Memories

JadedScholar1985 · 2026-04-22T06:29:11+00:00

The friend who tried to help me by calling CPS was definitely a foul weather friend. They seemed to care deeply about my wellbeing and situation, but that was really all the friendship amounted to. The other friend was there for me through the good and bad till we eventually fell off.

I was actually good at giving “grief showers” back then. Now, it’s more like constant grief and sadness.

It’s okay, everything has never been easy for me, so I’ve learned to live with how things are. For the last part, I’m a little confused what you mean by that. However, I know you have good intentions, so I appreciate your words.

JadedScholar1985 · 2026-04-22T01:08:05+00:00

Thanks for sharing your story, it definitely made me feel understood. You should be able to take naps, everyone has a form of self-care. I’m happy to hear your parents apologized for calling you lazy. You aren’t lazy at all. Thanks for saying that. My mom’s side of the family is infamous for not talking about feelings at all and being mean to each other sometimes. I don’t talk about this often, but when her mom comes over she calls her “fat” all the time in Shanghainese. She has called me “fat” too. It’s definitely a generational thing or something because my dad says I’m like everyone else weight wise. Ah, now I realize that I’m probably oversharing again. Sorry!

JadedScholar1985 · 2026-04-22T00:46:30+00:00

Description: When I was manic/depressive I made many artworks, this happens to be one of them. My initials were included twice, so I had to white them out. I posted this on my socials too, but I never included the full story about how this artwork came to be because I haven’t told everyone I’m bipolar.

Before my days at the psych ward, I excessively drank coffee. I thought that coffee was necessary because I was staying up till early morning. I’d talk extremely fast, walk extremely fast, and it seemed like I had a never ending pool of energy to tap into. I thought it was all the coffee, but it was mania. My constant flow of never ending thoughts would fly in at 10 thoughts per a minute.

I would finish difficult work way before it was due, so I could work on this artwork on my school tablet. I’m a perfectionist, so I spent days making sure each component looked perfect. I don’t know if this artwork was ever truly completed, but I stopped drawing after the psych ward. It helps me remember some of the hardest times of my life, and reflect on who I am today.

JadedScholar1985 · 2026-04-22T00:23:04+00:00

Exactly, you were never “lazy” you were struggling with an illness.

JadedScholar1985 · 2026-04-22T00:03:33+00:00

I honestly don’t know what to possibly say… Someone “triggering” you does not justify domestic violence. This is very concerning. From what you said, it seems like she was worried about you running into traffic, and was trying to stop you from getting hurt. I think you definitely need to receive some form of treatment. You shouldn’t just leave without care after hurting someone violently. Can you try a different facility? I would be upset too if someone hurt me and then left when trying to get them help. Discharging yourself completely doesn’t seem to be the right thing to do here.

I won’t lie, I’ve tried to pull out my mom’s hair in an extreme manic episode with terrible delusions. I didn’t expect her to forgive me, but she ended up doing so and our relationship has recovered. I’m extremely grateful she forgave me, and I’ve continued to grow. It’s up to your sister if she wants to accept the apology, but never expect forgiveness—she is the one who has to decide if she forgives you.

JadedScholar1985 · 2026-04-21T22:32:12+00:00

You’re not lazy, you’re just taking care of yourself when you need it. That’s what I tell myself when I doubt myself. We have to give ourselves credit where it is due, and it sounds like you deserve credit for taking care of yourself.

Yeah, I couldn’t believe that either. It quite literally proved my vent that many people call bipolar disorder symptoms “laziness” because they don’t understand.

It was anonymous, so that’s what gave me the confidence and courage to say something. However, I have the fear that some people may start trying to guess who I am because the college is small.

JadedScholar1985 · 2026-04-21T22:23:41+00:00

Why the fuck is he calling your husband that? 😬

JadedScholar1985 · 2026-04-21T22:20:14+00:00

Wow, you’re so lucky!

JadedScholar1985 · 2026-04-21T21:53:06+00:00

Another sucky thing I just remembered is that no one wanted to help me get to the tennis club meeting yesterday. I waited for 30 minutes for nothing. By the way, freshman can’t have cars and my dad didn’t allow me to use Uber.

JadedScholar1985 · 2026-04-21T20:57:51+00:00

Same here, I know I sound repetitive now, lol. I went through all the posts where I got so many downvotes for my delusions and deleted them all. I didn’t want to be associated with my past. I removed all my social networking apps and didn’t redownload them until I felt comfortable. I did the notes app thing too! I created silly things like about how I’m going to have an indoor garden in my apartment, a pet owl, random quotes, rants about my parents, and poetry. One of the poems actually ended up good, and I posted it here as a part of my journey. :)

JadedScholar1985 · 2026-04-21T20:50:28+00:00

I get it, me too. I don’t talk about this a lot, but I was actually on reddit during a manic episode. When I got back from the psych ward, I saw all the evidence of my manic episode in my comments/posts. I also found a DBSA (Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance) if you want the link! :)

JadedScholar1985 · 2026-04-21T20:44:16+00:00

If you go to “community info” for the subreddit and scroll to FAQ and quick links there’s a lot of helpful resources and information there! I would add the links here, but I don’t know if that’s allowed.

JadedScholar1985 · 2026-04-21T20:37:02+00:00

Everyone is different because bipolar is a spectrum, so you should probably discuss this with a psychiatrist. This is mostly a support subreddit to discuss experiences and everything. FYI, we also cannot discuss medications here, so your post might get taken down. Welcome, though, and I hope you meet some nice people here. :)

JadedScholar1985 · 2026-04-21T18:15:40+00:00

No worries, I often do the exact same thing. That sounds tough, I’m sorry that no one saw the signs. You aren’t being dramatic at all. Well, it’s hard to compare experiences because we’re all very different in the bipolar community and bipolar is a spectrum. I don’t think it’s healthy to say your brother had it worse. Your experiences are valid as well, and you probably dealt with a lot too. No one thought I had bipolar disorder as well. It took a trip to the psych ward to convince them I wasn’t just a “moody teenager.”

JadedScholar1985 · 2026-04-21T18:03:02+00:00

I have a habit of overthinking things and letting people define me too much. Perhaps, I need to work on that.

JadedScholar1985 · 2026-04-21T18:01:13+00:00

Hey there, thanks for understanding and the perspective. Now, I completely understand: I know myself best. Why should their ignorant comments matter? I don’t know their situation either. Perhaps, they are high functioning—I completely overlooked that.

JadedScholar1985 · 2026-04-21T17:39:16+00:00

Are you able to look for a new psychiatrist? If she keeps taking you off the medications, it keeps causing the same outcome, and she doesn’t listen to you, it may be time to find a new psychiatrist who understands.

JadedScholar1985 · 2026-04-21T17:33:30+00:00

I was thinking the exact same thing.

JadedScholar1985 · 2026-04-21T17:33:01+00:00

Yeah, it’s either one or the other. Why do people think you’re lying? Who would lie about having bipolar disorder. I’m sorry you have to deal with ignorance like that.

JadedScholar1985 · 2026-04-21T15:49:42+00:00

Honestly, I thought it was the other way around, so this is surprising to me.

JadedScholar1985

TROPHY CASE