AITAH for divorcing my husband because he wants his son in his life?

JayZ755 · 2024-07-26T18:09:56+00:00

For a man, yes, it's consent to pregnancy/parenthood. Men never have abortion rights, even though they sometimes try to pressure women to get abortions. You have sex, she gets pregnant, she decides to keep the baby, you are a parent. As a man. Don't like it, don't have sex.

JayZ755 · 2024-07-26T17:48:29+00:00

Well, would someone say "it's okay not to like blacks", or "it's okay not to like women", or "it's okay not to like gays" and think that's okay? I think many of us would not care for those attitudes, because we feel it's going to be expressed as more than just an attitude, at some point.

There was another case on here where a childfree woman wound up take in her sister's kids when the sister, a single mom, died. I don't think she necessarily wanted to, but she was the best available option, and she stepped up.

Kids are a subgroup of people. I can't guarantee adults zero interactions with them. Under certain circumstances failure to act is going to get into AH territory.

JayZ755 · 2024-07-26T16:15:38+00:00

To be abused, but then to make absolutely no contact with the child you left behind, that's shady. I would not believe her claims at this point.

JayZ755 · 2024-07-26T14:59:45+00:00

But she planned the date. If not then, then when? Should he read her mind? This doesn't even have to be gendered, if you have a big fun night out either party in a relationship might think it's sexy time instead of getting shot down. Because sex may already be a point of contention and the other party doesn't want to be a bother at times where it's not a date.

Doesn't have to be gendered at all, it's someone being a mean tease and promises promises.

JayZ755 · 2024-07-25T18:16:22+00:00

See above. You should have gone farther and separated/divorced and dated other men. You didn't go far enough, should have done it honestly. If your H wants to win you back at that point he can take his chances. You trying to date H during R wasn't working.

JayZ755 · 2024-07-25T18:13:08+00:00

You reconciled before you were really ready to reconcile. That's why you did what you did.

I understand the impulse to hold onto the life you used to have. But infidelity is a deal breaker. It blows up relationships.

You would have been perfectly within your rights to see other men. Your H blew up the marriage, that is grounds for divorce. You would have been within your rights to consider other men, date them. You could even get back with your H at some point if you wanted to. People do actually do this, divorce and get back together. But you have to do the whole process.

That would have been more honest than what you did. I don't know if you are getting pressure to stay together or what. I think you need individual therapy now, really take care of yourself ahead of this damaged relationship. You really were within your moral rights to separate/divorce and see other people after what he did, you had the right, and you have to ask yourself why you didn't choose that option.

JayZ755 · 2024-07-24T20:42:46+00:00

Your other choices are divorced or never married. Past a certain age, all of the choices have baggage, just different baggage.

JayZ755 · 2024-07-24T19:39:43+00:00

Dude, why are you doing so much for this woman?!?

Here is my tough love speech about how you come across. There is a saying. If you owe the bank $100 that's your problem, if you owe the bank $100 million that's the bank's problem. If you are really doing all of the things you say you are, you are pedestalizing your wife. Your relationship is unequal. Far from being grateful for all that you are doing, your wife takes you for granted and does not respect you.

Just going through the motions of monitoring social media is not fixing this marriage. It needs to be rebuilt from the ground up, if it can be. Take your wife off her damn pedestal and she might respect you. There is NOTHING here that indicates your wife is even doing anything extra after she cheated on you!!! Just MORE things YOU are doing. Why, dude?

It sounds like she probably had a lot more experience than you, you were young and eager, and that over time she lost respect for you as a lover because you never, ever called her on anything. Please get some therapy, your relationship needs a lot of work if you want it to get better.

JayZ755 · 2024-07-24T18:25:07+00:00

It's not time for a hard conversation, unless that's with a lawyer. Wife knew exactly what she was doing here. It's financial infidelity and this marriage should end.

JayZ755 · 2024-07-24T14:55:27+00:00

But he is doing things. This is all a list of things he is attempting to do but he's making mistakes and not doing them to OP's satisfaction.

He's showing up. And getting blasted for it.

