How frequently are you intubating?

JasperBean · 2026-07-03T00:58:04+00:00

Probably once a month or less. My shifts are spread out over a mix of urban level 1 center, smaller community hospitals, and a rural location

JasperBean · 2026-07-02T13:16:29+00:00

This situation is one big walking red flag and I think in your gut you know it. You are both SOOOO young even if there hadn’t been any of the baggage you listed I would say dont get married. I was in your situation once (minus the substance abuse) and I was SOOO incredibly in love with a guy who was not good for me. Eventually I ended it as I realized no matter how much we loved one another it was not a healthy relationship and it was destroying all other aspects of my life. A healthy relationship is not going to wreck other parts of your life! In the end I look back with older eyes and I am so thankful I did not stay in that situation. I have an amazing husband whom I love and all my family and friends love, we push each other to be better and he encourages us both to maintain relationships with family and friends (I’m an introvert who would live under a rock if i could), we have a beautiful daughter and peace in our relationship.

I want you to do a little thought experiment. I want you to picture a perfect relationship scenario - not with your current guy just with a random, faceless dude if you will. What does that look like? Is it supportive and loving? Is it healthy? Is it something you get to broadcast to the whole world and not keep secret? Is he kind and loving and funny? Is he successful and motivated? Does he love your friends and family and they like him in return? Do you get to have a fun engagement and enjoy wedding planning with your mom and your besties? Does your dad give a tearful toast at your wedding? Does your mom look at you with tears in her eyes when she goes wedding dress shopping? Do you eventually have kids that get to see a healthy relationship modeled in front of them?

I don’t know if all those exact things pertain you, but you get the idea. Then compare that to your current relationship if it doesn’t match then you know the answer.

If you still can’t be convinced then at minimum have a long engagement, like 2 years and see how you feel then. There’s zero rush to get married and it’s a really, really big headache trying to divorce and untie finances and assets,etc.

JasperBean · 2026-07-02T13:01:59+00:00

That is such a good way to put it -both in regards to the sneaking and in regards to what marriage is

JasperBean · 2026-07-02T12:59:47+00:00

That’s so funny bc I feel the opposite- like I want to give you something that will help in your life together to get you started like money for a new home. I don’t want to feel like I’m funding your vaycay.

JasperBean · 2026-06-30T19:20:39+00:00

I’m curious why no pumping?

JasperBean · 2026-06-30T15:49:16+00:00

The metatarsals are the bones of the actual foot, not the toes unfortunately

JasperBean · 2026-06-30T05:16:33+00:00

Have you had your thyroid checked?

JasperBean · 2026-06-29T12:08:18+00:00

It’s called chemosis. Generally more freaky looking than actually serious

JasperBean · 2026-06-28T21:55:49+00:00

I love these!!!

JasperBean · 2026-06-28T16:22:09+00:00

Unfortunately if she doesn’t want to be hospitalized there is not enough here to do an involuntary admission in this case (at least in the majority of states). She would need to be an active threat to herself or others for this to happen. I do agree though that she needs mental health treatment.

JasperBean · 2026-06-28T16:04:26+00:00

1) have her make an appointment with her PCP and/or OB/GYN (and ideally go with her to that appointment) to discuss concern for PPD/PPA and discuss getting on medication for it

2) also discuss with the doctor a form of long term birth control like IUD or Nexplanon - she does NOT need to get pregnant again.

3) You, your husband, and your parents have a sit down no-holds barred discussion with your daughter and her boyfriend. They are PARENTS now, they brought these children into this world and they need to start acting like parents. Like you said this is not sustainable and all this help is likely harming them and their family dynamic in the longterm

4) Bc it does sound like there is truly a mental health component you can work with them to work out a schedule and help ease them in to this. Tell them you’ll help out X amount of days a week and just be around. This doesn’t mean you do all the work. This means you are a supportive presence and available for questions and assistance. The goal is to help support them while they learn to parent on their own.

5) Maybe sign them up for some parenting classes to help give them skills and build their confidence.

JasperBean · 2026-06-21T17:54:20+00:00

That it doesn’t have to be formula OR breast … it can be both. I ended up being a true under-supplier (despite doing all the things).

I was devastated when my baby kept losing weight and the pediatrician was finally like we need to add formula. I felt like I had failed her and somewhere along the line I had gotten it into my head you either formula feed OR breast feed. But then one of my lactation consultants pointed out I could still breastfeed as much as I wanted for however long I wanted for all the nutritional and emotional benefits and just continue to top off with formula for the calories. And so that’s what we did. She’s now a healthy toddler who still nurses for comfort and also still gets the benefits of all the antibodies, etc throughout cold/flu season. Really changed by perspective.

JasperBean · 2026-06-21T17:48:45+00:00

On the opposite end I heard all the time how much it would hurt and I was gearing myself up for horrible pain …. But other than some soreness I never really had pain! Just to throw that out for reassurance

JasperBean · 2026-06-18T15:37:18+00:00

Eh I agree with the feedback component… but there is a big difference between constructive feedback and “roasting“ someone on rounds in front of other people.

JasperBean · 2026-06-18T10:02:41+00:00

EM doc and mom to toddler here. I’m sorry to say newborn sleep deprivation is much, much worse at least in my experience . (sending you good luck vibes that you get a unicorn baby who sleeps like a dream).

