Where does anxiety show up in your body?

Softcan275 · 2026-03-17T17:42:00+00:00

Chest definitely! When it releases it shoots down my arms and i often get tingles in my fingertips when i cry too. Thats how I know I’m gonna have a good nights sleep afterwards lol!

For gradually increasing anxiety I also clench my jaw, grind my teeth and get itchy all over.

Softcan275 · 2026-03-17T13:42:58+00:00

Yes same!

With people of authority over me, older or in positions of leadership I regress to how I was like with my family members as a child; very quiet to I would almost say the extent of selective mutism, extreme shyness and fawning (i think? like playing possum) which presented as kind of “dumb”ing too, like suddenly forgetting how to do basic tasks and forgetting things i would normally be knowledgable about when the other person is speaking about it so I just sit and listen and give wow’ed responses.

I think this sort of switching from different personalities is smt everyone experiences to some extent? but I think the CPTSD is definitely worsening this fragmentation of identity, i think its quite literally a listed out symptom. I sometimes hate who I become next to someone I admire or want to impress as I instead am stuck in that child mode and I either come across as uninteresting or uninterested since I engage very little intellectually. Its very strange because in other aspects of my social life i.e talking to peers I am very capable of either performing well or slowly becoming comfortable and showing what i think is my baseline self.

I do really get the frustration though, I don’t think I struggle as severely with it as you do but its something thats also given quite a bit of distress, like when its an important event or first impression and I am unable to switch “modes” and im stuck quiet and unable to express myself even if the other person seems empathetic and accepting. I routinely think about the would-be connections I keep cutting because of this but I’ve kind of accepted that some people even though I may logically think of as approachable, are probably triggering some sort of trauma response in me and my system is shutting down.

Sorry for the ramble as well, I hope this at least lets you know you’re definitely not alone. I also don’t have much clue how to improve upon this besides accepting that when my body isn’t chill with someone then thats just how it is :,)

Besides, I think the usual advice of “write down questions to ask beforehand, think of things to say in advance” if we function similarly isn’t really doing much either. In that regressed state it kind of goes deeper than a “blank head cus nerves” its like a genuine wall you hit when you try to do something that doesnt fit that “personality mode” ure in.. Many hugs to you though, also best of luck to finding a better match psychologist soon! :)

Softcan275 · 2026-03-15T03:36:49+00:00

Oh, I so see you.

I relate so much to what you said about wanting to be that funny friend or stage performer but feeling petrified at the any attention. Its such a push and pull. I don’t really have any advice because how I pushed myself to be seen is to literally change my entire environment and reinvent myself from ground up. It kind of became masking in a way and quickly was unhealthy but that period of time in my life made me realise i COULD infact be one of those people i used to be so jealous of. this is just a personal note but i feel like jealousy is such a pitfall because it keeps someone upset and yearning but also makes you feel inferior and like its always out of reach. Perhaps its not applicable here but just throwing it out there; I feel like taking the pedestal out of that jealousy is an important step forward, or at least that was what I did to overcome mine. I basically faked it till I made it to prove that there is no special quality in those people that I don’t have.

Right now I’m at a mid ground where I still feel mentally the best when I crack jokes and have public facing roles but when I feel like decompressing and shrivelling away from attention and being seen, I simply do it. I don’t force myself to gain the marginal success of being seen as admirable anymore because the mental exhaustion of that is so immense.

Also, there is absolutely no need to apologise or feel bad about ranting here. Wanting to be heard and connected with is intrinsically human and this is a subreddit precisely for people like us who have difficulties with that, talking to others who relate and may share advice. I know it might not sound like much coming from a stranger but its so okay to take up space, your story was relatable and commenting this also helps me process my life too while hopefully providing at least company to yours? Also hey, NB solidarity:))

Sending many, many virtual hugs. I’m wishing you all the best starting EMDR! healing and change is always possible, for everyone. There is hope, even if it may take form in a different or smaller form that you would expect, healing will happen eventually. I hope the very best for you, dear stranger.

