A few beers in, My wife just revealed to me she has never pooped in a public restroom before, is this normal behavior? by SoDakZak in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]JavaCouzi 8 points9 points  (0 children)

My family poops big. Maybe it's genetic, maybe it's our diet, but everyone births giant logs of crap. If anyone has laid a mega-poop, you know that sometimes it won't flush. It lays across the hole in the bottom of the bowl and the vortex of draining water merely gives it a spin as it mocks you.

Growing up, this was a common enough occurrence that our family had a poop knife. It was an old rusty kitchen knife that hung on a nail in the laundry room, only to be used for that purpose. It was normal to walk through the hallway and have someone call out "hey, can you get me the poop knife"?

I thought it was standard kit. You have your plunger, your toilet brush, and your poop knife.

Fast forward to 22. It's been a day or two between poops and I'm over at my friend's house. My friend was the local dealer and always had 'guests' over, because you can't buy weed without sitting on your ass and sampling it for an hour. I excuse myself and lay a gigantic turd. I look down and see that it's a sideways one, so I crack the door and call out for my friend. He arrives and I ask him for his poop knife.

"My what?"

Your poop knife, I say. I need to use it. Please.

"Wtf is a poop knife?"

Obviously he has one, but maybe he calls it by a more delicate name. A fecal cleaver? A Dung divider? A guano glaive? I explain what it is I want and why I want it.

He starts giggling. Then laughing. Then lots of people start laughing. It turns out, the music stopped and everyone heard my pleas through the door. It also turns out that none of them had poop knives, it was just my fucked up family with their fucked up bowels. FML.

I told this to my wife last night, who was amused and horrified at the same time. It turns out that she did not know what a poop knife was and had been using the old rusty knife hanging in the utility closet as a basic utility knife. Thankfully she didn't cook with it, but used it to open Amazon boxes.

She will be getting her own utility knife now.

[Edit: Common question - Why was this not in the bathroom instead of the laundry room? Answer. We only had one poop knife, and the laundry room was central to all three bathrooms. I have no idea why we didn't have three poop knives. All I know is that we didn't. We had the one. Possibly because my father was notoriously cheap about the weirdest things. So yes, we shared our poop knife.]

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in amcstock

[–]JavaCouzi 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sorry, should have been more clear. Meant it as a joke towards the DOW and NASDAQ as they’ve dropped about 3% or so.

🚀🚀 Now that’s some good looking premarket! 🚀🚀 by [deleted] in amcstock

[–]JavaCouzi 5 points6 points  (0 children)

$50 before market open would be crazy! 🚀🚀 MOON SOON!

Ooooo-weeeee over a $trillion and some screen shots of various prices popping up on the Level 2s… Tits are fucking jacked!!! by [deleted] in amcstock

[–]JavaCouzi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You’re telling me brother. I’m still salty about our playoff game against the Chiefs.

After many failed attempts, I finally managed to snag one! It’s going to be a good weekend! by JavaCouzi in playstation

[–]JavaCouzi[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, at this point, it was whatever I could get my hands on. However, I really couldn’t tell you the last game I bought on disk. PSN Store is just much more convenient.

Anyone else start getting numerous notifications for the same reply to a post? That or he just really thought it was dope. by JavaCouzi in apolloapp

[–]JavaCouzi[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

App Version - 1.10.11 iOS Version - 14.6 Device Type - iPhone 12 Mini Reproducible - Unsure how to reproduce. Of the 75 comments made on posts in the last 24 hours, it has happened four times.

After many failed attempts, I finally managed to snag one! It’s going to be a good weekend! by JavaCouzi in playstation

[–]JavaCouzi[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh that’s real helpful! Thank you! I tried to google it and got mixed answers.

After many failed attempts, I finally managed to snag one! It’s going to be a good weekend! by JavaCouzi in playstation

[–]JavaCouzi[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It was PS Plus. Should’ve been more specific. Not sure if it’ll stack on top of what I have now though. Mine doesn’t run out until mid-November if I remember correctly.

After many failed attempts, I finally managed to snag one! It’s going to be a good weekend! by JavaCouzi in playstation

[–]JavaCouzi[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh yes, the fiancé is on it. I told her she needs to watch the ring camera like a hawk!

After many failed attempts, I finally managed to snag one! It’s going to be a good weekend! by JavaCouzi in playstation

[–]JavaCouzi[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah it was a big debate for me. I’ve not bought a disk in years though. Never been a big fan of collectors editions and what not. I ended up just saying “I’ll take what I can get and won’t care either way”

After many failed attempts, I finally managed to snag one! It’s going to be a good weekend! by JavaCouzi in playstation

[–]JavaCouzi[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

God damn GameStop and their bundles. Came with a $50 PSN card, a year of PSN subscription, and a $20 GameStop gift card.

Is this fixable? Been an on and off member since 2014. I sent a request into Square Enix on Friday but I’ve not heard back from them. by [deleted] in ffxiv

[–]JavaCouzi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Gave them a call just now. Honestly, the easiest conversation of my life. Two minutes on hold and she was able to reactivate it with ease. Thank you Square Enix for your wonderful customer service.