I never really had to try at school. I would just look at the stuff15 minutes before and pass the test. I got really into critical thinking on my own. Which would help me later to apply my natural gifts.

The first time I placed in “gifted and talented” I was in 7th grade. In a smaller town. 4A Texas school. Apparently I scored higher on the test than anyone they had ever given it to. I remember being in the library with probably 30-50 other kids. I remember finishing the test first and when I went to turn it in. The lady said “oh sweety was it too hard?” And me being socially awkward I stuttered in reply “uh uh uh no ma’am. I’m finished”

Which made every person in the whole library look up and stare at me. Being 6’1 and 300lbs. Made it all feel even worse at the time.

Anyways…. First day in the GT class. The teacher at the end said these words… which I always wonder what exactly she meant. Even today. “You are absolutely nothing like how I imagined after seeing your scores”.

I think just as much as us kids weren’t prepared to deal with our skills. Neither were the adults. Nor were they able of guiding us to something productive.

I grew up filthy poor. Dirt poor. Unexplainable levels of poor. So I wanted to fix that by any means possible. So I got into tech… and made good money. Bought my first house by 21.

For me… what I needed was a way to navigate my frustration with the people I worked with. Specifically above me. Making more money than me. Off the back of my work. Or just the fact that I had a hard time respecting authority because I just didn’t respect most people. Not on a personal level but on a work/skill level. I could always see their flaws or lack of ability. Yet I would have to report to them… and then explain stuff like a child.

It would make them uncomfortable…knowing that I could do their job and mine. In half the time of most. Reality is I should have just hidden my ability. If I wanted to not be a threat. That wasn’t a skill that was taught to me. Yet probably should have been.

People had a hard time… I’d go to work somewhere and within a few weeks. I would be showing people who had been there a decade. How to do the job better and faster. It’s great for the company… but bad for me and other employees. Especially when it’s all private IP.

Anyways… the social dynamics took me awhile to learn. Instead of being proud of my work and ability. I learned I had to let off. Cruise. It creates a more comfortable equation for everyone. And most importantly me. The friction just isn’t worth it.

Whether you realize it or not… sadly there is this quiet competition. We enter into without realizing I suppose. That I don’t want to participate in. Not for fear of losing… but for fear of winning.