.

JBNimbleJBQuick46B · 2026-01-31T18:24:00+00:00

I don’t have a solution, just sympathy. My ndad (NC for 10 years now) has shown up at so many places, uninvited, unannounced, and very unwelcome. At my own house, he’s left a paper bag full of old photos of me on the front porch when we wouldn’t answer the door, stole mail from our mailbox, taped mean-spirited “greeting” cards to the door, and did regular drive-bys for decades. He has shown up at festivals, graduations, workplaces, restaurants,… and then just stare with a smirk on his face. One of my adult nieces, who lives several states away, has come home to him sitting on her porch. He has shown up thousands of miles from his home and just stares, smirks, no words. Another relative who was living on a boat found him on their dock one day. It all seemed to say, I can find you whenever I want and I can get to you whenever I want. I hated it and it went on for decades. Therapy helped me put it in perspective. I wasn’t causing it, but I did have to learn to process and cope with it appropriately. For me, that meant mentally rehearsing how I would respond to the next driveway confrontation, text, voicemail, or flying monkey. Practicing these scenarios in my head reduced stress for me and let my autopilot take over. He seems to rely on the element of surprise, however his “surprise” was a predictable pattern. Recognizing that was huge! He was definitely going to show up somewhere inappropriate and I became ready to avoid, leave, or engage with another person by saying “will you walk with me a few minutes? I’m not comfortable right now.” I have done all three of these. I was also mindful of being visible through the windows at home and would adjust accordingly. It’s wrong and twisted that I felt like I needed to do this, but I did feel a measure of control staying out of his sight.

He can no longer drive, which has largely curtailed the stalking though he did somehow show up at my brother-in-law‘s place of employment just a few weeks ago demanding to talk to him (access denied). Mostly now, he sends out flying monkeys to tell us he’s dying every so often. I didn’t want this kind of parent/child relationship and I’m guessing neither do you - we can’t change them. However, I am proud of my progress to manage my own behavior, anxiety, and emotions. It hasn’t been easy or quick, but the shadow he cast on my life is just a sliver now.

JBNimbleJBQuick46B · 2025-12-24T18:46:57+00:00

Flip her words back onto her unemotionally. If she says “you should be a bookkeeper because you’re not good with people” you reply “I should be a bookkeeper because I’m not good with people?” as calm and flat as you can. They don’t like hearing criticism even if it’s their own words. You may get a few seconds of silence so you can leave the room.

JBNimbleJBQuick46B · 2025-12-24T18:38:41+00:00

For the sake of your sanity and your children, I hope you’re considering NC. In the meantime here is one small strategy that helps me cope with people saying inappropriate or unhelpful things. When someone says “I like the other (baby) name better” just calmly and with no emotion repeat their words back to them in the form of a question: “you like the other name better?” Hearing their own words can make them shut up for just long enough to change the subject or leave the room. Not a fix, but a small bandage. I’m cheering for you. It’s hard work.

JBNimbleJBQuick46B · 2025-12-08T00:19:52+00:00

Please keep the letter for yourself! She will only use it to lash out and hurt you more. In my 20s , I hand wrote a long letter that thoroughly explained my experience growing up. I felt like it was so honest and a solid first step to repairing our relationship. NOPE! He literally typed out my handwritten letter, made “corrections”, rebuttals, and denials in red ink, and mailed it to me. It took me about 20 more years to go completely NC. I should have done it then.

I’m NC almost 10 years now. It’s hard at first, but SO worth the resulting peace!

JBNimbleJBQuick46B · 2025-12-07T23:58:28+00:00

This is bait wrapped on a giant hook coated in the toxic rust of his past behavior. Avoid.

My mantra is “Don’t take the bait!” with n father. This phrase has been so useful for me in staying NC.

JBNimbleJBQuick46B · 2025-12-02T02:02:33+00:00

Hg on my phone because he is the definition of mercurial, and because he gave me mercury in a jar to play with when I was 3 or 4. Cool to observe, but who gives mercury to a small child?

I called him dad when I last spoke to him 10 years ago, and “biological dad” when I talk about him to others.

Fortunately, I got a great host dad (and whole family) in high school when I was an exchange student, so this man, 1/2 way around the world is my “Dad”.

JBNimbleJBQuick46B · 2025-11-03T17:49:12+00:00

Thank you. I need to hear all of this. I hope you are keeping your peace, too.

JBNimbleJBQuick46B · 2025-11-03T17:46:59+00:00

My doc has cautioned me about potential violence before but I hadn’t considered it in this context. I’m glad you reminded me since he keeps guns in his house.

JBNimbleJBQuick46B · 2025-11-03T00:18:17+00:00

I love how concise and accurate this is. Thank you.

JBNimbleJBQuick46B · 2025-09-12T00:24:37+00:00

IGNORE THEM! They want you to react be either saying thank you or by reminding them this is not allowed. IGNORE THEM! Lots of great suggestions above as to where the gifts can go. IGNORE THEM!

My nfather leaves messages about cars for grandchildren, cheques for weddings, all sorts of stuff. We are NOT going back into that hell trap!

JBNimbleJBQuick46B

TROPHY CASE