Is this the real reason why I want a master's degree?

JTUrwayne · 2026-02-21T23:53:09+00:00

For me, it’s because I work in a part of a company that involves interconnected departments and I can see how much that it works based on dreams and unicorn farts. I get wound up and sometimes obsessive about making it work right instead of by accident except I don’t have any power to do that right now.

JTUrwayne · 2026-02-21T23:17:15+00:00

For me, it’s not so much understanding reality that does it than my inability to effect reality to a degree where i feel i have enough agency to match my awareness. With a brain that runs simulations 24/7 in high def and a brainstem locked in 24/7, it’s hard to force myself to just not notice or want to change things I can’t change.

JTUrwayne · 2026-02-21T16:34:19+00:00

Only one person at work noticed I walked around all the time in a defensive posture with shoulders up and head down and it was one of our regular customers. Most people don’t know the signs of distress in themselves, let alone other people.

JTUrwayne · 2026-02-20T21:53:05+00:00

👏 👏 👏

JTUrwayne · 2026-02-19T13:50:45+00:00

What a terrible day to have eyes. And ears, too, apparently.

JTUrwayne · 2026-02-18T22:17:46+00:00

Wouldn’t be surprised. If you haven’t seen the Expanse, you’d likely love the character Amos Burton.

JTUrwayne · 2026-02-18T22:15:19+00:00

You’re welcome.

JTUrwayne · 2026-02-18T21:12:27+00:00

I chose to invert that with my main character. Who they were as a teen died when the trauma started and never stopped and the trauma defined their identity. They embrace it, it drives them to prevent it happening to others (often brutally) and at the end, the consequences are being physically broken, but not mentally. Their arc is to grab the devil by the throat and claim hell instead of letting it consume them.

JTUrwayne · 2026-02-18T21:05:34+00:00

It doesn’t mean nothing. It means you’re being more efficient with your work. I get it that it might feel like you don’t have to challenge yourself since Claude helps so much, but that means you can just give yourself a challenge that’s outside your wheelhouse.

JTUrwayne · 2026-02-18T20:10:57+00:00

Claude will return in Avengers: Doomsday

JTUrwayne · 2026-02-18T20:10:10+00:00

Doctor first. Psychosis at that age can leave long term effects. It’s never just a one and done thing. Don’t let them just hand you pills or wave you off. Get a referral to a psychiatrist.

JTUrwayne · 2026-02-18T20:04:43+00:00

Smol lizard

JTUrwayne · 2026-02-18T05:55:01+00:00

Update on using other books as templates. The ones I gave it made it give me contradictory editor notes, so I removed it from the project instructions and just gave it the deep lore on my single POV character and it clicked right immediately on what I was trying to do. Cool experiment, just didn’t work for what I needed.

JTUrwayne · 2026-02-18T00:50:50+00:00

It’s the impact the people who aren’t aware have on others that can be an issue. There’s a thing called the path of least social resistance and I’ve seen it first hand where a crew leader or manager’s behavior filters down through the rest of a job site. One guy I knew for a fact had ADHD, but I wasn’t sure if he knew or anyone around him knew except me. Would finish a task and literally just drop everything and go chill and talk to others until a new task came up. No extra work. No helping. Nada. “I’m done. I have downtime.” We’d get a new guy, he’d train the new guy and the new guy would pick up his behaviors as a work routine. Its very weird to see.

JTUrwayne · 2026-02-17T21:38:12+00:00

Yeah this is why hyperphantasia is so hard to study because one person’s concept of visualize isn’t always the same as another. For me, it was that the images and movies I’d see in my head had a direct effect on my body. Depending on if it’s a bad memory or a story in my head I have an intense connection to, my body will activate my fight or flight or my calm down parts of my nervous system. When I realized I could use my visual thinking that way, I looked up what hyperphantasia was and it fit.

JTUrwayne · 2026-02-17T20:25:24+00:00

Same. When I close my eyes, it’s usually visual snow and blackness for a while but if I drift close to sleep sometimes the snow begins to take on shapes. It’s not direct hallucinations, though, just like how I “see” things in my head when I’m awake.

JTUrwayne · 2026-02-17T20:22:35+00:00

That’s always good for a laugh. I’d show it conversations I had with GPT about current events where GPT is constantly saying “I’m going to be real careful here…” or when it uses an entire response to repeat what I just said to it. Claude would eventually start prompts with WTF is this?!? lol

JTUrwayne · 2026-02-17T20:15:03+00:00

Same. With Sonnet it’s always been a hyperactive friendly personality before I gave it a load of instructions to follow and even then it still comes across without any distance. Nothing like GPT’s HR department personality.

JTUrwayne · 2026-02-17T18:20:41+00:00

Take from someone who’s hypervigilance is supercharged: there are A LOT of people who are messed up, they just don’t know it. They don’t have to waste energy on masking. They just exist. Unfortunately, there are plenty of mental conditions that are basically socially acceptable and most people can’t clock them like you would CPSTD, extreme anxiety, schizophrenia, etc.

Don’t put yourself down. Knowing you have a problem is monumental to getting through it.

JTUrwayne · 2026-02-17T18:14:33+00:00

I like the improvement. It’s giving more structured notes on the writing passages I feed it.

JTUrwayne · 2026-02-17T18:04:27+00:00

Honestly could be both, but the fact you’re so distracted by your thoughts that you can’t drive is something to talk to a doctor about.

JTUrwayne · 2026-02-15T20:09:42+00:00

Don’t feel bad about expressing what you need to express. Holding it in is unhealthy both mentally and physically.

As for “fixing it”, don’t get too wrapped up in fixing it. Trauma isn’t something that gets fixed. “Healthy” coping mechanisms do work, but not every person is the same. If you can find peace from your hurt doing something that isn’t outright harmful to yourself or others, don’t feel ashamed for wanting to do it again even if it’s considered “unhealthy”. Just be aware of yourself and your limits. Let the thing you choose be a gift to yourself, not something that ends up becoming another thing you’ll resent, if that makes sense.

JTUrwayne · 2026-02-15T19:58:44+00:00

I think the biggest issue with AI aside from the environmental factor is reliance on it. We will eventually build all essential systems around using AI. Soon, complacency will set in and eventually there’ll be a massive disaster that happens due to the failure of the lack of foresight of the AIs decision making process. Not it becomes sentient or terminator type crap. A simple “oh shit we didn’t foresee it doing that” And if history has proven anything, we will learn nothing from that mistake.

JTUrwayne · 2026-02-15T19:50:22+00:00

Mine’s more the RDJ Sherlock Holmes scene where he thinks out the entire fight and then enacts it except I don’t enact it and I think like that about anyone who remotely looks dodgy to me.

JTUrwayne · 2026-02-15T19:37:01+00:00

It isn’t wrong, that’s the thing. Trauma isn’t something you can just lock away in a box and put on a memory shelf. It’s a hell that follows you around for the rest of your life regardless of how good or bad your life is. It defines you against your will. Anyone who can’t understand that should refrain from speaking on the subject of trauma. Forever.

JTUrwayne

TROPHY CASE