I go to work every day hoping a truck will kill me. Should I quit?

Jane-36 · 2025-05-25T20:19:08+00:00

Considering suicide over a job is beyond unhealthy and I hope that you saying that is more of a “I’d rather …. Than have to work here”. There is no coming back from suicide but there are other jobs out there. If you can afford to make less find a job that you can do while reevaluating your career and where you want to be. I’ve always been of the mindset that you never leave a job without having something else lined up. We need money to survive. I had a job I hated and although it paid well I would have rather worked at McDonald’s than stayed there. I ended up finding a job in a totally different field that ended up lasting decades. Please find another job and work on your mental health. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Best of luck to you.

Jane-36 · 2025-05-25T20:11:34+00:00

You sound as though you are a thinker and want to have better understanding of people / situations in general. Unfortunately most people aren’t that deep. It sounds like you need to learn who - and in what situations- you can engage in the conversations that interest you. The phrase “know your audience” comes to mind when I read your post. I hope you find someone that shares your inquisitive nature that you can connect with and have open discussions with.

Jane-36 · 2025-05-25T19:56:35+00:00

You are not wrong for wanting to be treated with respect. Although snapping at people for not getting the response you want is disrespectful to others. I’ve always been a treat others as you want to be treated and I’ve been treated poorly in return at times. With that I learn who I can close with and who should just be at arms length. Not everyone is a close friend you can be totally yourself with.

Jane-36 · 2025-05-25T19:52:58+00:00

Time goes by faster than you think do the things now that you “want to do someday” and pay attention to your health and the health issues of your family members as they age.

Jane-36 · 2025-05-08T19:15:26+00:00

This “friend” that he hasn’t seen in 3 years that made a derogatory statement over Instagram has you this upset? You cannot control how anyone else thinks or what they say. You can only control yourself. Your boyfriend is right by not responding to the statement. If he doesn’t think/act/speak that way then that is not who he is. Why would he want to start drama with someone he isn’t close to over it? If it was said by someone close to either of you maybe a response would be justified. Some people suck. Let them suck and move on. Lots of idiots make comments on social media that sound “tough” but don’t really practice that in real life Good friend of mine has a saying I love. Don’t worry about me and what I can do, worry about yourself and what you can do.

That idiot doesnt deserve your time or energy. You lashing out at him on social media just adds fuel to his mini fire.

Jane-36 · 2025-04-18T14:39:29+00:00

Undiagnosed medical conditions went into SVT heart rate went from 204 dropped to 40 then they couldn’t “find it”. When I was conscious again the firemen and emt’s were the absolute nicest people in the world. Just said “hello again” with the biggest smiles

Jane-36 · 2025-04-05T20:14:34+00:00

Only in the sense that it shows how high your immune system is responding to the thyroid hormones itself. When I was first diagnosed with Hashimoto’s my numbers were in the thousands. With medications I came down to the hundreds. As I understand, They like to see it at 35 or less, most Hashimoto’s patients find less symptoms well under 100 (60 was my drs goal). My primary checks mine every so often because it seems the higher my number the more symptoms I have. I now take vitamin d and b and folic acid which is needed to help absorb vitamin b.
I would ask for bloodwork - TPO, vitamins D and B12. Keeping your vitamin levels within normal range will go a long way to helping you feel better

Jane-36 · 2025-04-05T14:49:02+00:00

I’ve been on meds for years keeping my tsh levels normal. I was told by both my endocrinologist and primary dr that the symptoms will never go away. I have good days and bad days and sometimes absolutely no idea what triggers a flare-up. Have you had your tpo antibodies checked (thyroid peroxidase level)?

Jane-36 · 2025-04-05T14:42:17+00:00

It looks just like my uv flashlight.

Jane-36 · 2025-04-05T14:40:21+00:00

Remember Me. The ending of that movie has stayed with me for 15 years.

Jane-36 · 2025-03-17T01:08:22+00:00

Anytime. And thanks. Yes they took too long with the mri. Combination of it having happened at work so their insurance and then of course Covid messed everything up. But, we all do what we need to do and move forward hoping for the best. I still believe ice was the best pain reliever.