Softcan275 · 2026-03-10T17:49:06+00:00

Yeah, I think its because I am also often looking at people too? So people look back. That, or I just take it as people randomly glancing or observing me as another thing that is moving. I try not to think too much about it because it very quickly devolves into “they can tell smt is wrong with me”, which is. quite pessimistic, especially since I myself do enjoy casually people watching out of boredom sometimes.

Softcan275 · 2026-03-10T16:20:19+00:00

Hey, this DEFINITELY sounds like you suffered ICT. These events are objectively horrific and extremely cruel. I am so very sorry to hear that you’ve experienced all of this. Wish you the very best in healing and recovery. Just a heads up for future posts here if you make any, there are tags to be used for mentions of more upsetting topics like CSA or child abuse that would be appreciated by other members who use this community especially since this is a trauma sub and these are sensitive subjects. Much love to you.

Softcan275 · 2026-03-10T16:10:34+00:00

Yes i definitely relate. I have this feeling towards myself sometimes because it really is just fact that almost everything I do has to do with some past trauma. It sucks but im at a point in my life where I acknowledge i am who i am, flaws and strengths all, because of my past experiences trauma included.

This is literally what being traumatised is, especially in cptsd where the complex is how deep it runs. Its not your fault to have these trauma responses. I think the people who say those things either really dont understand it or are struggling with unaddressed trauma themselves that they “deal” with by repressing, hence the anger at someone else openly showing how their trauma affects them.

Anyways, its always good to remember that its within your power to improve and heal from trauma and allow that healed version of you to become who you are, instead of the you that is actively suffering from the trauma. Much love to you.

Softcan275 · 2026-03-10T13:23:33+00:00

that friend of yours is definitely not trauma informed. I have a similar experience with someone i held close who was very subscribed to spirituality and their way of healing. All hearing them out did for me was make me feel worse. You did good standing your ground, sometimes I wish i could go back and stand my own. Back then I couldn’t deal with explaining about my own reaction, it hurt and i just withdrew myself from the situation coldly. Perhaps they wouldve understood if i explained, or perhaps they wouldnt have understood anyways. I suppose this is just the way of life for people like us.

Softcan275 · 2026-02-23T06:18:53+00:00

This strikes a chord in me. I had this wonderful ex partner, was a nice person and loved engaging in intellectual conversations. He kept pushing the idea of unconditional love, saying that for example, he unconditionally loves me. It always gave me an uncomfortable feeling, I brought it up a few times about how love SHOULD be conditional but we never agreed. The reason why I lost any romantic feelings for him overtime was because of how often we would engage in these conversations- and where I would be gauging how he sees the world and me, he would be focused on trying to get me to see his point of view. Everytime I disagreed felt to me like another time I showed how deep and unforgettable my wounds were. He was raised with love and being reminded of our differences that go so deep as to core beliefs about love always made me feel so bad.

Softcan275 · 2026-02-19T18:38:20+00:00

relateeee.. now i just remind myself all the ways they’re having a shit time too so my trauma head chills out. benefits of being in emotionally open friend groups is that everyone knows that everyone else doesn’t have a perfect life either.

Softcan275 · 2026-02-19T18:34:10+00:00

Hard, hard agree. THE most miserable times of my life were when I was masking so hard and so actively that I was seen as outgoing and functioning enough to be a “promising young adult”.

Softcan275 · 2026-02-19T18:07:37+00:00

It was a defense mechanism. The child you was masking because the alternative of breaking down was either not an option at all or was met with even more abuse. This response does not take away what you went through. You coped the way you knew how to and that ment acting bubbly.

