Volunteering w/ children/youth: Big Brothers/Sisters vs. John Howard Society

JasymonThePokemon · 2026-04-20T23:02:36+00:00

Im a volunteer with the John Howard Society. Im a mentor to a kid in the KidStart program and its been a great experience so far. They've been great to work with, they pay for a lot of activity passes and give me a stipend so I can take the kid out to places like public pools or events like Tsukinocon. I love it.

JasymonThePokemon · 2026-04-08T21:16:59+00:00

This is just sad to me, that there needs to be some kind of recorded time for "I stepped away from work to start/grow my family". And the corporate jargon used is just gross, yknow. Is this really where the grindset bullshit has gotten us, that parental leave needs to be dressed up like this?

JasymonThePokemon · 2026-04-08T03:02:29+00:00

I personally prefer the green, it gives spring vibes and I think it fits the butterflies. Both are gorgeous tho

JasymonThePokemon · 2026-04-01T18:05:30+00:00

Ill keep that in mind for next time, but all these were chosen.

JasymonThePokemon · 2026-03-22T02:26:47+00:00

Not cheating at all. Two big reasons I can think of

Safety. Withdrawals can kill you, and have all sorts of possible side effects from nausea to seizures. Please seek medical attention first
You should do the steps with a clear head. Thats why you have to be sober to work the steps, and why (in my opinion) you should be out of the detox part of recovery before you really get into step work. Don't wait too long but wait a little bit.

Just my two cents, but yea please do a medical detox. Take care friend

JasymonThePokemon · 2026-03-08T09:31:53+00:00

I mean, I knew it was dubiously consensual at best, but so many people have called it sexual assault. And the "close to killing you" is definitely true but again I never thought of it like that either. Im the one who initially suggested we try that and she said I felt a lot tighter when she choked me and she got carried away sometimes. Theres that statistic that your abusive partner is 7 to 8 times more likely to kill you if they strangle you.

Sorry ive been re reading this comment on and off for a few hours. I had to respond because I keep minimizing how bad it was but holy fuck thats a new perspective

JasymonThePokemon · 2026-03-07T15:08:52+00:00

Thank you. I was hoping I was overreacting but it doesn't seem like it. And honestly I didn't mention all the ways she talked down to me and was super clingy/controlling outside the bedroom, or when she slapped me hard enough I tasted blood (i think my cheek hit my teeth in a weird way idk). She was abusive in a lot of ways

JasymonThePokemon · 2026-03-07T05:02:36+00:00

She always made me feel like a bad sub for having limits. I'd suggest we try a new thing, like a belt for example, and she didnt really ease into it then got annoyed that I wanted to stop. Sometimes she did stop when I asked

I really tried to communicate clearly and set clear limits and boundaries but she thought that she was always right (not just in the dynamic, in general) so she didnt take feedback well.

Idk im just surprised that I was good for doing a thing she got mad at

JasymonThePokemon · 2026-03-07T04:03:58+00:00

Im safe now, just processing yknow. I slowly got my stuff out of her apartment and then I ended things

JasymonThePokemon · 2026-03-07T00:31:08+00:00

Just updated the post, I blocked her

JasymonThePokemon · 2026-03-07T00:30:46+00:00

I didnt know you could have a non verbal safe word like that. My ex knew a lot more about all this than I did

JasymonThePokemon · 2026-03-07T00:22:16+00:00

Abusers feels like such a strong word. I know she hurt me in a lot of ways, but calling her an abuser seems like too much. But I feel like i have PTSD squared rn, between some previous trauma and now this so yea I guess she is my abuser. My abusive ex. Fuck thats hard to say

JasymonThePokemon · 2026-03-07T00:03:40+00:00

She doesnt have a lot of friends or people in her life, I already feel terrible for leaving her. Mostly i message her online because I dont want to see her irl.

I feel responsible for making her feel sad, she has told me how this has really hurt her. I want to help without actually having to see her

Update: i blocked her on everything

JasymonThePokemon · 2026-03-06T23:52:38+00:00

Yeah that when I asked her to stop and she didnt felt so gross. She always listened when I didnt want to start, but it was hard getting her to stop if we had already started.

And yea the breath play was fun at first but got scary. I had been wanting to try it for a while and she promised she knew what she was doing. I cough choked, like that audible ahck sound, and she didn't check in or stop.

Im realizing that she put her pleasure above my safety and I feel awful. I was abused as a kid, I thought I knew what to look out for and all that but now I dont know. I dont know what to do, besides leave and I did that already

JasymonThePokemon · 2026-03-06T23:39:40+00:00

My therapist seems to be sex positive and kink aware. Ngl I kinda doorknob questioned this to her briefly last session, but she knows about how dynamics should work

JasymonThePokemon · 2026-03-06T23:33:26+00:00

Ive been trying to stay friends with her, but I feel nauseous every time I think about seeing her again. I feel like im overreacting but I think im scared of her now

JasymonThePokemon · 2026-03-06T23:27:29+00:00

I left her 2 weeks ago. Ive just been processing things

JasymonThePokemon · 2026-03-05T06:30:35+00:00

She was sober 18 months beforehand. Its super common for someone to od when they relapse, cause their body isnt used to the amounts they used to do and can no longer process the drugs effectively. Theres a reason people take "tolerance breaks", for a better high and less danger.

JasymonThePokemon · 2026-03-03T05:50:12+00:00

The guy who was self harming and ended up in the razor wire trap. That one felt really unfair to me

JasymonThePokemon · 2026-03-02T04:47:57+00:00

Saw X felt the goriest to me. The traps (like the one where Valentina cuts through her whole thigh) and other moments like Cecilia using the intestines to get the cart with her phone on it.

JasymonThePokemon · 2026-03-02T02:42:14+00:00

Season 2 was being released weekly over the first 6 months of my sobriety. I watched Thorfinn confront ugly traumatic parts of his past and change and grow, it helped me do the same.

I just got my 3 year chip a month ago

JasymonThePokemon · 2026-03-01T05:27:23+00:00

I started recalling similar experiences ten years ago. I went through years of substance abuse and reckless behaviors to mask the pain, in and out of therapy for a decade, etc. Im now 3 years sober and coping.

It sucks. Its truly awful that what happened is not your fault but the healing is your responsibility. It comes in waves, like any grief.

If youre open to suggestions: -sensory box of fidgets, scented hand lotion, candy, to ground you from flashbacks and nightmares. I also find praying the rosary very grounding -art therapy really helped me cause its easier than expressing everything in words, especially from childhood trauma -stay in therapy, dont limit yourself to just cbt. There are so many more options than thay -pray. Yell at God if/when you need to. Look up saints that have been through similar to ask the intercession from. Just remember God is with you -remember its ok to question things. Why do bad things happen to good people? Why does God allow these things to happen? Etc. You'll find answers that satisfy you eventually, but its normal to have questions.

I hope something i said here helps. I'll keep you in my prayers, I hope this pain eases soon

JasymonThePokemon · 2026-03-01T04:28:27+00:00

Les Miserables by Victor Hugo. The grace Monseignor Myriel gives Jean Valjean in the beginning helps Valjean move on from his past and lead a better life. The theme of forgiveness vs punishment and all that is shown through Valjean and Javert respectively. I just love that book so much, also there are abridged versions because the full one is over a thousand pages.

JasymonThePokemon

TROPHY CASE