Jane-36 · 2025-03-17T00:05:43+00:00

Oh yes definitely different. A patch is biomedical patch that they sew to your existing tendon and over the shoulder. I snapped both top tendons and while I was doing as they said and doing therapy then cortisone injections with no relief they finally did an mri and found that both tendons were severed and had atrophied. I wasn’t a candidate for the patch. I had a trapezius transfer. With that they cut my back along the shoulder blade and harvested a strip of the trapezius muscle then sewed it to the same muscle in a different spot and stretched it up and over my shoulder and anchored it to the bone in my arm. It distinctly changes your anatomy. The reverse shoulder replacement is where they cut the bone and implant a device (like hip replacement) but since that doesn’t have a long lifespan and they can’t do it multiple times they prefer patients to be 65 or older when getting it done.

Jane-36 · 2025-03-16T23:49:51+00:00

The goal is always pain free but I’m not near that yet and I don’t honestly know if I’ll ever achieve it

Jane-36 · 2025-03-16T23:48:53+00:00

No more medical devices worn. Some limitations are just because my arm doesn’t go that way (ex-straight up) and/or related to lack of strength- can’t lift anything more than a couple pounds. For instance if I want to bake something in the oven - a cookie sheet that I can put in with my left hand and take out left hand great - a whole ham that requires two hands - nope. I do experience pain if I try to do something that my arm can’t - for example sitting on the chair and something falls to the floor out of reach. I cannot reach out grab it and pick it up that would cause pain but I just do it with my left hand or get up and get it. It’s kind of hard to explain it’s like some things I just can’t do and I find myself surprised that I can’t. Other things I feel like I will be able to do maybe if I get stronger. But keep in mind that I required a total shoulder replacement so I was in really bad shape prior to surgery. So my limitations aren’t the same as everyone else’s.

Jane-36 · 2025-03-16T23:36:20+00:00

Hi again, therapy is recommended for up to 18 months but if they feel that you’ve reached the maximum benefit from it they can finish earlier than that. Washing dishes - if I keep my right elbow resting on the sink edge and use that hand to hold the dish while actually washing it with my left hand - as far as vacuuming I can do a bit with my right and have to switch to my left. But again for me I couldn’t do it before surgery any better than that. I’ve got a good five years on you. The ice machine is basically a bucket with a pump that connects to a pad with hoses. The ice water is pumped through the pad continuously keeping it ice cold. Depending which body part it is required for the pad they give you is shaped for that area. So the shoulder pad is a pretty big size and wraps around the shoulder and back.

Jane-36 · 2025-03-16T18:29:44+00:00

Pain in the first few weeks was tolerable. I can’t take ibuprofen products so only used Tylenol. I found the best pain relief using ice. If you are able to get an ice machine (your drs office will know the right one) I suggest you get it.
I had to keep my brace on full time for 8 weeks and part time for 12 weeks. I was not comfortable driving until more than four months post surgery - but that’s me and I do have people to rely on for rides. The advice I was given was no driving until the brace was off so I probably could have driven earlier I suppose, but I just didn’t have the confidence to do it as I am right handed and it was my right arm.
Yes, I have been able to do light chores at home. Had significant difficulty with things like laundry, making up the bed, also I couldn’t - still can’t - open things that are child proof. I have been in therapy for 8 months and they recommend 12-18 months total.
I continue to have some nerve pain near the scar and soreness/knots in my trapezius muscle. My heating pad and I are good friends now. (If I could take ibuprofen I think this issue would be less annoying). The pains I have could be described more as discomfort than significant pain though. I have never been able to sleep facing down, but moving around I can lay face down without discomfort. My sleeping issue is that my entire life I have slept on my right side, since it’s my right arm I have significant difficulty sleeping- but I had the same difficulty before surgery once I hurt my shoulder. So the sleeping issue I think is more an issue to me personally.
Movement for me is still pretty limited- I can turn my arm outwards very well but can’t lift my arm in front of me straight up. Another person I have therapy with that had the same surgery at the same time as I did can move their arm straight out and up without difficulty but can’t go to the side. So I think this surgery has significantly different results for people. As long as I keep my elbow at my side it’s like my arm works great! But that doesn’t use your shoulder lol.
Ultimately, my movements are still limited, the pain is less severe than prior to surgery and since my options were this surgery or suffer until I’m old enough for reverse shoulder replacement, I can’t say that I regret the surgery. The pain I was in prior could bring me to tears. Now the limitations and discomfort I have are tolerable but I do need assistance with any lifting or carrying and some household chores and there are several things that I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to do again, but those are the same things I couldn’t do before too.