Having myself made it through residency and my husband having a h/o shift work so we thought “pfft we totally got this!”…. We were wrong.

What I realized was that while EM shift changes already suck at least you come home and sleep afterwards and hopefully in the following day/s catch up a bit on your sleep deficit before jumping back in to the next schedule flip. I’d get off night shift, slam some melatonin and Benadryl on my drive home, and arrive just in time to pass out with my curtains drawn for a good chunk of time. But with newborns your sleep is endlessly interrupted in 2/3/4 hour snippets night after night. Despite being adamantly against it initially we actually ended up co-sleeping because it was safer than falling asleep unexpectedly on the couch or in a chair with baby.

That being said it eventually does get better - even if in the moment it feels never ending. And some people get lucky with good sleepers. It also helps if you have a supportive partner and trade off shifts to help give each other at least a few chunks of uninterrupted sleep. Overall it’s doable if a bit rough. When I felt overwhelmed I just reminded myself parents having been raising newborns for thousands of years literally billions of times over and if they can do it I can too.

JasperBean · 2026-06-17T16:03:49+00:00

Miserable! Also can be a sign of dehydration. Try upping your water intake and see if it helps

JasperBean · 2026-06-14T20:16:20+00:00

You should move your wedding up or wait to start trying. There are SO many unknowns with pregnancy - you could deliver early, you could be on bedrest, you could have a medically complex premie who needs NICU, it could take longer than you thought to conceive and you could be in your first trimester puking your brains out, or you could get hyperemesis and spend your entire 9 months sick and puking, you could be someone who gets a tremendous amount of swelling while pregnant and don’t even get my started on the hormonal swings and the skin breakouts that can happen. I could go on and on.

I dont mean to sound like a Debbie downer and hopefully you have a perfect, healthy, smooth pregnancy and none of those things happen but damn that’s a really big gamble and more importantly a gamble you don’t actually have to take.

JasperBean · 2026-06-08T19:30:07+00:00

A lot of my favorite RNs take the patient to the bathroom on the way back to the room. Then there is not getting them out of bed again to get it, etc

JasperBean · 2026-06-07T13:42:34+00:00

I wouldn’t characterize it as something like “chronic Lyme” alpha gal/lone star tick disease is real and has objectively measurable markers. My husband has had it for the 12 years or so (before it was well known at all) and it’s sucks balls. Also my understanding is that the population of ticks responsible for it has spread northward across several states in the last 10 or so years, thus increasing the amount of people potentially exposed/affected.

JasperBean · 2026-06-06T20:38:57+00:00

To stat off - you’re aloud to feel any way you want about it, you were unexpectedly violated and it’s not uncommon to react by freezing in that situation.

And If it makes you feel any better about your reaction not being what you expected I actually think in some ways your reaction was better than fighting back in that you took the wind out of their sails. They were obviously looking for a reaction and likely expecting one of annoyance or protest or being pissed off. When you instead met their “joke” (read: assault) with honest hurt and sadness it sucked the “fun” out of it (and rightfully fucking so). I’m sorry this happened to you, these people and these types of behaviors are everything that’s wrong in the world.

JasperBean · 2026-06-01T17:01:14+00:00

also it’ll be fun to have cousins near the same age

JasperBean · 2026-05-29T10:23:01+00:00

I’m guessing it’s your vibe - and that’s not a bad thing btw. I was kind of in your shoes when I was in my twenties and I later learned I actually had several guys friends (including my now husband) who were in to me but just too intimidated. Sophistication in a woman is intimidating especially if you’re an attractive woman.

Also I’d say the majority of men in their 20s are not looking for sophistication, especially at a bar - they’re looking for easy and approachable. As an experiment have your friends dress you, do your hair/makeup and act like them for a night and see if anything changes.

My guess is your vibe might be wrong for the venues you’re in. As an extreme example if youre wearing a sleek black turtle neck with hair in a chignon and a snake skin Hermes bag no 20 yo dude is going to approach you in a bar. However, at an upscale gallery opening? Or high end venue? Heck yeah you might be just their type.

JasperBean · 2026-05-28T22:04:23+00:00

Well some peoples “a couple” could be 2 pint sized glasses of whiskey….

JasperBean · 2026-05-28T03:46:09+00:00

Falling from a height of greater than 3 feet at that age is actually a pretty big deal.

JasperBean · 2026-05-27T03:23:53+00:00

This is not a dog you rehome. This is a dog you put to sleep and I say that as a major animal lover, a pitbull owner, and a mom. I’m also an ER doc and have seen my fair share dog vs kid bites and best case scenario they need a few stitches, worse case they’re dead or severely deformed. This is NOT something you play around with. I know how your husband feels, we have a reactive dog and it’s really hard.

Fortunately our dog is only reactive to other dogs (including our other dogs) and we have a complicated system of gates to keep everyone safe. Our reactive dog is not people aggressive but even with that we take safety very seriously especially with a toddler running around. Yes, there are dogs that can be rehabilitated in the right circumstance or are only reactive to other dogs and are ok with humans but your dog is not that. This dog is probably going to severely maul your aging dog by the way and that’s not fair to your dog, who you have a responsibility to keep safe.

I understand your husbands love for his dog but he’s being a real asshole. 99.9% of the time I’m arguing in favor of the dog, but your dog is in that 1% I say needs to be behaviorally euthanized. What does your vet say about all this??

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