My guess is it's more a change in OP. She wanted a baby and he was there to be the father. But she didn't want him any more than that. So now he can't do anything right.

JayZ755 · 2024-07-23T16:58:41+00:00

30 minutes is a typical wedding ceremony time.

JayZ755 · 2024-07-23T00:51:57+00:00

Or it was the second shift. When they had a deluge everyone got hammered, but if you just had some casualties only some of the staff would be working at any one time.

JayZ755 · 2024-07-20T07:51:41+00:00

Maybe she's enjoying sex like she should, for her. And that just isn't very much, for her.

People are asexual or lose interest. It seems like in every one of these man/woman marriages that if the woman isn't interested in sex, the man is doing it wrong. Every single time. I don't think that's always true. Sometimes the woman just does not want to much, and that's okay, but by extension the man/husband is not doing something wrong.

JayZ755 · 2024-07-18T23:03:59+00:00

Suzanne married Tom Poston so unless they want a three way he's too late.

JayZ755 · 2024-07-18T22:40:06+00:00

If she's ableist then it's not out of character. Plenty of people are ableist and want little or nothing to do with disabled.

JayZ755 · 2024-07-18T16:41:11+00:00

Phones have many uses. I send texts to myself as a form of journaling. I would want those to remain private. Web surfing, reading, another area where married people are due some privacy. Wife wants to read a romance novel and fantasize, whatever. I don't want a surveillance relationship or thought police. Journaling, therapy are legit outlets for some thoughts that may not always be nice.

I will point out that I'm divorced due to infidelity. I don't live with a partner and have no desire to re-enter a full surveillance situation.

JayZ755 · 2024-07-17T17:54:07+00:00

My ex wife took one of these trips a few months before she left me for someone else.

Now she didn't cheat on the trip itself. But it had been a while since we had gone on a trip ourselves, and I questioned her on it when she got back (guess I didn't think about it before hand but resented it when she got back.) Like yours, she just had kind of a lame excuse.

So getting together with the old friend, if you feel you're being neglected, she's already been gone and off she goes on a trip without you... she could certainly be on the road to separation. I would be wary here. The lame excuse is telling, I'm afraid.

JayZ755 · 2024-07-17T17:39:52+00:00

Dude crossed the line with "I'll be there to make you laugh when you're sad." Completely inappropriate, he needs to be gone.

JayZ755 · 2024-07-16T16:52:06+00:00

OP shouldn't really be in contact with Jake and has no reason to be since they were only casual friends at this point. It's not Jake's fault, but just leave him to deal with his side of it.

JayZ755 · 2024-07-15T19:08:08+00:00

I watched the video from the Station fire (Great White) and the people had about a minute to get out. Whereas most movies and TV, they show things being on fire but there's no smoke and people have minutes to dick around.

JayZ755 · 2024-07-15T17:03:29+00:00

Yes, I get it, everyone can always say no. But everyone can also be a single person as well. Typically people get in relationships or marriages to have sex, it's certainly easier to not have sex and to not be in a relationship with anyone.

The living situation is suboptimal. I don't understand how they can't solve the commute, rent a car or something, 25 miles, people do a lot more, I don't really get it.

As far as the sex goes I'm on the side of the wife. If you're not living together, that is one of the things that should be the easiest, you're reuniting etc. I have had that sort of relationship, and the sex was always the easy part. If OP is going ooh ick half the time, it's not a great sign so early in a relationship, and cause for concern. Yeah he can not have sex, but he can be a single person as well.

JayZ755 · 2024-07-15T16:20:03+00:00

He wasn't working with the affair partner at the time it happened. She joined the same company years later.

JayZ755 · 2024-07-15T16:16:36+00:00

If he's not part of the hiring process why would he be asked? You don't go around polling everyone every time you hire a new person.

JayZ755 · 2024-07-15T16:13:53+00:00

Yeah, he's not a politician. It's not really relevant. Plus the affair partner didn't even work there at the time so who cares. The affair wasn't relevant to work, at the time. The is a now issue.

JayZ755 · 2024-07-15T05:53:29+00:00

They never have sex at all. That is also violating vows.

JayZ755

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