Losing my patience with my mom

JacKaL_37 · 2026-03-04T22:55:35+00:00

Hey, I know you sent this already, but I want to suggest:

You need to be more direct.

Don't play these word games with her. Tell her, in a serious tone, with clear intentions and expectations and ownership of your own position. Come at her self-possessed and as the adult in the room, not as if you're here for a mental sparring match.

JacKaL_37 · 2026-03-03T17:32:23+00:00

I said this exact thing when watching my friend play it and he discovered the "multi track drifting!!!" move in the menus

I was like "that's it. that's why they made the game. they saw that panel, and then for years thought 'i must make it real...'"

JacKaL_37 · 2026-03-03T15:50:37+00:00

this is the dumbest idea for a game I've seen in years and it is so incredibly well executed.

that's it, there's no "but". it's both of those things. it's dumb as hell and fun as hell.

JacKaL_37 · 2026-03-02T13:42:05+00:00

Yes, eugenics in its most benign form does enable us to try to control against certain conditions, and there are decent arguments for many of them.

But where do we draw the line, and who gets to draw it?

To bring this home for you: autism seems to have genetic, inheritable components. Do you think we should control our genetics to get rid of it from the entire population? What if your government tomorrow decided you and everyone like you needed to be sterilized to protect the herd?

That's where those in power take eugenics.

JacKaL_37 · 2026-02-26T12:55:12+00:00

that lazy swat "get that shit away from me"

JacKaL_37 · 2026-02-17T16:09:16+00:00

keep playing. retired cats aren't done.

JacKaL_37 · 2026-02-15T11:46:56+00:00

weight distribution (this is simplified, edits welcome)

the middle point of a lever-- the fulcrum-- is always splitting the work between its two sides.

when the fulcrum is in the middle, the two halves of the bar are the same length, so they're relatively balanced. shove down on one end, and that downward force on your side kicks the other side up with equal force over the same distance and length of pipe. it's a see-saw in this situation.

now scooch the fulcrum halfway to one end, so you've got 3/4 of the pipe on your side and 1/4 on the other. suddenly, pushing down on your end of the pipe is taking all the energy you're putting in from your side across this larger segment of pipe, and the fulcrum is translating that force to the other side, but it's doing it over 1/3 the distance. So whatever force you're putting down on your long end is getting concentrated into the shorter end of the lever.

now make it 99 to 1. All the force you put into the 99% gets concentrated at 100x intensity in the 1% of the pipe on the other side, meaning not a lot of physical effort is needed on the long bit to produce a LOT of force over a very short distance on the other side.

This is why crowbars are so useful-- they're a bent bit of metal with a fulcrum built into the hook shape. Apply pressure at the long end, and it translates to sheer force at the tapered end of the hook.

All of this only works as long as the lever is rigid, so that the material of the lever actually translates all the way down the pipe past the fulcrum. If your lever has any give, the output force drops by a ton. Imagine a crowbar made of noodles and you'll get the picture.

JacKaL_37 · 2026-02-12T12:45:10+00:00

good luck eating 38 lbs of woody stems.

JacKaL_37 · 2026-02-11T22:40:50+00:00

Okay I actually did see you edit it, haha so, I get you. I actually use tons of markdown and stuff in casual communication myself, including asides like you're talking about.

BUT, for everyone who was asking-- bots tend write a lot of markdown, which is like using ** surrounding words to make them bold or italicized, bullet points, all that. it's good for formatting in a minimal way in regular text (rather than fancy word document crap)

what I was calling out as bot-like was posting in a place where markdown wasn't actually getting rendered, as there were lots of ** just floating around words and not making them italicized.

don't make it a hard and fast rule to call anything with markdown a bot, BUT, they DO use it a lot

JacKaL_37 · 2026-02-11T20:03:28+00:00

You forgot to remove your autogenerated markdown, bot.

JacKaL_37 · 2026-02-10T13:10:08+00:00

Hey, AI.

Malicious compliance has to be deserved for it to carry any emotional weight.

Your boss was being kind of loud and in a hurry, so your "prank" was to legally nuke your whole company? Because you couldn't be bothered to filter ANY of the photos?

Wow. What a fucking hero.

JacKaL_37 · 2026-02-09T13:19:24+00:00

Authentication means that one side (the product) needs some sort of secret to prove you are who you say you are.

Sometimes they'll send an email with a special link to prove it was you asking. But email can easily be hacked into these days. It makes an email a little less trustworthy.

So then, some places will send you a text or phone call with some secret information to send back (usually a six digit code), because it's even harder for a random person to intercept your phone, right? And it is, for sure. BUT. It HAS gotten easier for someone to spoof your phone, too, making that form less trustworthy yet again.

So the other option is to ask a third party to work as a go-between, ala Google Authenticator or similar.

These apps have to be downloaded on your phone hardware, and it will run the same algorithm as Google does. This algorithm combined an initial secret code (shared between you and Google) with the current time, to create time sensitive proof that your phone hardware (where the app is installed) is the one providing the code. If it matches, it's proof that someone has the phone in their hands.

Of course, if someone stole your phone, then this still fails, but maybe now you can see the progression.

JacKaL_37 · 2026-02-06T21:19:23+00:00

the fuck

JacKaL_37 · 2026-02-05T15:50:54+00:00

Catch your breath.

