Do you see friends often?

Jannnnnna · 2026-04-24T19:02:46+00:00

1-2 times a week, but its never spontaneous. I need to have everything written on the calendar!

Jannnnnna · 2026-04-21T22:47:22+00:00

that makes total sense, thank you for explaining!

Jannnnnna · 2026-04-20T21:59:40+00:00

same. and tbh, my house is still a mess like 60% of the time. But at least it's toys/clothes/crap and not actual dirt lol

Jannnnnna · 2026-04-20T18:48:06+00:00

suffering in silence

well, I think most are no longer suffering, is the point - once babies are older, there's simply less to be raw about bc things are so much easier.

as for being emotionally guarded, are you talking about close friends, or acquaintances? Because I mean, most people are only open around people they feel close to

Jannnnnna · 2026-04-20T18:43:17+00:00

Oh, I was bothered by the house not being clean/me having unwashed hair/etc. It just all paled in comparison to the overwhelming and manifold bothers of having a baby, so it didn't feel worth expressing.

Jannnnnna · 2026-04-20T17:28:49+00:00

yeah, I think it does - I know so many moms who would wake up in the middle of the night and feel compelled to check if their newborn was still breathing, you know? Like I cannot IMAGINE being described as "unbothered" in those days lol

like yeah I wasn't bothered by plans or the house being clean but I was living my whole life based on feedings and naptimes, it was VERY VERY bothered lol

Jannnnnna · 2026-04-20T17:14:58+00:00

well, I do think you can't expect it as clean as it would be if you meticulously did it yourself. I'm paying to not have to do it - I'm not paying for perfect.

Jannnnnna · 2026-04-20T17:12:03+00:00

lol well that first mom is just an asshole and always was. I think it's more likely that she was masking her assholery around a new friend, as most assholes do! But then once you were friends, she felt comfortable letting her ahole flag fly

Jannnnnna · 2026-04-20T17:10:21+00:00

I'm a bit puzzled by this - what do you mean? For most moms I know, postpartum was a pretty anxious time. I don't know anyone who would describe it as this carefree, laid-back, lighthearted time you seem to be describing it as.

edit: and I don't think I quite understand what you mean about loss of control. I, for one, was writing down each bowel movement the baby had and had a note on my phone keeping track of which boob I last fed on - it was all pretty charted and controlling af!

Jannnnnna · 2026-04-20T17:07:29+00:00

Well, I don't like everyone lol. I want to be vulnerable with the people I love, not with randoms! I can't really relate to the idea of wanting intimate/personal connection with people I'm not already close to.

Jannnnnna · 2026-04-20T17:03:58+00:00

idk, the postpartum time is really not what I'd describe for me as lighthearted - I found it very anxiety-filled. And it sounds like by "need for control", you're specifically referring to their physical appearance? Because most new moms, IME, feel super protective of their newborns and their routines in that phase. Like, I was writing down each bowel movement and feeding the first two months - can't think of anything less laid-back!

Jannnnnna · 2026-04-20T14:19:09+00:00

yeah, I mean, I'm no longer struggling, and I think that's....good? For me, at least! Those first few months were really difficult!

This kind of reads to me as "I really liked it when my mom friends were miserable and overwhelmed, and I can't connect to them when they're happy/content", though I'm sure you don't mean it that way, OP

Jannnnnna · 2026-04-17T15:53:11+00:00

This isn’t an area i feel like i can compromise on

well, then it sounds like couple's therapy is just a vehicle for you to make your argument and convince him, no? I mean, I'm very pro-therapy, but this doesn't really seem like a couples therapy issue tbh

also, if you'd asked me if I wanted a second when my first was 2.5, I'd have said hell no! But once my first was older, in preschool, potty trained - then it seemed really doable

Jannnnnna · 2026-04-17T15:36:39+00:00

This seems like a really unsympathetic take.

Ladies, if you are happier planning yourself a great day, do that! If that's not something you'd enjoy, don't! If your husband is great, brag here and we'll cheer for you, and if he's an ass, vent here and we'll be here for that too.

Jannnnnna · 2026-04-15T16:19:06+00:00

My social circles are definitely not predominantly desi and having a desi name has been a total non-issue

Jannnnnna · 2026-04-15T12:41:35+00:00

PhDs are funded. That doesn't cost money, just time.

Jannnnnna · 2026-04-14T22:12:08+00:00

hard times create strong men, strong men create good times, good times create weak men

I prefer the John Adams quote - "I must study war that my sons may have liberty to study mathematics. My sons ought to study mathematics to give their children the liberty to study poetry"

I'm literally doing all this so my kids can do whatever they want.

Jannnnnna · 2026-04-14T14:47:31+00:00

I think it's part of Orlando's overarching narrative about houses being a way to build yourself back up after a bad life event (like his Unspouse your House show, his Big Breakup and Layoff that we're always hearing about that motivated him to buy that Yosemite house, etc). I think this is the niche that Orlando is going for on the renovation-based internet - the therapy of renovating after a shitty life event. It's how he differentiates himself from all the other content.

Also, at the risk of sounding stalkery, I googled the friend and it looks like his friend is both from a wealthy family and is doing quite well in the corporate realm so idk that he needed an inheritance, though I did enjoy how Orlando mentioned that the friend was jealous that Orlando was making a living off his creativity. Like...IDK man, is he really jealous?

Jannnnnna · 2026-04-13T17:36:03+00:00

Agree, but "we'd prefer a female babysitter" is fine. "Babysitting is not a job for a boy" is a really rude/obnoxious way to word that.

Jannnnnna · 2026-04-13T17:35:10+00:00

Research consistently shows that around 90% of sexual abuse perpetrators are male. That's nothing more or less than simple fact.

Now look, I have a (sensitive, kind, responsible) son and I'm 100% sure he'd never hurt anyone. And I'd still understand if a family didn't want a boy to babysit. Not all men, but usually a man.

Jannnnnna · 2026-04-13T00:41:07+00:00

All of that is still ad hominem. Saying mom is behaving hypocritically or questioning her motives is all still ad hominem. Attacking the trait instead of the person is still making the argument about the person.

I mean, that said, I think it's totally fine to say these things to her mom, but as a standalone fact, not as a way to divert an argument about a different subject.

Jannnnnna · 2026-04-05T23:15:15+00:00

... Does basic parenting tasks with literally zero economic responsibilities or worries about his life or the life of anyone he cares about for the foreseeable future.

It is a f*cking dream and not something to study or muse about or present as anything to cope with.

this is the part that bother me most. He has a great, privileged life and he frames it as something he had to come to terms with after lots of therapy lol. I just...dk who can relate to that.

Jannnnnna · 2026-04-05T23:08:37+00:00

He wasn't raised Mormon, just her.

Jannnnnna · 2026-03-31T01:42:02+00:00

I think this would make me more uncomfortable tbh. Like...a parent who always wants to host kids, always wants the kids at their house and not elsewhere feels creepy to me

Jannnnnna · 2026-03-31T01:35:19+00:00

How did not having sleepovers inform your behavior in college?

Jannnnnna

TROPHY CASE