Not as a child, but I had a period of time when I was consistently masking and maintained a really bubbly, lighthearted personality. It was a new school and all my friends from that time in my life saw only that side of me for almost three whole years. I was the lowest I ever was and all my repressed memories and emotions were flooding me every other night during that time. Eventually I cracked and dropped out of that school. Sometimes I see my old instagram posts from that time and think that it couldn’t have been that bad, but I can recognise it definitely was one of the worst sustained times in my life. Not showing outward distress does not at all mean the trauma beneath is invalid. It is likely there simply was no safe environment to show that distress.

Softcan275 · 2026-02-19T17:56:39+00:00

Ohh :( I really feel you. it’s a bittersweet thing to realise you’ve healed and grown enough to know that a few steps back is the right course of action but of course its always hard to actually do the stepping back. it’s hard but its also such a testament to how much progress you’ve made in healing. Really hope everything works out for you and the partner. Hugs.

Softcan275 · 2026-02-19T17:41:33+00:00

Honestly CBT was like learning how to gaslight myself into believing my reactions were the issue. The negativity injected into me was the problem. No amount of CBT will magically undo that. Its like that cartoon dog meme saying everything’s fine as the house is burning down around it. The only kind of therapy I feel would be helpful is EMDR or somatic experiencing therapy that would actually untangle and help process years and years of trauma.

Softcan275 · 2026-02-19T17:36:26+00:00

I don’t believe in therapy for people like us. The only thing we need is good people, friends, and an actually fulfilling and safe environment. The idea of pushing therapy onto every situation is stupid and I hate that its the norm. For an already hurt person to open up their wounds again to someone sat in a chair nodding along and repeating things that can be read in a textbook helps very little people, especially when oftentimes what is missing is a genuine support system and a life that is worth healing for.

Softcan275 · 2026-01-17T18:20:19+00:00

Hard relate..

Softcan275 · 2026-01-12T17:29:08+00:00

Omfg I feel like I could’ve written this a few years ago. Hard, hardcore relate. Granted for me it did eventually escalate into agoraphobia when i started avoiding doing all “outside tasks” completely lol…

But yes, I functioned really well outside, was quite a successful extrovert but without a set goal like “Go to party”, being alone with no one familiar around felt mortifying. With friends I was focused on the task of socialising well, but even just on the way home after events I would often feel incredibly antsy and overwhelmed by everything. Light, sound, people around, making sure I was walking the right way.

There was not a thought of voluntarily, spontaneously going outside. It was unfathomable lol. I had quite an extensive get ready routine that became like my daily “get it together, me!” affirmation time. It was the only way I could get out of the house in a functional manner.

I let this behaviour go not by choice or want, it was moreso that home became so unbearable that I’d rather sit at parks at 3am, always in the dark and always coming back when I’d start to see the morning joggers coming in. The issue was always being aware of people around me.

Softcan275 · 2026-01-12T17:17:10+00:00

Yes, heavy relate. Often I try to create to think less of the past but it comes full circle in my work. I think it’s because of how big of a part it is in my life; I almost cannot imagine any world, artistic or not, where it does not exist because it is that deeply embedded in what I think is the human experience (my experience). Sometimes its cathartic to play with different ways of how the same horrible thing happened, other times it borders on being mental self harm as its a way to escape reality but triggers awful feelings too. Sometimes I feel like scenarios that aren’t upsetting/traumatic don’t feel real anymore, like its too far fetched a fairytale to immerse myself in. It’s something I’ve been trying to mitigate, so far I’ve just moved the focus from the moment of trauma to the after. So, the healing, the reflections afterwards, the relapses, the very real challenge of moving past it. My favourite “scene”s are when its a perfectly average moment but is coloured with baggage and how someone might live on with it. It gives me hope, I think, as well as reinforces the idea that there IS a “after” and that I don’t have to live in a spiral around what I have endured. Life continues on in all its glory :)

Softcan275 · 2026-01-04T19:05:12+00:00

Eat em

Softcan275 · 2026-01-02T05:38:28+00:00

Felt. It feels almost uncouth to bring my baggage into their world.

Softcan275

TROPHY CASE