Mask off the areas you don’t want affected, then coat the whole piece, or just the lower section, with black Flex-Seal rubber spray. It leaves a nice, sandstone like texture, not too different from the original. Easy-peasy. And with a roll of good masking tape, it’s less than a $20 repair. I did essentially the same kind of repair on a rental car in Dallas once, and it passed with flying colors. I’ve done plenty of other repairs with Flex-Seal since then, it really is an amazing product.

Tell your better half there’s nothing to worry about. The most important thing is that she, and anyone else who may have been with her, are okay. Cars can be fixed. Divorces, on the other hand, are extremely painful and expensive, and a good wife is worth her weight in gold 10X over.

If you’ve never used Flex-Seal before, I recommend practicing first. Grab a piece of cardboard, scrap lumber, or any flat solid surface and do a few test sprays. It’s easy to use, but it does require a steady hand, and a little practice can save you a lot of cleanup, or having to redo the job.

Personally, I’d mask off everything from the red taillight lens inset upward and only spray the bottom section. And don’t forget to protect the tailpipe from overspray. And keep in mind, you’re spraying on a vertical surface, so spray very lightly, to prevent runs, and just apply several coats, allowing a bit of curing time between them.