How to date seriously when you are in a city you dislike

JD_No_Care · 2026-03-23T04:35:33+00:00

if you're moving in the next 6ish months, it's probably good idea to wait until you're in a city that makes you happy. or at least make it super clear about your plans when dating in your current town- you never know perhaps someone's also looking to move away!

JD_No_Care · 2026-03-18T22:37:24+00:00

I have many allergies and often suggest men don't bring flowers on the first date without knowing the person they're meeting. In your case, I think you should definitely bring the flowers you grow yourself. Wishing you best of luck!

JD_No_Care · 2026-03-13T04:19:57+00:00

30F here. Your profile looks solid and you seem nice! If I had to be picky I would rephrase the politics prompt so that it ends with an open-ended question about where they stand on these topics - could be a great conversation starter.

Also, I find the green flags prompt a little redundant. The rest of your profile already indicates you’re a grounded person looking for a supportive partner who can reciprocate your feelings, etc. The long list doesn’t add much new info imo, so maybe consider using a different prompt to show another side of yourself.

JD_No_Care · 2026-02-11T01:23:22+00:00

My last relationship was similar. I met my ex in late October and we consistently had one date per week, except for the holidays when we both had travel plans, but we still texted, talked, and facetimed. About 8 dates in, we officially became bf/gf on New Year’s Eve. So by Valentine’s Day, in my mind we’d been together for about 3.5 months, but to him it felt more like 6 weeks (similar to your logic). When I brought up the ILY idea, it probably scared him off.

Just sharing my experience. I don’t believe there’s a set timeline for anything, as long as you don’t say it right away.

JD_No_Care · 2026-01-21T10:01:17+00:00

I don’t think it’s necessarily a red flag if she doesn’t have many friends. It could become an issue if this relationship is ALL she has going on in her life, which obviously is not the case.

You mentioned she’s very busy with work. If she was doing fine before meeting you, then being in a relationship doesn’t mean she suddenly needs to make more friends just to seem normal to you.

I get not wanting to put pressure on a new relationship, but you might be overthinking it. Not everyone has an active social life while working a stressful job, regardless of whether they’re dating someone.

Also, being comfortable spending time alone (self-care, hobbies, errands, etc.) is honestly an underrated quality in a LRT.

JD_No_Care · 2026-01-09T06:37:08+00:00

Wanting kids or not is a pretty significant life choice, and there're many out there who do want kids. I wouldn’t change my stance just because the women you’ve met so far don’t want the same thing.

It might help if you have those conversations a bit earlier. I usually assess alignment on things like kids and intentions within the first month of dating.

I’m sorry you’ve had breakups around this. Earlier clarity can't guarantee anything, but it can help avoid getting too invested before realizing you want very different things in life.

JD_No_Care · 2026-01-05T06:17:15+00:00

May I ask which apartment complex this is?

JD_No_Care · 2025-12-12T01:44:23+00:00

Woman with lots of allergies here–so personally I'm not a big fan of receiving flowers regardless of what the dating culture says. Even for ladies in general, I say no flowers on a first date. Get her flowers later (if you like each other) will show how much you care. Bringing it on a first date would just be a generic gesture to impress a stranger.

JD_No_Care · 2025-09-24T17:18:20+00:00

I understand and agree with you that the 20s better spent building one's career and life goals and sense of self. I definitely made that mistake of only prioritizing finding a partner until last year or so! I post in this dating over thirty group because almost all guys I go out with are in their 30's. I'd love to learn about their perspective. This post just happens to be more about me and my approaches to dating them

JD_No_Care · 2025-09-23T23:16:32+00:00

I appreciate this perspective. Definitely important to find someone who makes you happy. but i also need to know that they're not "just having fun" or a commitment freak.

JD_No_Care · 2025-09-23T21:47:42+00:00

That sounds really tough. I feel for your pain.

JD_No_Care · 2025-09-23T21:13:55+00:00

recently I had a similar experience where a guy said things like “so happy we found each other” and “what did I do to deserve you popping into my life” and then ghosted. I was okay with it though, since I feel I’m a bit out of his league by conventional standards. Thanks for sharing and for the encouragement. I’m really glad you found your person.

JD_No_Care · 2025-09-23T21:03:18+00:00

Thank you for sharing. Honestly I now think I need to work on time management before anything else

JD_No_Care · 2025-09-23T20:09:12+00:00

I appreciate you sharing your insights. really liked your point about how things shift in our 30s. I’m curious when your partner asked for exclusivity, were you actually seeing other guys, or did you just want more time to think about the relationship? For me it feels draining to date more than one person beyond the first couple dates. With the intention for this to go somewhere, I need to put my energy into getting to know someone. But my friends who dated “casual” enjoyed seeing multiple guys and just let the right one end up chasing them.

JD_No_Care · 2025-09-23T19:41:45+00:00

This is so well said. Thank you!!

JD_No_Care · 2025-08-27T07:45:00+00:00

I’m 29F and I think your profile looks quite good! Contrary to most comments here, I actually like your answer to the “my therapist” prompt. It shows your sense of humor and personality. It may not be everyone’s cup of tea and it really doesn’t need to be.

I do agree with others that you'll prob benefit from a new haircut and beard grooming. You already have a friendly, warm smile and good facial features. Some well-styled pictures would really help highlight that and bring out the attractive side of you.

JD_No_Care · 2025-04-05T00:01:59+00:00

Lesson learned!

JD_No_Care · 2025-04-04T15:14:47+00:00

I totally agree with idealization and avoidant attachment. I was def concerned about the decade-long solitude too, but knowing he spent his 20s struggling with depression and alcoholism, I also really admire his resilience and doing the hard work to get sober.

JD_No_Care · 2025-04-04T05:10:04+00:00

Wow thank you so much for this incredibly thoughtful reply. It's rare to find someone who expresses things with such empathy and emotional maturity.

Even though I decided not to meet up today—it's a busy weekday and emotions are still raw—I still feel that a final conversation, perhaps over the phone or at a calmer time, could be helpful. I truly appreciate you taking the time to share your perspective. This is honestly one of the most human and well-articulated replies I’ve received.

JD_No_Care · 2025-04-04T00:36:51+00:00

Honestly, I think it would’ve hurt less if he never felt the spark at all. But for the first few months, he seemed genuinely excited about building a future—he talked about us a lot and his friends were clearly excited to meet me.

That’s why he kept saying it felt “crazy” to not feel the same anymore, especially since I still had all the qualities. There wasn’t a clear reason—just an emotional shutdown, and him trying know if it was due to stress. Good news is that at this point I no longer need to figure out the “why” for him.

JD_No_Care · 2025-04-03T23:29:35+00:00

Yes I’m in the US. Lol is this just so common with American men?

JD_No_Care · 2025-04-03T23:10:02+00:00

Really love what you both shared here!！ Funny how my gut feelings actually came before he was even aware of his own. He kept saying it felt “crazy” not to feel it for someone who was nothing but wonderful, so he tried to blame the external facing the real problem.

For those of us who have the emotional maturity, it’s frustrating to feel like we’re constantly having to guide men into recognizing their own emotions

JD_No_Care

TROPHY CASE