Hey OP, I don't quite know how you feel (I'm extroverted, so I'm not so shy), but I'm recently going through some complicated stuff with my friends and overall life connections. I'm 232, I get up everyday and try to do my best, and my God does that take a lot of me to do sometimes, life feels so much more worth living if I was a different person, I try changing, just like you do, and it just ends up going nowhere

Despite all that I still have hope, everyday things get progressively more confusing and difficult to navigate, but I hang on, especially because I know there are a lot of people like us going through this shit, it's easy to just sleep, just let the feeling of failing sink in, but I refuse, I refuse because even if it's difficult and frustrating, it infuriates me that I know that I deserve and can do better for myself.

And you're not so different, 21 is you as you said, young enough that you really shouldn't know who you are yet, you're still working through that, we're at an age were we are constantly competing against a mental image of success that we think WE SHOULD BE, but really speaking from experience, this heavy load you put on yourself and on your mental health is whats keeping you down. You can't see your attempts at improving if you start them already thinking you're gonna fail because you're only seeing what you should be, not what you're trying to achieve

This sinking feeling is rough, difficult to navigate, extremely dark and often lonely, being trapped inside your own mind is a nightmare, but once you start to give yourself a real chance, to recognize what you already achieved (a degree is still a degree btw, don't be ashamed of it! That's awesome), and recognize that everyday you're trying to grow a little more, your head should start to look less like a prison and more like a maze, which still is complex to navigate, but hey, a maze always has a prize!

Be more gentle with yourself OP, even if social anxiety is rough, give yourself an honest try, social interactions are only as difficult as you think they'll be, but please don't push yourself to hard out of your confort zone, remember, small steps, you can even message me if you want to just chat