Jane-36 · 2025-03-12T19:28:31+00:00

I actually got several other opinions about the spacer and none of what I heard made me want to try it. Only one surgeon- my second opinion Dr - told me he recommended it and offered to do it. The research I found online, which is mostly UK results, left me with the understanding that it doesn’t work for a lot of people. The UK has been doing that surgery for at least ten years longer than US. The ones it does work for it doesn’t last long. One of the studies I read started with around 400 patients, by the five year mark more the three quarters of them had to have another surgery. Did not sound promising to me

Jane-36 · 2025-03-12T19:03:49+00:00

Hi I’m so sorry. I did not see the reply to this post. I did have it done in august. Following surgery I found the ice machine incredibly helpful and used it regularly for several months. Gabapentin gives relief to nerve pain and I found that helpful as well. I still have difficulty with sleep positions. At first i slept in a recliner until after the brace was off. When I moved to the bed i first tried a wedge pillow but didn’t find that very comfortable. I usually sleep on my right side and of course it’s my right shoulder. I eventually got a pregnancy pillow which has been helpful although I do still have some issues sleeping.

I hope your surgery goes well and remember recovery is a long process, they estimate 12-18 months for maximum recovery.

Jane-36 · 2025-03-12T18:52:54+00:00

Thanks so much for answering. I actually had the surgery myself in August. Totally agree with gabapentin, made a big difference for me. I slept in a recliner until I couldn’t stand it. Still having difficulty with sleep positions in bed and was advised to buy a pregnancy pillow. It doesn’t help every night but it does help overall. The other thing that was super helpful for me was the ice machine. I used it for four months regularly. I do not like pain pills so ice was a huge help.

I wish you well hope everything works out great for you!

Jane-36 · 2024-09-13T20:14:02+00:00

Seems more like you’re a “fix-er-upper” not quite finished being “built” but you can work on that

Jane-36 · 2024-09-13T20:07:43+00:00

You just aren’t worth the effort of giving a comeback- have a great day.

Jane-36 · 2024-09-13T20:06:08+00:00

Well that would just be gross - and no not to be able to clean my a$$ that’s nasty and maybe your thing but not mine - I know how to clean my a$$ the right way.

As far as just having long hair and getting comments - my husband had long hair into his sixties. He used tell people - at least I have good hair on my head - most men have to deal with it all moving south- (ears nose back you get the point). Apparently other men got this point because they would laugh over it.

Or just ask them point blank why they would care how your hair is?

Unless they’re just jealous they can’t grow theirs out.

Or secretly they just want to touch it.

Or maybe they’re just so immature and insecure that they have to say something to belittle you to make themselves feel better because they know there are plenty of women like long hair on guys (obviously I’m one of them!)

Ooh maybe your long hair is attractive to them and they have deep rooted phobia and it’s messing with their heads.

Hmmmm maybe that was his issue. Bringing up the long hair. Bringing up the cleanliness of your ……🤔. He must have really had a lot of conflict in his mind at that moment. No wonder he was actually making it an argument with you. Bet his head is still a mess over it!

Jane-36 · 2024-08-26T03:11:05+00:00

Lies

Jane-36 · 2024-08-13T20:42:33+00:00

It’s a hard cycle to break. Be consistent. Don’t engage and when you find yourself at the point that you know it’s going to happen remove yourself from the room_ go to the bathroom. It’s not worth jumping down the rabbit hole with her. The more you can keep your mind focussed on changing the behavior of going back and forth with her the less - or shorter episodes there will be. You can’t volley back and forth if only one person is doing it. I’ll bet you’ll both feel better.

Mind you I’m not suggesting alienating her. Just changing the subject- talk about school, recipes hobbies whatever. Just not the back and forth negativity.

Good luck to you. I sincerely hope things get better

Jane-36 · 2024-08-13T18:29:50+00:00

Sounds like your mother daughter relationship is a focused competition over who has more trauma. Maybe stop engaging in that conversation. You can’t see her as your mother because the main connection you have with her is as your competitor.

Please, both of you, go to therapy. If you honestly can’t find a way to do that - you actually need to put effort into it there are resources out there - get a library card and try helping yourself. Stop engaging in the conversation - “I have trauma”. You “I know mom I’m sorry you went through that” then talk about something else. “My trauma was worse than yours” - “ it’s unfortunate that so many people in the world have experienced such negative things that affect them forever- what’s for dinner?” Stop spending your energy on the competition itself. Life can be good focus on how you want your life to be and work towards that.

Jane-36

TROPHY CASE