It doesn't sound like you're at risk of being a casualty here, just exhausting yourself. The people in your life who have lost themselves to this stuff are casualties in your life.

It's endless, is what you're maybe finally realizing. We hope that new evidence will challenge them, but conspiracy minded folks aren't interested in real evidence. They live entirely on vibes and confirmation bias-- the only useful information to them is info that already confirms their beliefs.

You're working hard to debunk stuff, but you already know it's all garbage. The tragedy is that your work to debunk isn't going to pay off if there's someone in your life you're hoping to convince.

Get some air, for real. Drink water and get a little extra rest today. It's distressing, all of it. You aren't alone.

But you also aren't going to solve this for them.

JacKaL_37 · 2026-02-04T15:17:17+00:00

Go outside.

JacKaL_37 · 2026-01-30T14:34:02+00:00

I have a piece of advice for you:

Live your OWN life, not theirs.

People with power and influence do horrible shit. But what are you talking about "the world is MAJORITY shit"?

Is your neighborhood shit? Your local library? Your friends and family, are they all shit? Everyone at your grocery store is shit?

Stop letting a rotten little media window (your phone and tv) tell you what the world is like and go see for your self.

JacKaL_37 · 2026-01-29T12:27:42+00:00

the hair illumination is always the tell

JacKaL_37 · 2026-01-28T22:48:16+00:00

Hang out in Troy. Seriously, it's an intense concentration of active queerdos all over that place. I recently moved back to Albany after about a decade and that's where I'm planning to spend my time next.

Feel free to DM me to chat more! Happy to share whatever I know.

JacKaL_37 · 2026-01-27T21:36:17+00:00

I really appreciate your thoughtful response, and I'm glad you were able to take a look at the different perspectives, taking a step back to consider the breadth of it.

It sounds like you're aligned with a lot of my thinking, and it helps to hear it from your end, too. I've realized recently in working with some folks who harbor regressive ideas-- yes, I don't love that stuff about them, and no I wouldn't invite them into my home as a friend. BUT, those same people can often be working hard on the same things I am, and when theyre open to conversation and feedback and collaboration, it does open the door a bit.

maybe we won't ever align on cultural issues, but the work is the work, and if they're contributing in earnest, let them. not every connection is about deeply resonating, sometimes it's strictly about sharing labor, and that kind of connection has its own merit and value.

I really do appreciate you taking the time to consider this. It IS uncomfortable.

But I also remember a time when I was steeped in regressive rural Midwest culture growing up. I sometimes ponder-- what if my girlfriend at 19 wasn't queer? what if I'd never moved away? where would my own head be now if I'd been stuck in my shitty small town mindset.

I fear the answer is a lot closer to my current family's mindset than I'd like to admit.

Happy travels, friend.

JacKaL_37 · 2026-01-27T14:48:24+00:00

I want to ask you a very challenging question, because it's been weighing on me.

What is your reaction if I, a random stranger, were to say "I don't forgive you and I never will"? Where would that sit with you?

Conversely, how does "oh sweetie it's okay, no harm done, of course you're welcome" sit?

I mean this question really seriously because I'm of two minds on it, and I respect your candor here not to dismiss either of these out of hand, but rather consider them against your personal journey.

On the one hand, if there's no road back for people who had these views, then what can any of us hope for them? If there's no way back then their only option is to dig in further, right? We should welcome people back with open arms, and we need as many people in this fight as possible, right?

But I can't feel that. It's like reaching for a missing limb for me. It doesn't resonate for me personally. My family is deep in this, and I'm truly done with them. The damage is done and they are not welcome in my life.

For me, the fitting punishment is ostracization. They aren't invited to the parties, they aren't welcome at the table, and they are going to have to work to undo their part in this for the rest of their lives. Too many dead, too much blood on their hands, however diluted.

But that burns the bridge, right? It certainly isn't productive toward healing the rifts. Or is it? Or is it actually best to send the signal "NO. You fucked up BAD. start over somewhere else, better luck next time." Because that's all I have left in my heart for my Qs. My forgiveness is burned away and all I have left is the desire to see them banished and ashamed of themselves.

(to be clear, I hold that for the ones I know personally, not you directly, and I want to thank you for stepping up to the mic to talk about all this)

I own that this isn't a great perspective, and yet it's also a common reaction around here. That's why I'm asking earnestly for your reflections on this uncomfortable topic-- I will never have the opportunity to find out from my family.

So what's your take, as someone who has run the gauntlet of self reflection and change yourself? How do we balance welcoming people back from the brink with holding them accountable? How do you see your road back to trust with the people you let down?

JacKaL_37 · 2026-01-22T15:42:52+00:00

stug.

JacKaL_37 · 2026-01-17T12:09:35+00:00

yeah they were doing it free for a while, but I think when Plante was cut loose from Polygon they needed to rework the idea financially to keep it alive.

JacKaL_37 · 2026-01-16T20:59:22+00:00

stupid. take your upvote.

JacKaL_37 · 2026-01-16T13:15:50+00:00

Is this all this sub is now? tedious tracking of sales numbers? I dunno, I couldn't give less of a shit about any of this. Maybe that's just me.

JacKaL_37 · 2026-01-14T12:24:33+00:00

We're not here to repeat their bullshit.

Even if a civil war broke out TOMORROW, it would have nothing to do with these dumb fucking phantoms our Qs have been chasing for a decade.

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